

Showering. Brushing your teeth. Eating meals. Drinking water. Sleeping. If there is one thing that all of this has in common, it's the fact that they are a part of our daily routine. We do them in order to stay healthy and also in order to (hopefully) prevent any issues up the road. Well, this list that I'm about to provide you has a similar agenda. It's all about 10 things married couples should do, each and every day, so that their relationship can remain strong and so that, they too, can avoid problems up the road.
Yeah, it's 10 things and, at first, that can seem like a lot. But once you read them all, you'll see that all you need to do is a bit of tweaking to what you're (probably) already doing. And, with a little effort and time under your belt, you might just realize that these tips could be the very things that your marriage was looking for in order to truly thrive.
1. A Morning Ritual
Inc. once published an article about the five most important times of the day. The second one that made the list was early morning. The author said that the reason why mornings were so vital is that the first 30 moments of our day pretty much set the tone for how the rest of the day is going to go. Whether it's morning sex (in the shower or out), cuddling together, taking out a little time to meditate and/or pray together, or even saying why you are grateful for each other or giving each other a word of encouragement, before jumping into the hustle and bustle of the day, wake up, pause, and share some quality time with your partner. Being able to mentally and emotionally connect with them, each and every morning, can empower you and strengthen your relationship.
2. Mutual Respect
Almost every time that I'm in a premarital counseling session, I advise that the couple get the bookLove & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The premise of it is that women need love and, in order for a man to feel love, what he needs is respect (it's biblical; check out Ephesians 5:33; especially, the Classic Amplified Version of it). Now, it's another message for another time, how men's need for respect translates a bit differently than how we need it (the book delves into that too), but there is a certain amount of mutual respect, on a consistent basis, that all marriages need as well.
When two committed people truly respect each other, they trust each other; they can rely on each other; they honor the boundaries of their union; they don't try and change one another (check out "The Right Relationship IMPROVES Not CHANGES You"); they support one another's purpose and goals; they listen and speak the way they want to be listened to and spoken to; they make each other a top priority, and they honor the position that their spouse holds in their life. A lack of respect is one of the greatest causes for the breakdown in a marital relationship.
I promise you, if you and yours make it a point and purpose to respect one another in these ways, you'll be planting good seed into your marriage for years to come.
3. Each Person’s Love Language Being Spoken
I'm pretty sure that most people know what love languages are at this point. But just for clarity's sake, the categories are words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and gifts. Since one of the leading causes of divorce is poor communication, and love languages are all about "speaking love" in a way that your partner is able to understand it, it is extremely important that you and your spouse 1) know what each other's top two love languages are and 2) that you speak them on a daily basis. If you need a little inspiration in this area, feel free to check out "I Discovered My Husband's Love Language ...And It Changed Everything" and "15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language".
4. Woo
It's funny because, at first, the word that I had here was "flirt". However, when I looked up the actual definition of the word, I was like "Nah". To flirt means "to behave or act amorously without emotional commitment; toy or play with another's affections", and that's definitely not something that I would recommend that you do with your spouse. On the other hand, to woo is "to seek the affection or love of someone". In fact, wooing is probably a big part of what caused you to marry your spouse in the first place (because it also means "to seek the favor, affection, or love of, especially with a view to marriage").
Whether it's a passionate kiss before you head out of the door, a note in the lunch that they are taking with them, a "random" text or email during the day, a toast that the two of you make every night—be intentional about doing something to remind your partner that you appreciate and enjoy the affection that they give you. Make a mutual decision that you will find little ways to not take each other's love for granted by engaging in some wooing.
5. Honesty
I recently checked out a movie that came on BET entitledOpen (Essence Atkins, Keith Robinson). It's about a married couple who tried to have an open relationship and…all that comes along with doing that. Anyway, in one scene, another married couple was having a discussion about why the husband doesn't tell his wife everything. There was a line that hit me in a way that made me write it down—"Since men can't be honest in their marriage, they spend half the time being quiet."
