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Blended Orgasms Need To Be The Next To-Do On Your Sexual Hit List

How many different kinds of orgasms are there? Well, let me count the ways.

Sex

One of the things I've always loved about being a woman is the level of exploration that comes with our bodies and discovering what feels good. When it comes to coming, many of us have found and mastered clitoral orgasms, especially ones derived from self-pleasure. And while vaginal orgasms might feel more elusive to most women (studies show only 25 percent of women experience orgasms consistently during vaginal penetration), you might be surprised to learn that orgasms don't have to be either or, they can be blended too.

Vaginal and clitoral orgasms are among the most common orgasms, but sex experts suggest that there are actually 12. A blended orgasm is exactly what it sounds like -- an orgasm that is experienced from the stimulation of two or more types of orgasms. What makes these orgasms even more sought-after is how intense they feel.

According to sex therapist Dr. Donna, LICSW, M.ED, blended orgasms can be achieved by stimulating the parts of your body that are most prone to giving you an orgasm. "The most common way to get the blended orgasm is to stimulate the g-spot and the clitoris at the same time for a blended orgasm. BUT there are all types of orgasms, including anal, nipple and cervix. Some combo examples of blended orgasms include g-spot/clit; nipple/clit; nipple/g-spot; if you are into a good eargasm, then that can be added into the nipple, clit, g-spot, anus, etc. combos," Dr. Donna explained.

"Really, the possibilities are nearly endless."

My personal favorite? A one-two combo that consists of kissing (yes, you can orgasm through kissing alone) and clitoral stimulation, but I've also been able to achieve blended orgasm from a mix of g-spot/clit (especially in the spooning position, oh my God). My most recent experience with a blended orgasm involved me on my back with my legs open and his body positioned hovered above me with an adept knee placed at my wet heat.

The experience was new to me, but I used his outer thigh to rub my clit against while we kissed. And maybe it was our mutual high from the weed we smoked minutes before, but my senses were heightened and I was on fire. He drank my moans of ecstasy as I began to fall from the edge, crashing down with electric heat. The end result is galvanizing.

When you have an orgasm, you sometimes don't believe it can get any more intense than it already is, but it does. And it can.

What Is A Blended Orgasm & How To Have One

When You’re Solo Dolo...

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The perfect segue into blended orgasm territory during your self-pleasure sessions is by using a toy that can stimulate the hit the g-spot and clit all at once. To do so, Dr. Donna recommends utilizing a rabbit, or a toy like it (I recommend this one -- thank me later). "Plus, it will leave a hand free to stimulate your nipples and breasts."

As with anything pertaining to sexual pleasure, a great baseline or foundation for having orgasms is discovering the hot spots you have through masturbation. I always say that it's difficult to teach a student lessons when you haven't learned the curriculum yet yourself, and that sentiment rings so true in the bedroom. "Know your own body so that you can teach your partner(s) how to get you there. Then experiment with the other types of stimulation and see what combos you can string together."

And once you know yourself and what gets you off like the back of your hand, you're ready for our next pointers.

When You’re Coupled Up...

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Of course, adding a partner (or partners) will amplify the playing field, in addition to providing more methods to meet your blended peak. Dr. Donna suggests the use of toys here too - specifically toys that stimulate your clitoris while your partner puts in the work of bringing pleasure to your g-spot, anus, nipples, lips, or anywhere else that brings you to your climax.

As for optimal sex positions, Dr. Donna notes doggy style as a real crowd-pleaser for the blended orgasm prize. "I would say doggy style gives the best g-spot access while not interfering with toy use, or your partner can reach around and stimulate the clitoris. Reverse cowgirl is also a great position for stimulating multiple areas at once," she continued.

Equipped with these tips, you'll master the art of blended orgasms in no time at all. I know I did.

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:

10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm

How To Achieve A Simultaneous Orgasm

My First Orgasm Gave Me The Best Sex Of My Life

Self-Pleasure Changed How I Experience Sex

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Five months into 2022 and already it feels like it has been a year. New levels come with new devils (new stresses) and though we are proud of our accomplishments in the year so far, as a team, to say we aren't in need of a vacay is an understatement. A part of recovery from burnout includes being intentional about how we approach our self-care practices. With May being Mental Health Awareness Month, the xoNecole team decided to put better mental health into practice. And what better way to prioritize our mental health and manage our stress levels than through the use of CBD products?

