You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?
Recently, while being interviewed for a podcast, I was asked about some of the topics I was currently writing about. When I shared this title, in particular, one of the hosts said, "Wow. That sure is specific." Indeed. Sometimes, a man can come along and make his mark on your libido in a way that can rock you to your very core. If you let him.
Although it's possible that I could be the only one on the planet who has been with one person, loved the snot out of them, and still felt all tingly inside whenever my mind wandered over to an ex (or two)—somehow I seriously doubt that. And since I like to do all that I can to help others to either avoid what I've been through (or sent myself through) altogether or help them get past it sooner, I felt like this was as good a time as any. Time to do what?
Time to provide some tips on how I was able to work through loving one man while still preferring (or missing) sex with another. It ain't (always) easy, but if you really want to move on (because you do want to…right?), it is indeed possible.
Here's how I did it.
So, You Know Good Sex Is Accessible Other Places, Right?
Some of y'all might be triggered by what I am about to mention. But you know how grandma (at least southern ones) used to say, "Hit dog will holler"? This might just be the case right here. Personally, I've never really been the person who subscribes to the whole "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" thing. We're human beings. At the same time, what I do, most definitely agree with, is the saying, "If two people are just alike, one of them is unnecessary". To be honest, this applies to gender differences too. Debate it all you want, but there is irrefutable evidence that there are certain things that make men and women different. For instance, like it or not, we produce more estrogen than guys do, and there are studies to support that the more estrogen that is in your system, the more likely you are to be emotional—and to emotionalize. That's not right or wrong. That's just the way it is.
Where am I going with all of this? Whenever I ask my male friends if they can recall the best sex (and/or head) they've ever received, basically all of them can call up a name, pretty much right off of the bat. But when I dig deeper to see why they aren't still "dealing" with that individual, they mention things that have absolutely nothing to do with the sex itself. Then they follow that up with, "Good sex ain't worth the headache. You can find good sex lots of places."
Yep. You sure can. Yet because a lot of us, as women, tend to tie our emotions into the act of sex, oftentimes separating the two issues isn't as easy for us. Even if our ex was a complete ass, if the sex was off the charts, some of us will still find a way to rationalize sleeping with our ex or, still remaining in some form of communication, just so the possibility of sleeping with them—or even getting back together with them—again can remain intact.
But if there's one thing that we can takeaway from a lot of men's mentality on this topic is, no matter how good sex with an ex may be, our ex doesn't have a monopoly on sexual satisfaction. Other men can please us too. Besides, the older and wiser we become, we tend to realize that good sex isn't just about what a man can do to our parts; it's about how well he "handles matters" across the board (see "What GROWN Women Consider Great Sex To Be").
It's a low bar to hold onto someone who really isn't good enough for you, simply because he can make your toes tingle. Besides, the sooner you move that joker out of the way, the sooner you can give yourself fully to the man who is in your life now. The one who is a part of your present—not your past.
You Also Know That Your “Feenin’” Ain’t Just About the Sex…Right?
On the heels of the point that I just made, if you're already in a relationship with someone else, but Jodeci's "Feenin'" keeps running in the back of your mind, as far as your ex is concerned, you know that it's more than just being a-dick-ted, don't you? No matter how good he may have been at hittin' the right spots, unless you are a love-addict-in-denial (which leans to being extremely delusional when it comes to how you process romantic relationships), you are probably still longing for him for reasons that have little to do with what went down in the bedroom. So that leads me to asking you if you are completely over your ex, on the emotional tip? And if you're not, why aren't you?
Is it because he ended it and you didn't it? Is it because you weren't able to get the closure that you needed? Maybe the new guy that you're with is more of a rebound relationship than anything else. Perhaps, while you may love your current boyfriend, you feel like you are still in love with your former one (it's pretty difficult to be "in love" by yourself, by the way. Check out "Like, Love & In Love: How To Really Know The Differences" to get what I mean by that). Maybe you need to do something similar to what I did and go on a "heart pieces tour" in order to get the part of you that you still feel like belongs to your ex back. Whatever the case may be, please don't give your ex so much credit that you think the reason why you are still fantasizing about him and/or putting yourself in the position to potentially sabotage what you've currently got going on, is all because of how many orgasms he could give you. If you really stop to do some processing, I promise you that there is so much more going on with you than that. And the sooner you can get down to the bottom of it all, the better—for you and your current situation.
If You’re Still Dealing with Your Ex, Stop. (At Least for Now)
Personally, I'm not what I would call "friends" with any of my exes. Not friends in the way that I've grown to honor the word (check out "10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships"). Hmph. Come to think of it, if I had actually understood more about what true friendships require from the jump, they probably wouldn't have become a boy-friend in order to become an ex. But that's another Ted Talk for another time. Still, what I have made sure of is that there is peace between us. I don't think of them and instantly become pissed. I can run into them and ask, "How are you?" and genuinely mean it. If they needed something, including their own closure, and it didn't put me out of my own boundaries in order to help them out, I would. I'm healed and that's a good thing.
Still, at the same time, when I broke up with each of my exes, the perks that came with being a part of my world, they ended too. So, there's no need for any of them to get the benefits of still interacting with me if we've agreed that they aren't going to handle the responsibilities that come along with it as well. All that does is keep one or both of us stuck in the past instead of moving forward with our future.
