One of the best things about being a marriage life coach and relationship writer (especially for as long as I’ve been doing it) is the fact that I come across all kinds of people who, so long as I’m willing to keep their identity on the low, will tell me just about anything that I want to know. And since we’re at the beginning of a brand spanking new year and also since y’all know that sex is something that I write about, damn near incessantly on this platform, I decided to hit up some of the people (middle names only) I know who are very open about sharing their thoughts on the topic.
This time, what I wanted to know most was, what resolutions they were going to focus on, on the sexual tip. And per usual, 12 of my contacts did not disappoint.
Elexa. Single. 29.
“I have a really great sex life. I’m not in a relationship and don’t want to be, but I’ve got two partners who I’ve been with for a couple of years now and what I like about it is, there’s no lying, we get tested regularly and yes, they know about each other. My resolution is to decide which one I want to become more exclusive with because, I do know that sex comes with risks and nothing is 100 percent fool-proof. Getting pregnant and not knowing who the father is isn’t exactly my idea of ‘goals.’”
Alvin. Single. 34.
“My sex life is boring. Straight up. You get to a point where just doing it to be doing it isn’t really doing all that much. This year, I want to get with someone who stimulates my mind as much as my body. In the past, I’ve settled for one or the other because I honestly didn’t want to put a lot of effort into finding both in the same person. But when you’re with someone who gets you off before they even touch you because the way they think is on some other s — t…that’s when sex gets really good.”
Raven. Married. 25.
“Middle names, right? Good. My goal this year is to stop missing the sex I had with my ex. I love my husband and the sex isn’t bad. But when you get that partner who is incomparable, he can be harder to shake than you might realize when he’s no longer an option for you."
"Sometimes, I fantasize about him, even during sex, which is why I don’t say my husband’s name during sex — I’m scared I will slip up and say my ex’s. I know some of y’all might think this is foul but if some of you were honest, you’d admit that you can relate.”
Indeed. Check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?” and “Is 'Closure Sex' Ever A Good Idea?”.
Bennett. Engaged. 40.
“I got engaged five months ago. After I did it, some of my married friends were like, ‘Are you sure? Sex is a little bleak after marriage.’ Uh-uh. My fiancée and I have a fire sex life now and my resolution is after we get married that it will get even better! I even put together a sex calendar for the year that’s filled with all kinds of activities. Sexless married folks ain’t gonna have us out here looking crazy! We’re gonna put them all to shame in ’22.”
Xayell. Dating. 31.
“I wanna learn how to give head better this year. It’s the truth. The guy I’m seeing right now, he’s the first person in a really long time who makes me even want to do that outside of just feeling like I should because guys go down on me. One of my male friends says that his girlfriend sucks at doing it and not in a good way and I would hate for this guy to say that about me. Yeah, that’s my goal. Still trying to figure out where to start this journey. Any suggestions?”
Ladies, she’s an avid xoNecole reader, so if you’ve got some tips, feel free to drop them in the comments.
Wendell. Dating. 27.
“I want to know what being a sexual submissive is about this year. I hear a lot of people talk about it and because I feel like I’m the one who is initiating sex more in my relationships, I want to find someone who is all about taking total control. I actually have a 50-something co-worker who’s down. I’m considering it.”
Quinn. Married. 35.
“I’m trying to gas myself up to get a vasectomy this year. I’m not looking forward to it AT ALL, but my wife says that she’s scared to try some new things because she’s always wondering in the back of her mind if she’s about to get pregnant. We’ve got three and I miss when she was buckwild out in these streets — well, sheets — so, before our next anniversary, ‘the snip’ is the goal.”
Zachariah. Divorced. 47.
“I wanna stop having sex with my ex-wife this year. We honestly can’t stand each other and know that divorce was the right thing to do…but that sex? I don’t know what that woman has down there, but it’s been impossible for me to shake her since the first time I had the pleasure and privilege. It’s just keeping us both stuck to keep f — kin’ with each other, though. Something’s gotta give.”
Evelyn. Single. 23.
“I want to have an orgasm this year and not from oral sex. I’m over hearing my friends talk about how ‘bomb’ good d—k is and I don’t know what they’re talking about because I only cum from tongue. You asked.”
