I really enjoy talking to married folks about their relationship. For instance, when I was discussing with a husband I know about why he thinks married couples don't have as much sex as they did when they were single (if they had sex while they were dating), he simply said, "It can be hard to be in the mood to have sex with your business partner and when you're married, you become that. You've got to be intentional about shifting gears." Along those same lines, that's what both husbands and wives have said can make sex after having children a struggle too—that you go from being sex partners to co-parenting partners, and between trying to get on the same page with raising children, finding time for one another and also making sure that you've got even a little bit of energy to make coitus happen…whew…it can be absolutely overwhelming, at times. And that's putting it mildly.
Still, if you ask any reputable relationship therapist, counselor or coach, they are going to tell you that if you want to keep your relationship healthy and thriving, you've got to make time for sex. Sex can't be seen as a luxury; for so many reasons and on so many levels, it is most definitely a necessity.
If you know all of this in theory, yet as a parent, you still struggle with how to make it all go down, I'm hoping that at least a couple of these tips will make it easier—and more enjoyable—to have sex with your partner. No matter how many children may be running around your house.
1. Have the “Sex Talk”
If there is a huge mistake that I think a lot of parents make, it's waiting until a child is basically going into junior high before having "the talk" with them. I believe a part of the hold-up is because people automatically assume that sex education includes graphic discussions and/or exploring sex prevention. The reality is, sex is what brought your son or daughter into the world and, if you're a Bible follower, plenty of Scriptures speak to the fact that God made it (Genesis 2:24-25, Proverbs 5:15, I Corinthians 6:16-20, and all of the Song of Solomon, for example), so there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.
And here's the thing—the earlier your children have an age-appropriate grasp of what sex is and that it's a way that mommy and daddy express love for one another, the easier it will be to have some "steal away moments". Also, you won't have to freak out as much internally, should your children happen to "catch you" in the act. They are already aware of the backstory. Everyone can recover and be just fine.
2. Create Sexy Code Words
There's the general concept of sex and then there's…sex. Listen, just because I'm all for kids knowing the mechanics of sex, along with its purposes (mostly, to "one yourself" with your partner, to share a profound level of intimacy with them and to procreate; in that order too), that doesn't mean I think that your children should be fluent in you and yours "dirty talk". Coming up with code words, so that you and yours can discuss sex without your kids knowing, is another cool hack. Pet names for body parts. Cute words for sex acts. These kinds of things can make it easier for you and your partner to flirt with one another, without worrying about whether or not your children are catching on.
3. Download a Sex Scheduling App
If the challenge that you and your partner have is making time to have sex—not because you don't want to but because both of your schedules are really off the chain—something that you should consider doing is downloading a sex tracking app. It's literally an app that can help you to keep track of how often (or little) you have sex; it can help you and yours to schedule sex too. While it might not seem like the most romantic hack on the planet, I'm a firm believer that scheduling sex is far better than going weeks or months without any sex at all. A popular sex tracking app for iOS is called the Nice Tracker. A list of some other options (some that work with Android phones as well), is listed here.
4. Pull Your Bed Away from the Wall
Something that a lot of my married clients say that they miss about sex prior to having kids is being able to be as loud as they want. Understood (check out "Ever Wonder What The Sounds You Make During Sex Mean?"). First up, there are things that you can do to help to soundproof your room. Installing thicker carpet. Sealing your door. Putting up a ceiling-mounted drape (a drape that covers one of your walls in order to drown out some of the sound). You can read more about this and other tips here.
Another wise idea is to invest in a mattress that nixes a lot of the squeaking that may come from your bodies moving around (you can check out a list of some of the best mattresses, for sex, in 2020 here). On the other hand, if money is tight and you're looking for something that you can do tonight, try pulling your bed a few inches away from the wall. Chances are, it's the headboard banging against the wall that is making a lot more noise than the mattress is. If it's not hitting the wall, it will significantly lower the chances of your kids hearing you—well, y'all.
5. Turn a Sex Schedule into a Sex Game
Back to scheduling sex. If you and/or your partner are all about being spontaneous, turn your schedule into a bit of a game. It can be a guessing game that consists of both of you trying to figure out which day and time works best for each of you beforehand and then having some sort of "prize" for the one who guesses right. It can be a sex flirting kind of game where, once the two of you pick a day, you surprise each other with a sexy text, a massage or some new lingerie (or boxer briefs or boxers in his case). It can be a truth or dare game where, after the date is set, answering a truth makes one sex thing happen while taking a dare results in something totally different. There really are all kinds of ways to make sex on a schedule fun. I mean, look at it this way—kids know that their birthday and Christmas come at the same time every year; they're still excited to see what awaits them. Catch my drift?
6. When They Nap, You Sex
So, what if your kids are really young (like under five) and it seems like, no matter what you do, they are always up and needing something? Perhaps you remember when your little one was first born and the advice that you were given was to sleep whenever they did. The same tip can easily apply to sex. If your children are in a daycare, this tip isn't really relevant. However, if they are at home with you and either you and your partner both work from the house or even one of you does, make an appointment to have sex while your kids are napping. You can use the lunch hour to get it in and, with any luck, that could easily mean that you can have a sex session for no less than 30 minutes or so. Consider it to be a "sex date", if you will.
