Is Squirting Really Worth The Hype?
OK, so here's the set-up for this particular piece. One of my absolute favorite platonic male friends and I were discussing how, in his mind, he knows that a woman has not faked an orgasm with him (since a lot of women do; men too actually). "When she squirts, I know I handled my business", he said proudly. Even though I could hear his ego just oozing through the phone, this was one time when I didn't have a witty comeback because, from what I've read, researched and discussed with others on the topic of squirting, it's not really something that you can pretend to do. Either you did or…you didn't.
And since squirting is the kind of topic that, from my experience, comes up in conversations but isn't fully broken down so that we're all clear on what it actually is, I thought I'd take a moment to share what I've discovered about it. That way, if you want to know if it happened to you, you'd like to know what exactly is happening when it goes down or you'd like to attempt experiencing it at some point in your life, you'll know exactly what's up.
What Exactly Is Squirting?
Sometimes, the sex is so good that it seems like even your orgasms go to another level! In these instances, for some, in walks, squirting. In a nutshell, it's when your G-spot and urethral sponge are simultaneously stimulated to the point where fluid shoots out during the climax of sex.
OK, but still—what does all of this really mean? Let's start with the fact that squirting is actually the nickname for female ejaculation and, as I once read someone say, you don't need a penis in order to ejaculate; what you need is a urethra, and both men and women have one of those (ours is in our vagina wall, between our labia, right underneath our clitoris, and is shorter than men's are). While it is true that it's where pee comes out, for men, it's also where sperm is released. For us, it's where urine comes out…and sometimes white fluid that is released from our secretory glands too (the fluid is not to be confused with vaginal discharge, by the way).
So, does that mean that when you're squirting, you're basically peeing on yourself? That's where things get just a tad bit complex. From all that I've read and researched, it seems like a lot of medical professionals are unable to get on the exact same page about this. Some say that yes, it's pee, straight up. Others believe that squirting is a watered-down version of urine; like a lot of water and a little urine (which means it's still pee…right?). I did find a particular study that seemed to make a lot of sense (at least to me) when it comes to the whole "what is coming out exactly?" bafflement.
"In this 2011 study, researchers performed biochemical analysis on two distinct female fluids expelled during sex. The 'clear and abundant' fluid ejected in gushes was described as being similar to diluted urine. The second liquid was found to be comparable to components of male semen and released in smaller quantities compared to the other. The authors concluded, 'The real female ejaculation is the release of a very scanty, thick, and whitish fluid from the female prostate, while squirting is the expulsion of a diluted fluid from the urinary bladder.'"—"Myth busting: Is squirting just peeing?"
Yeeeeeah…I don't know about y'all, but it sounds to me like squirting definitely consists of urine, even if it is mixed in with a little bit of white fluid. So yeah, if you're a squirter, it appears that pee is definitely involved. For better or for worse.
What’s All of the Hype Behind It?
Now that we pretty much know what is really going on, at least physically, on the squirting front, perhaps you're wondering why so many people are thrilled with peeing—or getting peed on—during coitus. As someone who has never squirted (and personally, I'm OK with that), I decided to ask a couple of people in my life to share their thoughts on it all (I always change names so that I can get the real deal outta folks).
My married friend, Alexa said this: "The times when I've squirted before, I was drunk. It wasn't my husband who did it, but it was the same guy. When I finished, it definitely smelled like urine and, as far as the orgasm itself, again, I was drunk, but I don't recall them feeling any different. Actually, some orgasms that I've had that didn't involve squirting were way more intense. I think that's why I don't even try to make them happen now. I don't feel like I'm missing much."
My divorced friend, Donnie said this: "It's an ego thing for guys. Definitely. Because squirting isn't an everyday occurrence, when you are able to make a woman do it, it makes you feel like you've really accomplished something. As far as it being pee…I mean, I don't know if I'm thrilled about it but it's not gonna stop the show, if you know what I mean."
