

It really doesn't matter what book or article you read, what stats you pay attention to, or which counselor you ask—if you want to know what one ofthe leading causes of divorce is, all sources are going to put poor communication at the top of the list.
That makes perfect sense, right? Something that I tend to say often (because it's something that I think a lot of us typically overlook) is, in order to be in a healthy relationship with another individual, you need to pay attention to the root word of relationship. And that is "relate". To relate is to "to bring into or establish association, connection, or relation" and "to establish a social or sympathetic relationship with a person or thing". There's no way you can do that if you're not able to, well, communicate.
Communicate: to impart knowledge of; make known; to give or interchange thoughts, feelings, information, or the like, by writing, speaking, etc.; to express thoughts, feelings, or information easily or effectively; to be joined or connected.
As amarriage life coach, I think a main reason why a lot of peopleend up divorcing is because, making sure that they both are effective communicators, is something that is not focused on nearly enough prior to jumping the broom. There aren't enough conversations that start off with, "Wait? Can we both impart knowledge in a way that the other is able to receive it? Are we able to interchange and express our thoughts and feelings in a respectable way? After we're done talking, do we both feel more joined and connected than we did prior to having the conversation that we just did?" So if you're single—and to me, it's best to consider yourself single until your tax documents say otherwise; you can spare yourself a lot of unnecessary potential drama if you choose to look at it this way—I encourage you to check this article out along with the married folks.
There are a lot of couples who love each other. Still, they can't seem to make their marriage work or last because they haven't been able to figure out how to effectively communicate. And that's due to some of the communication missteps that I've listed below.
1. Nagging
OK, so which do y'all want first? The Word or a crazy article that's centered around this very topic? My gut says go with the Bible Scripture first so, here it is—"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman." (Proverbs 21:9—AMPC) Listen, the only way to be triggered by a verse like this is if it somehow applies. I don't know about you, but I've been around nagging women; I've also had times when I've been one. Both sides of the coin are exhausting, so I get where King Solomon was coming from. Now the article. Ready for the title? "I was arrested and locked up for NAGGING my husband: Her marriage became national news when she was thrown in a cell after demanding her other half vacuum the house."
If there's one thing that husbands constantly tell me tops the list of irritants in their marriage, it's being nagged by their wife. I can see why too. Being nagged feels patronizing, condescending and low-key controlling. It's what makes someone feel like a child rather than an adult. And if what you're about to say in response to that is, "Well, when he acts like a child, I treat him like one", in the words of Dr. Phil, "So, how is that working for you?"
If you know nagging is something you could stand to do less of, gift your marriage with a copy ofLove & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and/or check outthis episode of the podcast How Married Are You? that touches on ways to show your husband respect. Although I get why nagging can sometimes be a temptation (like when your man doesn't do something in the time frame that you would like him to), if you stop and pay attention to yourself when you do it, it really is like a verbal version of Chinese water torture. Plus, it tends to breed resentment within your husband more than anything else. Trust me, I've heard that, from many men, more than once.
2. Making Assumptions
A wise person once said, "Don't assume your partner knows about everything you expect in a relationship. Let him know. A relationship should be based on communication, not on assumption." Something that I respect a lot about healthy marriages is the daily surrender that couples make to not try and turn their spouse into a version of themselves. A quote that I say often is by a professional drag racer (among others) by the name of Larry Dixon—"If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary." Translation—you didn't get married to be with a carbon copy of yourself; you got married to someone who will help you to mature and grow. Sometimes, that requires a complete opposite of you (if you're a Christian, some pastors speak pretty eloquently on that very pointhere).
What does all of this even remotely have to do with making assumptions? Well, when it comes to the assumptions that a lot of couples make, what is it oftentimes rooted in? Assuming that your spouse thinks in the same way that you do or that they will operate in the fashion that you do. They are not you. The only way to be sure that you and yours are on the same page is to voice your needs or concerns—and then to get clarity they agree with you.
A lot of marriages suffer due to one or two people who are constantly making assumptions rather than openly communicating. If you make a point to break this one habit alone, you'll be doing your relationship a world of good.
3. Giving the Silent Treatment
It's one thing to need some time to cool off after an argument or to even request a day or two to process a request or some information that you received. But if the silent treatment is all about pouting or grudge-holding, hopefully you just read that line and saw how childish that counterproductive approach can be.
