If you’ve ever seen the commercials for The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, or Married at First Sight, you know that one thing they all have in common is they promise that each season will be the most shocking ever (chile). The reason why I’m bringing this up is because articles with headlines like this do have a bit of clickbait to them (I ain’t got no lies to tell you); at the same time, that’s not to say that if you apply one, two or all 15 of them that they can bring something out of you and your partner that you’ve never quite experienced before — on Valentine's Day or any other day for that matter.
So yeah, I’m gonna stand firmly on the square that some of these tips have all of the capabilities in the world to give you some of the best sex that you have ever had. And while we’re here, if you’ve got some other suggestions, feel free to share those in the comments section. I’m/we’re all ears, chile.
1. Get Your Bed Right
Let’s start off with something practical; especially if you have kids. Y’all, I can’t tell you how many times married people have told me that sex has become less…let’s go with 'thrilling,' because with children, they feel like they’ve got to be extra cautious; especially when it comes to noise levels.
I get it, so let me just say that doing things like pulling the bed away from the wall, applying some WD-40 to your bed frame (if it’s made of metal), and adding a mattress pad (to make your mattress quieter) are all hacks that can help out in the noise department. So can turning on some music or even ASMR videos of rain or ocean waves (YouTube has plenty of them; some go for as much as 12 hours! Just go to the site and put “rain” or “ocean” sounds in the search field).
Speaking of bedding, you might want to invest in some bamboo sheets; they are made out of moisture-wicking fabric which basically means they absorb sweat ‘n other stuff easier than cotton ones do (lowering your thermostat can assist with reducing heavy sweating too). Also, using something like a waterproof mattress cover or even a large shower curtain is wise — just in case you decide to try some of these other things out and you want to avoid messing up your sheets and comforter in the process. #justsayin
2. Edge in the Morning
I can’t recall what I was recently watching where absolutely no one on the show knew what edging was. All I thought was, “Well, that’s a damn shame” because if you want to up your chances of experiencing one of the most intense orgasms that you’ve ever had before, edging can certainly help to get you there. It’s basically what happens when you stimulate each other until you’re right on the brink of climaxing — and then you stop. Then you repeat the pattern a couple of times.
If you’ve never done it before, it might seem like a twisted form of counterproductive torture, but it actually isn’t. Aside from the fact that edging can make orgasming easier to do later on, it can also take your desire for your partner to new highs — and lows (depending on how you look at it). And that can make for a really great Valentine’s Day evening…if you catch my drift.
3. Enjoy an Aphrodisiacs-Themed Lunch
A few years ago, an article that I wrote for the platform was entitled, “Eat Your Way To Better Sex With Aphrodisiacs.” Although health experts will probably debate until the cows come home (or the roosters stop crowing or whatever other country ass saying there is) about whether or not aphrodisiacs are super effective, I personally think that some very much so are.
Dark chocolate tops this list because the amino acid L-arginine in it triggers the nitric oxide in your system. This is a good thing because that helps to get the blood flow going which can boost your libido and make his erections last longer.
Chocolate is kind of like the mascot for Valentine’s Day, so even if you don’t choose a lunch that’s made up of nothing but aphrodisiacs, at least enjoy a dessert that has some chocolate in it. Dark chocolate is preferred (the pun is totally intended here).
4. Text Each Other a “Sex Menu”
Speaking of eating — when you go to a restaurant, the first thing that they hand you is a menu, right? That way, you can see what they have to offer, so that you can get what you want and so that you’ll know what to expect.
I’m not sure why we don’t look at sex in this fashion, at least some of the time — and one of those times can be this Valentine’s Day. All you have to do is find a menu template that you like (or design your own) and then jot down some things that are “on the menu” as far as sexual activity is concerned. You can even break things down into appetizers (foreplay), main course (sex), and dessert (afterplay). Then email it over to them. Who wouldn’t love receiving something like that?
5. Exchange a Gift in Each Other’s (Sex) Love Language
This year, instead of giving each other gifts that are centered around love, how about ones that are focused on sex? A creative approach to this is to come up with presents that speak each other’s sex love language.
If you’ve never even thought of the five love languages from this perspective, first read, “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?.” Then think about something that you can give, sexually, that has to do with quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, or words of affirmation.
