Back when I read TIME’s article, “You Asked: Why Do I Always Wake Up at 3 A.M.?”, I found it to be fascinating that sleep apnea, acid reflux, and even aging can play a direct role in why some of us are able to fall asleep easily — only to wake up, almost right on the dot, at 3 a.m. As far as aging, specifically, goes, even though things like exercise and even keeping your thermostat down to a cooler setting can help to make getting some uninterrupted rest easier, so can consuming certain beverages.
And since this is the time of year when it’s cooler in the day and even frostier at night, I figured that this would be as good a time as any to share 12 warm drinks to sleep that can help you to get the quality of sleep that you’re after. So, if you’re looking for something to complement your new set of PJs and flannel sheets, how about getting yourself a new coffee mug to pour one (or more) of these drinks into it?
12 Warm Drinks To Sleep
1. Milk (or a Milk Alternative) and Honey
Getty Images
Personally, I don’t know anyone who had a hard time falling asleep while growing up who wasn’t offered a warm cup of milk at some point. And as much as you might think that it’s more of a sleeping agent myth than anything, actually, there’s science to back why it’s a good idea. Something that milk contains is the amino acid tryptophan (the same thing that’s in turkey, for example), and that is known to make a person drowsy (for starters). That’s because it helps to trigger the production of serotonin and melatonin — two things that help you sleep better at night. The reason why you should add a teaspoon of honey to it is because not only can it calm middle-of-the-night cravings, but it literally provides your brain with the fuel that it needs to stay asleep as well.
And what if milk isn’t your thing (due to it being dairy)? I get that. Milk alternatives work, too. Most of them contain quite a bit of calcium, which also gets tryptophan going — so, whether it’s almond, oat, coconut, or something else, still give this option a shot. As an adult.
2. Passionflower Tea
Getty Images
Whether you’ve had a rough day at work or there’s so much on your mind that you already know that falling asleep is going to be a challenge, passionflower tea is definitely something that you should have in your personal tea collection. The properties of this tea make it the kind that is great for making you feel calmer and more relaxed. In fact, many health professionals find its antioxidants to be so powerful that, to them, it’s an immediate go-to if you have anxiety or struggle with insomnia.
As a bonus, passionflower is also a tea that can help lower your blood pressure and decrease symptoms that are associated with menopause, like hot flashes, night sweats, and headaches.
3. Spiced Apple Juice (Warmed Up)
Getty Images
Speaking of antioxidants, something else that is full of them is apple juice. And since (pure) apple juice is nothing but, well, juiced apples — if you’re looking to stabilize your blood sugar levels, reduce your cholesterol, ease inflammation, or get you to not overeat (especially at night), a cup of apple juice won’t do you a lick of harm. Hmph. Come to think of it, if you really want to get the most out of drinking apples, go with apple cider. The difference between it and juice is that it’s unfiltered and unpasteurized.
Anyway, if you add some cloves to the juice or cider, the cloves will not only spice up the drink, but they will also decrease inflammation, fight off free radicals, and treat stomach ulcers — if that is the cause of you not being able to rest very well. Fresh cloves or clove powder will do. A teaspoon in a cup of warm apple juice or cider that has been zapped in the microwave for about a minute or warmed up on the stove (my personal favorite) is all that you need.
4. Gotu Kola Tea
Getty Images
A tea that has been hailed for its medicinal benefits in Southeast Asia is gotu kola tea. Believe it or not, a lot of women like it because it’s been known to reduce bloating and even soften the appearance of stretch marks (wild, right?). Sleep-wise, it’s another tea that can help to decrease anxiety and stress and treat insomnia, and if you’re someone who has a difficult time sleeping due to any joint discomfort, gotu kola can help in that department, too.
Another thing worth mentioning is the antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties in this tea have even helped to heal varicose veins in some people. Yeah, you might not hear about this tea every day, but clearly, it’s a best-kept secret for a myriad of reasons.
