This Valentine's Day Can Be Sweeter, Sexier...Different.
Valentine's Day is an interesting holiday to me in the sense that it tends to come with such polarizing reactions—either folks totally adore it or they loathe it with every fiber of their being. When it comes to those who choose to stand behind Door #2, oftentimes, it's not because they are alone for the big day either. It's usually because there is unexpected pressure to go over-the-top or they are bored with the same 'ole roses, teddy bears and Hallmark cards approach.
This year, I thought it might be a good idea to come up with some ways to observe this calendar day of love that is a little atypical. Nothing too outside of the box but definitely some inspiration to step somewhat outside of the box and create a way to get excited about Valentine's Day…again.
1. Watch the Sunrise Together
The older I get, the easier it is for me to go to bed around 10pm and wake up at the crack of dawn. It's reminded me of the fact that there really is something that is pretty beautiful about sunrises. The sky is beautiful and the birds are chirping, even though the world is still pretty, well, still. If someone is in the bed with you, it's also an ideal time to engage in a little bit of pillow talk or even morning sex with your partner. Thankfully, this Valentine's Day falls on a Sunday but if you happen to work on the weekends or you've got kids, setting your clock to get up a little earlier this year can give you and yours some time alone so that you can start the day—and holiday—off right.
2. Enjoy a Libido-Boosting Breakfast
Breakfast in bed is always pretty romantic. How about making one that is loaded with aphrodisiac foods such as an avocado omelet (the Vitamin E in the avocado will increase your sex drive); some banana pancakes (bananas' potassium will support your sex hormones); some chocolate muffins (chocolate is packed with antioxidants); a couple of strawberry smoothies (strawberries are packed with Vitamin C which can increase blood flow, including to your genitalia) and/or some ginger tea with honey (its gingerol will relax you as the boron in honey will regulate your estrogen and testosterone levels). It's a delicious way to get some of your juices flowing.
3. Customize Your Candles and Wine
As far as Valentine's Day purchases go, I recently saw some candles that cracked me up. If you click on this link here, Etsy has an entire section of ones that say something along the lines of "Light this whenever you want a blow job" (there is one about our clitoris too. You can find it here). It's the kind of gift that is fun and still pretty sexy. On the romantic tip, I don't know too many people who aren't down for a bottle of wine, especially on special occasions. If you'd like to customize the bottle or the packaging, Personal Wine is one site that will let you do just that. And since wine is also considered to be an aphrodisiac, why not? Shoot, my recommendation is that you get both—the candle and the wine. Why not?
4. Take a Walk Down Memory Lane with Childhood Candies
Back when we were in elementary school, many of us went to the grocery store to pick up those Valentine's Day cards that resembled postcards so that we could give them to our friends. As an added bonus, sometimes, we would tape candies to them. I don't know about you, but I actually had some pretty fond memories of this time in my life.
Anyway, another cute idea is to ask your partner what their favorite childhood candies were and then go to a site like Old Time Candy to pick them up. Spending a part of the night sharing childhood stories is a great way to get to know your partner better and understand some of what has made them the person they are today. Real talk.
5. Give Each Other a “Healing” Present
Whenever I think of a favorite India.Arie song, one that immediately comes to my mind is "The Truth". What I've heard other women say that they adore is "He Heals Me". I get it because, could there be a higher praise than telling someone that they play a huge role in bringing you to a state of wholeness? If there is some way that you can say, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that your partner has played a direct role in improving you, restoring you, reviving you, settling you or soothing you, why not get them something that symbolizes that? Maybe a personalized gratitude journal. A chakra bracelet. A massage gift certificate. Some reflexology gloves. A piece of jewelry in their favorite gemstone. One of these, along with a handwritten thank you note can definitely make your partner feel seen and appreciated. And who doesn't want/need that?
6. Make “Why I Love You” Notecards
Speaking of songs, one that continues to totally be my jam, even after all of these years, is Monica's "Why I Love You So Much". Even if you don't have a ton of time or money to do much, something that can be a very sweet gesture is to create some flashcards with different reasons why you love your partner. Break the categories down into physical, emotional, relational, sexual, mental and spiritual. Put each category on the front of the card, color code them and then write your reasons on the back. No matter what your partner's love language may be, this is something that will truly move them. Affirmations always do.
