In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
From the moment I heard Besidone Amoruwa speak at a digital conference, I was instantaneously mesmerized. Equal parts authoritative and relatable, Besidone effortlessly disseminated tips for monetizing your side hustle to young black business owners. And while I, along with thousands more, savored every morsel of information she shared, there was one topic that lived in my head rent-free days after the conference: her flawless skin.
As a Strategic Partner Manager, Besidone is an executive that facilitates relationships across beauty, lifestyle, and gaming verticals for Instagram's Emerging Talent Team. With such a strenuous job, making time for herself is a fundamental element to Besidone's success.
In this installment of xoNecole's About Face, the Instagram Partners executive talks family, connecting to your divine feminism, and aligning with your truth.
My holy grail skincare product is…
"My Amare I Lumi C serum - is the ULTIMATE keeper of my skin. It's my daily moisturizer and primer when I want to wear makeup. Making sure that my skin feels light and moisturized is my peace. I naturally have oily skin and I want to make sure that my skin only gets the nutrients it needs and leads out everything else."
I started taking my skincare seriously when...
"My younger sister became an aesthetician. She's always inspired me to do my own hair, makeup, and work on my skin because she would do it for me. So when she couldn't do it I had to learn (laughs). She inspired me to do the education and learn as much as I can for me NOT what society tells me."
"Making sure that my skin feels light and moisturized is my peace. I naturally have oily skin and I want to make sure that my skin only gets the nutrients it needs and leads out everything else."
The key to my morning routine is…
"Prayer. I have to wake up and seek peace first. Talk to God, write and listen. Feeding my inside spurs my whole well-being and spirit into positivity and alignment for my day. I love to read things that inspire me and teach me. Connecting to my divine feminine and the holy spirit within me grants me peace and perspective over myself and my day. I don't communicate on any technology until I have done this to be sure I am giving myself my 'me time' first."
My skin is the worst when…
"I'm eating dairy, fried food, or food with GMOs/hormones. I can just tell when a breakout is happening! I am not too strict on my diet but go through phases where I don't eat certain products and just stick to a variety of foods. I believe in balance but anyone who knows me knows: RUN me my chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with rainbow sprinkles any day!"
"Connecting to my divine feminine and the holy spirit within me grants me peace and perspective over myself and my day. I don't communicate on any technology until I have done this to be sure I am giving myself my 'me time' first."
The most important item to travel with is…
"My cleanser. Traveling brings about so much dirt and my face needs to feel clean. I traveled a lot before the pandemic and keeping my skin clean and fresh while I was on my adventures was my top priority. I don't want to feel overwhelmed by a routine or the climate so keeping it basic is super important for me."
My makeup routine in three words would be…
"Give them face. I always like to serve whenever I do my makeup. It's like a mood. How sassy do I want to look today? How much cat-eye should I give them? It's important to show my own personal sex appeal. I like to be me and look like me. I don't want to look like anyone else but me in my own dark skin."
"It's important to show my own personal sex appeal. I like to be me and look like me. I don't want to look like anyone else but me in my own dark skin."
My evening routine consists of...
"A hot shower and my candles. I need my hot shower then it's my toner, retinol with a final layer of hyaluronic acid. Winding down is my absolute favorite part of the day. It should be a crime on how much money I spend on candles really but they are all over my house with different calming scents. My home now is basically like a mini art studio."
In my opinion, the secret to perfect skin is…
"Well, there is no such thing as perfect skin but I believe in healthy skin and medical-grade products. No lie. It is so important to go beyond topical products! Beneath the skin lies so much. I learned just how important it is to learn your skin. Everyone's skin type is not the same and our bodies are so different so not everyone's routine is gonna work for you sis, nor will all the products."
I never leave the house without this…
"Paw Paw ointment, keeps my lips smooth. I love my large lips so keeping them plump and moisturized and important. My brows or my makeup may not be done but one thing my lips won't be is chapped, chile. That's a big no-no. My lips are one of my favorite areas of my face and I love how large and supple they are so I take extra good care of them with scrubs, ointment, and sometimes a nice gloss."
"My lips are one of my favorite areas of my face and I love how large and supple they are so I take extra good care of them with scrubs, ointment, and sometimes a nice gloss."
My most significant beauty lesson is…
"Beauty starts from within, and everything else comes out. If I love my insides, it will show on the outside. When you feel good you look good. It's taken a long time for me to love myself and understand what makes me light. Nurturing my relationship with myself has helped me 'stay in my light'. I like to live my life as a pro-lover."
The three fundamental products of my skincare routine is…
"Moisturizer, sunblock, and retinol. The anti-aging basics baby. I stay looking half my age and I am no longer mad about it. I fully embrace it, letting my skin do the talking. This sounds simple but it's not because I have to be consistent with the upkeep and genetics can only do so much."
"If I love my insides, it will show on the outside. When you feel good you look good. It's taken a long time for me to love myself and understand what makes me light. Nurturing my relationship with myself has helped me 'stay in my light'."
Besidone's Favorite Beauty Products:
Favorite Skincare Brand:Amare Aesthetics
Favorite Makeup Brand:Pat McGrath Labs
Favorite Skincare Product: Hyaluronic Acid Amare
Favorite Concealer: Tarte Creaseless Concealer
Favorite Foundation: Pat McGrath Labs
Favorite Serum:Amare I Lumi C Serum
Favorite Moisturizer: Skinceuticals Triple Lipid Restore
Favorite Mascara: Benefit Badgal Mascara
Featured image courtesy of Besidone Amoruwa
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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