10 Creative Questions To Ask On A First Date
As cuffing season kicks off, many people are finalizing their rosters and securing their bae slots. If you're a little late to the party, cuffing season is the timeframe during the winter months where you're "off the market". During cuffing season, you could agree to be in an official relationship, or a situationship – it's completely based on your preference. The premise is simple though: it's cold outside, let's cuddle up!
Whether you're aiming to be "boo'd up" with your official bae or your cuffing season recruit, now is the time to get your date nights in before settling on your final pick. And if you typically struggle with date night questions, here are a few creative first date questions to get the conversation started!
10 Creative First Date Questions
Is your work fulfilling?
This is a creative spin to the "what do you do?" question. The answer to this question, if responded to elaborately, can tell you where they work, what they do, and what their professional passions are. It also has the potential to lend insight into their ambition and future professional plans, without having to ask the predictable "what's your five-year plan?" question.
What’s the last book you read?
Typically, the books we read tell us about our interests or our fantasies. I'm either diving head first into self-help or inspirational books because that's what my spirit needs, or I'm drinking wine and reading a raunchy sex novel because celibacy is hard. Either way, what I read correlates directly to my interests – or my struggles. Allowing your date night partner to share more about what books are currently on their roster, can lead to a few good follow-up questions about what interested them to read the book, and what lessons they may have learned from it, bringing you a little deeper into their world. And if nothing else, it may give you an idea of the next book you should pick up.
What are your thoughts on rape culture?
This is a question I know we all want to shy away from. The usual rule-of-thumb for first date questions is to avoid political conversations, but with the current start of our culture, this may be a very necessary question to ask. This can provoke a lot of interesting thought, or fuel an intense debate, however, it's not just about assessing political views as it is about personal safety. What someone feels about rape culture can highlight misogyny, sexism, and loads of other red flags. But, confrontational conversations don't have to be all bad, this question – if approached correctly – can serve as a great opportunity to educate each other.
Do you have a passport?
Now I'm not saying that most people travel with their cuffing season boos, but I am saying, if you want to travel with your cuffing season boo, this question is imperative. You can't take an impromptu #baecation if bae isn't ready when it's time. There may be a valid reason why they don't have a passport, and that may be a conversation worth having. But if you're adamant about exploring different countries, be sure to find out if potential bae is too.
How do you define happiness? Would you say you’ve mastered it?
So often in relationships we place the burden of our happiness on our partners. This question attempts to identify if this potential boo, falls into that same habit. Understanding someone's idea of happiness and if they've manifested it (or are at least trying to), can set the tone for the joy you may – or may not – experience with each other. It'll also give you an in to what brings them joy and if your idea of happiness aligns with theirs.
Who are you?
There's nothing quite as fulfilling as dating someone who's self-aware. They know their quirks, their flaws, and everything in between. Someone who can define themselves within the context of their own self-discovery is well worth continuing to get to know. This question allows them to share with you, the person they've found in their own pursuit of discovery, and give them a moment of transparency for communicating to you exactly who they are.
Tip: don't have an expectation for their response. It's important that you allow your bae-candidate to authentically express themselves and whatever identities they uphold.
What is important to you?
Allow your date to open up and be candid about the important pieces of their life. I fell in love with my ex, in part, by how he spoke so lovingly about his son and how much having him changed his life. Allowing people the space to openly talk about the important parts of their lives helps shatter some walls and builds connection.
Do you live alone?
This isn't necessarily creative, but if you don't want to be snowed in with bae and two roommates, I suggest you get this question answered and out of the way.
When’s the last time you prayed?
For me, spiritual connection is important. And while everyone is on their own journey – and at their own place of spiritual development – identifying the last time someone prayed is a huge marker to how frequently they commune with God; especially since someone's church attendance – identified by the usual "do you go to church" question – does not necessarily mean they have a relationship with God. This can also spark a conversation about faith, church, and other spiritual beliefs. Obviously, if faith isn't important to you, you can skip this one.
Among your friends, what are you best known for?
With this question, you'll learn more about the company bae keeps, and about what role they play in the clique. This can be important if you like to woo the crew, or if your single homegirls are still playing the field. Double dates "on fleek"! If you live in a small city, it'll also give you a moment to dissect their tribe and assess if that is the company you want yourself associated with.
