I've had the honor and pleasure of being a regular feature writer for xoNecole for a little over a year now. And something that I've noticed—really without even planning it—is I've been really into penning sex-themed articles. Last fall, we explored how to have some great "fall sex". Christmas, we got into how to have some ho-ho-ho (c'mon, you know what I mean) sex. So, how in the world could Valentine's Day roll around and I not offer up some tips on how to have some cupid-themed coitus?
What got me even more excited to pen this is the fact that this year, Valentine's Day is on a Friday. This means that if you plan it out right, you've got the entire weekend to put these 15 tips into play. So, are you ready to make Valentine's Day the best day of the year when it comes to getting freaky-deaky? Read on, sis. Forward it to your man while you're at it.
1. “Edge” in the Morning Before Work
A poet by the name of Sylvia Townsend Warner once said, "Anticipation of pleasure is a pleasure itself." Yep. What she said. And when it comes to sex, one of the best ways to create the feeling of anticipation is edging. I'm assuming that a lot of y'all already know what that is, but just to be safe, edging is when you get you and your partner to the point of having an orgasm, but you don't allow yourself to completely climax. Why would someone "torture" themselves in that way? It's because the build-up only intensifies the orgasm once you actually do have it. So yeah, start off your Valentine's Day by at least getting a little foreplay in. Just make sure that neither of you "complete the act". It will drive you both crazy in the best kind of way. You'll be thinking about your partner all day long and since our brain is our biggest sex organ, edging really is one of the best kinds of sexual stimulation that there is.
2. Send Your Partner Something “Naughty” to Work
When's the last time you send your boo thang something at work? Since Valentine's Day is a day when bouquets and other cutesy stuff tends to be in abundance at the office, use this as a time to have a courier send your partner a very special well-wrapped package. It can be some lace panties, a hotel room key, a sex toy or some sensual massage oil. Anything that makes the message abundantly clear that today some ish is going down—just as soon as your partner walks through the door.
3. Have Their Favorite Meal Delivered to Their Job Too
If you and your partner were considering having a romantic dinner on Valentine's Day, while that's certainly a sweet gesture and all, it's not really the wisest thing if you want to have sex afterwards. Aside from the fact that it can definitely set you up for getting the "itis" and being too tired to have sex, heavy meals prevent us from feeling very sexy.
Plenty of nutritionists and dieticians recommend eating high-calorie breakfasts or lunches and following that up with a light dinner. So, if you want to treat your loved one to a nice V-Day meal, meet them for lunch or have their favorite mid-day meal delivered to their place of work. Eat something lighter later that evening (more on this in a moment).
4. Pick Up a “Sex Pillow”
I was recently talking to a wife about how her husband is constantly trying to put her legs over his shoulders. For years, it wasn't her favorite position because, well, everybody ain't a gymnast, ya know? But once she invested into a sex pillow that supported her back while elevating her body, it became an instant go-to for her as well. Moral to the story, you'd be amazed what you can do if you've got a sex pillow of your own in tow. If you need a few referrals,Cosmo andRefinery 29 has a few recommendations.
5. Get Some Red (or Purple or Orange) Light Bulbs Too
A part of what makes sex great is the ambiance, right? If your man loves looking at you during sex (and a ton of men do) but you're a little on the self-conscious side, swap out the bulbs in your bedroom (or wherever it is that you plan on getting it in) to red, purple or orange ones. These are the hues that make a room feel warmer and make us feel sexier. This one tip alone can totally bring out another side of you. Trust me.
6. Order In
Who wants to cook for hours and then stay up all night having sex? If you don't want to go out to eat because restaurants are going to be crowded but you don't really feel like cooking either, order something for dinner to be delivered to your house. On the heels of what I said earlier, just make sure that it's something light like salmon, sushi bowls, Indian dishes, veggie risotto, elaborate salads—something that is delicious and won't leave you starving but also something that won't make you want to immediately fall asleep afterwards either.
7. Put Together an “Emotional” Spotify Playlist
Something that I'm so glad is back is All Def Digital. Anyway, some of the team recently did a Great Taste episode entitled "Best Sex Position". Aside from it being pretty funny, I must say that I don't know what KevOnStage was talking about (at the 5:45 mark) when he said that he prefers sex without any music. What in the world? Although I do get how "the sound of belly smacks" (his words, not mine) can be erotic, going without a playlist sounds a little cray-cray if you ask me. Besides, there is plenty of evidence to support that music during sex triggers the production of the feel-good hormone dopamine.
My two cents would be to come up with a playlist that doesn't only consist of sex jams. Find ones that take you back to your first kiss, the first time you said, "I love you" and, if you're married, your wedding day. Most people will agree that sex that comes with an emotional connection as well as a physical desire is the best kind of sex that there is. Music is a fabulous way to "merge the two lanes" and make you feel that much closer to your partner.
