This Is How You're F'in Up Your Homemade Smoothies
I don't know about y'all, but there are more than a couple of people in my life who have smoothies as a part of their daily ritual. Some of them do it as a quick way to consume their breakfast. Others do it as an energy boost before working out. Some just simply like the taste of 'em. If you happen to fall into any of these categories, first let me say that homemade smoothies, for the most part, are a good thing to have. The nutrients in them can help to strengthen your immunity, improve your digestion, detoxify your body, fill you up with antioxidants, control your cravings and help you to lose weight—yep, all this with just one serving. At the same time, the reason why I said, "for the most part", is because, believe it or not, there is such a thing as a "bad smoothie". It's when you find yourself preparing one in such a way that it can literally do your system more harm than good.
If smoothies are totally your thing, but you want to make sure that you're making the kind that are as healthy as possible, here are some signs that you might be working against this goal—whether you realize it or not.
You’re Making Them with Juice
While fruit is good for you, fruit juice? Eh, not so much. A lot of fruit juice brands are packed with both sugar and calories, so using them as a base for your smoothies is usually working against you, rather than for you. For instance, adding a half-cup of apple juice to your morning smoothie could easily give you 50-70 extra calories and 10-15 grams of sugar. So, if you want your smoothies to be a little less thick, opt for a milk alternative instead. Case in point, there are 30 calories in a cup of almond milk with zero grams of sugar in it (if you go with the original or unsweetened kind). For the most part, milk alternatives instead of juice are definitely the way to go.
You’re Putting in Too Much Fruit (or Only Fruit)
Just because I said that fruit is healthy (and it is), that doesn't mean it's also not packed with a type of sugar known as fructose. If all you have in your smoothie is berries, bananas or pineapples, that could cause your blood sugar levels to spike up. Plus, smoothies are basically meant to serve as mini-meals, so it's best to put more in there anyway. Protein powder, green veggies, seeds (like chia or flaxseed) can up the nutrient value of your smoothie while also balancing out all of the sugar that fruit tends to provide.
You’re Adding WAY Too Much Green Veggies
Kale. Spinach. Cucumber. Zucchini. These are just some of the green veggies that not only are loaded with vitamins and minerals, but actually taste really great in smoothies as well. But again, balance is key. If you eat too much of a good green thing, the fiber could have you in the bathroom for much longer than you ever planned. Plus, kale contains compounds known as goitrogens; too many of them are prone to totally mess with your thyroid—and not in a good way.
So how much is enough? 1-2 cups of fresh raw green vegetables, per smoothie, is pretty cool. Just make sure that you're only doing a smoothie a day in order to keep your green veggie intake on point.
You’re Adding WAY Too Much Protein Too
As women, all we need is 50-60 grams of protein a day. Well, if you're adding collagen, whey and protein powder to each of your smoothies, you're actually giving your body way too much protein. The challenge with that is, not only can that lead to things like nausea, dehydration, exhaustion, diarrhea and intestinal discomfort over time, but when protein rises to excessive levels, it's prone to turn into sugar. That's why, really no more than 10 grams of protein, per smoothie, should be a rule of thumb that you should follow.
You’re Putting Sweeteners In
Lawd, y'all. If you're putting fresh fruit into your smoothie, why in the world would you need to add any sweetener to it? Remember that smoothies aren't just a convenient way to get vitamins and minerals into your body; they're also supposed to benefit you, holistically, long-term. Consuming anything that could low-key turn you into a diabetic isn't helpful. Bottom line, if there's fruit in your smoothie, you've got all of the sweetener that you need. If there's not, a teaspoon of honey or molasses, some dates, or a little bit of flavored yogurt should be all that you need to add a little sweetness to it.
You’re Forgetting About Adding Spices
Here's an interesting question. When's the last time you added some spice (or spices) into your smoothies? Not only do they add a bit of a "kick" to how your smoothies taste, but many of them are really great for your overall health and well-being too. Ginger contains potassium, copper and magnesium, along with anti-inflammatory properties. Cinnamon is filled with antioxidants and the organic compound cinnamaldehyde which helps to keep bacterial and fungal infections at bay. Sage is dope because it's high in Vitamin K and also has the reputation for reducing cholesterol levels, relieving menopause-related symptoms and improving blood sugar levels in diabetic patients. So, definitely consider adding one of these (or other spices) into your smoothie, the next time that you make one.
Your Smoothies Are HUGE
Back in my Smoothie King days, I used to be amazed by some of the sizes of smoothies that they offered. I mean, who needs a Big Gulp equivalent of a smoothie, right? At the end of the day, all that means is you're packing on more calories and sugar. So, what size should your smoothies actually be? Between 8-12 ounces is best and one a day is good. And what about having a smoothie every day? If it's something like a homemade green smoothie, that shouldn't be a problem, so long as you add some protein into it so that you're not hungry an hour later.
Just make sure that you don't treat your smoothie like it's a drink that is accompanying a meal—even if it's a salad. Too much of a good thing can turn into something that's not-so-good, real quick. Many folks have found themselves packing on pounds after consistently drinking smoothies for a month or so. So, if you're having a smoothie, consider that to be an actual meal, until it's time to eat again.
BONUS: You’re Buying Them
The reason why this article focuses on mistakes that are made when it comes to making smoothies at home is because, when they're the DIY kind, you have full control over what does (and doesn't) go into them. When you're getting them at your local grocery store, not so much. Many commercial brands contain so many additives and preservatives that the word "natural" in the branding is hardly true. And if you get one at a restaurant, oftentimes frozen yogurt, sherbet and all sorts of sweeteners will make it more of a fattening treat than a healthy snack. So, when it comes to getting a smoothie outside of your house, while it might be convenient, it typically isn't your best bet—not if you want to drink one that is actually good for you. Make them at home. It's better for your body—and your budget in the long run.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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