Warm Drinks That Will...Warm You & Your Partner Up (Wink)
If you come to check out our site on a semi-consistent basis, you might've caught an article I wrote, back when the weather was much warmer. It was entitled, "8 Summer-Themed Alcoholic Drinks That Can Boost Your Libido". Well, now that it's getting colder by the day, and also since the fall and winter seasons are apparently the best times to engage in some hot 'n steamy copulation (check out "Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?"), it seemed only right that I share some warm drinks that can take your sex drive up a couple of notches too.
So, if you're ready to come in from the freezing weather, so that you can step into a warm room in order to participate in some of the best sex you've had yet, here are eight drinks that can get you to feeling like this truly is the most wonderful time of the year (if you catch my drift).
1. Cinnamon and Coconut Milk
If you're constantly on the hunt for milk alternatives, don't forget to put coconut milk on your list.
Not only is it loaded with antioxidants, it also has a good amount of protein, calcium and potassium in it as well. This is good to know because potassium plays a direct role in increasing male hormone production while regulating our thyroid. Cinnamon is awesome because it's got medicinal properties in it that can help to fight off bacterial and fungal infections. Not only that but, sex-wise, cinnamon is able to increase blood circulation, improve blood vessel dilation (both of those can intensify your orgasms) and increase one's sex drive.
Just add three teaspoons of freshly ground cinnamon to three cups of coconut milk, bring to a boil and then let cool down enough for you and your partner to sip. Feel free to add a little honey if you'd like your drink to taste, just a bit sweeter. This drink will help you to have great sex and some good sleep right after.
2. Blueberry Tea
If you like to snack on blueberries and there's rarely a time when you're not in the mood for sex, it may not be happenstance. The reality is blueberries are high in Vitamin B (which can give you more energy, stabilize your moods and make you more interested in coitus), Vitamin C (which is an antioxidant) and fiber to keep toxins out of your system. Also, when it comes to your libido, blueberries are awesome because they help your body to release the neurotransmitter dopamine, so that you're able to feel great while your partner is able to have longer and stronger erections during, well, you know. #wink
3. Warmed Up Kiwi Sangria
Sangria is a festive drink that hails from Spain and Portugal. While there are all kinds of variations of it, the "foundation" is almost always red wine, chopped fruit and spices of your choosing. Well, a particular fruit that's in season during this time of the year is kiwi. Kiwi contains vitamins C, E and K, as well as folate, potassium and fiber. Because Vitamin C has a great reputation for boosting one's libido and fertility, that's why I found it fitting that hot kiwi sangria would also go on this list. Click here to make your own white kiwi sangria, here to make some delicious strawberry kiwi sangria or here for a spicy sangria recipe. If you bring the ingredients in these recipes to a boil, let them simmer on warm heat and then serve them in a mug with some kiwi and/or orange garnish, you'll enjoy this drink, right down to the very last drop.
4. Hot Cocoa
I don't know a single soul who doesn't dig a cup of hot chocolate (if you're one of 'em, post a comment about why because…what in the world?). As if the taste of chocolate isn't a good enough reason to have some, at least a couple of times a week, during the fall and winter seasons, dark chocolate is pretty impressive when it comes to its health benefits too.
It's also packed with antioxidants as well as magnesium, iron, manganese, copper, potassium, zinc, phosphorus, fiber and selenium. Magnesium makes it easier for testosterone to hit our bloodstream. Zinc is good, when it comes to your sex drive, because it helps men to maintain their libido and, it can actually increase our testosterone levels which can, in turn, make us hornier too. Also, dark chocolate helps us to produce more serotonin (a brain chemical that's connected to sexual arousal) and phenylethylamine (a natural stimulant that actually causes people to feel like they're in love with each other).
All extra bonuses to having some hot cocoa tonight, don't you think?
(A recipe that intrigued me is one that contains vegan "sex dust". Check out the recipe here. Cop some of the all-natural sex dust to put in your cocoa here.)
