Back when I read TIME’s article, “You Asked: Why Do I Always Wake Up at 3 A.M.?”, I found it to be fascinating that sleep apnea, acid reflux, and even aging can play a direct role in why some of us are able to fall asleep easily — only to wake up, almost right on the dot, at 3 a.m. As far as aging, specifically, goes, even though things like exercise and even keeping your thermostat down to a cooler setting can help to make getting some uninterrupted rest easier, so can consuming certain beverages.
And since this is the time of year when it’s cooler in the day and even frostier at night, I figured that this would be as good a time as any to share 12 warm drinks to sleep that can help you to get the quality of sleep that you’re after. So, if you’re looking for something to complement your new set of PJs and flannel sheets, how about getting yourself a new coffee mug to pour one (or more) of these drinks into it?
12 Warm Drinks To Sleep
1. Milk (or a Milk Alternative) and Honey
Getty Images
Personally, I don’t know anyone who had a hard time falling asleep while growing up who wasn’t offered a warm cup of milk at some point. And as much as you might think that it’s more of a sleeping agent myth than anything, actually, there’s science to back why it’s a good idea. Something that milk contains is the amino acid tryptophan (the same thing that’s in turkey, for example), and that is known to make a person drowsy (for starters). That’s because it helps to trigger the production of serotonin and melatonin — two things that help you sleep better at night. The reason why you should add a teaspoon of honey to it is because not only can it calm middle-of-the-night cravings, but it literally provides your brain with the fuel that it needs to stay asleep as well.
And what if milk isn’t your thing (due to it being dairy)? I get that. Milk alternatives work, too. Most of them contain quite a bit of calcium, which also gets tryptophan going — so, whether it’s almond, oat, coconut, or something else, still give this option a shot. As an adult.
2. Passionflower Tea
Getty Images
Whether you’ve had a rough day at work or there’s so much on your mind that you already know that falling asleep is going to be a challenge, passionflower tea is definitely something that you should have in your personal tea collection. The properties of this tea make it the kind that is great for making you feel calmer and more relaxed. In fact, many health professionals find its antioxidants to be so powerful that, to them, it’s an immediate go-to if you have anxiety or struggle with insomnia.
As a bonus, passionflower is also a tea that can help lower your blood pressure and decrease symptoms that are associated with menopause, like hot flashes, night sweats, and headaches.
3. Spiced Apple Juice (Warmed Up)
Getty Images
Speaking of antioxidants, something else that is full of them is apple juice. And since (pure) apple juice is nothing but, well, juiced apples — if you’re looking to stabilize your blood sugar levels, reduce your cholesterol, ease inflammation, or get you to not overeat (especially at night), a cup of apple juice won’t do you a lick of harm. Hmph. Come to think of it, if you really want to get the most out of drinking apples, go with apple cider. The difference between it and juice is that it’s unfiltered and unpasteurized.
Anyway, if you add some cloves to the juice or cider, the cloves will not only spice up the drink, but they will also decrease inflammation, fight off free radicals, and treat stomach ulcers — if that is the cause of you not being able to rest very well. Fresh cloves or clove powder will do. A teaspoon in a cup of warm apple juice or cider that has been zapped in the microwave for about a minute or warmed up on the stove (my personal favorite) is all that you need.
4. Gotu Kola Tea
Getty Images
A tea that has been hailed for its medicinal benefits in Southeast Asia is gotu kola tea. Believe it or not, a lot of women like it because it’s been known to reduce bloating and even soften the appearance of stretch marks (wild, right?). Sleep-wise, it’s another tea that can help to decrease anxiety and stress and treat insomnia, and if you’re someone who has a difficult time sleeping due to any joint discomfort, gotu kola can help in that department, too.
Another thing worth mentioning is the antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties in this tea have even helped to heal varicose veins in some people. Yeah, you might not hear about this tea every day, but clearly, it’s a best-kept secret for a myriad of reasons.
5. Golden Milk
Getty Images
Not familiar with the term “golden milk”? It’s basically milk that contains the spice turmeric along with two other spices — cinnamon and ginger. The combination makes for a powerhouse drink, thanks to all of the antioxidants that work to reduce bodily inflammation, lower blood sugar levels, get your mood all the way together, improve digestion, and thanks to its antibacterial, antiviral, and antifungal properties, it can help to keep you from catching a cold too.
