Can you imagine landing a dream date with Michael "Bae" Jordan?
He's dressed in his finest Ferragamo suit. He takes you out to an expensive dinner, complete with all of the chivalrous moves like holding the door and pulling out your chair. And to top it off, the shine from his smile is blinding you just enough to occasionally block the view of his dimples, which are literally melting your draws off from underneath your dress. It's perfect. You've landed Hollywood's hottest man candy of the moment.
But, when you go to engage in discussion, you discover he's yellow Starburst material. He thinks that The Weeknd's latest album was garbage, he's never seen The Sixth Sense, and he thinks astrology is a waste of time.
While you're passionately explaining cusps and cardinal signs, you can see his eyes glazing over and it's then that you realize:
You have no chemistry.
Chemistry although often hard to define, is something we all know. It's that "click" you feel with someone, whether the relationship is romantic or platonic, that affirms that they're your kind of person. It's a special connection with someone whose mind is equally blown after learning useless trivia like the eye and the vagina are the only self-cleaning organs. And the crazy part about chemistry is that there isn't much else that can make up for it.
All of the six-pack abs, bottom lip-licking in the world doesn't make it effortless to enjoy someone's company.
And the older I get, the more I realize that enjoying someone's company shouldn't require a huge amount of effort. If you're forcing smiles and easily distracted by Instagram, it might be a sign that your energy isn't a good mix.
So y'all know I love me some Married At First Sight, the Lifetime Show where relationship experts match two strangers who based on their lifestyles, interests, and personalities should be a match made in reality TV heaven. The most recent season made me think about chemistry and how much it's played a part in the relationships I've formed. Even with all of the pieces in place, like a shared love of Thai food, insatiable wanderlust, or a slightly unhealthy worship of any music involving Lil' Wayne, what I've learned from MAFS is that what you share in common interests can't make up for what you lack in chemistry.
Molly and Jonathan were one couple featured on the show who, although they had a lot in common, struggled to find chemistry and ultimately decided to go their separate ways. The couple was matched based on qualities and interests they had in common, but decidedly never consummated the marriage and seemed to go from cocktails and light conversation to slut-shaming in a matter of minutes. During the last few episodes, Jon shared that he was just as confused as everyone else why something that seemed to be a perfect match never quite took off:
"I don't know [why it didn't work]. It just didn't work for her at any point, so don't ask me. I was just there."
"Molly and I get along. We can sit in a room, we can go have drinks, we can get along. We are the same person, and so that's where everyone is confused and where Cal is confused. And I'm sitting there like, 'This has been my frustration the whole time.' When she goes, 'I don't like you,' but [I'm thinking], 'I am you!'"
One thing that stands out to me is that being in someone's company isn't the same thing as enjoying their company.
You ever been in a situation where you realize you aren't experiencing something with someone as much as you're just occupying the same space? I recently looked back at a friendship and realized although I had someone I thought was a BFF because we did everything together, we weren't really making any memories together. I thought about the number of times I'd be at a concert singing until my lungs were sore while she scrolled through her phone the entire time. I recalled the jokes I had to explain because she had no context for them. After a while, it became clear to me that the amount of time I spent actually enjoying the friendship didn't nearly measure up to the amount of time I forced myself to make it work.
But what does chemistry look like? In one word: Effortless.
It's not as much about having something in common with someone as it is your ability to balance them. I've dated men who had that Drake charisma going on, and whose looks would momentarily distract from the fact that we didn't have a damn thing to talk about. But in the end, I ended up marrying the guy I fell in love with on a pull out sofa in the living room cracking up over the "Safety Training" episode of The Office. The guy who knows to belt out "North Carolinaaaa!" when I tell my toddler to stop acting like Petey Pablo while she swings her t-shirt over her head. He gets my random references. He knows exactly who I'm throwing shade at when I give him the side eye after we pull up to a light and a dozen people cross. (It's the dude strolling casually like he's too cool to catch some of this windshield when the light turns green).
Most importantly, it's a level of understanding and likeability that doesn't require a whole lot of explanation.
But what if you're like Molly and Jonathan with more bars than a Verizon commercial but somehow still unable to make a connection? Can chemistry be created? Furthermore, do you really need to instantly "click" with someone to go on to have a great relationship?
When it comes to romantic relationships, it depends on your priorities and how hard you want to work for it.
I've had relationships where the attraction wasn't instant, and while they weren't a complete waste, I didn't like the feeling of convincing myself that I should be into a certain person. Chemistry didn't eliminate problems or annoyances in my relationships, but it did make them a hell of a lot easier to get through. It's also worth saying that there are different types of chemistry, you can click with someone's personality although you may not have initially been attracted to them. In addition, you may find yourself sitting across the dinner table from "King Killmonger" himself and feel the mutual butterflies from the waist down.
But ultimately, if the only time you enjoy one another is when you're undressed, you might be limited to your choice of activities in the relationship, and I'm pretty sure shopping for throw pillows butt naked in Target is illegal. There's a reason why we're not all out here getting Nobel Prizes in science. Chemistry is hard, whether you're sitting in a classroom or a coffee shop. And while sparks don't exactly make or break relationships, what I have learned is that relationships are much more enjoyable when it doesn't feel like you're forcing any feelings.
And it's comforting to know that, dimples and all, Michael B. may not be for me if he can't appreciate the genius that is M. Night Shyamalan, but if Winston Duke wants to talk all things Unbreakable, I might have some time.
Featured image by Giphy
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Ananda Lewis Clarifies Why She Didn't Get A Mastectomy & Says She's Doing 'Better' After Stage IV Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Former MTV VJ Ananda Lewis received a lot of backlash from online critics after sharing she decided to forgo a double mastectomy. But there's more to the story.
Ananda was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer in 2019, and during a recent round table discussion with CNN's Stephanie Elam and Sara Sidner, she revealed that she decided not to get a double mastectomy and, now, she has stage IV cancer.
Following that interview, she clarified why she did not get the surgery. “The circumstances were not conducive to surgery because my tumor wasn’t aggressively growing at the time, and then COVID hit,” Ananda told The Epoch Times.
She opted for a cryoablation treatment instead, which uses extreme cold to destroy the cancer cells.
Another thing the 51-year-old wanted to clarify was whether she was dying. She said she is not. “Nothing happened. Today, I am fantastic. I may have felt like I was dying in February, but I’m not dying, and I’m definitely doing better than I was last October,” she said.
She is focused on taking care of herself and getting a "good 20 more years out of this body." She follows a keto diet and avoids alcohol, white flour and white sugar.
During the CNN roundtable discussion, the mother of one shared that she had an integrative approach to her treatment, which included traditional medicine and homeopathy methods such as red light therapy.
“My plan at first was to get out excessive toxins in my body. I felt like my body is intelligent, I know that to be true. Our bodies are brilliantly made,” she said.
“I decided to keep my tumor and try to work it out of my body a different way,” she continued. “Looking back on that, I go, ‘You know what? Maybe I should have.’
Ananda also admitted that she wasn't prioritizing early detection, such as getting mammograms. The former talk show host's mom also had breast cancer and chose to go the conventional route, which influenced her to go a non-traditional route.
As a content creator, Ananda uses her social media to inform others on the things she's learned about obtaining good health such as toxic items to through out of your pantry and the many benefits of water.
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Feature image by Paul Archuleta/Getty Images