5. Pumpkin Latte
Pumpkin contains quite a few goodies—protein, fiber, vitamins B2, C and E, potassium, copper and iron too. Where pumpkin is really off the charts is when it comes to Vitamin A; it's got around 245 percent of the Reference Daily Intake that your body needs. That's important to know because Vitamin A is what male and female sex hormones both need in order to remain healthy and strong. Another great thing about pumpkin is it's full of zinc. So, if you want to entice your partner with some homemade pumpkin spice latte, there's an easy to make recipe here.
6. Warm Canelazo
Whenever I pen a food or drink article, I try and throw in something that makes you say "what is that?", just to bring something new into the content. Today, it's a traditionally spicy hot drink from Ecuador called Canelazo. While the name might sound super exotic, this is a drink that's really easy to make. All you need is some sugar (preferably panela which is a form of organic raw cane sugar), some cinnamon sticks, some Aguardiente (which is anise-flavored liqueur) and some water. We already touched on what cinnamon does and if you add liquor to that? How can Canelazo not be a sex party in a mug? (Click here for an alcoholic and non-alcoholic recipe. To warm it up, apply the same tips that I offered in the sangria recipe).
7. Mulled Wine
If you've heard of mulled wine before but you're not exactly sure what it is, it's red wine that has spices in it. This alcoholic drink makes this particular list because you're able to serve it warm or cold (it really is very good when it's hot, by the way).
Red wine is a fan favorite on this platform because it contains antioxidants that are able to lower cholesterol levels, strengthen the heart, regulate blood sugar levels, reduce depression-related symptoms—all of which play a significant role in keeping our libidos intact. Plus, it's proven to be able to significantly increase our sex drive after just one glass.
All you need is some red wine, cinnamon and a few cloves (they are nerve stimulants that can also give you more energy) and you're all set (check out a great recipe for mulled wine here).
8. Coffee
I'm not sure if there will ever be a less controversial hot drink than coffee. The reason why I say that is because it comes with about as many risks as benefits. Today, let's just focus on the benefits, though. Reportedly, coffee is able to burn fat, increase energy levels, improve physical performance, fight depression-related symptoms and even reduce death risks by almost 30 percent (in women; 20 percent in men). As far as sex goes, there are solid studies citing that the caffeine in coffee not only provides us with stamina to have sex but it can make females specifically crave more coitus too. So, if java on a snowy day is your thing, make sure to make an extra cup tonight. Umm, you already know why, right? Exactly.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You're Catching Feelings For Your Guy Friend. Now What?
Let me just start this all off by saying that I will never be the kind of person who thinks that men and women can’t be friends (or that single people and married people can’t be friends). Choosing friends is about looking into someone’s character and how they complement your life; it should never be about their gender or relational status. Don’t get it twisted, though — in order to properly navigate the dynamic between a man and a woman, there are some things that should be pondered and then discussed.
For instance, is the relationship truly platonic? Even though our culture has reduced that word to simply mean that two people are friends and nothing more, the actual definition is that BOTH individuals do not have any type of sexual interest or attraction at all; that only a spiritual kind of love exists. Is that possible? I have a few male friends where that word applies. I won’t lie, though — most of my (unmarried) male friends are more in the lane of, “You could get it. We just value the friendship too much to explore it”…and no, it hasn’t been “game” whenever they’ve brought it up.
Contrary to the notoriously toxic belief of so many folks out here, not every man has coochie on the brain 24/7 and/or lacks self-control and/or is willing to risk it all in order to get some. In fact, not one man in my life is even remotely that shallow.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t get that the line between just friends and possibly more isn’t a tightrope for some friendships from time to time. Like, what happens if the person who ends up “with a little extra,” as far as emotions go for a friend, ends up being you? Even further, what if that question isn’t even close to being rhetorical because it’s something that you’re experiencing right at this very moment, and you’re not exactly sure what you should do about it?
