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Is Squirting Really Worth The Hype?

If you've always been curious about squirting, I've got you.

Sex

OK, so here's the set-up for this particular piece. One of my absolute favorite platonic male friends and I were discussing how, in his mind, he knows that a woman has not faked an orgasm with him (since a lot of women do; men too actually). "When she squirts, I know I handled my business", he said proudly. Even though I could hear his ego just oozing through the phone, this was one time when I didn't have a witty comeback because, from what I've read, researched and discussed with others on the topic of squirting, it's not really something that you can pretend to do. Either you did or…you didn't.

And since squirting is the kind of topic that, from my experience, comes up in conversations but isn't fully broken down so that we're all clear on what it actually is, I thought I'd take a moment to share what I've discovered about it. That way, if you want to know if it happened to you, you'd like to know what exactly is happening when it goes down or you'd like to attempt experiencing it at some point in your life, you'll know exactly what's up.

What Exactly Is Squirting?

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Sometimes, the sex is so good that it seems like even your orgasms go to another level! In these instances, for some, in walks, squirting. In a nutshell, it's when your G-spot and urethral sponge are simultaneously stimulated to the point where fluid shoots out during the climax of sex.

OK, but still—what does all of this really mean? Let's start with the fact that squirting is actually the nickname for female ejaculation and, as I once read someone say, you don't need a penis in order to ejaculate; what you need is a urethra, and both men and women have one of those (ours is in our vagina wall, between our labia, right underneath our clitoris, and is shorter than men's are). While it is true that it's where pee comes out, for men, it's also where sperm is released. For us, it's where urine comes out…and sometimes white fluid that is released from our secretory glands too (the fluid is not to be confused with vaginal discharge, by the way).

So, does that mean that when you're squirting, you're basically peeing on yourself? That's where things get just a tad bit complex. From all that I've read and researched, it seems like a lot of medical professionals are unable to get on the exact same page about this. Some say that yes, it's pee, straight up. Others believe that squirting is a watered-down version of urine; like a lot of water and a little urine (which means it's still pee…right?). I did find a particular study that seemed to make a lot of sense (at least to me) when it comes to the whole "what is coming out exactly?" bafflement.

"In this 2011 study, researchers performed biochemical analysis on two distinct female fluids expelled during sex. The 'clear and abundant' fluid ejected in gushes was described as being similar to diluted urine. The second liquid was found to be comparable to components of male semen and released in smaller quantities compared to the other. The authors concluded, 'The real female ejaculation is the release of a very scanty, thick, and whitish fluid from the female prostate, while squirting is the expulsion of a diluted fluid from the urinary bladder.'"—"Myth busting: Is squirting just peeing?"

Yeeeeeah…I don't know about y'all, but it sounds to me like squirting definitely consists of urine, even if it is mixed in with a little bit of white fluid. So yeah, if you're a squirter, it appears that pee is definitely involved. For better or for worse.

What’s All of the Hype Behind It?

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Now that we pretty much know what is really going on, at least physically, on the squirting front, perhaps you're wondering why so many people are thrilled with peeing—or getting peed on—during coitus. As someone who has never squirted (and personally, I'm OK with that), I decided to ask a couple of people in my life to share their thoughts on it all (I always change names so that I can get the real deal outta folks).

My married friend, Alexa said this: "The times when I've squirted before, I was drunk. It wasn't my husband who did it, but it was the same guy. When I finished, it definitely smelled like urine and, as far as the orgasm itself, again, I was drunk, but I don't recall them feeling any different. Actually, some orgasms that I've had that didn't involve squirting were way more intense. I think that's why I don't even try to make them happen now. I don't feel like I'm missing much."

My divorced friend, Donnie said this: "It's an ego thing for guys. Definitely. Because squirting isn't an everyday occurrence, when you are able to make a woman do it, it makes you feel like you've really accomplished something. As far as it being pee…I mean, I don't know if I'm thrilled about it but it's not gonna stop the show, if you know what I mean."