5. Golden Milk
Getty Images
Not familiar with the term “golden milk”? It’s basically milk that contains the spice turmeric along with two other spices — cinnamon and ginger. The combination makes for a powerhouse drink, thanks to all of the antioxidants that work to reduce bodily inflammation, lower blood sugar levels, get your mood all the way together, improve digestion, and thanks to its antibacterial, antiviral, and antifungal properties, it can help to keep you from catching a cold too.
Since some studies cite that turmeric can actually keep you from experiencing sleep deprivation, cinnamon contains the compound cinnamaldehyde that fights insomnia, and ginger is a natural remedy for headaches as well as muscle and joint pain — next time you’re at the store, pick some of these spices up. On the sleep tip, their benefits just might surprise you.
6. Mulled Blackberry Vanilla Mocktail
Getty Images
Have you ever wondered what mulled wine actually is? It’s basically wine that has fruit and spices in it that’s been warmed up. Okay, but what if you like the concept of a warmed-up fruity drink, but alcohol isn’t what you have in mind? Why not make a mulled cocktail instead? If it consists of blackberries, you’ll be taking in plant compounds that will help to keep your gut healthy, support heart and oral health, fight against pre-cancer cells, increase your cognitive health, and even keep cold sores at bay.
As far as this particular topic goes, blackberries are good for you because the antioxidants in them can help to bring your stress levels down. And vanilla? Word on the street is that vanilla extract can help to reduce snoring (thanks to its compound vanillin, which can help to keep your respiratory system in good shape).
Plus, if you can’t seem to fall asleep due to a toothache, next to cloves (clove oil is BOMB), vanilla extract can help you out in that department, too. If you want to give it a shot, I’ve got a recipe for you right here.
7. Magnolia Bark Tea
Getty Images
Something that’s very popular in traditional Chinese and Japanese medicine is magnolia bark — and yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like: bark from a magnolia tree. Since its got anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial, and antidepressant properties, I’m sure you get why so many rely on it for their overall health and well-being. Sleep-wise, it can help to reduce oxidative stress and bodily inflammation. It’s also another one of those teas that can make getting through menopause easier; that’s because it helps to reduce hot flashes and irritability.
Magnolia bark tea also contains the compounds magnolol and honokiol; the first keeps the chemicals in your brain balanced, and the second has studies that say it can help you fall asleep faster.
8. Warm Turmeric Latte
Getty Images
Because turmeric is so good at putting so many to sleep, I wanted to offer up another option than just golden milk. A turmeric latte is one that has turmeric and milk (of course) while also adding in some cinnamon, ginger, vanilla extract, and a bit of black pepper. The black pepper is nothing to — pardon the pun — sleep on since the piperine that’s in it can actually help to produce more serotonin — the neurotransmitter that helps you to maintain the sleep cycle that your body needs.
Listen, chai lattes (lattes with black tea as the “base”) are my jam, so I am totally down to give this latte take a shot. If you are, try this recipe here.
9. Pomegranate Juice with Cinnamon
Getty Images
If you’d like to try another juice blend, how about pomegranate? Off top, pomegranates are good for you because they are a good source of vitamin C, fiber, and folate. The properties in them help to reduce inflammation, protect your heart, make digestion easier, increase your workout performance, and even help to keep kidney stones from becoming an issue. The reason why I decided to add it to the “sleep agent” list is because it’s yet one more drink that can help with sleeplessness that’s directly associated with menopause.
We’ve already talked about cinnamon; add it if you want to put some “kick” into your juice. Just make sure that you go with 100 percent pure pomegranate juice. That cocktail stuff has so much sugar in it that drinking it will literally be counterproductive as far as getting a good night’s rest is concerned.