If that’s the case, have no fear. I think I might be able to offer up a bit of insight that can get you through the (potential) internal stress of what happens when you look up one day and it really does seem like, out of nowhere, you suddenly want your guy friend to become something…more.
What Kind of Friendship Is It?
GiphySo before we talk about anything else, the first thing that you should get clear on is the type of friendship that you’re in. What I mean by that is, although we tend to use “friend” to cover all of the bases of someone who we’re not romantically involved with (or isn’t a relative or we can’t stand — and chile,don’t even get me started on frenemies), the reality is that friendships definitely have levels to them (check out “Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them”).
Like,is he a work friend? Is he a church friend? Is he someone you’ve recently gotten to know over the past couple of months? Is he an online friend? Or is it deeper, like a guy who you’ve been friends with for a couple of years now or someone who you used to have in the friend zone (check out “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.”)? Or — and lawd have mercy, if so — is he your best friend, and you’re starting to see him in a completely different light?
Do you see how, just breaking down some of these friendship dynamics, the situations are quite different? For instance, if you have feelings for a co-worker friend, you’ve got to take into consideration what your work environment will be like if the two of you date and it ultimately doesn’t work out. If he’s an online friend (especially if he’s in another city, state, or country), the risk of potential rejection probably won’t be as impactful as if you have to see him every weekend at church.
If he’s someone you already put into the friend zone, I’m gonna tell you right now that if he has any sort of self-esteem, you’re gonna have to eat a few slices of humble pie to get him to entertain being more than friends (because guys tend to move on once they find out that they fall into that space). And if he’s your best friend? Well, while it probably won’t cost you your friendship, it could make things awkward for a while at best or shift the relationship a bit at worst.
That’s why I definitely think that getting real about the kind of friendship you have with the guy is what you should get mentally cleared up first. Then, we can move on to the next thing.
What Do You Want to Come from the Matter?
GiphyAnyway, because I do have a nice circle of male friends, many of whom are single or divorced, I get asked often if it’s hard to be just friends with them. It’s not because I really like what we have as being friends only. There is a type of intimacy and balance of energies that come from a male-female friendship that you can never get from same-sex ones. I value it all too much to risk it. What I want from my male friends — a certain level of protection (because I’m single), insight from a male perspective, doing things that my female friends may not want to do, etc. — I get…and that’s worth more than seeing if the sex would be bomb or if we should try something more and it end up being a bad decision that we can’t come back from.
That’s me, though. That doesn’t have to be you and your guy friend. For example, what if what you want is to explore a sexual relationship (check out “5 Things You Should Ask Yourself Before Having Sex with A Friend”) because you can’t seem to get sex with him out of your head? For better or for worse, chile, back when I was out in these sex streets, that was pretty much my pattern: sex with close friends (check out “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners”), and it’s not an impossible feat.
You’ve just got to be real with yourself about whether that’s truly all that you want and if you can handle it gracefully if things don’t go as planned (check out “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”) or the sex is so good that now you can’t decide if you’re into him or just into…it. Oh, and don’t even get me started on if he’s seeing other people (because all you wanted was sex…right?). Yeah, a movie that I like calledSleeping with Other People has a scene where a woman is mad that her casual sex partner is sleeping around. His response was on-point: “Keeping our arrangement doesn’t make me an as-hole, but it does make you a liar.” #checkmate
That’s just one example to emphasize the point that, yes, you need to figure out what you want to come from your more-than-just-friends feelings. Do you just want to get it off of your chest and you’re not sure if you want or need to do anything more than that? Do you want just sex? Would you like to go on a few dates to see ifthe chemistry is mutual? Are you “deeply in” and you’re hoping that he feels the same way so that you two can have a full-blown relationship?
Listen, I have watched enough relationships in my lifetime to know that when it comes to something that needs to be as thoughtfully approached as this, it’s not fair to share your feelings with someone and then expect them to know what you want to come from doing so. You need to know…first. So before bringing it to him, figure it out on your own.
