Now, before I go any deeper, when I say "vagina", I'm not actually referring to the inner tube where penises go in and babies come out. I'm using this term because it's the common way most of us refer to our labia (our vagina's inner and outer lips) and, to a certain extent, our vulva, in general (the area that consists of what our pubic hair covers, our lips, our clitoris, our urethral opening [which is where we urinate] and our vaginal opening).
Keeping all of this in mind, did you know that labiaplasties (a surgical procedure in which the labia is reconstructed) have gone up over 200 percent over the past few years and one of the main reasons why is because some women feel like their vagina is "ugly"? Listen, when it comes to cosmetic procedures, it really is to each their own. However, every surgical procedure comes with its customized set of risks. Cosmetic surgery ain't cheap. Plus, if you're only considering a labiaplasty because you feel like your vagina is unattractive or "not right", let me just tell you right now that perspective couldn't be further from the truth. I don't have to see it to say it. The fact that there are a variety of different ones automatically proves my point.
And just what do I mean by "different ones"? That's what I'm gonna share with you today—the reality surrounding the fact that when it comes to our vulva area, there are different kinds of lips, not everyone's clit is the same size and actually, our labias aren't even all the same color. Knowing this is what I hope will help every woman who's reading this to fall totally in love with their vagina, no matter what it looks like.
Is There Such a Thing As an “Abnormal” Vagina?
When it comes to the difference between a so-called normal or abnormal vagina, I'm gonna be honest with you—that isn't what the focus should be. Vaginas come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and colors, so what you need to be far more concerned with is if your vagina is healthy or not. If you've got a rash or warts; if your vagina is itchy or irritable; if you see some discharge that is a different scent or color than what you're used to; if your inner lips (more on that in a sec) are suddenly a different color, and/or if you're experiencing pain during intercourse, then this is when you should be concerned.
Otherwise, if you're simply wondering if something is wrong because you're not sure what "right" is, aesthetically speaking, let me break down the varieties that vaginas tend to come in.
10 Different Traits of Vaginas
1. Small Lips
What does it mean if you've got small lips? First, let's talk about the technical terms for your lips down below. You've got the labia majora which is your outer lips (you know, the set of lips that you see just by standing in the mirror and looking directly at your vulva area) and you've got the labia minora; it's the part of your lips that your clitoris is connected to.
When you've got small lips, this means your lips the have a tendency to lay pretty fat against your pelvic bone. Sometimes the lips meet so that your clitoris and inner lips aren't exposed; sometimes they are open so that your inner lips can be easily seen.
An interesting fun fact about these lips is while they are prominent in adult entertainment, they're actually less common than some of the other types of vaginas that I'm about to share with you (another "fun fact"? The trend of going without pubic hair is also heavily influenced by adult entertainment because so many of the women in the industry don't have any).
2. Curvy Lips
When I think of how to describe a vagina that has curvy lips, what immediately comes to mind is the shape of a wishbone. Basically, the outer lips curve in such a way that the ends of them meet which can sometimes leave your clitoris exposed. It's no biggie except for the fact that you might want to take a Q-Tip and some oil (like coconut, avocado, grapeseed or sweet almond oil), gently pull back your clitoral hood and clean your vagina out; sometimes it being exposed can make it more susceptible to collecting lint 'n stuff.3. Asymmetrical Lips
My left breast is actually a little bit larger than my right. I didn't notice until my girls decided to show all the way out and become an H cup. At first it irked me a bit but the more that I accept that things like breasts, eyebrows, feet, etc. are "sisters" and not "twins", it really is whatever. So long as both of them are healthy, it's all good. That said, there are some women who have asymmetrical lips. All this means is that one lip may be larger or "thicker" than the other. It's not a sign that anything is wrong. It's just another "sistah thang" that you've got going on.
4. Large Outer Lips
These are the kind of lips that have a nickname 'round some parts. If you've ever heard a vagina be referred to as being a "fatty", it's usually because a woman's outer lips are…"fluffy" is the word that comes to mind. It's because that area has skin that is either thicker or even somewhat looser than some other vulvas are. Sometimes, it might make you feel self-conscious when it comes to wearing a bathing suit but girl, it shouldn't. Cushy vaginas ain't nothin' to be ashamed of. I know some folks who are big time fans of 'em. #wink
5. Large Inner Lips
OK, so remember how I said earlier that there is the labia majora and then there's the labia minora? In some instances, instead of the lips that are on the outside (the labia majora) being larger, it's actually the lips that are on the inside (the labia minora) that are. It usually just means that your inner lips feel "meatier" to the touch.
6. Long Outer Lips
When you've got large outer lips, they are fluffy, right? Well, when you have long outer lips, it typically means that they are made from a thinner layer of skin and that they extend down maybe an inch or two longer than other outer vaginal lips do. Again, perfectly fine.
7. Long Inner Lips
What if your inner lips seem to dangle far past your outer lips, sometimes to the point where you've got extra folds of skin or where your lips seem to stick out of your panties? All this means is that your inner lips are really long. This isn't uncommon either. In fact, some women's inner lips can hang over an inch past their outer lips.