10. Hot (Dark) Chocolate
Getty Images
Got a weakness for dark chocolate? That’s something that you can definitely feel good about (check out “12 Ways Dark Chocolate Can Benefit Your Body From Head To Toe”). Aside from its health benefits like being off-the-charts when it comes to its copper, magnesium, and iron content, it’s been proven that dark chocolate can increase blood circulation, improve brain function, and boost your libido too. It’s also a sweet way to catch some z-z-z’s thanks to its flavanols that can prevent your circadian rhythms from being distracted by the effects of sleep deprivation or psychological stress. Yeah, ain’t nothin’ like some piping cup of dark chocolate with a few marshmallows. Treat yo’ self.
11. Lavender Tea
Getty Images
Out of all of the drinks on this list, you’re probably not surprised that lavender tea is on it. Lavender has a long-standing reputation for being a natural relaxant. That’s because it does everything from reducing stress levels and heart rates to soothing symptoms associated with menstrual pain and headaches. My two cents, sip on some lavender tea and rub a bit of pure lavender oil on the soles of your feet (read about why here) about 90 minutes before bedtime. I’ve been doing this with either lavender or CBD oil for some time now — and the quality of rest is unmatched, y’all. UN-FREAKIN’-MATCHED.
12. Cranberry Hot Toddies (Possibly…)
Getty Images
When it comes to drinking alcohol before going to bed, it’s a bit of a layered topic. From what I’ve read and researched, the general consensus is that while it can make you initially drowsy and get you into a state of sleep, it tends to disrupt your rest in the middle of the night — and that could send you to tossing and turning. Since this has never been an issue for me (alcohol will put me out like a light), if you don’t mind having a sip of somethin’ sometimes at bedtime, I’ll end with a cranberry hot toddy suggestion.
As far as cranberries go, they’re another fruit that is full of antioxidants and fiber. They’re also good at fighting and preventing UTIs, stomach ulcers, and kidney stones. And since cranberries are also a good source of vitamin C, they can help you to both fall and stay asleep.
As far as what a hot toddy actually consists of, a few years back, I penned “10 Ways Alcohol Can Be Good For You Past A Great Buzz” for the platform. Whiskey or bourbon (which is a whiskey that’s made with 51 percent corn) and lemon help to qualify it. Since bourbon can boost your immunity and relieve congestion as lemon does the same — why not at least try this recipe here?
It could quickly be your favorite weekend (better to do the alcohol thing on the days when you don’t have to work) sleep solution. And with that said, and to all — with the help of these drinks, of course — a good night.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Vladimir Vladimirov/Getty Images
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
This shift is a significant change for couples. Let’s face it: no one wants to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. But how can couples effectively confront the impact of fading physical intimacy on the overall health of their enduring partnership?
"I have found that many factors influence one's desire to dive, and it is often not a majority of just one thing. Most people assume that if they don't desire [sex], they are no longer physically attracted, but in my experience, that has little to do with it most of the time," explained Brittanni Young, LMFT, CST.
"Some of the heavy contributors that I see most often include excessive goal orientation towards orgasm, people not prioritizing their own sexuality, and the landfill of ‘should’s’ that develop from toxic sexual scripts created long ago in upbringing," she added.
Furthermore, these issues are not exclusive to any particular orientation, but it does manifest differently.
Young is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sexologist, and board-certified sex therapist who practices in Georgia and Florida. She has worked in the sexology field for over a decade. Young helps couples and individuals looking to get through challenges of all facets facing sexuality and intimacy, such as desire mismatch, over-compulsion, and dysfunctions. She recently launched a deck of intimacy connection cards called "Show Me Your Cards." Young is working on another product that helps teach children to consent and negotiate appropriate touch. She sat down with xoNecole to discuss what causes the decline in the bedroom, the myth of 'lesbian bed death,' and recommendations on overcoming "bed death."
The Decline In Intimacy
Intimacy often dwindles within relationships, a phenomenon triggered by various factors such as stress, the insidious monotony of routine, and the toxicity of unresolved conflicts, to name a few. While couples manage daily life, exchanging intimate desires and concerns may take a backseat. Sadly, this gradually erodes the closeness once shared in the relationship.
