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3 Ways To Spice Up Your Long Distance Sex Life

Sex

All relationships have their challenges, but a long distance relationship can be a real b-tch when it comes to sexual satisfaction.

When you're in an LDR, you can't even end the night turnt up in some hot sticky butt-naked revelry. Instead, you're more likely to be sulking and hoping a FaceTime episode with his eggplant will be enough to get you off.


I told myself I'd never entertain even the thought of a long-distance relationship ever again after two failed attempts left me heartbroken, bitter, and thirsty for the D like a vampire for blood. It was all too stressful, and I hated that my man wasn't close enough for me to just pop up on.

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Well, never say never. I recently fell madly in love with the man of my dreams---a patient, caring, ambitious, God-fearing superhuman who lives almost 2,000 miles away.

At first, I was apprehensive in continuing the relationship since ridiculously passionate and conveniently frequent experiences of intimacy for me---a woman with the libido of a teenage boy---had become a make-or-break factor. I wanted $15 Uber-ride d*ck, not schlong that would cost me a $400+ plane ticket.

Long distance sex requires quite a bit more maturity, trust, and creativity. Here are a few tricks and tips that can help spice up your long-distance sex life beyond the usual. (Hey, I love my man enough to try some new ish):

RATED G: Wearable Tech

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Little lifesavers in the form of gadgets that can be worn as accessories can be both convenient and discreet in your plight to get your LDR groove on. (Or they can at least give you both a good laugh at their slightly creepy nature.) Try the HEY bracelet, which you and your man can wear daily to send sensations that mimic one another's touch.

Pillow Talk, a wristband that both you and bae can wear, has heart sensors that allow you to hear one another's heartbeat via a synced speaker that you can slip right under your pillows. I'm a big fan of this option, because, horny toad that I am, I love that I can listen to bae's heartbeat not when he's sleeping but when he's about to come during a virtual sex session. I mean, what better way to detect whether he's faking a cyber nut than using this bad boy? Hey, at least I can go to bed knowing my man's really satisfied---and reassure the psycho girlfriend in my head that he's not dipping out with some more readily available weekend chick with the fabulous hair and body of SZA.

Rated R: Digital Role Play

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I love digital role play because it adds an element of surprise and intrigue---and it's definitely not for the insecure or shy. When your love calls you, choose a sexy alter ego and get into it. Think up creative scenarios like an erotic prank call or a forbidden encounter with the person of their deepest fantasies.

Handle it like you're filming or creating your own version of 50 Shades and keep the narrative going for as long as you two want. My bae knows I'm a coy storyteller who loves sneaky fun, so he stays on ready when I hit his phone acting like a secret admirer from his Facebook page, or when I show up on a Whats App video call wearing pum-pum shorts and a see-through tank, bending 6:30 to a Vybz Kartel hit like a true dancehall queen.

Rated X: Interactive Toy Sexperience

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When I say interactive toy sexperience, I'm not talking about your usual sex toy + Skype technique. This bad boy takes things up notch. In Kiiroo's Onyx + Pearl combo, the Pearl2 can be controlled by your man via an app, and the Onyx2 allows your man to get his own pleasure at up to 140 strokes per minute. You both can enjoy a high-tech sexscapade in real time, and, bonus, the company offers options for LGBT.

Bae and I like to be extra, so we'd pair these toys with a naughty dice, card, or board game like Monogamy where each of us follows the instructions but uses the toys in place of the real thing (when applicable.) I like to add incentives and a bit of competition to the deal so that the victor can cash in mid-air on a flight or in the car on the way home from the airport.

Sometimes, he's been waiting a few months to get some real-life booty, so why not?

What's your favorite way to keep the spice in your LDR?

Featured image by Giphy

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