8. Make a DIY Chocolate Strawberry Sugar Scrub
When we think about Valentine's Day, a signature thing that comes to mind is chocolate. It's a traditional gift. It tastes good. It's also an aphrodisiac. The reason why chocolate makes us horny is because it contains tryptophan and phenylethylamine; both of these things help to stimulate sexual arousal. If you want to feed each other chocolate candy, feel free. Or, if you'd like to take a more amatory approach, make a chocolate-covered sugar scrub. If bathing together is on the agenda, it's probably the most delicious way to exfoliate that I can think of. You can cop a fairly easy DIY recipe here.
9. Get Creative with Rose Petals
Roses are nice. But who said that they always have to be used in the traditional—and predictable—kind of way? Take a bath with your man in some rosewater (you can DIY it by clicking here). Give each other a sensual massage with some rose essential oil. Sprinkle rose petals all over your bed. Or purchase something that straight up tickled me—a rose blunt wrap. Not only are roses super sweet, sentimental and romantic, but the scent of roses is considered to be an aphrodisiac too. A part of the reason why is because the smell of this particular flower has a way of calming down your nervous system while heightening your sensitivity to touch. All of these are good enough reasons to definitely make roses a part of your Valentine's Day sex night plan, whether they are your favorite flower or not.
10. Put Some Fantasies in a Jar—then Pull Two (or More) of ‘Em Out
I try and convey, as often as possible, that there are three jars that I think every couple should have in their possession—a date jar, a sex jar and a fantasy jar. Fantasy jars are important because they encourage you to tap into your imagination in order to get some of your sexual creative juices flowing. One way to learn more about each other's wilder sides is to get out a piece of paper, cut it into long pieces and have each of you write a fantasy on each one. Then put the pieces of paper in a jar, shake the jar around and pull two out. Whatever it says, agree to do (or at least consider doing). Chances are, both of you will discover a new "kink" that neither of you was aware of. Fantasies are always a surefire way to breathe new life into anyone's sex life.
11. Toast Each Other with Red Wine
Since this year, Valentine's Day falls on a Friday, you can actually turn it into a staycation sexcation if you want to. You know what else you can do? Toss a few extra drinks back. If you're planning to be home all weekend and you want to get drunkety drunk, why not? For the record, what I will say is if you want alcohol to actually enhance your sexual experience, it's best to go with red wine.
It is proven that the plant flavonol quercetin that's in it will not only increase testosterone levels in men, but it will increase blood flow to women's erogenous zones too.
Put a romantic spin on gettin' crunk by toasting your partner with words of affirmation and love. It's a great way to emotionally connect while getting horny at the same time. Just sayin'.
12. Replace the Grapefruit with a Chocolate-Glazed Donut
I read and research the topic of sex a lot, so I honestly can't tell you where I happened upon this, but it stayed in my head. What is "it"? Well, although many people didn't know about "the grapefruit" until the movieGirls Trip, those of us who are self-professed oral sex connoisseurs are fully aware that there is someone else to thank. The originator (at least to my knowledge)? Her name is Angel. You can watch her video here. It is totally NSFW, so make sure your earplugs are in or you watch it once you get home.
Anyway, I read somewhere that an, umm, different variation to this is to swap out the grapefruit for a chocolate-glazed donut. That's right. Actually slip the donut onto your partner's shaft and see how much chocolate you can get off of it without actually eating the donut itself. I'm thinking this is a great "win" for folks who hate how grapefruit tastes. Plus, since chocolate is an aphrodisiac, it can only make giving fellatio that much…well, sweeter.
13. Get Your “Vagitarian” to Do Some Light Blowing
A few months back, when I wrote about sexual deal-breakers, something that I should have mentioned was being with a man who is not a vagitarian. I'm pretty sure you can guess what that is, right? How anyone can be with someone who isn't down with cunnilingus—cough, cough, DJ Khaled—is beyond me, chile. But to each their own…I guess. Anyway, something that a couple of women say makes them want to climb the walls is when their man lightly blows on their clitoris right when they are about to cum. They say that it creates a tingling sensation that is bar none. Since that little organ houses 8,000 nerve endings, I can see why that lil' trick is a fan favorite. Try it and report back.
14. Try the Goodnight Kiss, Clapper and/or Pretzel Dip Sex Position
I think that special days are a great time to break out a new sex position. This Valentine's Day, how about the Goodnight Kiss, the Clapper or the Pretzel Dip? The Goodnight Kiss is basically just like it sounds, with a twist. Face one another, kiss passionately and then participate in mutual masturbation while you're kissing. From there, you can transition into the Clapper. Get on your knees and lean forward, making sure to stretch your arms past your head. Then have your partner come behind you with his arm holding him up and his legs outside of your hips as he penetrates you. From there, how about the Pretzel Dip? For this one, I can show you easier than I can tell you. Relatively speaking, of course (click here).
15. Sleep in and Have Some Morning Sex Too
Again, Valentine's Day is on a Friday this year so, where you got to go on Saturday? If you have kids, set up a sleepover at one of their friend's house and make plans to sleep in until at least noon. And by "sleep" what I mean is have lots and lots of morning sex. Is there anything better than sex, then sleep, only to wake up and have some more sex? Exactly. Happy Valentine's Day. Make it a really, really good one. Whew, chile.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
And even though I’m not personally a social media (account) user, I must say that two things that I find to be pretty sad about where TikTok is headed (should it truly and finally come to an end) are one, all of the money that it’s going to cost its creators (I actually read that it will be close to a whopping $1.3 billion in the first month of a ban) and two, the fact that when it comes to researching things to write about, TikTok is so much better and easier than Facebook or Instagram (Mark Zuckerberg is a real trip right now; keep checking up on him too…SMDH).