I do enough counseling that I totally get this. A lot of wives claim that their man can come to them about anything yet when their man does, he is berated and/or chastised and/or dismissed and/or nagged and/or treated in a way that makes them be like, "Yeah, I won't be talking to you about that anymore." It doesn't have to be about anything related to other women either. It can be about finances, their job, their innermost fears, their sexual fantasies, their issues within the relationship—you name it.
Unfortunately, when a lot of people say, "You can tell me anything", the part that they leave out is, "So long as it's something I want to hear." However, a healthy marriage consists of two people who give each other the floor to be totally open, raw, and real. The married couples I know who are the tightest are the ones who are the very closest of friends. And, a big part of what makes them friends is being able to be very honest with one another, all without the fear of what could come from doing so.
6. Forgiveness
I say this as often as I can because, trust me, one of the reasons why a lot of people divorce is because someone should've said this to them before they jumped the broom. People who are grudge-holders and poor forgivers are people who need to remain single. To forgive is "to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.)" and "to cease to feel resentment against".
You're human; that means you are flawed. Your spouse is human; he is flawed as well. So, if you're out here thinking that both of you aren't going to offend each other or do something that would trigger resentment in each other from time to time, I don't know what kind of fantasy world you live in. In fact, I think that one of the main purposes of marriage is to teach us how to be better forgivers—how to extend the same kind of mercy and grace to our partner that we would like them to bestow upon us.
It might be that he didn't unload the dishwasher when he said that he would, that he forgot to pay the cable bill on time or that he told your mama something that you didn't want her to know, but believe you me, something is probably gonna happen today that you are going to need to forgive your husband for. For the sake of your personal growth and development, along with the health and well-being of your union, do it.
7. Some Type of Intimacy
The married clients that I have, they know that I am all for them reading and then applying "Married Couples, What You May Need Is Sex. Every Day. For A Month. Straight". If you check out another article that I wrote for the site entitled, "10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important", you'll see that it's because I find sex in a marital union to be about so much more than physical pleasure or even a stress release. There are very few things that we can do with someone else that cultivate a spirit and state of true oneness. And so, it is my very firm belief that the more sex a married couple has, the stronger their bond can become.
But if, for whatever reason, you're not able to get in a sex session on a daily basis—are you sure that you can't pull off a quickie or a little bit of oral?—at least make the time to physically and emotionally connect on some level. Cuddle while the two of you are on the couch. Spoon in the bed. Play footsie while having dinner. Hold hands while taking a walk after dinner. Do something that makes you both feel loved, wanted, and present. In a marriage, this shouldn't be seen as a luxury. Cultivating intimacy is an absolute necessity.
8. A Spiritual “Boost”
Author Brené Brown once said, "We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection." Indeed. I'm a Bible follower, so I personally believe that God is a part of marital relationships ("What God has joined together, let not man separate."—Matthew 19:6—NKJV) That's why, to me, a spiritual boost would be about doing something that would make you feel more connected to your husband and the Lord (like maybe doing a devotional together or even spending time in nature together).
But even if you've got a different set of ideologies, it can do wonders for your marriage to honor the fact that you and yours are spiritual beings; that, as Brené so eloquently said, doing something together that solidifies trust, respect, kindness and/or affection is what can nurture each other's spirit in a very special and significant way. It can be telling each other something that you've been holding in. Or doing something thoughtful for absolutely no reason other than you love your partner.
The married couples I know who have the healthiest marriages, definitely are intentional about feeding their spiritual sides. Out of all that I mentioned, this could've easily gone to the very top of the list.
9. A Selfless Act
It is absolutely mind-boggling, just how many people who are, not only selfish in their marriage, but don't realize that they are. To be selfish is to be self-consumed. An author by the name of Mia Asher explains it in a great way—"The thing about being selfish is that you don't care if someone is at your feet begging you to stay with him, offering you the world, his heart and soul. It doesn't matter. You'll do whatever you want to do. What you need to do for yourself. Nothing matters but what you want. What you think you need." It escapes me right now, the movie or television show that I saw it on, but I remember that when a committed couple got into a heated discussion, one of them said something along the lines of, "When you decided to be in this relationship, you gave up 'me' for 'us'." So true, so true. And yet, why do so many people leave their marriage? Hmph. Just listen to all of the "I, I, I" that is in their answer.
