

Getting in my own pants is a guaranteed good time. I give myself what I want, when I want it. Quickies when necessary. Foreplay when desired. And, ultimately the variety that is sometimes lacking with partners for many different reasons.
As with anything, including sexing ourselves, there's always a way to shake things up. For some, it may be higher vibrations. But, a simple way to create a heightened sensation while pleasuring yourself is adding a lubricant into the mix.
Forget all that you may have learned about using lube, and get you some.
It does not mean you don't have the wet-wet, but that a little wetter is always better.
Still, it's critical to your experience that you know what you're looking for.
As someone who only recently began dabbling in the mythical world of lube, it can feel slightly overwhelming when you realize it's a little more than picking a rando lube off the shelf and simply throwing it in the bag.
With the help of International Pleasure Coach Tyomi Morgan-Najieb, we created a comprehensive guide to selecting top-notch lube -- safe for your body, as well as your toys.
Material Girl
First things first, you've got to know what you're working with! Tyomi tells us that this means knowing the material of your toys, as well as that of the lube itself.
Aside from generally knowing what you're putting in your body, this is important because lubes made from certain ingredients can damage your toys. Rest assured that coming out of pocket to pay for another toy would be far from the pleasure you were hoping for, when you set out to explore.
She reminds us of the range of materials that our toys can be made from, listing metal, glass, silicon, gemstones, wood, and rubber, while also providing the various "Over the Counter lubricants" including water-based, silicone-based, oil-based, or a hybrid (water/silicon).
Additionally, we're cautioned against lubricants that include petrochemicals, paraben, and synthetic glycerin.
Unfortunately, Tyomi says, "Many over the counter (OTC) lubricants on the market contain these chemicals, and they can be harmful to a woman's reproductive system," giving us all the more a reason to investigate and ask questions before just buying any old lube.
To further emphasize the importance in doing so, sexpert Tyomi also shares that "women who have experienced adverse reactions to lubricants have had reactions to these aforementioned chemicals because of their toxicity… [Therefore], when shopping for lubricants for toys, all of these things should be taken into account."
Now that you know what you're looking for, here's the breakdown of each type of lubricant.
Water
Consider water-based lubricants to be the universally accepted form of moisture. As Tyomi says, "In general, water-based lube can be used with all of these materials because its base is H2O and won't harm the toys."
Furthermore, "water-based lube can also bring hydration to the vulva and vagina. [Also, it] can be revitalized by adding water when it begins to dry up."
One major exception to water-based lube is using it in your bath or shower, as in don't do it. Unlike other types of lubricants, water-based lubes will wash off quickly when saturated in more water. Should you want to take your play time to the shower, the lube you're looking for is silicone.
Silicone
According to popular lubricant brand Astroglide, they're prime for water-play because "silicone lubes (especially when in gel form) stay put and keep friction at bay while you enjoy some slippery, wet fun."
Overall, Tyomi explains, "Silicone-based lubes are great for those who want to have a longer-lasting lube with a silky feeling." As wonderful as they are texturally, the caveat is that they cannot be used with silicone toys, as they "will damage the toy and render it unusable" and should be used on rubber toys with an err of caution.
When pairing a silicone lube with rubber toys, Tyomi recommends doing a patch test before use. She walks us through the simple test, adding that you can do so by simply "placing a small amount of lube on a part of the toy that won't be inserted into the vagina is the way to test if the lubricant is she to use with the toy. If the toy melts or begins gooey or sticky when rubbing the lube in, that's a sign that the lube isn't the right one for the toy."
Oil
Tyomi emphasizes that oil-based lubricants cover a different range of sex toys and how well they pair with toys that "are going to be inserted into the anus, like butt plugs and finger rimmers."
These lubricants are best for materials such as glass, metal, wood, or gemstone according to our sexpert but are a hard "no" when it comes to silicone and rubber.