"Typically, the first thing I do when working with a couple on desire challenges is rule out medical causes by referring them to their primary care physician or other provider they are working with," Young shared. "There are times when unmanaged or mismanaged conditions factor into low desire levels. Also, many medications can wreak havoc on keeping desire levels up, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, and blood pressure medications, to name a few."
Jeff Bergen/ Getty Images
"Next, I look at the state of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction in the relationship, then it definitely affects how close and intimate one wants to be to another. There are also plenty of individual factors one can bring into the equation, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, feelings of shame or guilt around one's own sexuality, and external life stressors that can get in the way. I find that life stressors can be a big one for folks, as once you get in the habit of not prioritizing sex, it tends to stick," she added.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent "bed death." It can involve prioritizing your wants and open communication about sexual needs.
"What tends to be effective for all couples is taking an inventory of how satisfied they are with their sexual behaviors and engagement. Being truthful in this vein can be the start of unlocking inhibitions that can keep you from seeking out and being genuinely vulnerable in intimate spaces," Young explained. "Next, I suggest opening up lines of communication around these truths. When people assume that nothing can be done, hope is lost."
The Myth Of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
The notion of "lesbian bed death" perpetuates a simplistic and inaccurate stereotype about the sexual dynamics within lesbian relationships. Contrary to the myth, the experience of a decline in intimacy is not universal among lesbian couples. The diverse spectrum of relationships among women challenges this oversimplified narrative, emphasizing that the complexities of sexual dynamics extend beyond stereotypical assumptions.
"The notion of 'lesbian bed death' is based on a research study done by Pepper Schwartz in 1983 that found that lesbian couplings fell behind in sexual frequency compared to heterosexual and gay male couplings," Young revealed.
"Several other studies [after] have replicated these findings but give very little information about sexual satisfaction. Despite there being more research needed overall in the sexuality field, more recent research did find that when it comes to the length of sexual encounters, lesbian couples had the longest duration of encounters. To that end, sexual quality over quantity is a better marker of satisfaction, and that is what I pay most attention to in my work. With that said, dissatisfaction can happen in all couplings over time," the sexologist continued.
Factors influencing reduced intimacy among lesbian couples may include communication challenges, societal pressures, and individual variations in libido. Menstruation can also play a role, with some couples navigating discomfort or hormonal changes during this period.
"There are certainly some nuances that come into play with lesbian couples that differ from heterosexual or other-oriented couples. As I stated earlier, physiological factors can factor into the rise and fall of libido. The hormone fluctuations that come from menstruation and menopause can impact desire levels, and it is double present in lesbian couples. Another nuance is the lack of a sexual script from society on lesbian sexual behavior. There are patriarchal roots to sexual research, which have created our societal norms that tend to leave out anyone who isn't heterosexual," Young stated.
Overcoming The Challenges
Westend61/ Getty Images
While 'bed death' challenges couples, solutions are within reach. By identifying and addressing the underlying causes, couples can rekindle the flame of intimacy and ensure a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
"In the words of Esther Perel, another sexual professional in the field, 'love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.' I recommend keeping it in the front of your mind, prioritizing, and keeping it interesting. Be open to learning more about your own sexuality every day, as well as your partner. You are always growing; what worked for you 20 years ago may not be the same today. Stay curious with one another and be open to exploring new ways to pleasure. You deserve it," Young said.
For instance, Young advised that couples should "keep sexual encounters light and playful." And not be afraid to introduce new elements, such as toys.
"Touch often in ways that are consensual and feel safe! I made 'Show Me Your Cards' to serve this purpose specifically. Just because you do not feel in the mood to go all the way does not mean you aren't in the mood to hold hands, exchange body massages, or dance together. Connecting often in any physical form, as long as it feels pleasurable, still counts as 'being in the mood,'" she said.
Overcoming the hurdles of "bed death" and debunking myths surrounding 'lesbian bed death' offers a unique perspective for couples grappling with the difficulties of sustaining a connection. Learning the proper ways to work through a sexless relationship can help foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Vladimir Vladimirov/ Getty Images