So, my female friend said that squirting is no biggie while my male friend expressed that it was an ego boost. I decided to ask a few other people to share their thoughts on it all and they basically said the same thing as they did. Except there is something else that I think should go on record. When I asked, "Where the heck did y'all get inspired to participate in squirting in the first place?", most of the women told me that their partners mentioned that they wanted to make it happen while the fellas said that they got the idea from—take one guess—porn. Porn hypes men's sexual egos. Imagine that, chile.
Listen, I'm not saying that there is something wrong if you want to squirt. Not at all. Sex is like art in the sense that how you view it is subjective in so many ways. At the same time, what I think should also go on record is if you've never squirted before and/or you don't want to, that's cool too. While certain circles create a lot of hype around it, it's not the biggest deal in the world, so…don't make it one.
Can You “Will Yourself” to Squirt?
Let me start to bring all of this to a close by saying that if you're someone who's squirted before and you've got a different set of feelings about it than all of what I just shared, that's what our comment sections on our socials are for. Please let us know what it does—or doesn't do—for you. And what if you're someone who's never had the pleasure but would like to check it off of your personal sex bucket list? Is there anything you can do to further the squirting along?
RELAX. What the women who've squirted before have all said to me is when fluid is literally squirting out of your body, it can be a little frightening if you happen to be caught totally off guard. In a way, I liken it to being pregnant and knowing that labor is gonna hurt. If you go into the experience, mentally prepared and not overthinking it, things will probably go a lot smoother for you. So try and relax. Sex, in general, is always better when you do.
Engage in much clitoral play. Your clitoris (including your clitoral hood) and G-spot being stimulated A LOT is the key to getting closer to a squirting experience (because remember that your "pee hole" is right under your clitoris), so getting into a sexual position where your clitoris can be manually stimulated as you're being penetrated is probably gonna be your best bet (like maybe him penetrating you while you're on your side or him laying on top of your back with you or him stimulating your clitoris). Oh, and make sure that it's not that "jack rabbit" kind of penetrating either; slow and steady wins the race in this particular case.
Bring your Kegels into the mix. If you're someone who doesn't do pelvic floor exercises, this would be a good time to bring that into play too. Tightening those muscles will make it even easier for your partner's penis to be able to "tap your spot".
Welp. That's pretty much the xoNecole Reader's Digest version of squirting. As far as the initial question within the title—you know, if it's all that it's cracked up to be—to be fair, I think you'd have to experience it for yourself to come to that conclusion. Now that you know what comes with it, you can decide for yourself. If you do decide to give it a shot, just make sure that you put down a rubber mattress and don't use your best sheets because, well, by now…you know why. Enjoy. #wink
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line CÉCRED & Here's My Honest Review
Beyoncé is snatching our wallets yet again with her latest business venture CÉCRED. In 2023, the Texas native hinted at a potential haircare line when she posted this photo causing fans to speculate that her next project would be focused on her famous tresses - they were right. Her haircare line Cécred launched on February 20 with her first drop called The Foundation Collection which focuses on haircare first, and I can only assume that a style product line for colored-treated hair will likely follow since Beyoncé is known for slaying various shades of blonde.
As a super fan since the early 2000s, it was only right that I give an honest review of the full line and purchase the Super Fan Bundle (retailed at $265) which includes the full product line of the 8 products, as well as a branded cosmetic bag. If you’re thinking, “Girl that bundle is too pricey for me,” I can assure you that for the value you're getting, the price is quite reasonable. This bundle was an intentional and marketable way to allow consumers to experience every Cécred product.
The brand messaging surrounding Cécred has been salon-inspired, and rightfully so as an ode to Beyoncé’s upbringing growing up in her mother’s hair salon in Houston. This line is backed by science and licensed cosmetologists showing that she’s done her research and appointed the experts. Cécred's IG feed has been filled with images and videos inside of hair salons including some videos of Ms. Tina herself assisting in the styling of beauty experts who visited Cécred's private salon to have the VIP treatment!