That's why, while I do think that it is possible for exes to be cool and maybe even friends (someday), if you're currently still preferring anything about your ex to the point where you can't seem to let those thoughts go or it's affecting/infecting your current relationship, you need to break ALL forms of communication/interaction with that guy. No phone calls. No texting. No slick stalking him on social media. No listening to Heather Headley's "In My Mind" on loop. None of that.
Sometimes, when we're in a relationship with someone but we're still struggling to get over our ex, on any level, it's not about how much we are tied to the past of the relationship. The relationship sucked and we know it. But since we keep staying in the same place, emotionally, with that individual, we can make the need for them in our lives far bigger than it needs to be. In the bedroom and out of it.
In This Case, It Is Beneficial to Do Some Comparing
While typically, I'm not the biggest fan of making comparisons, especially when it comes to comparing past and current loves (talk about falling down a rabbit hole), if you're still sexually hung up on your ex, I will make an exception and recommend it in this case. Now, I'm not saying that you should compare body parts and sexual styles (sometimes, that's an unfair match, from the start). What I am saying is that you should really think about the pros and cons of both men and both relationships. The best way to do that is to take sex, totally out of the equation.
I'll give you an example from my own sexual past. There is one guy who was really good in bed. You know what else he was? A total ego maniac. I remember one of the last times that we had sex, it was in a hotel and there was an entire wall made out of a mirror behind the bed. Did you know that at least 80 percent of the time, this ninja was looking at himself in the mirror while we were doing it? It was right at that moment when I was like, "Oh…my orgasms aren't about me. They're about your narcissism and how it makes you feel to make me feel good. Got it." And when that ding, ding, ding finally settled into my psyche, it was easier to separate how good the sex was from how much of a jerk he was (and he was a Grade A jerk, chile).
When it comes to the guy who you are currently with, while he might not be able to make you sexually feel like your ex did (at least, not yet), if you separate the sex from the relationship, what does he do that your ex was never able to quite master?
Does he treat you better? Is he more attentive? Does he take proactive measures to make you feel wanted, appreciated and adored better than your ex did? Is he more honest and faithful? Maybe, unlike your ex, your new love desires the same things that you do in life. Perhaps, unlike your ex, he complements your life more, improves you rather than tries to change you and, with him, you just don't have to try so damn hard to make it work.
Sometimes, when trying to get over sex with an ex, we underestimate the foreplay that comes before the actual act. I don't mean sexual foreplay. I mean how a man treats us that makes us feel cherished, honored and closer to him. Even if you do prefer the act of sex with your ex (again, for now), when it comes to your current and present man, does he treat you better? Outside of the bedroom? Because if he does, that is going to prove to be of far more value. Trust me.
Great Lovers Aren’t (Always) Born. Sometimes They’re Taught.
You know something that my past 14 sex partners (and an almost 14-year bout of abstinence) has taught me? That sometimes, when it comes to who we qualify as being our best in bed, they are able to hold that position because we're lazy. Now hear me out here. What I mean is, there are some people who semi-rocked my world when it came to sex because there was either an already-established strong emotional connection or because our energy and chemistry were indescribable. It wasn't so much about "skills" or "technique" as it was that our synergy was so on point. This meant that we didn't really have to go out of our way to blow each other's minds. Honestly, that had already transpired before even touching.
Coming to this resolution meant that I could let go of the belief that no man would be able to make me feel that way again. It wasn't so much that the greatest lovers that I've ever had were naturally that way. We just "fit" differently than I did with other guys. The good news about that is, once I accepted that they weren't great lovers "just because" but it was more about how we worked together, I could accept that I really could move on. This meant that while the next guy may not be as "automatic" as men in the past, if we are willing to work together to please each other, we can have some pretty amazing sex too. It might not be the same—no two people ever are—but it can be its own kind of amazing. In a different way.
Do I think that it's possible to love one person and still desire someone else? Yep. But if you discover that is what's going on with you, I don't think you should just stew in that resolve. You can't change the past, but what you can do is give your present a fighting chance by not giving your ex so much power that you can't open yourself up to all of the possibilities that you can experience with your new man.
Because I promise you one thing. No matter how good your ex may have thought sex was with you, once he's ready to move on, he will do just that. He will be fine with you being a memory and cultivating some new ones with the next. So really—why not also do the same, sis? Sooner than later too.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Why Staying Friends With An Ex Is Okay (& Healthy) - xoNecole ... ›
- How Men Handle Heartbreak - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Why Rebound Relationships Are Bad - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Partner Not Meeting Your Needs? Here's What To Do - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
- Sex Is Great But The Relationship Is Bad - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
- How Often Should You Be Having Sex - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
- How Much Do You Miss Sex With Your Ex? | YourTango ›
- Why coronavirus is making you miss your ex, according to ... ›
- 17 Men Discuss What Makes Them Miss Their Ex After A Breakup ... ›
- Should You Pursue Sex With an Ex? | Psychology Today ›
- How To Get Over Someone Who Is Amazing At Sex ›
- Before hopping back into bed with your ex, read this - The ... ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images