Eating Well: 10 Foods That Can Improve Your Mental Health
Goodness, y'all. If 2020 hasn't driven any other point home—and we all know, there are a billion and one to ponder—it's the fact that now, more than ever, we've got to do all that we can to proactively care for our mental health and well-being. This includes seeing our physician if we're not feeling well. This includes making an appointment to speak with a reputable therapist, counselor or life coach, if we need some help working through some things. This means taking some time off of social media and turning off our phones so that we can take a break from all of the "noise" that is constantly around us. This means making pampering and chilling out top priorities. This means finding inner peace. You know what else? This also means practicing watching our diet. No joke.
One day, I'll have to get into how certain foods can actually affect your mental health in negative ways (checking out "Why You Should Consider Leaving Fast Food Alone" is a good starting point). But today, for now, let's look at 10 foods that are actually proven to improve your mental stability and longevity. Because, in times like these, we all can use every ounce of help that we can get…right? Amen.
1. Blackberries
It really is important to eat fruits and veggies when they're in season; that way, you can get the most nutrients out of 'em. That said, when it comes to blackberries, the best time of year to consume them is between the end of the summer and the beginning of autumn. If you wait until then to cop some, you'll end up with berries that are packed with vitamins C and K, fiber and manganese, along with antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties that will help to support oral health and strong bones. Something else that blackberries contain is anthocyanins; these are natural compounds that fight to inhibit the growth of cancer cells.
The reason why you should consider eating blackberries to improve your mental health is because anthocyanins also help to keep free radicals from damaging your brain cells in a way that could ultimately lead to memory loss. Also, thanks to the fruit's anti-inflammatory properties, blackberries can reduce brain inflammation that could possibly lead to long-term cognitive decline.
2. Lamb
One of my favorite meats is definitely lamb. I mean, give me some lamb chops and you've got a fan for life! Anyway, aside from being high in protein, lamb is also a good source of omega-3 and 6, along with vitamins B12 and B3, zinc and selenium. All of these point to this kind of meat providing quite a few health benefits. For instance, lamb is high in heme iron (a type of iron that is easily absorbed into your bloodstream); creatine (an organic compound that creates muscle mass); glutathione (which is a big time antioxidant), and Linoleic Acid (LA) which is an acid that can actually reduce your chances of having a heart attack. In fact, lamb contains more LA than any other meat does.
Lamb is dope when it comes to your mental health because it's also considered to be a dopamine-rich type of food. Dopamine helps to get you in a better mood, improves your memory, counteracts depression and can even make you less impulsive.
3. Broccoli
The tiny veggie trees known as broccoli are good for you for a myriad of reasons. Broccoli has protein, fiber, a ton of vitamins C and K, folate and Vitamin A in it. The antioxidants in broccoli help to fight off free radicals; the bioactive compounds it contains reduces bodily inflammation; its fiber decreases the chances of constipation; its bioactive compound sulforaphane helps to slow down the signs of aging, and the Vitamin C that's in broccoli will keep your immune system healthy and strong.
Another compound that broccoli has in it is kaempferol. There are studies to support that it's effective at reducing the inflammation of neural tissue. Plus, its other bioactive compounds are able to support healthy brain function too.
4. Shiitake Mushrooms
Although I'm not a vegetarian (or vegan), whenever I'm in the mood to go for a meat alternative, believe it or not, I typically reach for mushrooms. To me, they have a "meat-like texture" to them without all of the preservatives that a lot of "fake meat" contains. When it comes to mushrooms that are super healthy, you can't do much better than shiitake ones. They contain a fair amount of protein and fiber, but where these mushrooms really shine is the fact that they're high in copper and Vitamin B5. Plus, they contain compounds that will lower your cholesterol levels and boost your immune system, and they contain antibacterial, antiviral, and antifungal properties that can reduce viral, bacterial, or fungal infections.
Shiitake mushrooms also have a good amount of zinc in them. This is great to know because zinc is a mineral that is scientifically proven to reduce depression-related symptoms while calming your nerves so that you're less anxious.