Tell Him the Deal. No Hinting Around.
GiphyAlthough timing and delivery matter, I don’t know one man who isn’t a “straight no-chaser” type of individual. This means no hinting around. No guessing games. No 50 million questions to try and see if he likes you first. I promise you that all of these approaches are off-putting to guys and will get them to mentally and emotionally tap out before you get around to making your point. Besides, if he’s a FRIEND friend, you should be able to express your genuine feelings — and honestly, this is a huge plus to telling him: you will be able to see how mature he is when it comes to handling matters of the heart.
Can there be a reason to not tell your guy friend how you feel? I mean, honestly, if you’re avoiding it, I’m assuming that it’s mostly due to fear, and trying to maintain anything with fear as your “fuel,” ultimately, isn’t going to get you anywhere. Plus, the more that you suppress what is going on inside of you, the more it’s going to alter the energy between the two of you, and that could cause unnecessary stress and strain to where either you start unnecessarily projecting things onto him, or he wants to spend less time around you because you’re making him feel as uncomfortable as you are.
Are there any exceptions to this? Eh. If you’re more like good acquaintances than actual friends, perhaps. Personally, though, I think that solid friendships are rooted in honesty — and how can you claim that you’ve got a healthy friendship with someone if you’re holding something as big back as having feelings for them away from them? Logically, it just doesn’t make much sense.
Prepare Yourself for His Response. And Don’t Penalize the Friendship If He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way.
GiphyOnce you tell him, for the most part, there are three ways that telling him can go: he can like you back, he can want some time and space to consider the possibilities, or he can not be interested. Let’s briefly unpack all three.
Liking you back...
So, what if you tell him how you feel, and he feels the same way (or something close)? My two cents would be for the two of you to still go slowly. Where I’ve seen many mess up is they think that they can go from friend to more-than-friends in two days or less, and that’s super unrealistic. Meaning, someone having feelings for you, too doesn't mean that they can, should, or will automatically stop seeing other people or that you two can or should immediately start becoming intimate.
Take some time to really discuss each other’s feelings, thoughts, and expectations — and what you guys should do trying to move into a different relational space ultimately proves to not be the best thing for one or both of you. If anything should take the “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” approach, it’s friends who are transitioning into something more — or else.
Wanting time and space...
Going from friends to potentially something different is a lot like shifting gears in a car — and if you move too fast, you can strip them. That said, just because you’ve been sitting with your feelings for a while, it’s not fair to want to rush him after he finds out. Whether he wants time and space to figure out how he feels about your feelings or time and space from you altogether — both are warranted.
Should it be for weeks with no contact? Not if he’s a good friend. On the other hand, should you pressure him into making you feel at ease about what he’s just now learning? Eh. You might want to go to another friend to help you out with that. I mean, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Right…exactly.
He's not interested...
No one likes rejection; that’s real. At the same time, though, it’s not fair to penalize him if he doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Clearly, if he’s your friend (especially a close friend), he adores and values you on some level. However, if that’s not romantically, try and be emotionally mature enough to know and then accept that not wanting all of what you desire from the relationship doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you in his life at all.
At the end of the day, if it’s too hard to be his friend when you want something else, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. Just make sure that you’re not going to lose a great person in your life because your ego got bruised or your pride couldn’t handle him not reciprocating what you were offering. It’s not fair, and it could end up costing you…A LOT. Take the kind of space you need to redirect your focus. If he loves you, he’ll be there when you get…back.
___
I’ve developed feelings for a friend before; more than once. Was it always easy to work through? Not always. My friendships always survived it, though — whether the feelings were reciprocated or not. And it was because we valued the friendship too much to lose it.
And honestly, I think that is one of the best things to come out of having feelings for a friend: you end up finding out just how solid the bond actually is. And in a world where really good friends are hard to come by…that can never not be a good thing.
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