What To Do When Your Partner Is Too Big And Sex Is Painful
I've never been one to be coy about sex. There isn't much that I won't try and nothing I'm afraid to talk about when sex is involved. I wouldn't say I'm a sex advocate but I'm absolutely for women experiencing just as much, if not more, pleasure as men in their sexual exchanges. However, I'll admit there have been times that my desire for adventure has led me to suffer in silence.
As a result, I've had men that equated being 'd*cked down' to 'smashing' and 'beating the brakes off the p*** ' considering that a challenge instead of seeing it for what it is—the mistreatment of women's bodies.
I can recall a very painful sexual episode years ago, where a partner I had was kind enough to ask me if I was OK.
I told him that I had been experiencing pain but I wanted to be able to take it all. Yes, those were my exact words. Back then, in lieu of wanting to please my partner, I wasn't being very considerate of my own body in those instances. While he admired my ambition, he made it very clear that hurting me was not fun. As a result, we approached sex differently; he made sure I was relaxed and comfortable, we made sure there was lots of foreplay for natural lubrication. The passionate kisses and him just making sure that I knew I was wanted, desired, and that I felt aroused made all the difference in the world. We took our time in the beginning to find the right rhythm for us both.
Unfortunately, that's not usually how these stories pan out for other women experiencing painful sex.
I recently had a conversation with a girlfriend about her terribly uncomfortable sexual encounters with a love interest. The only way she could describe it was to say that she could feel it in her chest. I was shocked to learn that she was literally running away from him in bed. Having been there, and done that, I know what it's like to have your muscles tense up, to anticipate discomfort, cry out in moments of distress, and to painfully endure in order to please your partner.
But sex is about more than just stroking the male ego. And it most certainly should not be painful.
I spoke to Dr. Renee Matthews, M.D., Chicago-based Professional Health Educator and renowned Health Correspondent, about what painful sex really means, and what to do if your partner is too big.
What To Do When His Penis Is Too Big
"The vagina is elastic and will accommodate different size penises. The problem is that when a woman is not ready for a very large penis, this is where sex becomes painful and possible vaginal tearing that will need to be repaired at the hospital. I have also heard of some horror stories of other things happening not quite as drastic as tearing but still quite uncomfortable," Dr. Renee said.
That being said, it's important for women to be able to communicate when sex has gone from feeling good to painful.
Dr. Renee elaborates, "You shouldn't do anything you do not want to do so if you are in pain and want to stop, then stop. If this happens all the time, please visit your OB/Gyn. Painful intercourse is referred to as dyspareunia [and] there are several reasons people experience dyspareunia."
What Does Painful Sex Really Mean
Dr. Renee's final words for women who may be concerned about the repercussions of painful sex: "I don't really think there are any, besides lack of desire to have sex. If he has a larger penis for your vagina, because we come in different sizes too, then I suggest you use lubricants and take your time to try different positions to figure out what works for you two. Women may also want to try masturbation, because this will allow them to understand how to achieve orgasm and they can let their partner know exactly what to do and where exactly to go. Also make certain there is plenty foreplay before the main event."
There's so much energy that goes into having intimate exchanges with another person, it would be unfortunate to spend those moments in unbearable pain.
A conversation about how it can be enjoyable for both you and your partner, what your concerns are, positions that would make sex more pleasurable for you, and ways to make sure you're as lubricated as possible before penetration.
It's important to be able to listen to your body and respond attentively. Your body will thank you for it.
Featured image by Getty Images
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DeJanae Evins is a certified cannabis educator, consultant and the creator of GreenGoddessGlow, a digital resource at the intersection of cannabis and wellness encouraging mindful cannabis self-care practices. Evins is also a freelance health and wellness writer often discussing topics around sexual health and women's empowerment. Since learning about the Plant Queendom and the many ways we can use plant medicine to heal ourselves both individually and on a global scale, Evins has been vocal in both the cannabis and wellness communities about integrating cannabis in her approach to holistic health. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @dejanaetanye.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
We all have a dream life that we spend our free time daydreaming about. You know, the one with a loving partner, high-rise apartment, thriving career, and endless abundance. But as much as we can dream about it, there has to be a little extra sprinkle of “magic” to make it become a reality, and that’s when manifestation comes in.
The uptick in manifestation techniques is nothing new to the internet. Since The Secret and the Law of Attraction became available on YouTube in the early 2010s and fast forward to today, where #manifestationtok and #spiritualtok surging in popularity, it’s clear that there are a number of different ways to get what you want out of life with the right action, affirmation, and visualization.
Still, with so many ways to manifest, from scripting to the 3-6-9 Method, it can be hard to know which one to lean into. But there’s one new technique that’s promising to yield “instant results,” and we’re curious about it.
The "I Am Sure" Manifestation
@hothighpriestess Replying to @A I M E E 🖤 lG: hothighpriestess 🤍 this is the “I am sure” method #iamsuremethod
The “I Am Sure” manifestation gained traction this summer by TikTok creator Sara Perl of @hothighpriestess, who initially introduced the method.
In her original video breaking down the concept, she detailed the steps to use the technique for those looking to “manifest overnight.” To do so, start by stating “I am sure,” followed by “your desired manifestation in the present tense.” If there’s a job, promotion, or text from a crush that you want, then you’d say, “I am sure that I got X job,” or “I am sure that I make a $100K salary.” Repeat this out loud 10 times, or for faster results, write them down on a piece of paper and say it back to yourself whenever the desire comes up.
Using your words and speaking in the present tense, affirmatively, “puts you in the frequency that has that desire,” as Perl states. “We know our thoughts create our reality, but our words create our reality even faster.”
No matter how you choose to manifest your dream life, there’s nothing like channeling a powerful affirmation and some faith to get what you desire. In every instance, though, allow yourself to dismiss any doubt that may try to cloud your hopes in good things coming into your life, and don’t hold too tightly onto the “how” or “when.” Trust the process and know that the “thing” that you desire is just waiting for the perfect time to enter your life.
Happy manifesting.
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