Just like people who suck at forgiveness have absolutely no business getting married, neither do selfish individuals—people who only care about their own wants and needs and how they can get others to meet them. One way that you and your spouse can avoid being that kind of person is by doing something, daily, for your spouse that doesn't really benefit anyone but them. Picking up dry cleaning. Getting a favorite food at the grocery store. Cueing up a favorite program. Doing a house chore that the other hates. Running an errand that would take less stress off of them. A lot of people are miserable in marriages because they are selfish, they are with someone who is selfish, or both. A lot of marriages could be saved if people chose to be more selfless instead.
10. Saying “I Love You”
Is it necessary to say "I love you" on a daily basis? Eh. On many levels, probably not. But to verbally express the sentiment is a way of showing that 1) you are choosing, this day, to remain committed to your partner; 2) that you want them to know that they can feel safe and secure in your feelings for them, and 3) that you have a profound attachment, affection, and desire towards them. Hmph. So, maybe it is necessary to say it every day, huh?
Now, here's an interesting point to consider once one of you has said it. The author of "Why You Should Never Say 'I Love You, Too'" shared that this is why he doesn't do it:
"There is nothing inspiring or original about too. Too is not an action but a reaction. It follows another's ideas and saps power from their concept. Too is the equivalent of saying ditto. Why would we ever add 'too' to 'I love you' then?"
"I love you should be a statement of power. It is something to say to another because it is meant from within the depths of our heart. When we tell someone we love them, it should be organic, brought about because we experience these emotions on a visceral level. Love is a manifestation of feelings we speak because we have lost all other words to describe the intensity we feel in a relationship. A good I love you, spoken at the right moments, compresses all the intimacies of caring for another into a few words that can be said to sum up the deepest feelings of the heart. I love you is often considered the end all phrases for affection. Why cheapen this powerful statement by making it an also?"
Do I think that what he said should be taken super literally? Maybe not. But I do like that it's a reminder to always value those three words. It can be a special sentiment—or even a grand gesture—to not just flippantly yell out "I love you too" as you run out of the door every morning but to instead, pause, take each other by the hand, look each other in the eyes and say, "I love you." It only takes a couple of more seconds, but it conveys that you are making the time to make sure that your spouse knows that. It's a way to honor love, your partner and your relationship with them. And that's something that both of you deserve, each and every day. Amen? Amen.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
10 Hacks To Get Your Marriage Back On Track
The "Seasons Of Sex" That Married People Go Through
10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Truly Understood
10 Things Married Couples Wished They Paid More Attention To While Dating
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 10 Things Married Couples Wished They Paid More Attention To ... ›
- Married Couples, What You May Need Is Sex. Every Day. For A ... ›
- This Is How To Avoid Taking Your Spouse For Granted - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What Happy Married Couples Do At Night - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 25 Things Every Marriage Needs - What Makes a Marriage Work ›
- Want a Successful Marriage? Spouses Should Do These 10 Things ... ›
- 10 Little Things Happy Couples Do Every Day ›
- People reveal the things they do to keep their marriage going | Daily ... ›
- ISSUES OF FAITH: In marriage, love endures all things | Peninsula ... ›
- 4 Things Every Husband Needs to Hear Daily - Fierce Marriage ›
- Dave Ramsey: Four things to agree on before marriage - Business ... ›
- 3 daily things to stay connected in your marriage - Trust Marriage ›
- Things You Should Tell Your Spouse Every Day | Reader's Digest ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
Recently, a client and I were discussing the fact that she really missed her husband. Yes, they are together and yes, they share the same home and bed. They even have a pretty consistent (and fulfilling) sex life. The issue is that she is missing a certain kind of intimacy: kissing.
As I asked her to expound further, she basically said that, with both of their schedules being so tight, and with them also both knowing “which buttons to push” in order to get each other off, they hadn’t been losing themselves in foreplay like they used to — and one of her favorite parts of that is kissing. I get it. Kissing is endearing. Kissing is romantic. Kissing is also sexy AF. Few things can compare to a really good kiss, y’all. Whew.