Now, have I seen influencers, consumers, and beauty stylists using the Foundation Collection at home? Yes, but I thought it was best to experience Cécred with my go-to cosmetologist who also happens to be my Auntie Tawana. She has been my educator and go-to for hair knowledge since I was a child and has had a hand in my mom's hair health which has always been goals for me. As a little girl, my Saturdays were spent sitting in her hair salon while my mama got her hair done as I patiently waited reading Jet and ESSENCE, ever so carefully eavesdropping on the conversations of the ladies who were coming for much more than just a beauty routine, but an experience.
I’d fall asleep on the plush couch in the waiting area flipping through magazines while listening to the sultry sounds of Maxwell. And I had my first lesson in breakup empowerment when I heard Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard It All Before.” So there was no other place for me to go than to see her, and because I’m her niece, I was able to visit her private salon in her home that she calls The After Hours where upon arrival I was greeted with my favorite Black-owned sparkling Rosé, candles lit, and my aunt’s breakdown of Cécred.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
But let me refocus and share my salon experience as I tried Cécred for the first time.
If You’re Wondering…Who is Cécred For?
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
When news of Beyoncé potentially launching a beauty brand hit the internet, there were a bunch of predictions of what and who the line would be marketed towards and if she’d have any wig care products as she’s known for slaying her units! But she went in a totally different direction which I love, and I’m going to tell you why. Critics have questioned if Beyoncé should be venturing into the haircare industry because she is often seen in weaves and wigs, but true Beyoncé fans know that she has healthy hair and that, like many Black women, experiments with various styles.
Cécred was created for all hair types and textures, including straight to coily, virgin, color-treated, chemically processed, and heat-styled. As a Black woman who has worn wigs, had chemically processed hair, heat-styled, natural, and color-treated hair, let me tell you, this was no easy feat! The amount of money I’ve spent on my hair through its various changes just on product alone, forget styling has been astronomical.
Cécred is serving the needs of various hair types in textures and I truly believe that this is going to make Beyoncé a true competitor in the hair industry amongst brands that are comparable such as OUAI and Olaplex. Both competitor brands have similar items at a higher price point and unlike Cécred, their products and brand messaging haven’t always felt inclusive to Black women and other hair types.
Cécred has been tested inclusively and the reviews from various hair types and backgrounds of consumers are allowing the brand to stand out.
I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line Cécred: My Honest Review
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
My hair has never felt cleaner and it shined for well over a week following the styling (but the oil should be used sparingly if like me, oil can weigh down your hair.) Immediately when my hair touched the sink, my aunt told me that she saw all the dirt and oils lifting from my hair when she applied the clarifying shampoo. As a girl who loves my curls, I am often judgy when I use any other shampoo and conditioner aside from Pattern, but not this time.
When my aunt guided my hands across my hair, she showed me how my curls weren’t tangled, and how she didn’t need to comb out my curls before applying the moisturizing deep conditioner or the deconstructing treatment mask.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
She applied each step with care and walked me through the process, and to my surprise, the hair mask wasn’t thick - but through trial and error as a natural girl, I’ve learned that a thick mask doesn’t always equal what’s best for your hair. She styled me with a silk press that left my hair with shine and I can honestly say that each step of the line is needed especially if you are someone who changes up your hair and deals with breakage. If your hair is healthy, you can opt out of the reconstructing treatment mask but I recommend taking the product line to your salon, having a discussion with your stylist on where your hair health needs improvement, and then purchasing based on that.
We know ourselves better than anyone else, but your stylist knows your hair better than you do. I like to lead with their knowledge first and then incorporate what my hair goals are. If you’re a girly who’s committed to hair health and has either the discipline to incorporate each step at home or can bring your products to the salon, Cécred is for you no matter if you’re a silk press or a wash-and-go naturalist.
Give Cécred a try, I’ll be using the line for my hair appointments until it runs out and if I see long-term results, it will be added to the beauty regimen indefinitely.
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Featured image courtesy of CÉCRED