It's my expert opinion that "shooting up the club" or letting your man cum inside you is an endearing sentiment reserved for trusted partners. I've heard so many women discuss how their partner can't be trusted as far as they can be thrown, and yet a baby almost always ends up in this equation. There absolutely needs to be a bit of discernment when it comes to those we decide to try new and, sometimes, risky sex stuff with.
But, I'm also human and I understand that slip-ups happen. Nevertheless, it wouldn't be responsible of us to ignore all that can go awry where slip-ups are concerned.
What are all the things that you should consider before deciding whether you and your partner should throw caution to the wind and dancing in the rain? Umbrella free? Let's get into it. While you all have grown accustomed to me as writer Kiarra here at xoNecole, today I'll be that and the expert with the lowdown. So allow me to reintroduce myself as MSW, MEd, educator and advocate for Decolonizing Black Sexuality, Kiarra Sylvester.
And I'm going to help you determine if the price is right when deciding if the time is now for your partner to ejaculate or cum inside of you during sex.
1.Trust and Believe: How much do you really trust your partner?
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In some sort of utopian world, I wouldn't have to ask this question—it would be a given that we'd only permit these types of privileges to those that we trust. But, we don't, so I will ask again: Is your relationship, whether strictly sexual or a full-blown relationship, one that is built on trust? Trust that was built on open, honest communication? If this is someone who you feel the need to go through their phone at any given point, there is no trust and the answer is "no". You absolutely shouldn't allow your partner to cum inside of you. This is a more simply dynamic of trust, but as you know, there are far more intricate elements of trust at play.
If your partner pressures you to do anything sexually or otherwise, this violates trust as they are unwilling to adhere to the boundaries you have either set upfront or are intending to set in the moment.
If "yes", move forward to the next question. But, also consider discussing what condomless sex with no pull-out might look like. What type of boundaries do you all need for this to work? Will you all commit to only having sex with one another? Will you use condoms with other partners? Regularly testing together? Cool, how often is regular? And understand that testing regularly isn't a perfect solution, i.e. unless you're being tested daily, there's a margin of opportunity in between scheduled testing. Now, you can move your player piece closer to "go".
2.Planned Parenthood: If you do end up pregnant, are you collectively ready for parenthood?
If you've opted out of using the pull-out method as a means for birth control (which was risky business to begin with, since according to Bedsider, the "withdrawal" method has a failure rate of 20 percent and I'm assuming so because "pull out" is one step before deciding to just say "fuck, that shit.") Withdrawal is easily one of the least effective contraception methods and it's always been stressed to use this method paired with another when possible, even if it's a fertility awareness method.
Though we're not discussing pulling out, I mention it to press upon you that letting your partner ejaculate in you puts you in the big leagues. So the questions become: 1) Are you collectively ready for parenthood; 2) Is this a person you would enjoy parenting with? Even if you don't end up with this person, romantically for a lifetime — can you see an enjoyable coparenting relationship? If your answer is still "yes", then you have your answer. If "no", move along to the next question. All hope isn't lost yet.
3.B.C., Before Child—Not Christ: Where do you two stand on the birth control conversation?
If this isn't a person you see a future with OR you simply don't have any desire to be a mother yourself, then it's time to get clear on where you and your body stand on birth control. Contrary to popular belief, abortion is birth control, and whether you believe that or not, you both should have an honest dialogue about your positon on this method. While I squarely believe it's a woman's choice at the end of the day, it can help to discuss so there's a sense of preparedness and understanding of expectations should you find yourself seeking out an abortion. One in four women will have an abortion by age 45, so whatever you do please don't feel ashamed. But you should know if this is a person who will support you physically, mentally, and financially through this process or if it will be expected that you go it alone.
While this is a discussion that should be had, you should also consider other variants of birth control since abortion is expensive and for that reason alone, I wouldn't recommend leaning into it as a primary form of birth control. The average abortion starts at about $400 and after the first trimester, the price goes up weekly. Aboriton can see rates of $2K in circumstances where women can't afford them, and spend time "chasing the fee." That said, I urge you to use sites such as Bedsider and speak with your gynecologist for more information on the methods you're most interested in, and figure out what birth control best suits your body and lifestyle.