That said, you should PayPal her for the inspiration that she provided when it comes to me penning this article because, with Valentine’s Day being on the horizon, I personally don’t know if the art of kissing is mentioned nearly enough because a day that is filled with well-placed and purposeful kisses? It doesn’t get much better than that.
And so, here it is. If you want to express how deeply you care for someone special this year, although dates and coitus are awesome, please don’t underestimate the power of a really good kiss. Especially an erotic kiss.
I’ll explain.
Why Do We Like to Kiss So Much?
Kissing is a big deal to me. I ain’t got no lies to tell you. Y’all, it’s so crucial over this way that I once stayed in a relationship longer than I probably should’ve because the kissing (and sex while kissing; that’s an unsung art too) was so damn good. Hmph. I also (finally) ended a relationship that had some good points because the guy was HORRIBLE at kissing (especially kissing during sex; I’m not alone on this either. I once read that 59 percent of men and 66 percent of women ended things with someone because they sucked at kissing).
And while I was sitting down to pen this, both of those situations got me to wondering why we (well, at least most of us — check out “Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?”) enjoy kissing so much. Sure, it feels good but there’s got to be more behind why most of us are totally down for a passionate kiss — anytime, anyplace.
Well, from a research standpoint, first there’s the fact that our lips are some of the most sensitive parts of our body, thanks to the abundance of nerve endings that are in them. That is actually a part of the reason why lips are considered to be such a powerful erogenous zone. Then there are some scientists who say that kissing is what helps us to literally “sniff out” and select potential partners. How? Well, since scent helps to arouse pheromones and, next to sex, kissing is about as close as you can get to someone else; when you really stop to think about it, that makes all of the sense in the world.
Then there’s saliva. The hormones and compounds in it actually help the brain to process who may be a complementary fit (including who you would be a good match to conceive children with — wild, right?). There’s even a study that revealed that the reason why men are quicker to want to French kiss— you know, kissing with tongues touching — than women (typically) is due to their higher testosterone levels; ones that, in a kiss, can help to heighten a woman’s libido.
Plus, some data states that the love/bonding hormone known as oxytocin increases during a kiss which causes us to feel closer to the person who we are kissing. Also, kissing can increase the feel-good hormone dopamine in your system, which is why the act oftentimes creates warm-‘n-fuzzy feelings whenever you’re sharing a smooch. So, when it comes to science, it is quite apparent that an intimate kiss isn’t just…a kiss.
How Kissing Benefits You
Okay, so now that you know why a kiss is able to draw you in from a science standpoint, let’s briefly touch on what some of its health benefits are. Were you aware of the fact that kissing helps to:
- Decrease stress and anxiety
- Strengthen immunity
- Soothe headaches and cramp discomfort
- Lower allergy reactions to pollen and dust mites
- Improve cholesterol levels
- Increase blood flow
- Reduce tooth decay
- Tone your facial muscles
- Burn calories
- Improve self-esteem
Yep, every time that you lean in for an intimate kiss, it’s not just good for your mental and emotional well-being, your physical health is able to get in on the benefits too. And then, if it’s an erotic kiss? LISTEN.
What Is an “Erotic Kiss”?
So, what exactly is the difference between a kiss and an erotic kiss? Let’s start with what erotic actually means. Something that’s erotic is sexy. Something that’s erotic is sensual. Something that’s erotic is passionate. Something that’s erotic is amatory which means that it’s directly related to sexual love. Something that’s erotic is romantic, steamy, and hella seductive. And so, if you’re going to give someone an erotic kiss, it must be with these words — and this type of energy — in mind.
Let’s keep going. When I was reading Well + Good’s article, “These 19 Kissing Types Prove Lips Can Do Way More Than Just Pecks,” kisses like pecks, closed-mouth kisses, and kisses on the hand, in my mind, definitely didn’t “scratch the itch” when it comes to what an erotic kiss is and does. To me, French kisses, kisses on the neck (including hickeys), and kisses on your favorite erogenous zones fit the bill far more.
Why? Because a kiss that ultimately stimulates sexual activity — that is what an erotic kiss is all about and as I was doing more research on the topic, do you know what seemed to be a common thread? If you want to be a master at erotic kissing,the tongue needs to be heavily involved. Why is that?