7. Have Your Own Toy Chest
Whether it's to boost you or your partner's level of sexual confidence, you're looking for a way to bring more spicy into your boudoir or you desire tools that will help to intensify your orgasm, you can never go wrong with having your own toy chest—a sex toy chest, that is. As far as the kinds that are considered must-haves—a vibrator, some handcuffs, a few massage bars, a cock ring, a sex pillow, a waterproof vibrator and lots of bottles of lubricant are all things that can get you off fast, if there isn't a lot of time for foreplay (you know, because of the kids 'n all).
(If you'd like some other sex toy referrals, check out the articles on our site like "8 Crème De La Crème Sex Toys You Can Buy On A Budget" and "Intensify His Pleasure With The Help Of These Sex Toys").
8. Make Their Movie Night Your Quickie Time
Earlier this year, when I wrote "8 'Kinds of Sex' All Married Couples Should Put Into Rotation", one of the kinds that I mentioned was "quickie sex". Quickie sex is dope because it's spontaneous (which can make sex sexy as hell). Also, it doesn't make either one of you feel like every sex session has to be an all-night romp. Well, if you've got some early mornings in the week coming up but you really would like the release that comes from an orgasm or two, don't underestimate the power of putting your kids in one room to watch a movie one afternoon or evening, while the two of you go into another for a quickie. Shoot, if the movie is good enough, you should be able to get a couple of sessions in before they come looking for either one of you.
9. Don’t Limit Yourself to the Bed
I've got a friend who believes that her children are conspiring to keep her and her husband from ever having sex. "It's like if they even sense that we're touching our bed, they're at the door knocking. Doesn't matter what time of day it is either." If you can totally relate, one way to get around this is to remember that, while sex in the bedroom is certainly comfortable, who said that it always has to happen there?
For instance, while I know that some kids don't care if you're in the bathroom either, if there does tend to be at least one place where they'll give you at least 10 minutes of free time, it's in that space. So, consider engaging in some shower sex or telling them that you're going to do something like clean out your closet while they're doing their homework and have your quickie in there. Hey, a hack like this might not earn you a lot of time, but at least you can get off. Besides, if you follow my final point, you can significantly up the chances of having some long, passionate sex…later.
10. Go to Bed at the Same Time
Here's something that you might find interesting (especially if you're engaged). If there's one thing that a lot of the troubled married couples that I work with have in common, it's the fact that they don't go to bed at the same time. While the reasons why are typically pretty innocent—one is a morning person while the other is a night owl or going to bed at different times helps them both to get some "me time" in—the reality is there's solid data to support the fact that couples who don't go to bed at the same time tend to have far more marital conflict while feeling emotionally disconnected from each other.
While I totally get that going to bed at the same time, each and every night, may be somewhat impractical, it's important to try and do it, at least three times a week. It gives you and yours time to bond, have some pillow talk and maybe get a little you-know-what in before falling asleep—and doing the whole mommy and daddy thing all over again the next day. Try it. You just might like it.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Ananda Lewis Clarifies Why She Didn't Get A Mastectomy & Says She's Doing 'Better' After Stage IV Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Former MTV VJ Ananda Lewis received a lot of backlash from online critics after sharing she decided to forgo a double mastectomy. But there's more to the story.
Ananda was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer in 2019, and during a recent round table discussion with CNN's Stephanie Elam and Sara Sidner, she revealed that she decided not to get a double mastectomy and, now, she has stage IV cancer.
Following that interview, she clarified why she did not get the surgery. “The circumstances were not conducive to surgery because my tumor wasn’t aggressively growing at the time, and then COVID hit,” Ananda told The Epoch Times.
She opted for a cryoablation treatment instead, which uses extreme cold to destroy the cancer cells.
Another thing the 51-year-old wanted to clarify was whether she was dying. She said she is not. “Nothing happened. Today, I am fantastic. I may have felt like I was dying in February, but I’m not dying, and I’m definitely doing better than I was last October,” she said.
She is focused on taking care of herself and getting a "good 20 more years out of this body." She follows a keto diet and avoids alcohol, white flour and white sugar.
During the CNN roundtable discussion, the mother of one shared that she had an integrative approach to her treatment, which included traditional medicine and homeopathy methods such as red light therapy.
“My plan at first was to get out excessive toxins in my body. I felt like my body is intelligent, I know that to be true. Our bodies are brilliantly made,” she said.
“I decided to keep my tumor and try to work it out of my body a different way,” she continued. “Looking back on that, I go, ‘You know what? Maybe I should have.’
Ananda also admitted that she wasn't prioritizing early detection, such as getting mammograms. The former talk show host's mom also had breast cancer and chose to go the conventional route, which influenced her to go a non-traditional route.
As a content creator, Ananda uses her social media to inform others on the things she's learned about obtaining good health such as toxic items to through out of your pantry and the many benefits of water.
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