Tracee Ellis Ross Doesn't Subscribe To Society's Deadlines
For many women, we use our age to validate the passing of milestones in our lifetime. We grow up chronologically declaring hypothetical deadlines for our goals, and the ticking of our biological clocks only complicate our plans. Actress and activist Tracee Ellis Ross is challenging traditional standards of womanhood by standing firmly in her own truth. Ross recently covered The Sunday Times Styleand opened up about life at 45 and what being a woman means to her.
"I'm constantly asking myself questions, reminding myself, 'Are you making that decision for you or someone else?' The husband and the babies are the expectation of what's supposed to happen at a certain point, and people fall back on, 'Well, that's the point of the human species, procreation.' And I'm, like, 'I think there are a lot of babies, isn't that part of what's going wrong, there's too many?' Some people could be working on the world being a better place, or just being happy."
Historically, women are judged for not pursuing a life that meets traditional standards. Society says that if I'm not married or haven't had children by a certain age, something must be wrong with me. Even during biblical times, a woman was considered to have an unproductive life if she was barren or chose not to have children.
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As women, we so often focus on our due dates for what society deems as success instead of using our time to find our own happiness in ourselves. Ross says that there is a difference between loneliness and being alone.
"Being 45 is fascinating. It's this extraordinary journey of time passing, and getting to this place where so many of the trappings aren't there, and yet there's so much other rich, fertile stuff happening in my life. It's all a choice. Which is incredibly empowering and can be extremely lonely. My work as an adult has been making friends with the loneliness, and actually coming to terms with the fact that I love it. And I now call it choiceful solitude."
Have you taken the time to water your own garden before you expect to bear fruit?
Tracee's transformation into the woman of her dreams did not come without challenging some of her own ideals. At Glamour's 2017 Women of the Year Summit, Ross challenged us all to become braver versions of ourselves in order to discover our own happiness.
"When we put ourselves first by doing things like saying 'no,' speaking up, sleeping with who we want, eating what our bodies intuitively tell us to eat, wearing training bras instead of push up bras, posting a picture without using Facetune...we are condemned for thinking for ourselves and being ourselves,and being ourselves, for owning our experiences, our bodies, and our lives."
Whether you are 30 and married with children, or 60 and single, you are not defined by your accomplishments or milestones. Your life is your own. Not your mother's or your children or your spouse's.
Make 2018 the year that you claim ownership of your womanhood and how it relates to who you are right now. Tracee reminds us that we have to take responsibility for our own happiness and find the courage to fight for a life that we love, f*** the standard.
Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Why We'll Probably Never Hear Lupita Nyong'o Share Her Relationship With The World
Lupita Nyong'o is sharing a transparent look into her life after a recent breakup.
In a cover story for NET-A-PORTER, the A Quiet Place: Day One star shed light on the significant heartbreak she experienced following the end of her relationship with ex-boyfriend and TV host, Selema Masekela.
As a public figure, Nyong'o, 39, sought to divulge the news of the breakup in hopes of presenting a more authentic perspective on the pain that follows a separation.
"I was living in a lot of pain and heartbreak," she told the publication. "I looked at the environment of my social media and thought I don’t want to be a part of this illusion that everything is always coming up roses. Surely there is a lesson for me to learn in this, and I just want to be real about it."
The Black Panther star went on to explain that her choice to be transparent with her fans about her breakup came from the certainty she felt after ending the relationship. “In my mind, when I shared my relationship status with the world, it was because I felt sure about it,” she said.
While she didn’t know how the news would land with her fans, she found relief in knowing she wasn’t alone in her experience.
“I knew how it could be interpreted; I knew it would have a life of its own,” she reflects. “But then I started to see the comments and people were being so loving and supportive. The ones that moved me the most were other people sharing their pain and their heartbreak.”
Nyong'o and Masekela went Instagram official in December 2022, publicly announcing their relationship in a couple's video. In October 2023, Nyong'o took to her personal Instagram account to share the news of her breakup in her caption, writing, "At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust.”
She continued the vulnerable note, "I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception. I am tempted to run into the shadows and hide, only to return to the light when I have regained my strength enough for me to say, 'Whatever, my life is better this way.' But I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love."
These days, Nyong'o tells NET-A-PORTER that she is prioritizing profound self-discovery that extends beyond her career. She notes having a deliberate and unhurried approach to understanding herself.
She also alludes to keeping her relationships private moving forward after noting it was "very, very sage" of her not to talk about her private life professionally in the days before her last relationship. "I'm going back to those days by the way," Nyong'o shares of her reinstated boundaries around her personal life.
Earlier this month, Nyong'o made headlines alongside her new boyfriend actor Joshua Jackson. Nyong'o and Jackson went through public splits from their respective SOs in October 2023, with the latter splitting from his long-time partner Jodie Turner-Smith following her divorce filing from the Dawson's Creek alum.
The pair have been spotted together as early as December 2023, but nothing screamed "couple" quite as loudly as their recent getaway to Mexico for Nyong'o's 41st birthday featuring passionate displays of affection.
"Our purpose in life is to love. And so you have to get back in it," she tells the outlet, seemingly alluding to her budding new romance.
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Featured image by Taylor Hill/Getty Images