Jakari. Dating. 32.
“Remember when you told me that there is a difference between men ejaculating and men having an orgasm? I didn’t believe you at first, but I’ve done some ‘barbershop investigating’ and I guess you’re onto something. That’s what I want to happen in 2022; I want to know what it feels like to have an orgasm…just in case I haven’t had one before. Crazy to be saying that at 32 but it’s whatever. The sooner I open that door up, the better. S—t.”
Chayil. Engaged. 26.
“I want to be the best my fiancé has ever had and for him to be the best I’ve ever had. One of the things that I love so much about our relationship is yes, we’ve discussed exes and yes, we know what areas we need to ‘improve’ on. Some of y’all might think it’s foul that we’re that open but we’re not threatened by our past. That’s why we can actually talk about it.”
Waylin. Married. 30
“I wanna stop being intimidated by my wife. She is WILD. We’ve been married for five years now and when I tell you that I never EVER know what I’m walking into when I come home. A lot of men say they want a woman who constantly wants sex, but I’ve got one and, to whom much is given much is required. Finding the time, stamina and creativity to keep up with her in 2022, that is my goal. Wish me luck!”
Will do, Waylin. Will do. (chuckling)
Featured image via Giphy
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Rechelle Dennis Talks Working With Family, Burnout & Girls United Disruptor Summit
When a Black woman dreams, she dreams big, and Rechelle Dennis is no exception. As the co-creator of Essence Girls United, a Gen-Z platform, it’s clear she’s focused not just on sustaining the platform’s success but also on taking it to new heights through partnerships, innovative programs, or fresh ways to engage and uplift the community.
Her vision is all about creating more impactful opportunities for young Black women to thrive, which is also a vision she shares with her sister and co-worker, Sophia.
Sister, Sister
We love a good sister duo, and Rechelle’s working relationship with Sophia is the perfect example of how to keep family first while building something amazing. I couldn’t help but ask her what it’s like to work so closely with her sister—because, let’s face it, business and family can get tricky. Rechelle gives xoNecole the tea on how they make it work, keep things fun, and maintain that special bond.
“Sophia and I are very different but very similar at the same time. We're both very strong-headed. Sophia is definitely the more creative and outgoing one, while I am very much of a workaholic," Rechelle tells us. "I'm very reserved when you meet me, but once you get to know me and the layers come off, you're gonna think I'm insane in a good way."
She continues, "It's like any relationship. You understand what their strengths and weaknesses are, and then you just lean into that. You just meet people where they're at and find a way to work with each other and to where everybody is or feels like they're bringing the best to whatever it is you're building or doing. We’re also able to challenge each other and come knowing that we're both trying to get to the best possible outcome."
Staying Grounded and Self-Care Vibes
We know that life can get real busy, and as a self-proclaimed workaholic, Rechelle juggles a lot. Balancing work, family, and personal time is a challenge many of us face, as burnout can happen. Rechelle shares some of her go-to practices for avoiding burnout and making sure she stays centered in her hectic schedule.
“How do I avoid burnout? I've been asking myself a lot lately. Burnout is something that happens to everybody, and I feel like I've never really addressed it. I think that's also something that I'm still learning myself because that's how I'm wired, is to always be on," she explains.
"What I've realized and what I've done more is having more of that internal dialogue with myself and putting the phone down. TikTok is gonna wait. Instagram is gonna wait. You just gotta soak in your bath and maybe text your friend. It sounds kind of toxic, but not talking to anybody."
She continues, "I'm very clear when I know my social battery is exhausted. I know when it's time for me to leave a party or an event. I also know when to make space when I have to go to an event. I'm going to just sit in my room quietly and then prepare for this. I think it's also just about knowing yourself and knowing when to Irish exit. It's really important to know yourself or just spend time getting to know yourself.”
Gearing Up for What’s Next
With Saturday’s Girls United Disruptor Summit around the corner, the excitement is real. “I think the goal is, as always, continuing to strengthen and pour into our community and provide as much value as possible," she says.
The summit also provides mentorship opportunities for young Black women and professionals in various industries. "It's giving people those opportunities, the ability to live their wildest dreams, and step into that next era," she says.
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Feature image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images