

In addition to getting to the bag, the girlies want to know how to get to the orgasm – the intense ones that make you feel like you have superpowers. The topic of women and orgasm is often discussed and it’s mostly because they don’t happen often when, in reality, they should be! However, many factors work against women including society’s centering on male pleasure and penis people with antiquated rhetoric that implies women are meant to provide pleasure – not to receive it.
And even when men don’t think about this we’ve spent so many centuries discussing male pleasure–from the biblical to the pornographic that even the most well-meaning men can’t or don’t know how to deliver. This is not to say that there aren’t men out there who have an attitude that says “girl, fuck you” but that there’s lots of wiggle room for learning. As is the case for anyone.
In the words of one of my favorite TikToks (yes, my ability to speak TikTok is now a prerequisite of writing): prepare to be sick of me. Why? Because I’m that girl, the one willing to talk to you until you’re blue in the face (and maybe elsewhere) on this subject matter. I want you and your partner to be able to read the room, and while communication will play a large role in that, so will knowledge which comes in various forms (communication included).
However, today – here and now – we asked 3 experts about the best ways to reach uber-intense orgasms with your partner. Here’s what they had to say.
Add More Clitoral Stimulation Before & During Penetration
“There are two major reasons why people with vulvas get the short end of the orgasm gap: penetration, especially intercourse, often doesn't stimulate the clitoris enough to help the person get to orgasm (the clit is the homolog to the penis and tends to be the center of sexual sensation for those who have one); and also, stimulation often doesn't go on long enough to help a person get to orgasm. This doesn't mean you should believe what you read in your spam–that a person with a penis needs to last all night. But, it does mean that the duration and focus of stimulation usually matters.
"So it will help to make sure the partner with the vulva is fully aroused when penetration intercourse begins. Often that is also sidelined--but what some call foreplay and I call arousal activities is what's missing in many couples' sex lives. Longer-duration intercourse can be great too–but only if the person being penetrated is fully turned on when it commences. Thrusting does not generally turn on a not-yet-turned-on person. It can even feel irritating, painful, or worse.
"From this, you may have noticed that I am advocating for high arousal. You pretty much cannot have amazing orgasms (or most orgasms) without it. From there, duration may make the orgasm even more amazing. But being turned on first is key. And of course, more clitoral stimulation (whether it is either partner adding pleasurable stimulation to the clit; oral sex; or playing with a vibrator before or during intercourse) are other ways to make this magic happen.” - Carol Queen, Ph.D., Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist
Experiment With Learning How to Have a Cervical Orgasm
"What you probably haven’t heard of is the cervical orgasm. But don’t fret, that’s only because there’s little research to confirm or deny its existence. The cervical orgasm concept is potentially authentic, but I personally question whether this is more of a whole-body experience that’s producing a releasing effect. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. The cervix is a donut-shaped portion of the uterus that’s made entirely of cartilage. Located at the lower end of the uterus, the cervix prevents whatever enters the vagina from going deeper than it should.
"The center of this inch-long tube is said to be highly sensitive. When stimulated, it produces a strong orgasmic reaction that runs through the body, though its power is entirely dependent on the individual. The issue with orgasms stemming from the cervix is that, unlike the vagina and clitoris, there aren’t many nerve endings in the area, which is why a cervical orgasm is actually the result of other nerves–like the clitoris–being stimulated. It’s quite possible that some women do have innervation or nerve conduction, and therefore experience sensation at the cervix or near the cervix. But it’s not a common place for women to report orgasmic responses.
"However, there is indeed a sacred or goddess spot located just under the cervix that promotes an ecstatic orgasmic response. The best way to encourage cervical orgasms is through deep penetration. And fret not, men with 'below-average penises,' because deep penetration can be achieved through toys as well. Because no one orgasm is alike, the best way to find out how deep penetration works for you is through regular experimentation. In this case, gauge which speed and depth feel best for your partner.
"Additionally, I recommend experimenting with cervical orgasm when the woman is already aroused, as the flood of chemicals makes the deep thrusting sensations feel more amazing than painful. I also believe the best odds at attaining a cervical orgasm is to attempt it during or close to ovulation as the cervix is lower and easier to reach. Do not continue if it’s painful. Instead, keep her aroused. Lube helps. Cervical orgasms are easiest to achieve when women are close to orgasm.