For instance, a quality time present could be a hotel reservation while an acts of service gift could be to do your partner’s least favorite house chore for a week (because the less stressed they are, the more in tune to sex they will probably become). Get creative. The options are endless.
6. Get Three Different Bottles of Lube
It’s unfortunate that some people think lubrication is only for people who can’t get wet enough. Honestly, that couldn’t be further from the truth (check out “If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go” and “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant”). The reality is that the phrase “the wetter, the better” rings true on a lot of levels because lubricants help to reduce friction, make foreplay more exciting and, believe it or not, increase the chance of condoms remaining intact (as well as keeping them from tearing or breaking).
My two cents would be to get a bottle of edible lube for oral sex, some silicone-based lube for vaginal penetration (check out Well + Good’s “'I’m a Gynecologist, and This Is the Best Kind of Lube for Optimal Vaginal Health’") and water-based lube for sex toys. That way, all of the bases will be covered.
7. Make Your Own Massage Candle
Last fall, Mashable published an article entitled, “Everything you need to know about wax play.” Long story short, hot wax is like a PG version of BDSM because it stimulates people by playing around with extreme changes in temperature.
If the thought of this intrigues you, why not make your own massage candle this year for you and your partner to enjoy? Check out Lovely Greens’s post “How to Make Massage Candles for Romantic Nights In” for some helpful tips. Or, if you’re down to try this out but the last thing you want to do is carve out some arts and crafts time, Amazon (here), Sephora (here), and Lovability (here) are just a few sites that carry sensual massage candles. Enjoy!
8. Use Juice Ice Cubes During Foreplay
Speaking of temperature-related stimulation, if you’d prefer the cold or you’d like to switch up between it and heat, you can always be like Mookie in Do the Right Thing (the real ones know) and pull out some ice cubes. Only, instead of plain ice, make them out of your favorite flavored juice. That will make the licking experience just that much sweeter.
By the way — and this doesn’t really have anything to do with temperatures, it’s just a fun idea — you could also put some chocolate-covered strawberry Jell-o shots on each other’s body and eat them off. Sound intriguing? If so, there’s a recipe for those right here.
9. Go with Some Crotchless Panties or Garter Belt (and Nothing Else)
Not too long ago, I was asking a group of men what they found to be sexy — lingerie, a tank, and some boy shorts or nothing on at all. Although the answers did indeed vary, something that several said is they like a woman to be basically nude with the exception of one article of clothing. One guy said that he likes to see a woman with her breasts hanging over her bra cups. Another said that garter belts drive him insane in the best way possible. Another said that crotchless panties make him feel like his lady enjoys the “easy access” that comes with having them on.
Test this theory out by making one of these purchases this year. If you’re on the plus-size of fashion, Adore Me currently has a stellar sale with some really sexy pieces. Check ‘em out here.
10. Invest in Either Some Edible Body Paint or Glow in the Dark Body Paint
Something that can make the evening even more delicious is some edible body paint that you can make yourself (The Dating Divas has three recipes here). You’re grown, so I’m sure that I don’t have to break down how that works…right?
Or, if you want to get super creative, invest in a black light and then paint each other with some glow-in-the-dark body paint (like these here and here). There’s no telling how much you’ll get turned on by seeing glowing erogenous zones. Whew, chile.
11. Indulge in an Edible Cock Ring
Tubi has some wild stuff on there, boy. Like a movie that I watched a couple of months ago was entitled Swap Out. There was a scene where, after they all had a super wild night, one of the guys woke up with what you’ll see if you click on this link right here. Maybe y’all knew but I had no idea that there were edible gummy cock rings out here. Now that I do, though, I had to bring it into the mix because it seems like something that both the giver and receiver can enjoy to the fullest. Am I right? It’s like the new grapefruit. LOL. The real ones know.
12. Toast Each Other with a Valentine’s Day-Themed Cocktail
Something that I’m pretty big on is people toasting themselves. It’s a way of self-acknowledgment and/or affirmation. I’m such a fan of it, in fact, that I try to toast myself on a daily basis. Anyway, even though love is grand, something else that it is, is a choice — and the fact that you and your partner continue to choose each other every day is definitely worth honoring.