"Oil-based lubes should never be used with silicone or rubber toys. Oil-based lubes are heavier in consistency because they have an oil base."
Like, silicone, oil-based lubricants will damage your toys made of silicone and rubber. Tyomi's blog, Glam Erotica 101, elaborates stating that the oil breaks down the composition of the toys' material. But, also refreshingly adds that you can dig in your pantry to grab the coconut or grapeseed oil for your oil lubes as well.
Beware, oil is oil, so be sure to that your throw away sheets are on your bed to avoid staining your good ones.
Hybrid
Last and seemingly least (unheard of, I know) are hybrid lubes. Hybrid lubes are a combination of both water and silicone. Because of this, Tyomi recommends that these types of lubricants be spot tested before using your silicone and rubber toys, as you would with silicone or oil-based lubricants. If your toys doesn't start to self-destruct, then you're good to go.
If you still feel some overwhelm when considering which lube is right for you, here are some Tyomi approved lubes you can start with: Astroglide, which is available in all formulas, Good Clean Love an organic water-based lube, and the silicone-based, Uberlube.
Get comfortable with some of those first and then venture out based on what you enjoy. Whatever you do, it's time to stop sleeping on the power of lube.
Oh and don't forget to thank me later.
- What GROWN Women Consider Great Sex To Be - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Grown Woman Keys To Great Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Man Feeling Threatened By Sex Toys - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Butt Plugs, Beginners First Time Guide - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- A Beginner's Guide To Lubricant - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant During Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Sexual Lubricants | Walgreens ›
- When Sex Lube Goes Bad: What's Safe, What Works, and What to ... ›
- 8 Things Nobody Told You About Lube ›
- Best Sex Lube Shopping Guide, Lubricant For Women ›
- 5 Lube Substitutes You Should Avoid - DIY Lubes You Shouldn't Use ›
- Amazon Best Sellers: Best Sexual Lubricants ›
- Wetter is Better: How to Choose the Best Lube | HuffPost ›
- How lubricant can transform your sex life | The Independent ›
- The Best Sex Lube for Every Level of Freakiness | GQ ›
- The Best Lube for Sex, Personal Lube Guide 2018 ›
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Roscoe Dash joined xoMan host Kiara Walker to share the journey of his personal and spiritual evolution—from the party anthems that made him famous to a deeper life rooted in faith, family, and purpose. This episode offers an honest look at how the artist has grown beyond early fame, addressing fatherhood, masculinity, creativity, and healing.
Dash opened up about the internal transformation that has guided him away from chasing the spotlight and toward seeking peace. “Faith and fear can’t occupy the same space,” he said, underscoring his shift toward a more spiritually grounded life. Throughout the interview, he emphasized the importance of self-reflection:
“The most important conversations to me, honestly, outside of the ones you have with God, is the ones you have with yourself in the mirror.”
Dash is focused on the man he’s become. “I’m not the accolades I’ve achieved—I’m the person who achieved them,” he added, pointing to a broader understanding of identity and worth. A large part of that growth has come through fatherhood, especially raising daughters, which he said has deepened his understanding of love. “Love is unconditional and love loves to love no matter what,” he shared.
He also spoke candidly about the pressures of fame and its impact on creativity. “Chasing fame can kill your creativity as a musician,” he warns. Instead, his advice to other artists is simple but clear: “Keep your focus on your art form, whatever that may be, and stay passionate.”
The conversation also touches on gender dynamics and emotional safety in relationships. “Safe men make soft women. If she feels safe, she’ll melt like butter,” he said, challenging traditional notions of masculinity. Roscoe also offers wisdom on discernment and spiritual testing: “Sometimes the devil will give you what looks better than your blessing.”
Ultimately, Dash has learned to embrace peace over chaos. “All I can do is control what I can control. And that's how I respond to things and what I'm giving out,” he said. It’s a thoughtful, soulful side of Roscoe Dash that many may not expect—but one that leaves a lasting impression.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube