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What It's Really Like To Have A Threesome

Three's company too.

Sex

I've often thought about how I would go about a threesome, how I'd go about setting boundaries for myself and ensuring that it wasn't some socialized desire I took to meet my "freak" quota for my man (we all know one). Would I even be willing to incorporate a threesome into my relationship? As a single person looking in, I decided I'd rather be the third to another couple and leave the potential for messiness in their bedroom. But as a sex educator, the reality is that it can be done, but a threesome requires communication and healthy boundary-setting to ensure that things can be tucked away with a neat little ribbon afterwards.

For some, the boundary is simply: "The third can never be someone who we'd invite to the wedding." Either way, specificity is key and in this day and age, the possibilities are infinite. Couples and singles are seeking out a third partner through apps like Thrinder, swingers clubs, at random, or in the age-old direct message.

For the expansion of your mind, body, and soul, it's important to know that a threesome has the ability to be diverse. Despite the sexism we learned around MMF threesomes, it is in fact that and not a train. And we should reject the idea that a threesome ONLY ever occurs when it's FFM because...you guessed it...that's dated, patriarchal, sex-negative language.

It encompasses voyeurism (you'll see) and/or the use of accessories such as strap-ons and vibrators. It takes place inside throuples but also with a group of singles. Threesomes are whatever you make them...except foursomes (that's just group sex, point blank). They can be sexy, they can be awkward, spontaneous or premeditated. Just like sex with an indiviudal, you might be more comfortable in one scenario than another.

But, let's get into it. Here are 8 threesome stories featuring people on what threesomes are really like through their own experiences.

1. Watch me watch you...

"My boyfriend and I have a semi-open relationship. To be honest, I don't know exactly how to label it because I'm not into labels and everything (to me) is fluid, based off of impulse and how we feel at the time. I've always been interested in group sex/threesomes, mostly two men and me, and I made this clear to my boyfriend early in our relationship, however never was comfortable with acting on it [and I] didn't know how down he would be. Anyway, I'm very up and down sexually.

"There are times where I'm asexual, and then there's times when I'm hypersexual and can't stop thinking about sex and prefer 'riskier' behavior. It's supposedly tied to the fact that I have BPD, as suggested by my previous therapist. Well, when I was at the height of my adderall addiction, I was extremely hypersexual, unfortunately to the point I would fuck random niggas behind [my boyfriend's] back. (Yes, my boyfriend and I were OK with fucking other people, BUT we didn't officially talk about it so technically I was cheating.)

"One day, he found out, because I'm not one to hide shit well. He was extremely angry, as he should have been, but eventually he forgave me and then began to want to incorporate my desires into our sex life. We would invite people over, and I'd f*ck them and he'd watch. So basically, he never participated in the threesome, but he'd watch/tape; or he would not be there, and request that whoever is f*cking me would tape it all and then I would send it to him."

"I say all this to say... I feel like sometimes people don't talk about the uncomfortable TRUTHS about this lifestyle. In my case, it began to be an obsession. It also stopped being something that was on 'a whim'. He [my partner] started constantly asking me if I was talking to someone (to initiate sex) and asking me details of what I was talking about and asking me about times/days, all that kind of shit.

"To incorporate him in the mix, it started being overwhelming and like a second job at that point. And I think it was mostly because he ultimately wasn't completely on board with me doing this with him, but he was interested in the thought of voyeurism/threesomes/group sex but just not me doing it. Anyway, long story short, we don't do that anymore. And that was my decision, not his."

2. Tonight's the night...

"It was with a hetero couple I dated. I met them while teaching their son but they didn't pursue anything until after I had stopped teaching him. But I knew they had been attracted to me for some time. We were hanging out casually, perhaps that was the time I was taking to get comfortable and warm up. Finally, in February we all went back to their place.

"I was ready and in the mood. I said we having sex tonight. We started with some p*ssy licking. I asked each of them to take turns while I'd close my eyes and guess who was performing at a given time."

"After, I found myself sitting on his face while she rode her husband. After that, I gave her some good head and made her jizz in my mouth. I recall feeling excited, slutty (in a good way), accomplished, stimulated."

