

What Actor Brian J. White Thinks About Women With Ambition
Brian J. White has been a consistent face in so many of our favorite series and films. I still remember his character's crazy but sexy relationship with Olivia Pope on Scandal. And who can forget him repping the Theta's in the college classic Stomp the Yard
Well, today, he's gearing up for the release of a new one, Ambitions (which makes its premiere Tuesday, June 18 on OWN). The story digs into how far people will go to make their desires come true, even when it endangers their relationships and more. Brian has a juicy storyline playing Atlanta Mayor Evan Lancaster, who is very dedicated to his own aspirations. But in real life, the 46-year-old is a successful happily married family man with a passionate perspective on ambition and relationships.
In our chat, we discussed his views on career-focused women, marriage, and advice for singles and serious couples alike.
In your own words, what makes an individual ambitious?
I don't think ambition is connected to achievement, I think it's a desire or want. Every person on earth has ambitions but not many achieve them because of what it takes. Ambitions explores what's required. It portrays those that achieve it, those that struggle with it, and everything in between.
What do you think about the theory that people should be with someone who matches them, in reference to achievements, finances, education, and etc?
I think that's a misuse of the word, "matches them" could be exchanged for "suits." Some people think if they're a doctor they should be with a doctor, or if they're a lawyer they should be with a lawyer. They want someone "on their level" and I think that's why a lot of people aren't in the right relationships. They've put boxes on a potential prospect that could fulfill them based off on what they think their soulmate should be. Get rid of the boxes. The tighter they are, the less likely you are to meet the actual fit for you. Our partners are complements of us; they're not mirrors. If you're meeting someone you can already conceptualize, they're adding nothing to your life.
Courtesy of Brian J. White
"Get rid of the boxes. The tighter they are, the less likely you are to meet the actual fit for you. Our partners are complements of us; they're not mirrors."
When you met your wife, were there characteristics you were looking for, or personality traits you felt suited you?
I was not looking at all, and she had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and didn't want to date either. My dad always told me, "Wait until you just can't stay away from someone. Never go looking for a relationship when you're a young and successful man. Wait until someone comes and derails you off the path." When I met my wife, I kept hearing his voice saying, "This is the one." So, I started changing my life to prepare and be everything I felt she deserved in a partner. What was most attractive about my wife was that she wasn't interested in me. She was a corporate woman who was very into her career, and I was a little actor guy (laughs). We just became best friends first and everything fell into place.
With her being so career-focused, do you think her ambition was part of the attraction?
Absolutely. I have five younger sisters who all have their degrees. They are five black, beautiful, strong, and educated women. When I was at Dartmouth, one of the things the women were proud about and would openly discuss was that they didn't have to necessarily use their degree. They would go to Dartmouth and then law school and knew they could make millions or become President, but also desired marriage and family. I saw that in my wife, she didn't need to be in the position she's in, she wanted to be. That was very attractive to me. Also, that she wasn't looking to date. I met her at my home. I was living with a female housemate (separate floors) and she simply came over to visit one day for dinner, we met casually.
Interesting, so when women exude that they’re looking to date, is that a turn-off?
For me, yes. I think a woman's most attractive state is when she's doing her thing. You see her pride, beauty, elegance, and everything. It might be a lunch break from her business or art job. That's when she's most powerful. When you're at the club for example, it's like an African Serengeti, everything is a target and you're out there with a gun. Any of those typical situations, like dating apps, you're assuming no emotional connection. Unless your true goal is only physical, the best place to meet people is in their natural life. Like when I met Paula, I was at home.
Courtesy of Brian J. White
"I think a woman's most attractive state is when she's doing her thing. You see her pride, beauty, elegance, and everything. That's when she's most powerful."
How did you know she was the one?
My Dad passed last year, and I included this story in his eulogy. He used to have these sayings, two-word sayings. One was, "you'll know." Well, Paula and I had been dating a few years and it was going well. We had talked about long-term but hadn't got to marriage. Anyway, one day we were sleeping and suddenly, I'm awakened to this booming voice of my dad saying, "Jodi (he used to call me Jodi), you'll know."
I’m a sap, so I’m loving this. But I must ask, what were some of the hardships and struggles you two went through?
Travel and separation for sure. The first time I worked with Boris and Nicole they taught me about the two-week rule. What makes couples not work is distance. You're not familiar with each other and you end up starting the dating process over and over again rather than furthering it. So, my wife and I ended up with the 10-day rule for most of my career, and we've maintained it. We almost always travel as a family.
If you could give a piece of advice to couples looking to make the step toward marriage, what would it be?