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You may not know her by Elisabeth Ovesen – writer and host of the love, sex and relationships advice podcast Asking for a Friend. But you definitely know her other alter ego, Karrine Steffans, the New York Times best-selling author who lit up the literary and entertainment world when she released what she called a “tell some” memoir, Confessions of a Video Vixen.

Her 2005 barn-burning book gave an inside look at the seemingly glamorous world of being a video vixen in the ‘90s and early 2000s, and exposed the industry’s culture of abuse, intimidation, and misogyny years before the Me Too Movement hit the mainstream. Her follow-up books, The Vixen Diaries (2007) and The Vixen Manual: How To Find, Seduce And Keep The Man You Want (2009) all topped the New York Times best-seller list. After a long social media break, she's back. xoNecole caught up with Ovesen about the impact of her groundbreaking book, what life is like for her now, and why she was never “before her time”– everyone else was just late to the revolution.

xoNecole: Tell me about your new podcast Asking for a Friend with Elisabeth Ovesen and how that came about.

Elisabeth Ovesen: I have a friend who is over [at Blavity] and he just asked me if I wanted to do something with him. And that's just kinda how it happened. It wasn't like some big master plan. Somebody over there was like, “Hey, we need content. We want to do this podcast. Can you do it?” And I was like, “Sure.” And that's that. That was around the holidays and so we started working on it.

xoNecole: Your life and work seem incredibly different from when you first broke out on the scene. Can you talk a bit about the change in your career and how your life is now?

EO: Not that different. I mean my life is very different, of course, but my work isn't really that different. My life is different, of course, because I'm 43. My career started when I was in my 20s, so we're looking at almost 20 years since the beginning of my career. So, naturally life has changed a lot since then.

I don’t think my career has changed a whole lot – not as far as my writing is concerned, and my stream of consciousness with my writing, and my concerns and the subject matter hasn’t changed much. I've always written about interpersonal relationships, sexual shame, male ego fragility, respectability politics – things like that. I always put myself in the center of that to make those points, which I think were greatly missed when I first started writing. I think that society has changed quite a bit. People are more aware. People tell me a lot that I have always been “before my time.” I was writing about things before other people were talking about that; I was concerned about things before my generation seemed to be concerned about things. I wasn't “before my time.” I think it just seems that way to people who are late to the revolution, you know what I mean?

I retired from publishing in 2015, which was always the plan to do 10 years and retire. I was retired from my pen name and just from the business in general in 2015, I could focus on my business, my education and other things, my family. I came back to writing in 2020 over at Medium. The same friend that got me into the podcast, actually as the vice president of content over at Medium and was like, “Hey, we need some content.” I guess I’m his go-to content creator.

xoNecole: Can you expound on why you went back to your birth name versus your stage name?

EO: No, it was nothing to expound upon. I mean, writers have pen names. That’s like asking Diddy, why did he go by Sean? I didn't go back. I've always used that. Nobody was paying attention. I've never not been myself. Karrine Steffans wrote a certain kind of book for a certain kind of audience. She was invented for the urban audience, particularly. She was never meant to live more than 10 years. I have other pen names as well. I write under several names. So, the other ones are just nobody's business right now. Different pen names write different things. And Elisabeth isn’t my real name either. So you'll never know who I really am and you’ll never know what my real name is, because part of being a writer is, for me at least, keeping some sort of anonymity. Anything I do in entertainment is going to amass quite a bit because who I am as a person in my private life isn't the same a lot of times as who I am publicly.

xoNecole: I want to go back to when you published Confessions of a Video Vixen. We are now in this time where people are reevaluating how the media mistreated women in the spotlight in the 2000s, namely women like Britney Spears. So I’d be interested to hear how you feel about that period of your life and how you were treated by the media?

