Keeping that fire and desire burning in a relationship is a task, but it's one that needs to be conquered if you plan on keeping "bae" hooked and latched. We all can get a little comfortable around our significant other once we've broken down all of the "how to impress them" barriers. But one things for sure, routine can be quite boring. If we want to keep our partner on their toes, then we need to make sure we are always switching up the tempo in and outside the bedroom. The imagination is a vivid playground and appealing to it is a sure way to have them begging for more of you.
Finding a healthy balance between work and play can sometimes feel like we're pulling teeth, but I can bet you remember the exact feeling of when you first met that special one and how excited you would get physically and mentally when you were ready to see them. Those feelings can be prolonged when we learn to implement ways to keep our partner's interest piqued and our climaxes peaked too.
When it comes to trying to keep things spicy, it simply goes back to the things that we may find unconventional but are easy to apply. Let your imagination run free and whatever comes to mind, go with that.
Here are a few essential aspects that you should implement to keep your them reminded of why they're yours.
Public Pleasure
112 couldn't have said it any better: "We can do it anywhere." Conventional places definitely get the job done but if you want to ignite a fire in your partner's heart and their nether regions too, you better use your imagination and get creative from time to time. Don't be afraid to take it back to the old days. Ride out with your partner to a beautiful place, park the car and head to third base. If you're a homebody, you've always got the shower, the patio and the kitchen to make things insanely hot. The element of surprise is a sure bet to get them at attention.
Sensual Games
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Hide and Seek is not just for kids. If you're looking to stimulate their mind and body, give your partner a run for their money by making them work their way to your well-deserved treasure. A scavenger hunt will certainly do the trick. When they come over excited to see you, prepare a few notes for them to find when they enter the door and lead them all the way to their honey. Trust, bae will be ready and anxious by the time they reach you, looking and smelling delightful of course. A good ol' fashioned card game of strip tease or sexy dice are an easy way to bring a fun and playful aspect back to any relationship that's a bit lackluster.
Sex Toys
Toys, how many of us have them? Toys, the ones we can depend on. If all else fails, you can try everything from vibrators, swings, cuffs, plugs, gags, and more if you want to add some flavor to your sexual menu. It's OK to get creative and think outside the "Box", literally and figuratively. When it comes to pleasure, the foreplay up to the actual act is sometimes the best part of sex. When you add toys to pleasure yourself and your partner, you learn what truly satisfies each other and tap into limitations, boundaries, and sexual stigmas that you may want to get rid of.
Role Play
Honey, you have to become your lover's favorite actress. Go completely out of your comfort zone and get fully into character of whoever or whatever you're trying to portray. A clutch moment would be to have bae meet you at a bar, let them know your location, and where you will be seated and let the fun begin. When your boo arrives, you will be fully in character as your alter ego, a stranger that they've never met before but that's ready to go to them for the night. Explore your fantasies, dress up for them or explore something kinky that you both may have been hesitant to try. It's all about making the moment count, so think outside the box and let the games begin.
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RELATED
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
Keep It Cute Love And Hip Hop GIFGiphyAs the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Aint It No Way GIF by UFCGiphyOuch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
Break Up Friendship GIF by TLCGiphy“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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