

OK, so here's the set-up for this particular piece. One of my absolute favorite platonic male friends and I were discussing how, in his mind, he knows that a woman has not faked an orgasm with him (since a lot of women do; men too actually). "When she squirts, I know I handled my business", he said proudly. Even though I could hear his ego just oozing through the phone, this was one time when I didn't have a witty comeback because, from what I've read, researched and discussed with others on the topic of squirting, it's not really something that you can pretend to do. Either you did or…you didn't.
And since squirting is the kind of topic that, from my experience, comes up in conversations but isn't fully broken down so that we're all clear on what it actually is, I thought I'd take a moment to share what I've discovered about it. That way, if you want to know if it happened to you, you'd like to know what exactly is happening when it goes down or you'd like to attempt experiencing it at some point in your life, you'll know exactly what's up.
What Exactly Is Squirting?
Sometimes, the sex is so good that it seems like even your orgasms go to another level! In these instances, for some, in walks, squirting. In a nutshell, it's when your G-spot and urethral sponge are simultaneously stimulated to the point where fluid shoots out during the climax of sex.
OK, but still—what does all of this really mean? Let's start with the fact that squirting is actually the nickname for female ejaculation and, as I once read someone say, you don't need a penis in order to ejaculate; what you need is a urethra, and both men and women have one of those (ours is in our vagina wall, between our labia, right underneath our clitoris, and is shorter than men's are). While it is true that it's where pee comes out, for men, it's also where sperm is released. For us, it's where urine comes out…and sometimes white fluid that is released from our secretory glands too (the fluid is not to be confused with vaginal discharge, by the way).
So, does that mean that when you're squirting, you're basically peeing on yourself? That's where things get just a tad bit complex. From all that I've read and researched, it seems like a lot of medical professionals are unable to get on the exact same page about this. Some say that yes, it's pee, straight up. Others believe that squirting is a watered-down version of urine; like a lot of water and a little urine (which means it's still pee…right?). I did find a particular study that seemed to make a lot of sense (at least to me) when it comes to the whole "what is coming out exactly?" bafflement.
"In this 2011 study, researchers performed biochemical analysis on two distinct female fluids expelled during sex. The 'clear and abundant' fluid ejected in gushes was described as being similar to diluted urine. The second liquid was found to be comparable to components of male semen and released in smaller quantities compared to the other. The authors concluded, 'The real female ejaculation is the release of a very scanty, thick, and whitish fluid from the female prostate, while squirting is the expulsion of a diluted fluid from the urinary bladder.'"—"Myth busting: Is squirting just peeing?"
Yeeeeeah…I don't know about y'all, but it sounds to me like squirting definitely consists of urine, even if it is mixed in with a little bit of white fluid. So yeah, if you're a squirter, it appears that pee is definitely involved. For better or for worse.
What’s All of the Hype Behind It?
Now that we pretty much know what is really going on, at least physically, on the squirting front, perhaps you're wondering why so many people are thrilled with peeing—or getting peed on—during coitus. As someone who has never squirted (and personally, I'm OK with that), I decided to ask a couple of people in my life to share their thoughts on it all (I always change names so that I can get the real deal outta folks).
My married friend, Alexa said this: "The times when I've squirted before, I was drunk. It wasn't my husband who did it, but it was the same guy. When I finished, it definitely smelled like urine and, as far as the orgasm itself, again, I was drunk, but I don't recall them feeling any different. Actually, some orgasms that I've had that didn't involve squirting were way more intense. I think that's why I don't even try to make them happen now. I don't feel like I'm missing much."
My divorced friend, Donnie said this: "It's an ego thing for guys. Definitely. Because squirting isn't an everyday occurrence, when you are able to make a woman do it, it makes you feel like you've really accomplished something. As far as it being pee…I mean, I don't know if I'm thrilled about it but it's not gonna stop the show, if you know what I mean."
So, my female friend said that squirting is no biggie while my male friend expressed that it was an ego boost. I decided to ask a few other people to share their thoughts on it all and they basically said the same thing as they did. Except there is something else that I think should go on record. When I asked, "Where the heck did y'all get inspired to participate in squirting in the first place?", most of the women told me that their partners mentioned that they wanted to make it happen while the fellas said that they got the idea from—take one guess—porn. Porn hypes men's sexual egos. Imagine that, chile.
Listen, I'm not saying that there is something wrong if you want to squirt. Not at all. Sex is like art in the sense that how you view it is subjective in so many ways. At the same time, what I think should also go on record is if you've never squirted before and/or you don't want to, that's cool too. While certain circles create a lot of hype around it, it's not the biggest deal in the world, so…don't make it one.
Can You “Will Yourself” to Squirt?
Let me start to bring all of this to a close by saying that if you're someone who's squirted before and you've got a different set of feelings about it than all of what I just shared, that's what our comment sections on our socials are for. Please let us know what it does—or doesn't do—for you. And what if you're someone who's never had the pleasure but would like to check it off of your personal sex bucket list? Is there anything you can do to further the squirting along?
RELAX. What the women who've squirted before have all said to me is when fluid is literally squirting out of your body, it can be a little frightening if you happen to be caught totally off guard. In a way, I liken it to being pregnant and knowing that labor is gonna hurt. If you go into the experience, mentally prepared and not overthinking it, things will probably go a lot smoother for you. So try and relax. Sex, in general, is always better when you do.
Engage in much clitoral play. Your clitoris (including your clitoral hood) and G-spot being stimulated A LOT is the key to getting closer to a squirting experience (because remember that your "pee hole" is right under your clitoris), so getting into a sexual position where your clitoris can be manually stimulated as you're being penetrated is probably gonna be your best bet (like maybe him penetrating you while you're on your side or him laying on top of your back with you or him stimulating your clitoris). Oh, and make sure that it's not that "jack rabbit" kind of penetrating either; slow and steady wins the race in this particular case.
Bring your Kegels into the mix. If you're someone who doesn't do pelvic floor exercises, this would be a good time to bring that into play too. Tightening those muscles will make it even easier for your partner's penis to be able to "tap your spot".
Welp. That's pretty much the xoNecole Reader's Digest version of squirting. As far as the initial question within the title—you know, if it's all that it's cracked up to be—to be fair, I think you'd have to experience it for yourself to come to that conclusion. Now that you know what comes with it, you can decide for yourself. If you do decide to give it a shot, just make sure that you put down a rubber mattress and don't use your best sheets because, well, by now…you know why. Enjoy. #wink
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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These 5 Simple Words Changed My Dating Life & Made It Easier To Let Go Of The Wrong Men
Dating in 2025 often feels like meandering through an obscure tropical jungle: It can be beautiful, exciting, and daunting, yet nebulous when you’re in the thick of it. When we can’t see the forest for the trees, we often turn to our closest friends, doting family, and even nosy co-workers for advice. While others can undoubtedly imbue a much-needed fresh perspective, some of the best advice you’re searching for already lies within you.
My dating life has been a whirlwind to put it mildly, and each time I’d heard a questionable response or witnessed an eyebrow-raising action from a potential beau, I’d overanalyze for hours despite the illuminating tug in my spirit or pit of my stomach churning. And then I’d hold a conference call with my trusted friends just to convince myself of an alternative scenario, even though I’d already been supernaturally tipped off that he was not in alignment with me.
Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
As the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Ouch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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