EO: What I said earlier. I think that much of society has evolved quite a bit. When you look back at that time, it was actually shocking how old-fashioned the thinking still was. How women were still treated and how they're still treated now. I mean, it hasn't changed completely. I think that especially for the audience, I think it was shocking for them to see a woman – a woman of color – not be sexually ashamed.

I hate being like other people. I don't want to do what anyone else is doing. I can't conform. I will not conform. I think in 2005 when Confessions was published, that attitude, especially about sex, was very upsetting. Number one, it was upsetting to the men, especially within urban and hip-hop culture, which is built on misogyny and thrives off of it to this day. And the women who protect these men, I think, you know, addressing a demographic that is rooted in trauma that is rooted in sexual shame, trauma, slavery of all kinds, including slavery of the mind – I think it triggered a lot of people to see a Black woman be free in this way.

I think it said a lot about the people who were upset by it. And then there were some in “crossover media,” a lot of white folks were upset too, not gonna lie. But to see it from Black women – Tyra Banks was really upset [when she interviewed me about Confessions in 2005]. Oprah wasn't mad [when she interviewed me]. As long as Oprah wasn’t mad, I was good. I didn't care what anybody else had to say. Oprah was amazing. So, watching Black women defend men, and Black women who had a platform, defend the sexual blackmailing of men: “If you don't do this with me, you won't get this job”; “If you don't do this in my trailer, you're going to have to leave the set”– these are things that I dealt with.

I just happened to be the kind of woman who, because I was a single mother raising my child all by myself and never got any help at all – which I still don't. Like, I'm 24 in college – not a cheap college either – one of the best colleges in the country, and I'm still taking care of him all by myself as a 21-year-old, 20-year-old, young, single mother with no family and no support – I wasn’t about to say no to something that could help me feed my son for a month or two or three.

xoNecole: We are in this post-Me Too climate where women in Hollywood have come forward to talk about the powerful men who have abused them. In the music industry in particular, it seems nearly impossible for any substantive change or movement to take place within music. It's only now after three decades of allegations that R. Kelly has finally been convicted and other men like Russell Simmons continue to roam free despite the multiple allegations against him. Why do you think it's hard for the music industry to face its reckoning?

EO: That's not the music industry, that's urban music. That’s just Black folks who make music and nobody cares about that. That's the thing; nobody cares...Nobody cares. It's not the music industry. It's just an "urban" thing. And when I say "urban," I say that in quotations. Literally, it’s a Black thing, where nobody gives a shit what Black people do to Black people. And Russell didn't go on unchecked, he just had enough money to keep it quiet. But you know, anytime you're dealing with Black women being disrespected, especially by Black men, nobody gives a shit.

And Black people don't police themselves so it doesn't matter. Why should anybody care? And Black women don't care. They'll buy an R. Kelly album right now. They’ll stream that shit right now. They don’t care. So, nobody cares. Nobody cares. And if you're not going to police yourself, then nobody's ever going to care.

xoNecole: Do you have any regrets about anything you wrote or perhaps something you may have omitted?

EO: Absolutely not. No. There's nothing that I wish I would've gone back and said to myself, no. I don’t think at 20-something years old, I'm supposed to understand every little thing. I don't think the 20-something-year-old woman is supposed to understand the world and know exactly what she's doing. I think that one of my biggest regrets, which isn't my regret, but a regret, is that I didn't have better parents. Because a 20-something only knows what she knows based on what she’s seen and what she’s been taught and what she’s told. I had shitty parents and a horrible family. Just terrible. These people had no business having children. None of them. And a lot of our families are like that. And we may pass down those familial curses.

*This interview has been edited and condensed

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Feature image courtesy of Elisabeth Ovesen

To be or not to be, that’s the big question regarding relationships these days – and whether or not to remain monogamous. Especially as we walk into this new awakening of what it means to be in an ethically or consensual nonmonogamous relationship. By no means are the concepts of nonmonogamy new, so when I say 'new awakening,' I simply mean in a “what comes around, goes around” way, people are realizing that the options are limitless. And, based on our personal needs in relationships they can, in fact, be customized to meet those needs.

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