It wouldn't behoove you to ask all these questions at once, as the date will quickly turn into a counseling session. However, asking a variety of these questions can offer insight into the person's heart and mind, and can provide the spark all first date conversations should be made of. Using these questions as a guide to incite thoughtful conversation and friendly debate (emphasis on friendly) can help weed out the f*ckboys and help ensure that your cuffing season bae is top quality.
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Zoe Hunter is the writer, speaker, and creator behind the women empowerment brand DEAR QUEENS. She uses vulnerability, storytelling, and spiritual development to empower women toward healthy decision-making. Stay connected to Zoe's work by visiting DEARQUEENS.com or following her on Twitter @zDEARQUEENS.
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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If you haven’t scrolled upon Olivia McDowell's TikTok famous dinner parties, you may need to reconfigure your "For You Page."
What began as a passion for hosting aesthetically themed meals for her closest friends has quickly become a viral sensation. With an astonishing 12 million viewers, women describe Olivia’s picturesque dinner parties as the “dream girls' night,” complete with classy cocktails, beautiful table settings, elegant outfits, and, most importantly, food plated to perfection.
Seemingly reigniting the feminine urge to host fancy dinner parties, Olivia has perfected the finer details. Overlooking the skyline in her beautiful NYC apartment, she never fails to make her signature handmade pasta dishes while simultaneously looking effortlessly chic in the wardrobe of dreams while doing so.
Replying to @nara0630 what should the theme of my next dinner party be? #minivlog #nycliving #dinnerpartyideas #caviarinnewyork
What I love most about hosting intimate dinners for close friends are the connections and relationships that form over food. They don't require a caviar budget with a high-rise apartment, it just takes determination and a little creativity. Watching Olivia’s journey inspires viewers to be a part of a community of positive and uplifting women who share common interests and tastes in food, fashion, and decor. Simply stated, she’s raising the bar of friendship goals.
If you’re aspiring to host a holiday-themed dinner party this season, check out the four tips that will guide you along the way.
Choose Your Theme
Replying to @emz.life.tsv what was your fav part? 🤍 hope this gives you some inspiration to host a fancy friendsgiving too! #hostingtip #dinnerparty #pastamaking
Set the ambiance with a thoughtful theme, which will indeed be your guiding light for less stress during the planning process. Establishing a theme sets the tone for everything else to fall in place, such as menus, table design, and presentation. For example, a holiday-inspired dinner party is a perfect occasion for elegant all-white decor paired with draped table cloths, pillar candles lit atop luxe holders, floating floral arrangements, and, for a personal touch, handwritten place settings.
Utilizing free resources such as Canva for menu templates and creating a “Dinner Party” moodboard via Pinterest is perfect for gathering dinner inspiration for themes, decor, and recipes for the special occasion.
Simplify the Menu
How to host your own pasta making dinner party — part 1: pasta making from scratch 🤍 Hosting dinner parties has become my favorite thing to do this year. More goes into it than you expect, the prep, planning, guestlist, tablescape, etc. but it’s always worth it in the end. What do you guys want to see next? #hostingtips #dinnerparty #pastamaking
Don’t overcomplicate the menu. A simple dinner party formula to use as your guide to making sure your guests leave full of food and joy is appetizers, salads, entrees, sides, desserts, and beverages. As a starter, assemble an aesthetic spread that your guest can nibble on while awaiting the main course with starters such as bread, cheese, jam, nuts, and fruit. A simple salad will do, complete with a light dressing right before your entree. For a main dish, pasta recipes always go a long way and also allows your guests to interact with one another, which leads to McDowell's third dinner party hosting tip.
Include an Interactive Element
Replying to @itstai.tv 🖤 #girlhood
To break the ice and encourage guests to get to know one another, introduce interactive elements to the evening. Moments of interaction allow everyone to connect, like capturing content for social media or memorializing the essence of the night through fun Polaroids. Olivia also encourages her guests to participate in the pasta-making dinner process as a group, or if hosting a brunch, her friends indulge in building their own coffee bar as an opportunity for forming connections and conversation starters. Group board or card games are also great for laughs and healthy competition to help get the vibes flowing.
Don’t Forget the Dress code
Replying to @samantha_mendiz when all of your friends are the main character 🖤🥂 #dinnerparty #nycfashion
Tis’ the season for glamour and sparkles, so why not go all out with a super chic dress code? You can’t have a picture-perfect holiday dinner party without the coordinating attire to match. When planning, make sure to make the required attire specific yet broad enough for a range of personalities and preferences to comfortably partake while looking stunning doing so.
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Featured image by Justin Lambert/Getty Images