3. Almost doesn't count...

"I basically auditioned. I was sought after. She wanted a threesome, she started talking to me on her own. Then, we met up for dinner and took it from there. But I really didn't find her boyfriend attractive. Then they started talking about 'girlfriend' business, but I didn't like him so we made an attempt and the first time she got mad because he was touching me, so I Ieft.

"Then, shortly after, they broke up and she and I started messing around. That was great. I was nervous for the threesome activity though, [it's] not really my style, and no I would never do it again (laughs). Maybe with two girls."

4. It's instinct, I guess...

"First off, I'll say I'm a 'compersive' person, meaning I get pleasure out of my partner receiving pleasure. The prospect of a threesome came up after one of my female friends asked me about it, as she was attracted to us both. I set her and my partner up on a date without me, so they could see if they vibed. Apparently, it was a good time, but nothing ever really panned out from that. Then when we were out of town out drinking with some old friends, I asked if she would be down for a threesome with one of my friends, who I know, but isn't too close to me. He's also a nigga I know that's down for almost anything, plus he's discrete, which made him a good candidate.

"Me and him went outside the club to smoke a blunt in the car and I asked him if he would be down. [Though] my partner gets a lot of attention and I knew he would be down, he first responded like, 'Why me?' and I told him to just consider himself lucky. He was like, 'Aight sign me up, imma stop asking questions' and laughed. I told him to meet us at the hotel later. When my partner and I got back to the hotel and started getting ready for bed, I made sure she stayed up and mentioned that one of my homies would be coming over.

"When he got there, we thought it was a good idea to start rolling up. I could tell he had never been in a threesome before. Anxiety was in the air. So before the weed came out, I started making out with my partner, then I said to her, 'You should go show my homie some love too' and I directed her towards him and they started making out. She had on a little short nightgown and I put my hand up her gown while she was making out with him."

"He was still nervous (and had trouble getting hard, understandably), and I could see her getting anxious too so I ate her out, while she started giving him head (he was semi at this point). Then I turned her around and gave her some aggressive backshots until she came a few times while giving him head, and he started to choke her. She asked me if I told him she liked being choked, which she does, and I actually didn't. It was instinct, I guess.

"Anyway at this point everybody was on 10 and I backed away to let him put a condom on so they could fuck too. She's submissive, and says things like 'yes please,' which he finds hot. I recorded a bit, they both came, then he left. After he left, we fucked again which was probably the best sex of the night tbh, and went to bed. She was GLOWING the next day, and we debriefed over breakfast. The next two weeks she was hornier than ever, throwing the pussy at me even if I just looked at her. I think she really felt confident in herself as a sexual being and her sex drive was on another level for a couple weeks. I really feel like it was a win-win-win overall."

5. I wanna play...

"I went to the swingers club with the intent of watching, but it's hard to be hard-wired for horny and not want to partake. I think I also planned on watching because I didn't anticipate any Black people being there and white people weren't going to get me off. My curiosity got the best of me when the Black couple I had been keeping tabs on while they exchanged oral had suddenly left the room. True to my Sag, my ass went to explore the situation. I found them with the one other Black couple making out on the couches.

"They gave me permission to join verbally and as a sign of good faith she gave his dick some room to breathe so I could show them I was serious. We moved to a private room where she and I took turns eating one another out, and giving him head."

"Soon after, we had sex but not for long because I panicked, through my clothes on, and dipped out. Unfortunately, I was forced to bump into them for the rest of the night in the club. I would definitely do it again but I would put slightly more thought into it. More intention."

6. An invitation...

"Back in undergrad, one of my closest friends also happened to be my roommate. She was going through a bad breakup and after a night of my then-boyfriend and I listening to her whine about it, I randomly said, 'We're going to have sex now. You're welcome to join. That may help get your mind off of things.' With very little hesitation, she asked for 30 minutes to clean herself up (shave and whatnot) and not too long after that we all fucked.

"Having sex with my best friend and my boyfriend for my first threesome was great. Knowing that I trusted them and we all were very familiar with one another definitely made us all more comfortable. I do think my boyfriend was having a mental conflict. He wasn't able to keep a hard on with my best friend. After the threesome was over, he had to finish in our room with me. The days following were pretty normal. We laughed about it, but there were no awkward moments."

