
My Life As A Black, Asexual Model Is Not A Paradox

One of the questions I'm asked the most is, "What is it like being a Black asexual model in the modeling industry?"
It's probably because that combination sounds like something inherently contentious and I can no longer deny the truth in that. Yes, modeling is associated with sexuality - sometimes justifiably, sometimes not.
It's also associated with a rather specific beauty standard which hasn't always been appreciative of Black phenotypes. Asexuality has never been associated with Blackness; in a world where Black people are either hypersexualized or desexualized by the white gaze, being Black and asexual is often treated as paradoxical. So, all in all, existing as all of those things must be a little weird, right?
Yes, but not for the reasons most usually assume.
I entered the modeling industry not because I thought I was strikingly beautiful - quite the opposite. With my big alien-shaped head, cartoon-looking features, Bratz doll proportions, and gothic style, I thought I could be one of those 'weird' models. You know the kind. I was specifically drawn to a more alternative style of modeling in particular because it seemed like a space for outcasts like myself. Only, even in that space, it was ironically white. With my work, I was trying to increase the representation out there for alternative Black girls in a time when it was quite rare to see us. I wanted to be the change I wanted to see and needed growing up. It turned out that I'd carry that same ethos into my activism in the future.
Some picture the modeling industry as being a space full of sexist objectification, with pervy photographers, seedy studio activities, and an unhealthy culture. That can sometimes be the case, but that hasn't really been part of my experience. The complexity for me has little to do with my experiences actually navigating the industry itself. After all, that's influenced more by your physical appearance than your life story. Despite what people think often happens in the studio, the focus is on angles, lighting, and making sure the clothes look alright, rather than the lack of sexual attraction that I experience.
Of course, there were moments when it got a little awkward. When the male photographer asks me to look at the camera like it's my boyfriend, being asexual and aromantic meant that nothing immediately came to mind. I doubt I nailed it.
When I've been asked to participate in shoots that seem like they're more about them molding and selling my personal 'sexual allure' rather than creative expression or advertising products, I've had to turn them down. And I've always been acutely aware of the fact that being associated so heavily with an obscured, often stereotyped sexual orientation isn't going to win me many mainstream campaigns outside of Pride Month.
But that's not the contentious part. That part happens when the images taken in the studio make it to the outside world. That's when those intersections play a role.
Capturing an image means representing something. If that image contains someone who is part of a social group, it becomes representation for an entire demographic, whether you like it or not. Before I publicly came out as asexual, there was nothing particularly controversial about my image as a Black woman in 'racy' clothing. It's not exactly an uncommon way that Black women are depicted in the media, so despite modeling in various styles, I became most known for ‘sexualized’ images and the reception I got was pretty positive.
But when I publicly came out as someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction, I became an example of asexual representation, and that's when the problems started. After all, I wasn't the 'right kind' of asexual representation.
Yasmin Benoit
Rachel Sherlock
There is a certain 'look' associated with asexuality. Something between The Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper and someone more...homely and frumpy. If you're not sexually attracted to anyone, you're expected to make yourself sexually unattractive. You shouldn't allow yourself to be interesting to look at. Ideally, you should be white, and come across with an aura of childlike awkwardness that must come innately with being 'out of touch' with the expected forms of sexuality. A Black woman unapologetically dressed like a gothic half-naked Dead or Alive video game girl, talking a lot and throwing up devil horns wasn't what the average person expects when they hear the word ‘asexual.’
Those inside and outside of the asexual community collectively raised their eyebrows and part of me thinks that shared morbid curiosity contributed to me being recognized as an asexual activist quickly. I found myself in documentaries, being used in clickbait headlines about the ‘asexual lingerie model who doesn’t want sex,’ being invited to speak at universities, across online platforms, appearing in Pride campaigns for brands like Uber and even collaborating with Budweiser to open an asexual pop-up bar. Fortunately, I've always had more to bring to the table than shock value, but that hasn't always been acknowledged. The attention was partially on my perspective but mainly on my 'controversial' outfits.
The more people became aware of me and my modeling, the more I started receiving abuse from people on social media because of my job and appearance. I was being called a slut, a whore, a cock-tease, as well as a virgin loser simultaneously–on a strangely regular basis. I was a living, breathing sex toy and an anti-sex agenda all at the same time. If I had a penny every time someone described me as an attention-seeking narcissist, I'd have made more money than I ever earned at a photoshoot. And I know that me working in a shallow industry has as much to do with me being called an attention-seeking narcissist as the stereotypes often associated with asexual people does.
I’ve encountered people who assume that I must be the kind of asexual who thinks I'm too good for anybody; that no one meets my standards enough to be sexually attractive to me. It's a natural conclusion to jump to, considering that my asexuality hasn't rendered me a nervous wreck who hides myself away out of shame for not meeting societal expectations (though I would’ve been more acceptable if I had). It must be my life's mission to tempt and agitate men, while contributing to the sexual objectification of women, with my troublesome asexual tits...or something like that.
If these assumptions people make about me sound a little extreme, it’s because they are. It is the consequence of being caught between two contradicting narratives - the one where Black women are inherently hypersexual and must be sexually available, and the one where asexual people need to be sexless and unappealing with an aversion to anything associated with sexuality. As my asexuality makes me sexually unavailable to others, to them, my body and what I do with it is just a provocative lie. But I embrace the perplexity. I'm okay with being an oxymoron, as I know there are people out there who find my work empowering.
Maybe if I wasn't so perplexing, I wouldn't have found myself in a position where I'm able to show what being asexual actually is. It's a sexual orientation, not a lifestyle choice, not a personality flaw, not a limitation. You can be asexual and express yourself however you want to, be whoever you want to, wear whatever you want to, and fall into any demographic. Being a Black asexual model might make me less palatable, more scandalous, and more likely to attract racist, sexist, and acephobic abuse. But as long as I get to keep being myself, I'm past caring.