So, pick a Valentine’s Day cocktail and raise your glasses to each other. Some that you can make from the comfort and convenience of your own home include a Chocolate Martini, a Vampire’s Kiss Cocktail, a Kir Royale, Cupid’s Arrow, or some Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Shooters.
And what if alcohol isn’t exactly your thing? No worries. How about a virgin Love Potion #9, a Strawberry Pineapple Shaker-Upper, or a Cherry Velvet Limeade Mocktail?
13. Play the “Pick a Card” Game (with a “Dirty” Twist)
As far as social media trends go, one that I’m actually digging is the whole “pick a card” game. That said, take foreplay andsex to another level with your partner by doing your own version — only make it the “dirty” addition. Let them pick where they want to be kissed, how long oral sex should last, if you should go the next round in the bed or in the shower, what kind of position to do next — you get where I’m going with this. Then let them let you pick some cards as well.
At the very least, it’ll pique some curiosity and cause curiosity to “kill the cat” in the absolutely best way possible (some of y’all will catch that later).
14. Try Two New Positions
There is such a thing as sex being good and boring at the same time. What typically causes this is, once we find what works, we tend to stay in that “holding pattern.” And even though it may satisfy us, it can also prevent us from feeling/getting as excited as we used to be when we first started having sex with our partner.
Something that can breathe new life into sex is to try some new positions. Because here’s the thing — although the jury is kind of out on just how many sexual positions there actually are, from what I’ve read and researched, there are at least 100 that exist. Hey, if you don’t believe me, click on this link, this link, and this link for xoNecole-approved sex positions to try.
15. Sleep In. NAKED.
There is nothing like cuddling up with your boo thang while falling asleep at night. Honestly, the only thing that tops it is sleeping together naked. There are a ton of reasons why it’s so beneficial. Not only does sleeping naked help to reduce stress levels, but it also balances hormones; regulates your body temperature; improves your quality of rest; increases male fertility; speeds up metabolism; slows down aging signs, and — perhaps most importantly as it relates to this article — boosts your libido. And don’t even get me on how spooning naked can lead to some early morning/easy entry sex sessions that will cap Valentine’s Day off in the best way possible.
So again, whether you choose to observe the love holiday on the day itself or the weekend before or after, put sleeping naked on the agenda. You’ll feel special in your partner’s arms and…who knows what it — along with these other 14 tips — could lead to at some point (round two or 10, anyone?).
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- Why Cannabis Lube Is The Best Thing To Get Yourself For V-Day ›
- These Intimate Sex Positions Will Up The Ante On Your Orgasms ›
- This Valentine's Day Can Be Sweeter, Sexier...Different. ›
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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While the movies and shows on this list vary in genre and style, they all have toe-curling elements that make them truly mind-blowing.
1. Love & Basketball
Now, Love & Basketballis a universally memorable movie in the Black community in its own right, but that sex scene was almost revolutionary. The raw, realistic portrayal of Monica’s first time as she loses her virginity to her childhood soulmate Quincy was an important moment for young Black women everywhere. For a scene that had no on-screen nudity, the chemistry between the characters was enough to have us all feeling a little hot under the collar!
2. Set It Off
This 1996 sex scene between Blair Underwood and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s characters Keith and Stony had all the elements that take a sex scene from good to great. And let’s not let the fact that Jada used a body double take away from how iconic this scene is. Attractive actors, focused foreplay, close-ups, tension-building music (shout out En Vogue!), and chemistry for days. When I rewatched this movie recently and noticed the way Keith moved his chain out of the way (IYKYK), I yelled! Those little details set this sex scene apart.
3. Out of Time
Denzel Washington has been fine his whole life. He’s intergenerational fine. And when this movie came out he was in his PRIME, okay?! The chemistry between Denzel and Sanaa Lathan in Out of Time is undeniable. So much so that when the movie came out, rumors began to circulate that the actors were romantically involved. And if you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you’re not surprised.
The icing on the cake for me was that roleplay scene (peep the video above). You know, the one where Matthias pretends to be investigating a crime and Ann talks him through what the “intruder” did to her and he reenacts it? Turns out WE were the ones intruding on a crime - assault with a deadly weapon, if you will.
