How To Get Closure If Your Ex Won't Give It To You

Dating

Not too long ago, I was having a conversation with a male friend and he asked why it was such a big deal for women to get closure once a relationship comes to an end. If you ask me, that question goes both ways — why does it seem like so many men want to avoid giving a woman closure once a relationship comes to an end?!


There are typically two reasons why a lot of us want closure in a relationship. One isn't the healthiest while the other is.

The first reason is that some people think that if they talk about their relationship to death, they can somehow convince the person to stay. All of us are too valuable to have to convince anyone to see us and want to be with us. So yeah, this reason is unhealthy.

The second reason, I'm all for, though. It's about respecting the person and the time spent in the relationship enough to provide closure.

Closure brings clarity and clarity helps us to heal and move on — and forward.

So, what should you do if a man doesn't respect you enough to give you the clarity that you need so that you can heal and move on/forward? Good question.

Say What YOU Need to Say.


Getty Images

One of my favorite songs by John Mayer is "Say What You Need to Say". And you know what? Even if a guy won't meet up with you for coffee or talk to you on the phone, there is way too much technology out here to not be able to get what you need to off of your chest.

If you've been asking your ex for a closure convo and he's gone radio silent on you, write a letter, send an email, leave a voicemail. I don't care who he is, curiosity alone will make him listen.

80 percent of diseases are stress-related. Don't let your pride or fear prevent you from getting what you need to off of your chest. And trust me, guys are as curious as we are. He's gonna read or listen to what you have to say, whether he responds or not.

If a man doesn't give you closure, accept it. Meaning, if he won't honor you in that way, honor yourself by deciding that it's time to focus less on y'all and more on you. The less you rehearse how much closure you need and instead concentrate on loving on yourself, pampering yourself, and meeting your needs based on where you are now, the more you will close things all on your own — without his permission or assistance.

Before you know it, you'll be able to open up your heart to the kind of man where closure won't be something that you'll have to concern yourself with. All because you closed things by yourself. For yourself.

Featured image by Getty Images.

Related Articles:

Ask Ayana Iman: How Do I Find Closure After Being Ghosted? Read More

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Why I Don't 'Cut People Off' Anymore, I Release Them Instead – Read More

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