Featured image courtesy of Yasmin Benoit
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Here's What Astrology Can Reveal About Your Relationship With Your Mother
Astrology is gaining new popularity with many beginning to acknowledge what our ancestors have realized for civilizations - that astrology can reveal an awful lot about our lives, our personalities, and our psyches. Sure, we're all pretty familiar with the personality types of certain signs, but did you know that astrology can also reveal insights about your relationships with certain people? Specifically, your moon sign can shed a ton of light on your relationship with your mother, for better and for worse!
Are you and your mother thick as thieves, or is your relationship with her strained? Can you tell her your deepest and darkest secrets, or do you find it difficult to be yourself around your mother? Are you the apple of your mother's eye, or do you feel like you were never able to really please her?
Knowing your moon sign can reveal a lot about the way you view the person who brought you into this world.
If you do not know your full birth chart, find your moon sign here and then check out the information below to get a glimpse inside of your and your mom's emotional dynamic.
What Your Moon Sign Can Reveal About Your Relationship with Your Mother
I. Moon In Aries:
If your moon is in Aries, your mom is the leader of her household. Growing up, you viewed her as brave, bold and fun-loving. She was fiery and knew exactly how to put others in their place, if needed. You respect her, but may have found her to be overbearing at times.
II. Moon In Taurus:
If your moon is in Taurus, your mom knew how to tend to all your creature comforts. She expressed love through food and the material nourishment she provided to you. She was a very hands-on, affectionate mother but also extremely headstrong and stubborn. Not the best at negotiating, your mom wants things to go her way or the highway!
III. Moon In Gemini:
If your moon is in Gemini, your mom is extremely expressive and intelligent. You felt most connected to her through words and your stimulating conversations with her. Her behavior, at times, seemed unreliable to you, but you admired her on an intellectual level. Always moving, you probably felt like she was difficult to pin down as a child.
IV. Moon In Cancer:
If your moon is in Cancer, you are the apple of your mother's eye. You love and care for her deeply. In fact, sometimes you served as a mother to her - comforting her and constantly expressing your understanding of her emotionally. You are extremely close - sometimes too close. Your mom tends to err on the clingy, over-mothering side.
Growing up, you sometimes felt like you needed more emotional and physical space from her. You share a psychic connection with your mother - it's easy for you to take on her emotions and moods as your own, for better and for worse.
V. Moon In Leo:
If your moon is in Leo, your mother has always been a large presence in your life. Growing up, you felt a pressure to present yourself a certain way in order to preserve your mother's reputation. You felt that the way you looked and behaved was a direct representation of your mom, so you had to stay sharp! Your mom was potentially someone of public note, someone that many people in your neighborhood or community knew very well.
VI. Moon In Virgo:
If your moon is in Virgo, you love your mother dearly and would move mountains for her. You are extremely protective and defensive of her. Your mother is your world. Though you've always needed her deeply, you sometimes felt like she was unable to be there for you in the ways that you yearned for. You've been aware of her shortcomings since birth; otherwise, you would have found her to be very nitpicking and critical of you.
VII. Moon In Libra:
Growing up, your mother was known for her attractiveness, fashion-sense, her ability to throw a fun party and the beautiful way in which she kept her home. If your moon is in Libra, it is likely that your mother was popular for her congenial and pleasant personality. Erring toward the formal and structured in your relationship, you've learned to establish specific roles in each other's lives, making sure not to over-step them in order to maintain peace and a sense of fairness between you both.
VIII. Moon In Scorpio:
Your mother has affected you in deep and profound ways; deeper than she or you may even realize. If your moon is in Scorpio, your relationship has gone through major transformations through the years. You've felt that she was, at times, out of tune with your emotions.
You wished and expected that she would be able to intuitively understand you. When she didn't, you may have felt somewhat abandoned by her.
IX. Moon In Sagittarius:
If your moon is in Sagittarius, you've always required freedom in life. If your mother respected this, you both enjoyed a fun-loving and adventurous relationship together. If she did not fully respect your desire for freedom, you may have felt unfairly held back or restricted growing up. Wise beyond your years, you may have perceived her to be immature and naive, learning to rely on your own judgement rather than hers.
X. Moon In Capricorn:
If your moon is in Capricorn, your mother has always been more concerned with the serious matters of life. She viewed you as mature and knew she could rely on you for support and sound judgment. Self-sacrificing, she always put work before play and constantly had tons on her plate. You sometimes wondered why she worked so hard and why she didn't take an easier approach to life. She held extremely high standards for you growing up. Favorably, she pushed you to be ambitious in pursuing your goals.
XI. Moon In Aquarius:
If your moon is in Aquarius, you've always viewed her as more of a peer than a parent. Being chastised by her felt unnatural and foreign to you - almost silly! Parenting was unconventional - you did not have the typical parent-child dynamic. You were raised to be emotionally self-sufficient and didn't rely on her for an overly emotional or affectionate relationship.
XII. Moon In Pisces:
If your moon is in Pisces, you share an extremely intuitive bond with your mother. You often took on her burdens and emotions as your own. You were extremely sympathetic to the things she went through in life and were mindful not to add anything else to her plate. You felt like her caretaker in certain ways. You loved her extremely deeply and would fight for her. You are keenly aware of all of the sacrifices she's made in life for you. You wish you were able to rely on her more as a child, and may have felt like you had to grow up much quicker than you would have liked.
What's your moon sign, and how would you describe your relationship with your mother?
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on May 7, 2021