"But most of all, it’s important to note that you must be gentle when experimenting with the cervix as it is an entirely new sensation that can cause pain. Let her lead the way. This is for her benefit, after all.” - Dr. Mike Anderson, Ph.D., Sex & Relationship Expert
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Give the Body Ample Time To Be Efficiently Aroused
“It's true that a lot of women aren't reaching their full orgasmic potential. If a vagina owner is not efficiently aroused before starting penetration or clit stimulation, it’s not going to result in the orgasm of their fullest potential. Don't skip the build-up. It's a major factor that determines how intense your orgasm is. Get aroused, build it up to the heavens, and then get into direct stimulation! Edging might be a great way to reach intensified orgasm quickly or try simultaneous stimulation for an intense blended orgasm.
"It's all about arousal level and build-up time. To really get the most out of penetration or any kind of vulvic stimulation, you need to be efficiently aroused. Getting to that point may look different for everyone. But if you can spend ample time teasing, touching, or talking (whatever floats your boat), your orgasm will thank you. [When you] give your body time to respond to the stimulus the vulva and vagina will fill with blood making every touch that much more blissful.” - Lauren Johnson, co-founder of sexual wellness & sex education brand Berry Lemon
The one thing that stands out from each expert is that there are two keys when providing a more intense orgasm for your partner which require arousal and stimulation. Though each expert provided various ways to achieve a more intense orgasm, the recipe begins and ends with these two things. In my opinion, it translates to attentiveness – requiring selflessness and time – so do be sure that you’re able to provide your partner with these things when pleasure is on the table.
That's the tried and true recipe for a more intense orgasm with your partner.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
Saweetie On Healing, Self-Discovery, And Why She’s "Dating Her Career" In 2025
Saweetie is stepping into 2025 with a renewed sense of purpose and self and an unwavering commitment to her career. The 31-year-old rapper is the cover star of InStyle’s Spring 2025 music-themed digital issue, where she opens up about her transformative journey to Africa, how she’s embracing divine timing, and why she’s leaving distractions behind as she gears up for the release of her debut album.
While 2021 appeared to be a year of big wins for Saweetie career-wise, the "NANi" artist didn't hide the fact that the year also marked a "traumatic time" for her life as she navigated heartbreak following a very publicized relationship. At the time, shaving her head was her way of starting over.
Recalling her headspace back then, she told InStyle, "I thought life would get better, but girl, life just kept life-ing… Surrendering to God and the universe has actually gotten me places. I used to be a control freak. I used to try to micromanage everything. I think we resort to micromanaging everything because we feel helpless."
In the time since, Saweetie has been deep in her introspection work, embarking on a self-discovery journey to Africa inspired by a DNA test that revealed she had 51 percent African ancestry. What she found as the result of the life-changing trip was not only a professional evolution but a spiritual one as well.
"In Africa, they're all going with the flow, they're not rushed. What I found is [that] when you surrender to divine timing, everything falls into place, rather than trying to force something to happen,” she shared with the publication. “I feel like I found my voice in Africa," she said later.
Saweetie's evolution didn't stop with her voice, in fact, her time abroad allowed her to heal and peel back layers of self-protection she had unconsciously built. She continued, "I think that's why I've been soul-searching because I wanted to have pride in who I am as a woman. Like, where do I come from? What do I believe in? What do I stand for? What do I not stand for? What do I love? What do I not love?
"And because I went through a lot of those emotions in Africa, it helped me pull back so many layers of this wall that I put up…"
Speaking of what she loves and what she doesn't love, Saweetie also gave a glimpse into her romantic life and let it be known her relationship status is "dating her career." While the "Richtivities" Queen has had her fair share of high-profile relationships, she is entering her focused era.
Saweetie shared that in the past, she let herself get "slightly distracted" but she now proudly proclaims that anything in her life that isn't right can go left because it's alignment over everything. "Anything that may be trying to compete with my goals, with my ambitions, with my priorities… I no longer second guess my career and if you can't understand it, then respectfully, get out of my way."
For the full cover story, check out InStyle's Spring 2025 digital issue here.
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