“You f--ked me over and left my brain impregnated with your bastard babies called memories. It was all fun and games when I let you up in me, but now you won’t even take joint custody.”
That was the line that touched my soul. The line that stirred up some old memories of feeling used and emotionally abused after giving up a part of myself to a man boy who knew no more about how to love me than I knew about how to love myself. Because to be honest, if I truly knew my value and my worth at the time, he would have never been able to overdraft from my emotional bank account. He wouldn’t have been able to leave me emotionally broke and broken—curled up in a fetal position wondering what was wrong with me.
In a recent Buzzfeed video titled, “What I Wish Someone Told Me About Having Sex,” spoken word artist Daysha Edewi drops some heavy knowledge about the consequences of having (protected and unprotected) sex—not just physically, but mentally. With accompanying visuals that further enhance her words, she taps into a narrative that unfortunately too many women can relate to—one of passion that leads to pain after allowing a lover to play Geppetto with your emotions.
“I thought I knew everything there was to know about having safe sex. Always carry a condom, and never, ever get pregnant [...]
People love to talk about how to avoid STIs of the physical kind, but nobody likes to talk about the STIs that can destroy your mind. The ones that can have you tossing and turning at 3am raking your brain and constantly wondering, was I not good enough for him?”
Because we’ve all been there. Those sleepless nights spent crying silent tears wondering how did you end up in this place? What could you have done to be better for him? Were you not caring enough, or not catering enough? Should you have been more submissive or more dismissive of the obvious bullshit that he was feeding you? Yeah, those thoughts.
“My sister always told me that my body was a temple, so never let a man in that doesn’t take the proper time to worship you, because you are a goddess that is truly worth sacrificing for. And I only wish that I had taken the time to listen to her more often, but instead I chose to listen to you. And that would’ve been okay if it weren’t for the fact that you’re love for me was untrue, because you liked someone else when you said that you liked me, too.”
Oh man, here we go. Here’s where we messed up, not realizing that his worthless lies weren’t worth our time.
[Tweet "We’re given the solution to problems we have yet to face by those who've been through the fire."]
But we choose to touch the stove to see if it’s hot anyway. And we get burned. Oh, do we get burned.
“It took all but two texts to get you through my door, but let me text you about some child support. Just an honest why? Because I will never let myself be reduced to some 2am whore, creeping out of windows and sneaking through back doors. I will never let myself be reduced to just some side chick, just another side dish at the table that you pick at while you wait for your main entrée to just being your other bitch.”
How many of us still fight for a battle that we know we’ve already lost? Instead of walking away with our heads held high we come crawling back begging to be validated by the one who made us feel invalid to begin with.
“I am a person. I have feelings and emotions that have a right to be protected, and having a vagina and two tits shouldn’t make me any less deserving of your time or someone to be disrespected. So if you’re going to choose to be with her over me, well I guess you have to do what’s best then and I guess I just wish that we had taken the time to use both mental and physical protection, and had a conversation about what this all really meant before we had sex.”
Believe it or not, this last part breathes hope. It shows that she’s now aware of who she is and what she deserves, and that she no longer will accept that she’s anything less than a Queen to be treated like royalty. That this was just a lesson that she had to learn in order to win in the game called love. In this case, in order to win she had to start by loving herself.
Let us know what you think of Daysha's heartfelt words!