So, my female friend said that squirting is no biggie while my male friend expressed that it was an ego boost. I decided to ask a few other people to share their thoughts on it all and they basically said the same thing as they did. Except there is something else that I think should go on record. When I asked, "Where the heck did y'all get inspired to participate in squirting in the first place?", most of the women told me that their partners mentioned that they wanted to make it happen while the fellas said that they got the idea from—take one guess—porn. Porn hypes men's sexual egos. Imagine that, chile.

Listen, I'm not saying that there is something wrong if you want to squirt. Not at all. Sex is like art in the sense that how you view it is subjective in so many ways. At the same time, what I think should also go on record is if you've never squirted before and/or you don't want to, that's cool too. While certain circles create a lot of hype around it, it's not the biggest deal in the world, so…don't make it one.

Can You “Will Yourself” to Squirt?

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Let me start to bring all of this to a close by saying that if you're someone who's squirted before and you've got a different set of feelings about it than all of what I just shared, that's what our comment sections on our socials are for. Please let us know what it does—or doesn't do—for you. And what if you're someone who's never had the pleasure but would like to check it off of your personal sex bucket list? Is there anything you can do to further the squirting along?

RELAX. What the women who've squirted before have all said to me is when fluid is literally squirting out of your body, it can be a little frightening if you happen to be caught totally off guard. In a way, I liken it to being pregnant and knowing that labor is gonna hurt.

If you go into the experience, mentally prepared and not overthinking it, things will probably go a lot smoother for you. So try and relax. Sex, in general, is always better when you do.

Engage in much clitoral play. Your clitoris (including your clitoral hood) and G-spot being stimulated A LOT is the key to getting closer to a squirting experience (because remember that your "pee hole" is right under your clitoris), so getting into a sexual position where your clitoris can be manually stimulated as you're being penetrated is probably gonna be your best bet (like maybe him penetrating you while you're on your side or him laying on top of your back with you or him stimulating your clitoris). Oh, and make sure that it's not that "jack rabbit" kind of penetrating either; slow and steady wins the race in this particular case.

Bring your Kegels into the mix. If you're someone who doesn't do pelvic floor exercises, this would be a good time to bring that into play too. Tightening those muscles will make it even easier for your partner's penis to be able to "tap your spot".

Welp. That's pretty much the xoNecole Reader's Digest version of squirting. As far as the initial question within the title—you know, if it's all that it's cracked up to be—to be fair, I think you'd have to experience it for yourself to come to that conclusion. Now that you know what comes with it, you can decide for yourself. If you do decide to give it a shot, just make sure that you put down a rubber mattress and don't use your best sheets because, well, by now…you know why. Enjoy. #wink

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When I was ten, my Sunday school teacher put on a brief performance in class that included some of the boys standing in front of the classroom while she stood in front of them holding a heart shaped box of chocolate. One by one, she tells each boy to come and bite a piece of candy and then place the remainder back into the box. After the last boy, she gave the box of now mangled chocolate over to the other Sunday school teacher — who happened to be her real husband — who made a comically puzzled face. She told us that the lesson to be gleaned from this was that if you give your heart away to too many people, once you find “the one,” that your heart would be too damaged. The lesson wasn’t explicitly about sex but the implication was clearly present.

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And I believed it for a long time. That to be loved and to be desired by men, it was only right for me to deny myself my own basic human desires, in the hopes of one day meeting a man that would fill all of my fantasies — romantically and sexually. Even if it meant denying my queerness, or even if it meant ignoring how being the only Black and fat girl in a predominantly white Christian space often had me watch all the white girls have their first boyfriends while I didn’t. Something they don’t tell you about purity culture – and that it took me years to learn and unlearn myself – is that there are bodies that are deemed inherently sinful and vulgar. That purity is about the desire to see girls and women shrink themselves, make themselves meek for men.

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