7. Get Creative with Chocolate
This year, instead of just getting your boo a box of chocolates, why not get more creative than that? Make some chocolate body paint (that's self-explanatory, right?). Soak together in a chocolate bubble bath. Soothe each other's muscles with some homemade mint chocolate massage oil. Enjoy a rom-com with some popcorn that is drizzled in chocolate. Kiss your partner all over with some DIY chocolate-flavored lip gloss. Try some chocolate fondue and fruit. If Valentine's Day has a signature flavor, chocolate would have to be it, but no one said that you had to go the traditional route so…don't.
8. Do a Little Bit of Sploshing
A fetish that you may or may not have ever heard of before is sploshing. If you haven't, it's basically all about incorporating food into sex. Only, it's about rubbing food on your partner and/or having them rub it on you and you both eating it off. It's wet. It's messy. But when it's with your favorite partner and you incorporate your favorite kind of food, it can also be kinda hot.
Opt for something like a lemon meringue pie, some jello or anything that has a bit of a "smooshy" texture. Then go into the kitchen (since it's easier to clean that space up) and enjoy smearing the food all over each other and licking it off. It's definitely one of those "you've gotta try it" types of things, but some of my clients (yes, Black ones, 'cause I know how some of y'all can be with the stereotypes—LOL) enjoy every minute of it.
9. Take a Virtual Mixology Class
I've written a few articles on here about how alcohol can boost your libido (check out "8 Summer-Themed Alcoholic Drinks That Can Boost Your Libido" and "Warm Drinks That Will...Warm You & Your Partner Up (Wink)"). If you and yours can always go for a nice drink but you want to expand beyond a glass of wine or shot of tequila, why not sign up for a virtual mixology class this year? Many of them are super affordable. One to consider is on the MasterClass site. You can check it out here.
10. “Mimic” Your Favorite Hotel Room
Whether it's because money is super tight right through here or the pandemic has you on the "Yeah, I'll pass" tip, perhaps spending Valentine's Day in a hotel room isn't on the top of your list this year. A cool workaround is to find a hotel room that you really like and then duplicate the layout as much as possible. Just go to your favorite search engine, put "sexiest hotels" in the search field and links will come up with all sorts of pics of rooms and suites. I used to decorate couples' bedrooms all of the time. You'd be amazed what you can easily find at a Walmart or Target that can totally transform the space for between 30-50 bucks.
11. Take a Shower Together (with Surround Sound)
If there's one place in the house where a lot of couples say that sex is not all that it's cracked up to be, the shower would probably be the one I've heard the most. While it can be a little crammed up in there, who said that you've always gotta actually copulate? Sometimes, it can be a great act of foreplay to just stand underneath the warm water while touching erogenous zones, kissing or even doing a little bit of a slow drag. One way to make any of these options even more appealing is to cop yourself a shower speaker. Some of the best Bluetooth ones are located here.
12. Have Your Own “Ceremony”
If you're married, your wedding day was the "big ceremonious occasion". No one said that had to be your only one, though. Ceremonies are also kind gestures and formal acts. Something else that you can do on Valentine's Day is come up with some new promises to make to one another or create a ceremony (of sorts) that celebrates the love that the two of you share. It can require the two of you dressing up. It can be super casual. It can be a sexual ceremony. The approach and purpose are totally up to you yet it's another way to make Valentine's Day extra special.
13. Enjoy Foreplay by Flipping a Coin
Some couples want to get better at dirty talk but they're not exactly sure how to go about it. If that's you, pull out a nickel or quarter and do what I call "flipping for foreplay". Take turns tossing the coin into the air and calling out heads or tails. If your side wins, tell your partner something that you'd like for them to do for you. If your side loses, they get to make a request. If you do this right, you shouldn't get past five flips or so. At least, that's what I'm thinking. #wink
14. Download a Sex Game App
Have you ever heard of the Desire game app before? If you haven't, you and yours should download it and give it a try. It's basically an app where the both of you can create sexy dares, ranging from light to off-the-charts. Whoever obliges the most wins. Now all you've gotta do is figure out what the prize will be (whew-whee!). If you're game, you can download it here. Another one that's somewhat similar is called Hot & Dirty Dares. You can check it out right here.
15. “Upgrade” Your First Time Together
Whether your first time with your boo was everything you ever imagined it could be or it was honestly kind of a bust, use this Valentine's Day as a bit of either a recreation—or do-over. Set the scene the way you would like. Wear what you want to create the perfect mood. Reminisce about what made both of you decide to take the "leap" when you did. Discuss each other's first time fantasies. Sometimes, I counsel couples who have regrets. You know what I tell them? We can't change the past, but we can always recreate certain memories. Let this Valentine's Day inspire you to do that. You might look up and discover that it has quickly become your favorite holiday of all, if you do.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.