Well, a kiss that involves the tongue is sexiest by far because, when the tongue is used, it helps to increase your and your partner’s sensory stimulation levels. When this happens, even more nerve endings are involved and that, along with what the exchange of saliva brings to the table — whew, chile.
Then there’s the fact that — well, let’s not act like tongue kissing doesn’t mimic intercourse in some ways. Mouths are wet. We (as women when we are aroused) are wet. Tongues penetrate mouths. Penises penetrate us. And doing an act simulates a peak intimacy one, that is definitely EROTIC (check out “Wanna Climax More? KISS MORE.”).
So yeah, y’all, if you want to engage in a truly authentic erotic kiss, tongue action needs to happen: kissing in the mouth and involving your tongue and also using your tongue to kiss, lick, enjoy other areas as well — earlobes, collar bones, shoulders, backs…and…anywhere else that stimulates you (and your partner). Make sure it’s hot. Make sure it’s lust-filled. Make sure it’s memorable.
How to Be an Unforgettable Erotic Kisser
Providing you with some facts about kissing wasn’t the only reason why I wanted to pen this, just in time for Valentine’s Day. It’s also because, as I’ve said in a couple of other articles before, there is such a thing as a kissing orgasm — and if you’ve never experienced one before, there is certainly no time like the present to do so…and (probably) the best way to get there is through an erotic kiss.
And here’s the thing: Even though an erotic kiss is sho ‘nuf a gateway drug to oral sex and intercourse if you want to get a bit more creative, there is data to back up that you can have an orgasm without your breasts or genitalia being (directly) involved. A kiss — the right kind of kiss — can make that happen too; especially if you follow the following five tips:
1. Go slow. Even though I’ve always found the phrase “make out” to be sort of corny, it does kind of fit when it comes to this article. You know, I’ve shared before that when it comes to the average time that most people want to spend experiencing intercourse, it’s 7-13 minutes; however, something that is both sweet and sensual about making out is, because there is not “set goal” (like an orgasm), there also is no rush. You’re kissing and enjoying each other, pretty much “just because” — and that is a great basis for experiencing an erotic kiss. Just soaking in your partner’s presence. No more, no less.
2. Work your “muscle.” By here, I mean your tongue, everyone (LOL). Gently. Seductively. Intentionally. And get creative too. This tip is not just about the classic French kiss. Lick lips. Lick earlobes. Lick necks. Find ways to use your tongue to turn your partner on without bringing genitalia into the picture as well. Yeah, there’s no doubt that one of the reasons why an erotic kiss is so supreme is because it finds places beyond the obvious to cultivate — not just sexual stimulation but emotional intimacy as well.
3. Enhance the “flavor.” I’m always going to be a fan of sex condiments (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”) and y’all, kissing with a bit of honey or chocolate syrup on your lips? Need I say more? I think not.
5. “Dance.” Something that I don’t think is said enough is kissing is a lot like dancing. There is a “rhythm” to it. Without speaking, couples are communicating. And the longer you do it, all the while paying attention to what your partner is doing, a signature groove can be found. While writing this, I thought about the best kisses I’ve ever had in my life and definitely what made them memorable is the fact that my kissing partner wanted me to really and fully experience them and I felt the same — and the more that happened, the more intensified the kissing got. Wanna have the ultimate erotic kiss? Treat it like a dance, chile.
5. Be in the moment. Then stay there. An erotic kiss is a lot like orgasmic meditation (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) in the sense that both encourage you to get into the moment and then stay there. There’s no pressure. There’s no agenda. There are simply two sets of lips and tongues and nothing but time. Erotic kissing simply encourages you to take full advantage of this fact.
___
An author by the name of Sylvia Plath once said, “Kiss me, and you will see how important I am.” I’ve always liked that quote because it’s got so much confidence in it. She basically said that one kiss from her and you’ll grasp just how significant, to you, she actually is. And gee, won’t that preach?
This Valentine’s Day, kiss your partner with that kind of resolve in mind.
Take it up a notch by making sure that it’s erotic.
It’ll be hard to forget you or this Valentine’s Day if you do.
I can damn near guarantee it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy