In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take an in-depth look at love and relationships between couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like.
If you were to ask Sopha Rush, 26, and Anthony Rush, 26, how they met, they'd recall a story that gives you Love & Basketball vibes.
The newly married college sweethearts met each other back in 2011 when Anthony transferred to her school to play basketball. Mutual friends introduced them and Sopha's interest was piqued by his mysteriousness. Anthony was reeled into Sopha by her aura and her vibe. From there, they became friends themselves, then best friends, and in 2013, made things official.
In her, Anthony saw her love for other people and God, connecting to her on a spiritual level in a way that he had never done in any other relationship before her. In him, she saw a man pursuing God wholeheartedly and God radiate through him. A quick peek at Sopha's Instagram filled with photos of her and her husband Anthony will have just about anyone labeling the couple as #relationshipgoals, but one conversation with them shows how deep their love goes and just how much being deeply rooted in Christ serves their union. The couple celebrated their first year wedding anniversary this past June.
This is their journey.
The One
Anthony Rush: I knew Sopha was the one the night she shared her testimony with me. It was that night, I wanted to just hold her as she broke down, and wrap my arms around her. It was then. For the first time, I saw her as more than just a friend, as someone that I can see myself spending my life with. I knew that I wanted my next relationship to be intentional leading eventually to marriage. I was at an age where I wasn't just going to be dating just to date. I just knew that I was ready to make this commitment.
For me, it wasn't a hard decision because I knew I wanted to grow old with her.
Sopha Rush: I knew my husband was the one after a few encounters. I don't think there was specifically one time where a lightbulb went off, but just watching my husband over the years in college. The way he loved God, his teammates, his family. It was his character that attracted me to him. The way God just radiated through him. The way he was wholeheartedly chasing after God. I always knew I wanted to get married and when we started dating, I knew we were going to get married. Just wasn't sure when. I was madly in love with this man and I just wanted to serve in ministry with him and have all his babies. So, I knew from the beginning of our relationship.
True Love Waits
Anthony: [Abstinence] wasn't challenging for me because I wanted to respect my wife's decision to wait until our wedding day.
I wasn't celibate, but practiced abstinence while waiting until we got married.
We had to set boundaries and follow through because it was temptations left and right but we had to make sure we didn't hang out past a certain time by ourselves and constantly remind ourselves of the end goal, because some days were harder than others.
Sopha: Well, I knew since 7th grade, I wanted to make a vow to God that I was going to save myself for marriage. I wanted the first time to be special and with the person I wanted to spend forever with. To me, being celibate was a gift and I wanted to honor God in waiting. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy, but it sure was worth it. Anthony was beyond respectful when it came to me wanting to wait. He understood what that meant to me and honored my decision.
I knew it was hard for him because he was practicing abstinence, but for me he waited 3 ½ years for me, and that to me spoke volumes. I've been celibate until I was 24 and married. I think being long distance for two years, helped us stay obedient because if y'all ever seen my husband, he's fine and so it was so tempting, but my husband did a great job with reminding me of the end goal when I wanted to give in and use the excuse well, we are going to get married anyways, why do we need to wait. Yeah, it wasn't easy, but because my husband was strong, we made it.
Deepest Fears
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Anthony: [My biggest fear was] not being fully prepared or not really knowing what to expect when it came to living together and no longer having to do long distance. I understood it wasn't going to be easy, but I went in it thinking positively knowing we would have to go through it together as a team.
Sopha: My biggest fear walking into marriage. Not sure I had any until after we got married. I had so many expectations that were unrealistic that I began to doubt we were even going to make it past the first year. I guess when I learned that my husband isn't perfect and I can't ever change him, was when I was able to allow him to grow and become the husband I desired him to be.
Building Together
Anthony: [Our biggest challenge living together was] learning to communicate effectively. We both grew up communicating differently so it was challenging at first. We both had to learn how to respect one another and give each other space when needed. We are still learning all of these things. It doesn't just disappear overnight.
We had to learn what's hers is mine and what's mine is hers. That together we are a team.
Sopha: For us, I think the most challenging things for us was communication, and boundaries. I wasn't the best communicator because I was the type to shut down, but with time, and patience, comes growth in learning how to communicate effectively. Also respecting each other boundaries and space. I needed to learn how to let my husband have his time with his video games as much as I hated them, and learn to be let him do what helped him unwind after work. Just like I would get lost in a book, he needs the same respect when it came to his time on the game.
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Anthony: I've learned the thing I like the most about us is getting to plan a future with someone. It's exciting. The thing I noticed I liked the least was how she would always shut down during conversations in the beginning of our marriage. I just had to be patient and learn how to better understand her feelings.
Sopha: We both grew up communicating differently so it was challenging at first. We both had to learn how to respect one another and give each other space when needed.
Love Lessons
Anthony: In loving her, I've learned never give up. There will be hard times, unexpected things that happen, but it's no time for us to give up on each other. We lean on God for our strength and we keep fighting together, not against one another. Not always easy but it's worth it.
Sopha: I learned how selfish I really am and how I sometimes don't put my husband first. Some days I didn't want to love him like I should because I'm in a bad mood, so I might take it out on him. So many things I've learned early in marriage that I'm so thankful I've learned. Not saying I don't ever have those days now, just not as much. Growth is a beautiful thing.
Marriage Mentors
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Anthony: I go to my dad for marriage advice. We are best friends and I can talk to him about everything. He's my go-to and I look up to him because seeing my parents have a God-centered marriage has shown me the man I am striving to be for my family.
Sopha: My mother-in-law is who I go to. She has been such an amazing help. She is full of so much wisdom, plus she's been in the game for almost 20 years, so she understands the struggles and the joys in marriage. She doesn't just tell me things I want to hear, but what I need to hear. And she isn't biased when it comes to her son. She listens well.
The Best Part
Anthony: I love my wife's beautiful smile. Her selflessness and how she always looks for the best interest of others, and her love for God. She has such a gentle spirit and is always trying to help others heal and become the best person they can be. I love that she doesn't know a stranger. She loves everyone she meets.
Sopha: I love how my husband is constantly serving and mentoring young men through the sport of basketball. Anthony has an enormous heart, making him love hard and do anything for anyone because that's just the kind of man he is. Supportive, caring, and ready to help whenever needed. Super passionate about God, basketball, and family.
Follow along with the Rushs on their journey. They seek to inspire, empower, and point others closer to Jesus. Feel free to follow them on Instagram @rushanthony and @livedeeplyrooted and on Twitter @sopharush and @rushanthony.
In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take a more in-depth look at love and relationships between couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like. If you and your partner would like to be featured in the series, email us your story at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject “Our First Year"!
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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