Since some studies cite that turmeric can actually keep you from experiencing sleep deprivation, cinnamon contains the compound cinnamaldehyde that fights insomnia, and ginger is a natural remedy for headaches as well as muscle and joint pain — next time you’re at the store, pick some of these spices up. On the sleep tip, their benefits just might surprise you.
6. Mulled Blackberry Vanilla Mocktail
Getty Images
Have you ever wondered what mulled wine actually is? It’s basically wine that has fruit and spices in it that’s been warmed up. Okay, but what if you like the concept of a warmed-up fruity drink, but alcohol isn’t what you have in mind? Why not make a mulled cocktail instead? If it consists of blackberries, you’ll be taking in plant compounds that will help to keep your gut healthy, support heart and oral health, fight against pre-cancer cells, increase your cognitive health, and even keep cold sores at bay.
As far as this particular topic goes, blackberries are good for you because the antioxidants in them can help to bring your stress levels down. And vanilla? Word on the street is that vanilla extract can help to reduce snoring (thanks to its compound vanillin, which can help to keep your respiratory system in good shape).
Plus, if you can’t seem to fall asleep due to a toothache, next to cloves (clove oil is BOMB), vanilla extract can help you out in that department, too. If you want to give it a shot, I’ve got a recipe for you right here.
7. Magnolia Bark Tea
Getty Images
Something that’s very popular in traditional Chinese and Japanese medicine is magnolia bark — and yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like: bark from a magnolia tree. Since its got anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial, and antidepressant properties, I’m sure you get why so many rely on it for their overall health and well-being. Sleep-wise, it can help to reduce oxidative stress and bodily inflammation. It’s also another one of those teas that can make getting through menopause easier; that’s because it helps to reduce hot flashes and irritability.
Magnolia bark tea also contains the compounds magnolol and honokiol; the first keeps the chemicals in your brain balanced, and the second has studies that say it can help you fall asleep faster.
8. Warm Turmeric Latte
Getty Images
Because turmeric is so good at putting so many to sleep, I wanted to offer up another option than just golden milk. A turmeric latte is one that has turmeric and milk (of course) while also adding in some cinnamon, ginger, vanilla extract, and a bit of black pepper. The black pepper is nothing to — pardon the pun — sleep on since the piperine that’s in it can actually help to produce more serotonin — the neurotransmitter that helps you to maintain the sleep cycle that your body needs.
Listen, chai lattes (lattes with black tea as the “base”) are my jam, so I am totally down to give this latte take a shot. If you are, try this recipe here.
9. Pomegranate Juice with Cinnamon
Getty Images
If you’d like to try another juice blend, how about pomegranate? Off top, pomegranates are good for you because they are a good source of vitamin C, fiber, and folate. The properties in them help to reduce inflammation, protect your heart, make digestion easier, increase your workout performance, and even help to keep kidney stones from becoming an issue. The reason why I decided to add it to the “sleep agent” list is because it’s yet one more drink that can help with sleeplessness that’s directly associated with menopause.
We’ve already talked about cinnamon; add it if you want to put some “kick” into your juice. Just make sure that you go with 100 percent pure pomegranate juice. That cocktail stuff has so much sugar in it that drinking it will literally be counterproductive as far as getting a good night’s rest is concerned.
10. Hot (Dark) Chocolate
Getty Images
Got a weakness for dark chocolate? That’s something that you can definitely feel good about (check out “12 Ways Dark Chocolate Can Benefit Your Body From Head To Toe”). Aside from its health benefits like being off-the-charts when it comes to its copper, magnesium, and iron content, it’s been proven that dark chocolate can increase blood circulation, improve brain function, and boost your libido too. It’s also a sweet way to catch some z-z-z’s thanks to its flavanols that can prevent your circadian rhythms from being distracted by the effects of sleep deprivation or psychological stress. Yeah, ain’t nothin’ like some piping cup of dark chocolate with a few marshmallows. Treat yo’ self.
11. Lavender Tea
Getty Images
Out of all of the drinks on this list, you’re probably not surprised that lavender tea is on it. Lavender has a long-standing reputation for being a natural relaxant. That’s because it does everything from reducing stress levels and heart rates to soothing symptoms associated with menstrual pain and headaches. My two cents, sip on some lavender tea and rub a bit of pure lavender oil on the soles of your feet (read about why here) about 90 minutes before bedtime. I’ve been doing this with either lavender or CBD oil for some time now — and the quality of rest is unmatched, y’all. UN-FREAKIN’-MATCHED.