Personally, I think one of the things that I hate the most about this "strategy" is 1) it wastes time and 2) it's also based upon a lot of assumption. While you're out here not speaking to your spouse for 3-4 days at a time, you're assuming that tomorrow is promised. Not only that but the silent treatment is a weird form of crying wolf because, if your partner gets used to you handling issues that way, sooner or later, your silence won't be jarring; it might actually become welcomed and preferred.
Using silence like it's a tug of war in a battle tends to be ineffective, for the most part. So, after cooling down, try and initiate conversation. The sooner things can be worked through, the better off your marriage will be.
4. Talking over the Other Person
I recently watchedan episode of T.I./Tip's podcast ExpediTIously featuring his wife Tameka "Tiny" Harris. Let me just say that the comments were about as interesting as the podcast itself. Although there were definitely moments in the episode that were entertaining, I've got to agree with the commenters—T.I. needed to let his wife talk more. He was cutting her off…a lot. My objective opinion is that he wasn't doing it intentionally or maliciously; he just seemed to really enjoy listening to his own self speak. A lot of us are like that—thinking we're out here having dialogues when they are really monologues.
When it comes to this particular communication faux pas, I'll be the first one to raise my hand in this class and say that God has been looking out for my future husband. How? By making sure that I remained single until I stopped being so eager to get out what I want to say that I also end up cutting off people in the process. I have learned—oh, how I have learned—that one of the best ways to be a good communicator is to listen to what others are saying and then allow them to complete their thoughts. It's even better to take listening up a notch by choosing to process what they shared before responding; if a response is needed/required at all.
When we cut someone off, it's pretty rude. We're basically conveying, "Shut up. What I have to say is far more important." Does that sound like the kind of approach you should take in order for your marriage to flourish?
5. Throwing the Past Up in Each Other’s Face
Not too long ago, I wrote a piece on here entitled "Are You A 'Bad Forgiver'? Read This And See." One sign that you are bad at forgiving is if you continue to live in the past. One way of living in the past is constantly referring to something your spouse did; something that you both already talked through and you've claimed to let go. When it comes to the couples that I have worked with, if there is something that has created quite the wedge between several of them, it's when one of them does something wrong (or even just irritating), their partner claims that all is forgiven, only to throw it up in their face the very next time they do something wrong (or irritating).
When you profess to forgive someone, a part of what you're saying is you're willing to release what happened so that trust can be restored. When you bring it back up, that means you didn't tell the truth and that can make your spouse feel uncomfortable and on edge around you. Why? Because all of us do things that we're not proud of. And, none of us can really heal and move forward, when someone keeps throwing that we've done back at us like it's ammo or something.
This is why I always say that if you're single and you suck at forgiveness, you've got absolutely no business getting married. Because if there is something that you will have to learn to master, almost on a daily basis, it's how to pardon offenses and let ish go. For real, for real go.
6. Being a Know-It-All
One of my friend's husbands. Ugh. He is such a know-it-all. He's that kind of guy who, when you tell him something that he doesn't agree with, he'll email you a long list of stats to disprove your point. Or, when she makes a decision that he doesn't agree with, he'll go behind her to see if she could've done it another way. She just recently told me that they had an argument about postage because he didn't believe what the post office told her. Know-it-alls come off as being mad arrogant. But if you scratch beneath the surface, more times than not, they couldn't be more insecure. They are out here trying to be a walking dictionary, encyclopedia, spiritual book, search engine and sensei, all rolled into one, basically because they need the validation that they are esteemed and valued.
It takes a lot of insight into another person to be able to pick that up, though. And since know-it-alls are so exhausting, they require tons of tolerance too. Before long, folks stop listening and don't really want to hear anything that a know-it-all has to say. Hmph. Talk about a serious breakdown in communication. Besides, what kind of award is given out for being right all of the time? Wouldn't you prefer that your partner actually like being around you than you "winning" all of the time? If you don't,make an appointment with a therapist, quick fast and in a hurry. Your marriage is in a lot more trouble than you probably think that it is. Because it's hard to like a know-it-all; no matter how much you might love them.