4. Scandal
Thursdays haven’t been the same since ABC’s TGIT. Shonda Rhimes was in her bag when she gave us back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, AND How To Get Away With Murder. Lives were changed. Aside from nail-biting drama and salacious storylines, Shonda also consistently gave us an array of dangerously attractive characters and sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
I’ll forever be team #Olitz. Their steamy sex sessions were made even hotter because their relationship was taboo, scandalous, even.
Adultery aside, Olivia and Fitz’s sexy time scenes never left anything to be desired. Interestingly, my favorite Olitz sex scene is their very first time. After six episodes of build-up, they finally did the deed and alleviated all the sexual tension we’d all been feeling. I think we all developed a new level of respect for Fitz when he ordered Olivia to take her clothes off, and she did not disappoint because she served bawdy in that white lingerie (I see what you did there, Shonda). Olivia served at the pleasure of the President, and so did we. For all 6 seasons.
5. Bridgerton
Dearest Gentle Reader, this couple certainly set the Ton abuzz in Bridgerton season one. For a Duke who was once lost for words, the cat’s certainly no longer in possession of his tongue. And luckily, it seems the Duchess is more physical touch than words of affirmation.
The Hastings basked in newlywed bliss all over their new abode and that library ladder scene - you know the one - took the couple’s sex life to new heights. What made this scene with Simon going down on Daphne while she’s suspended on a ladder so incredibly hot is how it centered *female* pleasure. He a good man, Savannah!
6. Insecure
One thing we could always expect from Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore’s hit series - a jaw-dropping sex scene. What I loved about Insecure’s sex scenes is that they’re not only seriously hot, but alsoVERY relatable. From that incident with Daniel, to Issa and Lawrence’s freshly-broken-up-unfinished-business ex-sex.
The one that tops my list has got to be when Issa and Nathan joined their own version of the Mile High Club on the Ferris wheel at Coachella. Cinematically, the scene was gorgeous but it also felt truly organic, like it was the perfect first time for them. I feel like we all collectively exhaled because she finally chose a man we could actually root for. You know what that is? Growth.
Honorable mention: the we’ve-finally-reunited couch sex Lawrence and Issa have when they finally get back together.
7. Power
From gunplay to foreplay, Power held nothing back. Every sex scene was spicy in its own way from Tate and his staffer, to the pilot episode Ghost and Tasha, to Tommy and Keisha. So many to choose from! The one that stands out in my mind is when Ghost and Angela get it on against the window of his hotel room overlooking the New York cityscape. Their chemistry was undeniable and the yearning was palpable in every single one of their sex scenes. Now, that’s acting!
8. Love Jones
WhenLove Jones premiered in 1997, a Black romance about a couple of creatives living and loving in the city was unprecedented. Between the novelty of the story and the charming dynamic between Darius and Nina, Love Jones quickly became a cultural classic. And even with the plethora of Black stories that have since graced our screens, Love Jones is a movie the conversation always comes back to. I mean, with bars like “I’m the blues in your left thigh trying to become the funk in your right”? Yeah, I would’ve folded.
Nina and Darius having sex on the first date felt bold and spontaneous, but that’s only part of why that scene was so steamy. Music can make or break a moment on-screen - sex or otherwise - and Maxwell’s "Sumthin’ Sumthin’" playing in the background made it feel like they were truly making love. Romance is sexy too, right?
9. Queen & Slim
Finally, on-screen car sex that actually looks enjoyable! It’s a beautifully shot scene with long, slow closeups of the characters making intense eye contact (IYKYK!). And the passion between the two actors is so realistic that some people even questioned if the scene was real! The buildup that led to this spontaneous daylight, on-the-run hookup made it even sexier. 10/10, no notes.
For so long, we’ve been starved of seeing positive Black female sexuality on screen and the She’s Gotta Have It remake helped to change that. DeWanda Wise absolutely killed it in the Spike Lee remake as Nola Darling, a polyamorous pansexual woman living her best sexually liberated life, boldly approaching relationships in a way we usually see as taboo. Men, women…one, two, three on rotation, Nola’s pleasure was Nola’s priority (IKDR!).
While her sexual appetite meant her loving bed saw many visitors, I think her best sex scene came when she finally decided to give monogamy a try with her girlfriend Opal. While the scene was pretty graphic, just like the others, this one was different because it was special. It felt like Nola and Opal were two women passionately in love. And what’s sexier than sex with someone you love?
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Featured image via Netflix