12. Cranberry Hot Toddies (Possibly…)
Getty Images
When it comes to drinking alcohol before going to bed, it’s a bit of a layered topic. From what I’ve read and researched, the general consensus is that while it can make you initially drowsy and get you into a state of sleep, it tends to disrupt your rest in the middle of the night — and that could send you to tossing and turning. Since this has never been an issue for me (alcohol will put me out like a light), if you don’t mind having a sip of somethin’ sometimes at bedtime, I’ll end with a cranberry hot toddy suggestion.
As far as cranberries go, they’re another fruit that is full of antioxidants and fiber. They’re also good at fighting and preventing UTIs, stomach ulcers, and kidney stones. And since cranberries are also a good source of vitamin C, they can help you to both fall and stay asleep.
As far as what a hot toddy actually consists of, a few years back, I penned “10 Ways Alcohol Can Be Good For You Past A Great Buzz” for the platform. Whiskey or bourbon (which is a whiskey that’s made with 51 percent corn) and lemon help to qualify it. Since bourbon can boost your immunity and relieve congestion as lemon does the same — why not at least try this recipe here?
It could quickly be your favorite weekend (better to do the alcohol thing on the days when you don’t have to work) sleep solution. And with that said, and to all — with the help of these drinks, of course — a good night.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Vladimir Vladimirov/Getty Images
- 10 Teas That Are Great For The Fall Season — As Far As Hair Growth Is Concerned ›
- 10 Warm Drinks That Are The Perfect De-Stressors ›
- 10 Hot Drinks To Keep You Warm This Fall & Winter ›
- Warm Drinks That Will...Warm You & Your Partner Up (Wink) ›
- Health Benefits Of Drinking Golden Milk - xoNecole ›
- Reasons Why You're Waking Up At 3 A.M.? Causes - xoNecole ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
We have less than 40 days left in 2024, and while I'm not one to rush goals just because it's the end of the year, it can be fun to challenge yourself to think about ways you'll close out this year big.
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
Riska/Getty Images
1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
Riska/Getty Images
19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by
10 Unforgettable Black Film & TV Sex Scenes That Brought The Heat
What makes a sex scene great? Personally, I think it comes down to a combination of things. It’s in the details - the close-ups of skin, eye contact, touch. It’s in the sounds, the dialogue, the chemistry, the location, the context, the taboo, and everything in between.
While the movies and shows on this list vary in genre and style, they all have toe-curling elements that make them truly mind-blowing.
1. Love & Basketball
Now, Love & Basketballis a universally memorable movie in the Black community in its own right, but that sex scene was almost revolutionary. The raw, realistic portrayal of Monica’s first time as she loses her virginity to her childhood soulmate Quincy was an important moment for young Black women everywhere. For a scene that had no on-screen nudity, the chemistry between the characters was enough to have us all feeling a little hot under the collar!
2. Set It Off
This 1996 sex scene between Blair Underwood and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s characters Keith and Stony had all the elements that take a sex scene from good to great. And let’s not let the fact that Jada used a body double take away from how iconic this scene is. Attractive actors, focused foreplay, close-ups, tension-building music (shout out En Vogue!), and chemistry for days. When I rewatched this movie recently and noticed the way Keith moved his chain out of the way (IYKYK), I yelled! Those little details set this sex scene apart.
3. Out of Time
Denzel Washington has been fine his whole life. He’s intergenerational fine. And when this movie came out he was in his PRIME, okay?! The chemistry between Denzel and Sanaa Lathan in Out of Time is undeniable. So much so that when the movie came out, rumors began to circulate that the actors were romantically involved. And if you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you’re not surprised.
The icing on the cake for me was that roleplay scene (peep the video above). You know, the one where Matthias pretends to be investigating a crime and Ann talks him through what the “intruder” did to her and he reenacts it? Turns out WE were the ones intruding on a crime - assault with a deadly weapon, if you will.