7. Having Horrific Timing
Really. When does bad timing ever work? You know that your spouse is in a bad mood, but for some strange reason, you think that then is the time to talk about the problems in your relationship. Or, you know that your spouse has a big project coming up, but while they are working, you want to gripe about your in-laws. There really is no telling how many arguments could be spared if husbands and wives were simply more sensitive when it comes to timing. All timing requires is paying attention to your spouse's words and body language, and then applying patience when it comes to deciding when it is a good time to bring something up…or not.
Speaking of timing, something that I think men and women, in general, could stand to work on, is how they approach each other at the end of the work day. A husband once told me that a man has to mentally "shift gears" from work to home. I believe the same thing applies to wives. So, rather than hitting your spouse at the door with all that needs to be done, how about giving them 20-30 minutes of space in order to "recalibrate" from what was going on at the office to what is needed in the house? This is one tip that can be really effective when it comes to applying good timing in communication.
8. Not Being “Tone Sensitive”
Hey, take it how you wanna, but there are plenty of articles out in cyberspace that co-sign on the fact that men are quite sensitive to tone. Two that immediately come to mind are "No, Women's Voices Are Not Easier to Understand Than Men's Voices" and "Healthy Living: Study says guys naturally can't hear women's voices". If you're curious about why this is the case, according to science, due to our higher register and the more melodic tones in our voice (speaking and otherwise), men have to tap into a different part of their brain in order to fully decipher what we are saying. So, if while you're talking, your man asks you to repeat himself, there's a good chance that he's not ignoring you; he literally didn't pick up on all that you were saying.
Which makes this a good public service reminder that, when it comes to healthy communication, indeed, it is not just about what we say but how we say it. Yelling or screaming not only raises the tension in a conversation but it can cause an even further breakdown in relaying thoughts, ideas and needs. Like it or not, science says so.
9. Talking to Others Before Each Other
I know it's such a controversial topic. "It" being if your spouse should be your best friend or not. But let me offer up a perspective for why my vote is "yes". Do you remember that scene in the movie Brown Sugar when Dre quit his job and he told Sidney about it first? Not his wife Reese; his best friend Sidney. Do you also recall how offended Reese was about that? Remember how, when she finally confronted Sidney about her and Dre's intimacy that she said that she had to fight for all of the information that Sidney already knew? Reese didn't imply she thought that Dre and Sidney were having sex. No, she was threatened by something else—emotional intimacy.
Now, please hear me when I say that I am not the person who thinks that, once you get married, your spouse should be your all and everything. That's not a partner; that is an idol. Of course, you should have friends (if there are healthy boundaries and mutual respect, this includesfriends of the opposite sex). But when you signed up for marriage, you signed up for your spouse to be a true partner and confidante. This means that, unless you are going to someone else first about a marital issue so that you can get a clear and healthy perspective, you really should talk to your spouse before anyone else when it pertains to things that are about them or things that will directly impact y'all's relationship.
No one gets married in order for their spouse's friends to be all up in their business. Anyone who believes otherwise is setting themselves up to either have a partner who doesn't share everything or ends up building up walls due to a lack of trust. Neither of these are good outcomes.
10. Hitting Below the Belt
To me, one of the most beautiful things about marriage is you've committed your life to someone who knows the good, bad and ugly about you. The challenge in marriage is being mature enough to not weaponize the bad and ugly, just to prove a point or "win" an argument. Bottom line, whoever came up with that "sticks and stones" statement is a liar. Words do hurt, and sometimes the wounds last much longer than we think that they will.
So, no matter how much your spouse gets on your nerves or totally pisses you off, never go so low that it attacks their vulnerabilities, self-image or fears. You are supposed to be a safe place for them. You are supposed to be the one who they can communicate any and everything without getting damaged in the process. Always remember that.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
The Signs Of A Truly Intimate Relationship
10 Married Couples Share The Keys To Their Totally Off-The-Chain Sex Life
10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Truly Understood
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Be Careful. Those Casual Friendships Can Be Red Flags Too.
A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to someone vent about an area of frustration that they couldn’t seem to get to the root of — why they keep getting taken advantage of by certain individuals. When you’ve been a life coach for as long as I have (and you were a journalist before that), you learn how to ask certain questions that can cause people to consider things that they may never have before.
So, when I asked her, “What is the common thread with all of those folks? And sit still for two minutes before answering,” when she finally heard her own self speak, her eyes got wide and her mouth dropped open: “They’re all people who I’m not really sure what they are in my life.”
Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
There’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
A couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
I’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
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I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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