Who Knew Oral Sex Has An Official Time Limit?
Although it personally baffles me that people like this exist—half kidding, half not—I've got a few girlfriends who pretty close to loathe oral sex. I don't mean giving it (fellatio), I mean receiving it (cunnilingus). Most of them are wives too.
When I ask them "why?", the answers tend to vary. Some say it feels really awkward, almost to the point of feeling gross. Others say that they love what else their man has to offer; so much so that they'd rather bypass the oral and get to the "main" event instead. A couple of 'em have told me that cunnilingus is "alright", but their partner takes entirely too long to finish up. (Wow. Is that even a thing? What in the world?!)
Personally, I can't relate to any of this. Back in my sexually active days, not receiving oral sex would've been an automatic deal breaker. Plus, the more of it I could get, the better. But I must admit that these kinds of women do pique my curiosity. Are they an anomaly or are there others who feel the same way as they do? (Feel free to chime in with your own comments.) I don't just mean when it comes to oral sex overall, but how many ladies feel as if a timer should be set the very moment cunnilingus begins. Or even when they start blessing their man with fellatio.
It really is a bit of a rabbit hole, I must say, but I'm up for the task. If you are also an inquiring mind that would like to know, here's some of what cyberspace had to say on the issue(s).
How Long Should Oral Sex Last?
How Common Is Oral Sex?
Everything has a first time; even oral sex. When it comes to when that first time should actually happen, I'm sure it's no shocker that 4 out of 10 men don't mind it happening on the first date vs. 1 out of 10 women feeling the same way. As far as if men and women are both "generous" in this area, interestingly enough, it changes with age. Younger women are more down to perform fellatio (74 percent) while older men are more open to performing cunnilingus (69 percent), although women are twice as likely to give it than men are (SMDH).
Of the individuals who get this kind of action, do they all enjoy it? Apparently not. In another survey, while most participants agreed that oral sex is more enjoyable when it's not with a casual partner, 52 percent of men really like going down (good for you, fellas; you get an extra dose of oxytocin and DHEA when you do) while only 28 percent of women do (y'all who don't, check out "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits of Sperm"; however, wait until you get off of work; some of the content may be NSFW for your lunch break).
And what about married folks specifically? Another survey that I read revealed that mostly all husbands like to give oral sex while one-third of all wives could take it or leave it. 19 percent of wives said they are not able to orgasm from cunnilingus while seven percent of men said that they couldn't (interesting). 54 percent of wives said that they allow their husbands to "finish" in their mouths and 47 percent of husbands said that was an important factor although only 29 percent cared about whether she swallowed or not. In an extension of this same survey, 9.0% of women and 12.6% of men professed to perform oral sex every time, with husbands preferring to perform oral sex on their wives (get this) twice as much as they currently do. I was also happy to hear that 32 percent of wives wouldn't mind "blessing their husband" more often as well.
But out of all of the info that I checked out, you can tell by the title of this post that what blew my mind the most was the fact that oral sex seems to have a semi-official time limit. What is it? Let's go with ladies first.
How Long do Women Prefer Oral Sex to Last?
I'm pretty sure it comes as no surprise—maybe low-key disgust but certainly no surprise—that it was much harder (legions worth) to find data on cunnilingus as opposed to fellatio. Although I must say that one study that said a lot of men do it because they feel it is a way to "affair-proof" their relationship was kind of fascinating. Another cool thing about this form of oral sex is female ejaculate contains a protein known as prostatic acid phosphatase which helps to protect a man's prostate. Also, cunnilingus can't get you pregnant so, there's that win/win for anyone who doesn't want a baby—ever or yet.
But as far as how long it should last? I can't tell you how long I spent looking for actual data on the subject (again SMDH). While there are plenty of articles on technique, the time limit was extremely difficult to nail down. Quora had some semi-enlightening answers, with the average time being around 30 minutes, but that was via seven responses only. After checking out about 10-12 sites, the general consensus was a man should do the deed until his partner climaxes, however long that takes because, unlike a blow job (a lot of men said they would take a couple of minutes even if they couldn't get the whole shebang), quitting before she totally finishes qualifies as being a pretty wack experience.
I took this info to some people who I personally know. What the women who enjoy receiving oral sex told me is, so long as their partner knows what he is doing, they don't keep up with the time much at all. If he doesn't seem to have a clue, two minutes is too long. The guys? Most told me that their tongue typically gets tired after what they gauge to be 15 minutes or so. After that, they will either switch things up (initiate penetration) or get creative with their fingers, etc. in order to "buy" a little time. But does it get boring for them? No. Just a little tiresome, at times. Understood.
How Long do Men Prefer Oral Sex to Last?
Now for the fellas. So, there's this "study" that has received quite a bit of traction, right? I get it because the name alone is rather catching—The Blowjob Resume. It consists of 1100 Americans and Europeans who were asked about, well, the title of the study pretty much gives it away.