Well, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. It's a partnership and a contract. Make sure you know about each other's health, debt, and credit issues. What do you each own? Do you want kids, what religion are you raising them? Are you both social? Do you like to smoke weed and drink whiskey, your partner may need to know that. Long-term, all these things matter. And you must talk about all of it before you get married.
You can catch Brian J. White starring in Will Packer's Ambitions coming June 18 to the OWN Network.
For even more of him, follow him on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Brian J. White
Kirby Carroll grew up in VA but now calls Atlanta, GA home. She has a passion for creating content and helping brands grow through storytelling and public relations. When not immersed in work, you can find her sipping a mimosa at brunch or bingeing a new TV drama on Netflix. Keep up with her on social media at @askKirbyCarroll.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Living In A New City And Feeling Nervous About Making Friends? These 6 Tips Can Help
The first big leap was moving to a new city and getting settled into my new home. The next big leap? Was finding community and belonging. Moving to a new city excited me! I looked forward to having my own apartment, decorating it, and exploring what the city had to offer. I also found excitement in the thought of meeting new people and expanding my connections. When it actually came down to it, I felt nervous. I heard that making new friends as an adult can be hard because we all have different responsibilities and schedules that may not align. I knew in order for me to really feel at home in my new city, I had to create community.
Having a community of people who I can share memories with, lean on in times of need, and inspire each other is something I always valued. I took a moment to truly center in on what I desired from the new friends I would make. Then I realized it all would have to start with me. I had to be centered and confident in who I was to attract who I desired to be aligned with. As someone who moved to a new city and established quality friendships, I gathered these six tips that helped me feel grounded and create community in hopes that it will help you, too.
6 tips to start building community and making new friends in a new city:
Sean Anthony Eddy/ Getty Images
Be true to yourself
Do you know who you are? If someone asked you to describe yourself in three words, what words would you use? In order to develop deep friendships, you must be a friend to yourself first. Know what refuels you and what zaps your energy. Self-study your habits and why you do the things you do. All this will be important to keep in mind when looking to create bonds with others. Every day there’s all kinds of people telling you who you should be, how you should act, or what you should wear. At the end of the day, the only opinion about yourself that truly matters is your own. Spend some alone time with yourself indoors or out at an event you like to truly discover who you are in this season of your life.
Pray about it
Before you step out into the world and cross paths with all kinds of people, it’s important to pray about building your community. God outlines what true friendship looks like in numerous Bible verses such as "Iron sharpens iron." - Proverbs 27:17 and “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. If you desire friendships that last, pray about what you seek in friendship. I remember praying for mentally stable, happy, and whole women who moved through life with abundance mindsets. Take a moment to journal about the community you want to build and then pray on it.
Go to fun events to meet people who share your interests
Most metropolitan cities like Washington, D.C., New York City, and Atlanta are known to have strong young professional communities and events where you can connect with others. I highly encourage you to attend events in or near your community to see what the city is like and meet people. It’s likely that the people at the event have the same interests as you, which is a great way to start a conversation. You can start by searching for events on Eventbrite or following Instagram pages that highlight events happening in your city.
Carlos Barquero/ Getty Images
Accept that you won’t be compatible with everyone you meet
While living in your new city, it’s likely you’ll meet a variety of people. Please know that everyone you meet will not bud into lasting friendships, and that’s okay! You are uniquely created and not made for everyone. Then you’ll meet people who are good for only surface-level connections, and then you’ll have your girls who you can get deep with. I think sometimes people can look down on surface-level friendships, but not everyone needs to fully know you. That’s a privilege to have and to accept within yourself. Continue to check in with yourself and be real about who you crave to spend more time with and who is nice to see for a monthly or quarterly catch-up.
Join Facebook groups & GroupMe chats
If you haven’t used Facebook in a couple of years, it’s time to dust your profile off. Facebook Groups is a great place to join online communities for people who just moved to a new city like you. Typically, you have to agree to the group’s guidelines, and then you can join. For example, you can search for groups in the Facebook app by using keywords like women, Black girl, or [the name of your city] foodies. With the GroupMe app, you’ll have to be invited to join an already existing group. While you’re out and about networking, don’t hesitate to ask if they’re in any online groups/communities they recommend you join too.
Be friendly to folks in your neighborhood
When I first moved to my new apartment, I spent the first week walking around the complex and working in the community spaces to get a better feel of it. I was able to meet people in my neighborhood, enjoy small talk, and learn more about what the community has to offer. Step outside of your comfort zone and work in your apartment’s community space or a local coffee shop to connect with others.
Overall, you may feel alone in your new city, but I guarantee you’re not. There are other people experiencing living in a new city too, and all you need to do is find each other. I hope these tips help ease the nervous feelings you have about building a new community and inspire you to make a new friend today!
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