5. Swiss Chard
When the topic of dark leafy greens comes up, oftentimes it's ones like kale or spinach that immediately come to mind. But if you want to add some variety to your greens-eating collection, be sure to get some swiss chard into the mix. For starters, it's high in fiber. But what's really mind-blowing is swiss chard contains a whopping 716 percent of the Vitamin K that your system needs on a daily basis and 214 percent of the Vitamin A that you need as well (not to mention that it contains magnesium, manganese, potassium, iron and copper too). Swiss chard is also high in antioxidants that can help to protect your heart, lower your blood sugar levels and keep your weight in balance.
Thanks to the magnesium that's in this particular green vegetable, swiss chard can help to speed up the healing process of a migraine, put you into a better mood and, there are even studies that reveal magnesium can help to treat certain neurological disorders as well.
6. Maca
Maca is a medicinal root from Peru. Over the past several years, it's become all the rage because it also provides loads of health benefits. Maca offers 133 percent of the daily amount of Vitamin C that your body needs. Maca also contains 85 percent of the daily copper that your system requires too. It contains a pretty impressive amount of fiber and protein, along with a good amount of iron, potassium and Vitamin B6. If you're looking for something that will boost your libido, improve your partner's sperm quality or relieve menopausal symptoms, maca's totally got your back. Some athletes also take maca in supplement form in order to boost their endurance.
If you're feeling a little stressed out, getting some maca into your system might be just what your body desires. That's because another benefit of maca—whether in supplement or powder form—is it also helps to reduce anxiety and depression-related symptoms; this is, in part, due to the flavonoids that are in it.
7. Salmon
C'mon. Is there anything better than a piece of grilled salmon and rice, a salmon caesar salad or some fresh salmon sushi? Aside from how delicious these meals are, salmon has omega-3 fatty acids to lower your blood pressure and give you a boost of energy; vitamins A, D, E and K to support your bone and eye health; B vitamins to level out your cortisol levels, and fatty acids to lubricate your joints and also keep your skin healthy and radiant.
The omega-3 fatty acids in salmon are really good for your mental health because they can help to elevate your memory retention. Plus, those acids, combined with the Vitamin D that is also in this type of fish, can help to give you a boost of energy and feelings of positivity on the days when you are feeling a little on the low side.
8. Brown Rice
Brown rice is a whole grain. Off top, that makes it a food that is good for your overall health and well-being. It's got fiber, protein and a ton of manganese (81 percent of your reference daily intake). Brown rice also contains selenium, magnesium, phosphorus and vitamins B1, B3 and B6. Since this is the kind of whole grain that also has phytic acid and polyphenols in it, brown rice can lower your blood sugar. The selenium in it can help to prevent your arteries from clogging up and its fiber amount can help to keep you regular and toxin-free.
Brown rice does your brain a world of good because it's also got the natural compound Gamma-Aminobutyric (GABA) acid in it. It's kind of a long story but, basically what GABA does is help to slow down the neurons in your brain so that you don't feel as upset, worried or anxious as you would if they were running full throttle. The more you know, y'all.
9. Seeds and Nuts
Do you like to snack on seeds like pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and chia seeds or nuts like almonds, cashews or peanuts? If so, good for you. Whether you realize it or not, when you eat seeds and nuts like these, your body is getting a good dose of monounsaturated fats (which decreases your chances of having heart disease or type 2 diabetes), zero dietary cholesterol, lots of fiber, plenty of antioxidants, and vitamins and minerals like vitamins B6 and E, folate, magnesium, calcium, zinc, copper, selenium and plant iron.
Something else that both seeds and nuts have an abundance of is serotonin. This is good to know because it's a natural neurotransmitter in your body that regulates your moods, your sleeping patterns, your libido and your appetite. When serotonin is flowing throughout your body, your mental health and well-being is better in every way.
10. Cinnamon
Cinnamon is a must-have spice for any woman. It maintains vaginal health. It's a great aphrodisiac. It contains strong antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties. It lowers the amount of bad cholesterol that's in your system. Cinnamon also has the ability to reduce the amount of insulin resistance that's in your body. It fights viral and bacterial infections. There are even studies which reveal that cinnamon slows down the growth of HIV cells.
As far as your brain goes, not only does cinnamon fight to stifle the build-up of tau (a protein that can eventually lead to Alzheimer's disease), whether you smell it or consume it, cinnamon is a spice that increases cognitive function and memory. So, whether you decide to sprinkle it on a favorite drink or bake with it, make sure to add cinnamon more to your diet. Your mental health will thank you for it in so many different ways!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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