7. Fifty shades of submission...

"There's lots of things that aren't very sensual about my sexual experiences, especially when it has to do with swinger lifestyle stuff. I've been a part of the swinger lifestyle for about four to five years and started in Baltimore. When I moved back to Detroit, I never really sought it out because it was too close to home, work, etc. Post-breakup, I went to a lifestyle party in February with a friend. Initially, I was like, 'I really don't wanna do this but you know I'm really f*cking horny and I really wanna have a community dynamic of, not only being f*cked but seeing people f*ck.' So I went.

"The host, whose name was Vick, and there was a guy named X, as well -- while I was there, I ended up f*cking like three guys [and] I played with a girl. Although I wanted to f*ck X, I didn't for whatever reason but I did end up f*cking Vick. Fast forward, not too long ago this past fall, Vick is like, 'Come over, I really wanna f*ck you' and I'm like whatever because I know he's going to slut me out. He has a Dom nature.

"Like I'm going to feel like I can serve and please him, which gives me my release. He also has this house where he lives with guys which also turns me on knowing that others can hear me getting f*cks, I don't know, just another kink of mine. And so while I'm f*cking him, I end up biting my fingers, sucking on my fingers, sucking on his fingers. Basically indicating that I need another dick. I'm this horny, I wanna please, I want to be slutted out. But I'm not going to shy away from it, I needed to be myself and I needed a release."

"So Vick is like, 'OK, do you trust me to bring someone over?' Minutes later, X walks in! Obviously, I'm excited. He also has a Dom nature about him. At this point, I'm in heaven. I'm sucking X's dick. But I'm also on this tip where not only do I want to be pleased but I also want to see the manifestation of me giving and me serving and making sure I get the ultimate slut/sub trophy and that's cum, right? So I'm sucking him off, letting him f*ck. He's cumming on my face and Vick is watching like, 'Good girl, keep going. Please him like you please, daddy.' We're going back and forth and eventually Vick is like, 'You need to bend over so I can take your ass.' And I wanted it! I wanted all of my holes filled that day.

"And that ended up happening. X ended up laying back and Vick was like, 'You're going to try DP (double penetration) for us.' It was again a very primitive, raw experience around being a slut and wanting to get all of my holes blown out, wanting both of these men to please me and knowing that they both have this Dom, honestly, hood persona that I adore. Which is opposite of how people see me but this is what turns me on. I was gone in a beautiful way. I enjoyed every minute of it."

8. The perfect stranger...

"This one is pretty wild. I was at a friend's bar (he was the bar manager) and there was a guy in there visiting from New York for business. We were discussing everything he had done so far since he was there and he said he hadn't done much! My other friend had met me at the bar (we usually went every Monday to get drunk for free and eat). About two hours had passed and we had been chatting it up with the guy but my friend had to go home because he had work in the morning. Me and the visitor kept chatting it up and he told me his hotel wasn't far and he wanted to go out tonight because it was his last night in ATL.

"We get to this other popular bar, both drunk off our asses and we go to the bathroom together (this bar is one of those bars where you have to go to the bathroom with your friends or they may get lost, if you know what I mean). The next thing I know me and the guy are making out in the bathroom! He invited me to his hotel but I told him I needed to go home to change first. In actuality, I was going to pick up my roommate/the other friend from the bar earlier. I told the guy that my friend likes to watch and he was TOTALLY DOWN! I run in the house to wake up my friend and give him the tea, he was WITH IT!

"So we go back to the guys' hotel and me and the guy are doing oral while my friend went to use the bathroom. Next thing I know, I'm calling for my friend to come out of the bathroom, but before he could, me and the visitor went to the bathroom and I started giving oral to my friend! We made our way to the bed and had our way! The guy was vers so he f*cked me and my friend f*cked him. It was quite the experience! We end up staying the night at the guy's hotel. We had to come up with an escape plan to leave the guy's hotel before he asked for a ride to the airport. So I 'went to get the car' from valet, and texted my friend to come down, but to say he'd be back! Never talked to that guy again."

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