Anyway, it covered a myriad of things like how important a blow job is to people (35 percent of men said "somewhat important" while 25 percent of women felt the same way; 30 percent of men would prefer fellatio over intercourse, by the way), how many Americans swallow (29.6 never do while 23.9 always do…we do it A LOT more than Europeans do), and the fact that 72 percent of men prefer eye contact during the act while 58 percent of women would prefer to look any and everywhere but into the windows of their man's soul (that, or it's extremely taxing to multi-task in that fashion).
But again—and I promise that this will be my last time saying it—what really tripped me out was the fact that men think that a good blowjob should last…guess how long? A little under 10 minutes. And the woman giving them one? She's cool with 11 minutes.
Hmm…only a minute apart. Why is this the magic window?
The study itself said that while some were down with much longer, 10 minutes is far more realistic. When I did some of my own unofficial polling, the men in my life said that they agree with that timeframe. Actually, what most of them said was if it took more than 10 minutes, their partner could probably stand to brush up on her techniques because when it's a great performance, it will take a fraction of that time. The reason why they don't mind it going with a shorter timeframe is because while they could sleep as soundly as a baby afterwards, usually fellatio only revs their partner up; therefore, they would rather have a shorter amount of time on the receiving end, so that they can muster up enough energy for intercourse. Again, understood.
I guess when you stop to think about the fact that a man needs only five minutes of intercourse to have an orgasm while a woman requires around 25 minutes (foreplay included), these findings make sense. Again, it's just that I never even factored in that oral sex needed a clock. Shoot, I still don't.
Still, this was some interesting data to share so that y'all can sound off—or go off. Clearly, oral sex has layers just like everything else, chile. Duly noted.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Kendrick Lamar And Whitney Alford: A Timeline Of Their Decades-Long Relationship
Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford are one of those couples who like to live their lives outside of the public eye. Unlike many celebrity couples, we don’t really hear a lot of details about their relationship in blogs and social media except for when Kendrick raps about it. Whitney has even been featured on many of her fiancé’s songs, but it was his last album, Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers, where he was the most vulnerable.
Outside of supporting her Pulitzer Prize-winning man, Whitney is also a licensed esthetician and makeup artist. The couple share two beautiful children together and seem to enjoy their privacy. From high school sweethearts to starting a family, here is a timeline of Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford’s relationship.
2001-2005?: Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford Meet
Whitney Alford and Kendrick Lamar at 2016 Key to the City Ceremony
Photo by Johnny Nunez/Getty Images
Kendrick and Whitney met in high school. However, there’s not a lot of details about what year. The two attended Centennial High School, which is located in Compton, CA, and began dating shortly after becoming friends.
2009: Kendrick Lamar Raps About Whitney
In his 2009 self-titled EP, Kendrick rapped about Whitney in the songs “She Needs Me” and “Determined.” He highlighted how he can’t live without her in “She Needs Me” and shared how she’s been his rock in “Determined.”
2014: Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford’s First Public Appearance as a Couple
56th Grammy Awards with Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford
Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for NARAS
Whitney stepped out with Kendrick for the first time at the 56th Grammy Awards. Kendrick was nominated for seven awards, including Best Rap Album for Good Kid, M.A.A.D City.
2015: Kendrick Calls Whitney His Best Friend
Talking to Billboard in January, the Compton rapper opened up about his love for Whitney. “I wouldn’t even call her my girl,” he said. “That’s my best friend. I don’t even like the term that society has put in the world as far as being a companion — she’s somebody I can tell my fears to.”
Whitney Appears on Kendrick’s "To Pimp a Butterfly" Album
In March 2015, Kendrick dropped his highly anticipated third album, To Pimp a Butterfly, andWhitney provided backup vocals for songs “King Kunta” and “Wesley’s Theory.”
Kendrick Confirms Engagement to Whitney Alford
Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford at 2015 BET Awards
Photo by Johnny Nunez/BET/Getty Images for BET
During a The Breakfast Club interview, the Grammy award-winning artist confirmed that he and his high school sweetheart were engaged. “Yeah, definitely,” he said. “I’m loyal to the soul.”
2019: Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford Welcome Their First Child
It was reported that the couple had their first child in July 2019. While her name wasn’t revealed at the time, fans later suggested that he mentioned her name in his song “Mr. Morale,” which is off of his fifth album, Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers. He rapped, “Uzi, your father's in deep meditation.”
2022: Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford Welcomes Their Second Child
The couple quietly welcomed a second child, a baby boy named Enoch and they made the big reveal on the cover of the Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers album. The cover features Kendrick holding Uzi while Whitney holds Enoch. Kendrick also mentioned Enoch’s name in his song “Mr. Morale” when he rapped, “Enoch, your father's just detoxed.”
Whitney Reflects on Working With Kendrick on "Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers"
In May, the makeup artist reflected on working with Kendrick on the album, which she helped narrate, and thanked him in an Instagram post. “Sometimes the mirror is a harsh critic. Shit can get real ugly. Im proud of the work we’ve done individually and as a family. Honored to be a part of this album @kendricklamar. Thank you for your transparency. Healing can begin…,” she wrote.
Whitney Appears in Kendrick's "Count Me Out" Music Video
Whitney also appeared in her beau’s “Count Me Out” music video and shared a snippet on her Instagram page in December.
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Feature image by Lester Cohen/Getty Images for NARAS