8. Small Clitoris
I've written about clitorises on this platform before (check out "10 Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Your Clitoris" and "7 Reasons You Should TOTALLY Be In Love With Your Clitoral Hood"). What I continue to find to be interesting about this particular part of our body is that the only real purpose it seems to serve is providing us women with sexual pleasure (and praise the Lord for that!). Well, that and the fact that like penises, a clitoris is able to become erect and it has foreskin (hence the clitoral hood).
As far as what the "normal" size of clitoris should be, there really is no such thing. Some women have small clitorises that are around the size of a pea, although it should go on record that clitorises do range anywhere from 0.2 to 3.5 cm long and up to 1 cm wide. Anyway, if you've got a tiny one, that's not a problem. It's just a part of what makes you…you.
9. Big Clitoris
And what if your clitoris is on the far larger size? No worries there either because there are some that can easily compare to the size of the greater part of a thumb. The bonus when it comes to those is they can make climaxing easier. On the other hand, the challenge is that sometimes they are so sensitive that you may get aroused at times when you're not exactly aiming to. Either way, I know some women who wish their clitoris was smaller. When it comes to having orgasms, they should actually count themselves to be quite blessed.
10. Vaginas Aren't All Pink, Either
OK, when it comes to this particular point, I'm referring to your actual vagina and your labia minora (inner lips) because when it comes to your outer lips (labia majora), they're usually the color of the rest of your skin. Your vagina, specifically, though—it can be pink, red, pink or reddish brown or even a burgundy color. It's also not uncommon for it to have a little bit of discoloration to it.
This is why I'm all for performing vaginal self-exams, at least once a season, because they can help you to get used to how your vagina normally appears. That way, if something seems different, you'll know that you need to get your vagina checked out.
For instance, if your vagina is typically a deep pink color and it turns red, it could be a heads up that the area is irritated; perhaps that you've got a yeast infection. The moral to this point is, you might've heard that all vaginas are pink and that's simply not the case. Shades of pinks, reds, pink or reddish-browns or wines are perfectly fine too.
Now That You Know, Love on “Her”
OK, so now that you see that vaginas run the gamut on the variety tip, I hope you also get that there is absolutely no reason to think that anything is wrong with how yours appears. Automatically, it's beautiful, because it looks how it was created to—and trust me, honey, men feel honored to be in the presence of one, just because. I am learning more and more that they are not nearly as picky about our bodies as we tend to be, so if that is the root of your hesitation, let that go too.
Not too long ago, I penned "When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?" for the site. Before another week goes by, make some time to check it out and then follow through on some of the tips. You are unique and your vagina is a part of you. Salute that fact. You both deserve for you to.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Colman Domingo’s Career Advice Is A Reminder That Our Words Shape Our Reality
When it comes to life, we are always here for a good reminder to shift our mindsets, and Colman Domingo just gave us one we didn't know we needed.
In a resurfaced clip from an appearance at NewFest shared as a repost via Micheaux Film Festival, the Emmy award winner dropped a gem on how he has navigated his decades-spanning career in Hollywood. The gem in question? Well, Colman has never identified with "struggle" in his career. Let that sit.
Colman Domingo On Not Claiming Struggle
"I’ve never said that this career was tough. I’ve never said it was difficult. I’ve never said it was hard," Colman said. "Other people would say that—‘oh, you're in a very difficult industry. It's very hard to get work and book work.’ I’m like, I’ve never believed that."
Instead of allowing himself to be defined by other people's projections about their perceptions of what the industry is or was, Colman dared to believe differently even if his reality was playing catch up with his dreams:
"Like Maya Angelou said words are things. And if you believe that, then that's actually what it is. Actually I've just never believed it. Someone told me some years ago, they said, 'I remember you were, you're a struggling actor.' I'm like, 'I don't.'"
"I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living..."
He continued:
"Even when I was bartending and hustling and not having opportunities or anything, I never believed that I was struggling because I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living and creating and being curious."
Colman’s philosophy of attaching to living instead of struggle has blossomed into an enduring career. He first made his mark on stage in acclaimed Broadway productions before transitioning to the screen, where his star began to rise in the 2010s following his role as Victor Strand in Fear The Walking Dead. From there, his presence only grew, landing memorable supporting roles in If Beale Street Could Talk, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and the hit series Euphoria.
In more recent years, Colman has stepped fully into the spotlight with standout leading performances in Rustin and Sing Sing, both of which earned him widespread critical acclaim and Academy Award nominations for Best Actor.
With all that said, Colman's advice is no doubt powerful, especially for those who are chasing their dreams, building something from the ground up, or have question marks about what's next in their careers. Words shape our realities, and how we speak about our journeys even in passing matters.
Words Create Our Reality & Colman Is Living Proof
"I tell young people that. To remember the words that you say about yourself and your career are true. So, I choose to make it full of light and love and it's interesting and every day I'm going to learn something new even if it looks like I don't have what I want but it's important to be in the moment... you really build on the moments moment to moment.
"And you're looking back at your career as I've been in it for what 33 years and you're like, 'Wow, that's what I've been doing.' And I've stayed strong to that so I think that is truly my advice."
Let this be your sign to give your path a reframe. When the path you're on feels uncertain, the journey is still unfolding. Like Colman said: "I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living."
That's a Black king right there.
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