Apparently, There’s A ‘Six-Minute Rule’ That Can Give You The Best Sex Ever
I'm telling y'all, it never fails. I don't care what a married couple is going through, if I'm in a session with two people and I ask them about their sex life, 8.5 times out of 10, it's suffering on some level. What I mean by that is, when a couple is experiencing "issues", if it's not directly connected to their sex life, their sex life is somehow affected by it. An example of this is when I ask two people how their sex life is going and one (or both) of them respond with, "When we have it, it's fine. We just don't have the time."
Uh-huh. You don't have the time or you don't make the time? 'Cause you know what? If I asked those same people how much time they spent on their Instagram over the past few days, I bet they made time to do that. Shoot, word on the street is most people spend an hour a day on IG. That's seven hours a week. Now get this. Men, on average, can have an orgasm in five minutes while it takes us about 14 minutes; a mere fraction of an hour. So yeah, that "no time thing" doesn't really fly with me and my clients know it. Whatever is truly important to us, we will prioritize (check out "10 Simple Ways Married Couples Can Make More Time For Sex") and if you're married, SEX SHOULD BE A PRIORITY (check out "10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important").
The 6-Minute Rule When It Comes to Sex
Besides, it's not like you need a ton of time to physically and emotionally connect with your partner on the sex tip. I recently read that you can make sparks fly by simply putting in six minutes for foreplay and then sex minutes for afterplay. Why just six minutes? Good question. Let's see.
The Beauty Behind the Six-Minute Rule When It Comes to Sexual Satisfaction
So, the gist of the study is this. The Trojan Condoms and the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada got 1500 Canadians between the ages of 18-24 together to see how much foreplay they needed in order to feel sexually satisfied.
What the majority of them (55 percent of men and 56 percent of women) said was they needed approximately six minutes of kissing, cuddling or some form of foreplay prior to intercourse, followed by six minutes of the same on the back end. In fact, 61 percent of the women who participated in the study said that they were unable to have an orgasm without it.
And just why is six minutes so important? While I was checking out an article about some of the things that you can get done in seven minutes or less, some of the things on the list included—writing someone a note, memorizing a Bible verse, making your bed, putting together a to-do list, stretching. What I personally found all of those things to have in common is, while they aren't "big things", doing them makes the day flow so much better. A note can make you feel closer to someone else. A Bible verse can spiritually empower and center you. A made-up bed can reduce clutter. A to-do list can organize your day and, stretch can make you feel stronger and more flexible.
Well, if you devote six minutes of kissing, cuddling and/or foreplay before sex, can you see how that also can make intercourse "flow better" too? Kissing makes sex more emotionally intimate. Cuddling is a great way to destress while emotionally connecting to your partner. Foreplay? You can check out articles on our site like "These 10 Foreplay Hacks Can Take Your Sex Game To Another Level", "How To Experience Amazing Foreplay (When You and Yours Are Apart)" and "Ashley Graham & Her Husband Say Prayer Is The Ultimate Form Of Foreplay" to get an idea of how big of a fan of it we are.
Now for the skeptics in the back who are probably thinking, "Of course, it only takes six minutes for people under the age of 25; they're horny as hell, anyway", here's something else to consider. Last summer, I did a little digging around to see how long oral sex "should" take and the conclusion was that it was about 15 minutes for cunnilingus and 10-11 minutes for fellatio. That's not a ton of more time than this study. So yeah, while the raging hormones of a 21-year-old may not require as much, umm, effort as say, someone who is 35 or 40, if you're over 25, you probably don't need as much time as you think.
It's all about quality, not quantity.
OK, so if you want to test this six-minute rule theory out, try this. Most songs are somewhere between 3-4 minutes long. Not too long ago, I actually took a stroll down memory's lane and listened to the Lenny Kravitz's co-written and co-produced Madonna banger "Justify My Love"; it's five minutes long. Anyway, put it or two of your favorite jams on and focus on doing nothing other than kissing or touching your partner until the songs fade out. See if that doesn't get you to the point of wanting to tear each other's clothes off, get totally get it on, and then have a mind-blowing orgasm. Report back if it does.
Most of us have heard of the teenage game "Seven Minutes in Heaven". According to research, you can have the orgasms of your dreams in a minute less than that—if you dare. It's totally worth testing out. Why not try it? Tonight.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
6 Signs You're A Sexually Mature Woman
Here's How To Make Morning Sex...Sexier
Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage
Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream
Feature image by Giphy
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- 10 Best Intimate Sex Positions - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 6 Hours a Week to a Better Relationship ›
- Sex & Love - Relationship Advice, Dating Tips | Edmonton Sun ›
- 6-Minute Rule - Urban Dictionary ›
- Sex Facts - Relationship Advice & Online Dating Tips | Ottawa Sun ›
- 6 minutes - The recommended time for foreplay ›
- Articles by Simone Paget | Toronto Sun Journalist | Muck Rack ›
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Why We'll Probably Never Hear Lupita Nyong'o Share Her Relationship With The World
Lupita Nyong'o is sharing a transparent look into her life after a recent breakup.
In a cover story for NET-A-PORTER, the A Quiet Place: Day One star shed light on the significant heartbreak she experienced following the end of her relationship with ex-boyfriend and TV host, Selema Masekela.
As a public figure, Nyong'o, 39, sought to divulge the news of the breakup in hopes of presenting a more authentic perspective on the pain that follows a separation.
"I was living in a lot of pain and heartbreak," she told the publication. "I looked at the environment of my social media and thought I don’t want to be a part of this illusion that everything is always coming up roses. Surely there is a lesson for me to learn in this, and I just want to be real about it."
The Black Panther star went on to explain that her choice to be transparent with her fans about her breakup came from the certainty she felt after ending the relationship. “In my mind, when I shared my relationship status with the world, it was because I felt sure about it,” she said.
While she didn’t know how the news would land with her fans, she found relief in knowing she wasn’t alone in her experience.
“I knew how it could be interpreted; I knew it would have a life of its own,” she reflects. “But then I started to see the comments and people were being so loving and supportive. The ones that moved me the most were other people sharing their pain and their heartbreak.”
Nyong'o and Masekela went Instagram official in December 2022, publicly announcing their relationship in a couple's video. In October 2023, Nyong'o took to her personal Instagram account to share the news of her breakup in her caption, writing, "At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust.”
She continued the vulnerable note, "I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception. I am tempted to run into the shadows and hide, only to return to the light when I have regained my strength enough for me to say, 'Whatever, my life is better this way.' But I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love."
These days, Nyong'o tells NET-A-PORTER that she is prioritizing profound self-discovery that extends beyond her career. She notes having a deliberate and unhurried approach to understanding herself.
She also alludes to keeping her relationships private moving forward after noting it was "very, very sage" of her not to talk about her private life professionally in the days before her last relationship. "I'm going back to those days by the way," Nyong'o shares of her reinstated boundaries around her personal life.
Earlier this month, Nyong'o made headlines alongside her new boyfriend actor Joshua Jackson. Nyong'o and Jackson went through public splits from their respective SOs in October 2023, with the latter splitting from his long-time partner Jodie Turner-Smith following her divorce filing from the Dawson's Creek alum.
The pair have been spotted together as early as December 2023, but nothing screamed "couple" quite as loudly as their recent getaway to Mexico for Nyong'o's 41st birthday featuring passionate displays of affection.
"Our purpose in life is to love. And so you have to get back in it," she tells the outlet, seemingly alluding to her budding new romance.
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Featured image by Taylor Hill/Getty Images