A great example of this: learning about the diaper rash face cream trend that everyone seems to be raving about these days; especially on TikTok. Yeah, it all might sound crazy on the surface, but I’ve actually got some intel, along with videos from Black women who don’t regret putting something that was made for a baby’s butt (relatively speaking) all over their face.
Are you ready to see if it’s something that just might work for you as well?
Video credit: @_nvrseeme via TikTok
Diaper Rash on Your Face Even Has a Name: Face Basting
GiphyYou learn something new every day, chile. Personally, I think a big reason is because something new is made up all of the time. LOL. Take skin or face basting, for example. Now, unless you are someone who already puts diaper rash cream on your face, I’d be close to shocked if you know what that term means. If you’re like me — someone who just found out while conducting research for this piece — and you’re curious, skin basting is what happens when you want to do an overnight treatment on your skin with the help of diaper rash cream (face basting is when you apply it to your face only).
And just why would you do something like this? Well, for one thing, diaper rash cream tends to have a good amount of an ingredient called zinc oxide in it. It’s beneficial for your skin in a myriad of ways including the fact that it 1) helps to create a protective barrier on it; 2) can shield your skin from damaging UV rays; 3) locks moisture into dry skin; 4) helps to heal damaged skin tissue; 5) can help to prevent bacterial infections from occurring (or spreading); 6) increases the production of collagen; 7) slows down the signs of skin aging, and 9) can even treat dandruff.
If you add to that the fact that the lanolin and dimethicone (which are also skin protectants) are also in many diaper rash creams — hell, why wouldn’t you consider putting at least a dab or two of the stuff onto your face to see if it helps at all? I mean, GOODNESS.
Video credit: @staria_brantley via TikTok
Why Face Basting Is Better than Face Slugging
GiphyAnd what if you’re reading all of this and you’re thinking that face basting sounds a lot like something else that you’ve casually come across: face slugging? If that is the case, you may be wondering if there is a difference between the two. There is.
Face basting is about letting diaper rash cream soak into your skin for a significant amount of time. Face slugging is when you substitute the cream for a thick ointment like Vaseline or Aquaphor.
The method behind the madness of “slugging” is it could possibly help to heal dry skin and keep it soft for a longer period of time — although, to me, it seems like a surefire way to clog up your pores (so please report back, if you’ve tried this before). Plus, I can only imagine what your pillowcases and sheets end up looking and feeling like the next morning. Yeah, on the slugging tip, I’ll pass.
Video credit: @that.calliegirl via TikTok
Who Shouldn’t Attempt to “Baste Their Face”
GiphyAs you can see from the TikTok videos that I’ve interwoven throughout this article, some women are real fans of face basting. Still, that doesn’t mean it should be the go-to remedy for everyone. For one thing, if diaper rash cream only had zinc oxide, lanolin, and dimethicone, you might be all good; however, that isn’t the case. Mineral oil, fragrance, and other ingredients that are oftentimes in diaper rash cream could potentially irritate your skin.
Another thing to keep in mind is because diaper rash cream is also thick (like Vaseline), there is a chance that your breakouts could get worse due to potential pore clogs. Same goes for if you have oily skin or super sensitive skin (because a baby’s bottom has “tougher” skin than the skin that is on your face).
In all of these instances, if you want to see if diaper rash cream could be the skin remedy that you’ve been looking for, avoid the full-on basting and just apply a bit on your face. Wait a few days to see if there are any unwanted side effects and go from there — although it’s also a good idea to keep in mind that you can always purchase some plain zinc oxide ointment or speak with a dermatologist about what would ultimately be best for you.
Other Practical Uses for Diaper Rash Cream
GiphyWhew, chile. Now that you know what diaper rash can do for your face, you’d be more than warranted to be curious about if it can benefit you in other ways. The answer is actually…yes. Hangnails. If you “baste your nail cuticles” with it a couple of nights a week, it will help to keep your cuticles well-moisturized (since hangnails pretty much come from dry cuticles).
Vulvovaginitis. Vulvovaginitis is a technical term for irritation of the vulva. So long as you apply the ointment to your vulva only, it can help to bring temporary relief to itchiness or irritation (it’s good for girls as well as women, by the way).
Thigh chafing. If thigh chafing is something that you deal with,the zinc oxide that’s in diaper rash cream can serve as a barrier for your skin, so that it’s not as much of an issue.
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Personally, I’ve got a pretty good skin regimen going right now, so I’m not sure if I’ll be doing the face basting thing any time soon. Now nail basting? Diaper rash cream just might have me sold there. Because when you stop to think about the fact that you can get so much from a (roughly) $10 container or tube — why not?
Y’all, who knows if TikTok will be done this year. Just in case, let’s use this article as an opportunity to thank it for the hacks that sometimes do actually work.
Well done, TikTok. This time. LOL.
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