Birth control is not one size fits all, so if you find a method you think you might like and it's either, not covered by insurance or you don't have one, dig deeper. There are resources out there!
If your answer to birth control is "yes", be sure to be proactive so not to be reactive here. But also keep in mind that should you need to be reactive, there is emergency contraceptive (Plan B), which can be purchased at a drugstore. Also if you were already interested in the IUD, specifically, a copper IUD, they double as emergency contraceptive if you can find a clinic that can insert them into you within five days of unprotected sex. The copper works by repelling the sperm in the opposite direction.
If "no", and you've also answered "no" to at least one other question so far...thank you for playing but it doesn't seem like letting your partner cum inside of you is the best idea for you at this time.
4.Vaginal Health: Do you know condomless sex can throw off your vaginal health?
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Congratulations! You've made it this far. While listed last, it's certainly not the least concerning point of contention. We're aware by now that condoms can throw off the vaginal pH leading to bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, and urinary tract infections so it only makes sense that we consider the ways in which semen might also do so. And when exchanging bodily fluids, like semen, the stakes are higher than a rinky-dink yeasty. Additionally, you are more vulnerable to sexually transmitted infections such as HIV. That means, we're being smart about how we interact sexually while seeking out desired pleasure. I purposely didn't lump this piece in with trust, at least not completely. The thing that many people tend to forget is that some sexually transmitted diseases can present asymptomatically, especially when presented in men.
That means even with a trusted and faithful partner, it is still risky to participate in consensual, ejacualatory, condomless sex with your partner. Which takes us back to the highly suggested point I made earlier about implementing regular testing.
At the end of the day, nothing is a sure thing in this world. Unfortunately, expert or not, I cannot make that call for you but simply help you make the best decision for you based on the most accurate information. But above all, be sure that you've discussed this with your gynecologist and your partner before participating in unprotected sex regardless of the outcome.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Ananda Lewis Clarifies Why She Didn't Get A Mastectomy & Says She's Doing 'Better' After Stage IV Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Former MTV VJ Ananda Lewis received a lot of backlash from online critics after sharing she decided to forgo a double mastectomy. But there's more to the story.
Ananda was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer in 2019, and during a recent round table discussion with CNN's Stephanie Elam and Sara Sidner, she revealed that she decided not to get a double mastectomy and, now, she has stage IV cancer.
Following that interview, she clarified why she did not get the surgery. “The circumstances were not conducive to surgery because my tumor wasn’t aggressively growing at the time, and then COVID hit,” Ananda told The Epoch Times.
She opted for a cryoablation treatment instead, which uses extreme cold to destroy the cancer cells.
Another thing the 51-year-old wanted to clarify was whether she was dying. She said she is not. “Nothing happened. Today, I am fantastic. I may have felt like I was dying in February, but I’m not dying, and I’m definitely doing better than I was last October,” she said.
She is focused on taking care of herself and getting a "good 20 more years out of this body." She follows a keto diet and avoids alcohol, white flour and white sugar.
During the CNN roundtable discussion, the mother of one shared that she had an integrative approach to her treatment, which included traditional medicine and homeopathy methods such as red light therapy.
“My plan at first was to get out excessive toxins in my body. I felt like my body is intelligent, I know that to be true. Our bodies are brilliantly made,” she said.
“I decided to keep my tumor and try to work it out of my body a different way,” she continued. “Looking back on that, I go, ‘You know what? Maybe I should have.’
Ananda also admitted that she wasn't prioritizing early detection, such as getting mammograms. The former talk show host's mom also had breast cancer and chose to go the conventional route, which influenced her to go a non-traditional route.
As a content creator, Ananda uses her social media to inform others on the things she's learned about obtaining good health such as toxic items to through out of your pantry and the many benefits of water.
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