The Real Tea On HPV: The Most Common Sexually Transmitted Infection
Although I can't recall the exact content of sex education back in middle school or the more recent events of high school, I do recall that we did discuss sexually transmitted diseases in depth. Logically so, given that they're viewed as the medieval key hoped to keep chastity on lock. Despite the use of herpes, chlamydia, and HIV as a scare tactic to ward off pre-marital penile to pussy penetration because let's face it -- that's the only thing it's stopping -- the one STI that we hadn't covered was Human Papillomavirus, or HPV. And although my mom had made mention of it and my getting vaccinated, I knew nothing of this virus outside the fact that there was now a vaccine to tame certain strains.
With little awareness of HPV, I never followed up with the second and third shots in the vaccination series -- rendering it useless to my sexual health. Although 13 and sexually active, I never thought twice about going back for those shots or that virus until I contracted HPV in my early twenties (an age range that has been statistically proven to see an influx in the virus). I wouldn't go as far as saying it's nearly as common as a common cold but, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, almost every person who is sexually active will get the virus at some point in their life.
After confirming that I had the virus with a colposcopy, my doctor assured me that this was common amongst women my age. Furthermore, I was not a unicorn being hunted down by a cruel existence but simply that it had to be monitored and would require me coming in twice a year now instead of once until it went away completely. However, the stigma surrounding the term "sexually transmitted" disease, infection, or anything related makes it difficult to hear any of that bedside manner -- particularly when it's happening to you.
Sadly, even now, I feel uninformed about what's going on with my body. Off the top of my head, I couldn't tell you what strain I carry, just that whatever strain I've got raised red flags for the future of my sexual health due to the increased risk of cervical cancer.
In the name of staying educated with my own body and making sure you, my fellow sis, are educated as well here are some important things you should know about HPV. Plus, I reached out to certified Family Medicine MD and General Preventive Medicine Trainee at Johns Hopkins, Dr. Wilnise Jasmin, to be sure we were both getting the best information possible.
What You Need To Know About HPV
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What’s the 411 on HPV?
Dr. Jasmin informs us that "the Human Papillomavirus is a term used to describe a group of over 100 different virus strains." Papilloma is a reference to a type of tumor that is typically benign and "grows in a finger-like projection from a body surface." In fact, Dr. Jasmin adds that papillo is a Latin root word that translates to "finger-like" or "wart-like." While "the Greek suffix -oma means forming tumors or masses."
Getting a call back for a colposcopy, a test where your doctor will examine your cervix, doesn't necessarily mean that you have cancer or warts. It may simply mean that you're carrying strains that put you at high risk of cervical cancer, along with several other types of cancer that include cancer of the mouth, vulva, vagina, penis, or rectum.
HPV Is a Numbers Game
The many various strains of HPV could likely be a featured numerical algorithm in the Matrix, or at least that's the way it feels. Slight exaggeration? You decide for yourself, the known strains of HPV include types: 6, 11, 16, 18, 31, 33, 45, 52, and 58. These are the strains that the current vaccine (9 Valent) works to keep at bay and the ones that we know the most about. Of those, the low risk strains have been identified as type 6 and 11 -- the two associated with and likely the cause of warts. The remaining strains are high risk, one of which I have, and they're linked to the cancers that I mentioned just before we arrived here.
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Don’t Get Caught Slipping
Unlike other sexually transmitted infections, the human papilloma virus is one that has a vaccination to protect us against it or at least a handful of HPV types. This vaccination is known as Gardasil, but it's p.c. name is 9 Valent.
You can get this vac as young as 11-12; in fact Dr. Jasmin says it's recommended that you take your children to get the vaccination according to these CDC standards. For those who have missed that window, don't panic, just schedule an appointment with your physician to get vaccinated! Dr. Jasmin says that the United States Food and Drug Administration upped the age not too long ago, approving women and men from the ages of 27 through 45 to get vaccinated. Previously, the vaccination was only considered for those ranging in ages from 11 to 26.
Dr. Jasmin tells us that even if you've already contracted HPV, it's still recommended that you get the vaccination as it will protect you from the development of a new strain. She further adds:
"All women, men, and gender non-conforming individuals ages 45 and younger should be vaccinated against HPV. If they do not have a primary care provider, they should contact their local or state health department to find a location that is able to provide them with the vaccine. A primary care provider can help ensure that you receive the appropriate screens at the correct intervals based on your individual risk factors."
Being Diagnosed with HPV: Next Steps
If you've already been diagnosed, you should absolutely not freak the f*ck out as I did when my doctor told me I had contracted HPV. Not going to hold you, all I heard was "STI" and the human reaction is to lose it because, like it or not, progression or not, there is still a stigma attached to that acronym. Admittedly, part of that fear and shame comes from not knowing, so here we are...knowing, learning, and growing. The first thing you should know is that HPV usually works itself out within two years, but until then, it's critical that you schedule and attend follow up visits per doctor's orders. Dr. Jasmin refers to this process as "active monitoring", which will allow you and your physician to stay in the know to ensure that the strain doesn't develop into "cancerous tissue." She further states that the earlier we catch these types of new developments, the sooner we can intervene.
Unless, your diagnosis has proven to be symptomatic (warts or cancerous tissue are present), there won't be a treatment and there is no cure -- so it's literally just a waiting game. Even then, Dr. Jasmin warns that while warts and cancerous growths can be removed, they can also reappear, reminding us once more the importance of receiving your screening.
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Speak Up, Sis
Although HPV is common -- actually, the most common STI says Dr. Jasmin, as it is currently infecting 80 million people in the US or one in four -- it is still a venereal disease, meaning that you should tell your partner once your gyni has spotted it.
The caveat here is that it can be difficult to determine the who and when, as in when you initially contracted it and who you contracted it from or possibly spread it to. According to Dr. Jasmin, this has a lot to do with the fact that HPV is so common and also the fact that the symptoms can take years to develop. That said, it's super important to protect ourselves and this includes wrapping it up during oral sex. Female condoms can be a lot, other options include cutting a male condom to provide your partner with protection when going down on you. Here's how.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
STDs: Why You Should Test With Your Partner - Read More
The Day I Learned I Could PrEp Against HIV - Read More
What I Wish Someone Told Me About Having Sex - Read More
Originally published November 11, 2018
Featured image by Getty Images
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
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I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images