4. Scandal
Thursdays haven’t been the same since ABC’s TGIT. Shonda Rhimes was in her bag when she gave us back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, AND How To Get Away With Murder. Lives were changed. Aside from nail-biting drama and salacious storylines, Shonda also consistently gave us an array of dangerously attractive characters and sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
I’ll forever be team #Olitz. Their steamy sex sessions were made even hotter because their relationship was taboo, scandalous, even.
Adultery aside, Olivia and Fitz’s sexy time scenes never left anything to be desired. Interestingly, my favorite Olitz sex scene is their very first time. After six episodes of build-up, they finally did the deed and alleviated all the sexual tension we’d all been feeling. I think we all developed a new level of respect for Fitz when he ordered Olivia to take her clothes off, and she did not disappoint because she served bawdy in that white lingerie (I see what you did there, Shonda). Olivia served at the pleasure of the President, and so did we. For all 6 seasons.
5. Bridgerton
Dearest Gentle Reader, this couple certainly set the Ton abuzz in Bridgerton season one. For a Duke who was once lost for words, the cat’s certainly no longer in possession of his tongue. And luckily, it seems the Duchess is more physical touch than words of affirmation.
The Hastings basked in newlywed bliss all over their new abode and that library ladder scene - you know the one - took the couple’s sex life to new heights. What made this scene with Simon going down on Daphne while she’s suspended on a ladder so incredibly hot is how it centered *female* pleasure. He a good man, Savannah!
6. Insecure
One thing we could always expect from Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore’s hit series - a jaw-dropping sex scene. What I loved about Insecure’s sex scenes is that they’re not only seriously hot, but alsoVERY relatable. From that incident with Daniel, to Issa and Lawrence’s freshly-broken-up-unfinished-business ex-sex.
The one that tops my list has got to be when Issa and Nathan joined their own version of the Mile High Club on the Ferris wheel at Coachella. Cinematically, the scene was gorgeous but it also felt truly organic, like it was the perfect first time for them. I feel like we all collectively exhaled because she finally chose a man we could actually root for. You know what that is? Growth.
Honorable mention: the we’ve-finally-reunited couch sex Lawrence and Issa have when they finally get back together.
7. Power
From gunplay to foreplay, Power held nothing back. Every sex scene was spicy in its own way from Tate and his staffer, to the pilot episode Ghost and Tasha, to Tommy and Keisha. So many to choose from! The one that stands out in my mind is when Ghost and Angela get it on against the window of his hotel room overlooking the New York cityscape. Their chemistry was undeniable and the yearning was palpable in every single one of their sex scenes. Now, that’s acting!
8. Love Jones
WhenLove Jones premiered in 1997, a Black romance about a couple of creatives living and loving in the city was unprecedented. Between the novelty of the story and the charming dynamic between Darius and Nina, Love Jones quickly became a cultural classic. And even with the plethora of Black stories that have since graced our screens, Love Jones is a movie the conversation always comes back to. I mean, with bars like “I’m the blues in your left thigh trying to become the funk in your right”? Yeah, I would’ve folded.
Nina and Darius having sex on the first date felt bold and spontaneous, but that’s only part of why that scene was so steamy. Music can make or break a moment on-screen - sex or otherwise - and Maxwell’s "Sumthin’ Sumthin’" playing in the background made it feel like they were truly making love. Romance is sexy too, right?
9. Queen & Slim
Finally, on-screen car sex that actually looks enjoyable! It’s a beautifully shot scene with long, slow closeups of the characters making intense eye contact (IYKYK!). And the passion between the two actors is so realistic that some people even questioned if the scene was real! The buildup that led to this spontaneous daylight, on-the-run hookup made it even sexier. 10/10, no notes.
For so long, we’ve been starved of seeing positive Black female sexuality on screen and the She’s Gotta Have It remake helped to change that. DeWanda Wise absolutely killed it in the Spike Lee remake as Nola Darling, a polyamorous pansexual woman living her best sexually liberated life, boldly approaching relationships in a way we usually see as taboo. Men, women…one, two, three on rotation, Nola’s pleasure was Nola’s priority (IKDR!).
While her sexual appetite meant her loving bed saw many visitors, I think her best sex scene came when she finally decided to give monogamy a try with her girlfriend Opal. While the scene was pretty graphic, just like the others, this one was different because it was special. It felt like Nola and Opal were two women passionately in love. And what’s sexier than sex with someone you love?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image via Netflix