

I read a quote once that said, "You don't have relationship or marital issues, you have single issues." In other words, sometimes, what may appear to be an issue between you and your partner could very well be the manifestation of a deep-rooted issue from your past.
I know this all too well because there have been times – single and married – when my past has been the very thing that caused fear, worry, anxiety, and/or hesitation when it came to love, dating, and relationships.
You see - my biological father was the first man to break my heart because he was hardly, nor was he willing to be, a part of my life. Much of our relationship was comprised of lies and broken promises. I can literally count on one hand how many times I've actually ever seen him in person. Although I've done a lot to work through my feelings and the healing process, I can admit there's a direct correlation between that situation and my relationship experiences.
For many of you, like me, maybe it was an absent parent or maybe it was the lack of love you received from your mom or dad. Maybe you experienced the unbearable grief of the loss of a parent. Maybe your parents divorced or maybe you were adopted. Maybe you witnessed or experienced some type of abuse. Whatever happened, it's possible that it's causing you to feel reluctant, resistant, fearful, or even hopeless when it comes to love and relationships.
Nevertheless, I've compiled a short list of positive realizations, mantras, and affirmations because I want all of us to refuse to give power to the past that tries to keep us from the love that we deserve:
"I can only begin to heal what I’m willing to confront."
It's interesting because I thought I was pretty self-aware when I was single, but when you're in a relationship and especially when you're married, it's as if you're looking into a mirror and you can see a reflection of who you were, who you are, and who you're becoming. I definitely had to re-commit to doing more self-work not only for the sake of having a healthy marriage, but to also help heal some of my personal issues that were starting to show up as marital issues (what I like to call "red flags").
We have to be honest and transparent enough with ourselves and admit what makes us cry and what makes us angry or even bitter. I used to act like it didn't bother me knowing that my father wasn't around, but eventually I had to cry it all out and admit that I was hurt, angry, and I felt abandoned. At times, I felt bitter, but I refused to allow the bitterness to rot within me and control me.
I've had to own up to the fact that I don't always feel strong. I've had to have some tough conversations with certain people. I've had to forgive even when I didn't want to, and I've had to ask for forgiveness. I've had to ask for help, and I've even gone to therapy including couple's therapy. I've had to write and recite daily mantras to remind myself that I am enough. I've had to pray, read the Word, feed my faith, and constantly remind myself of who I am and whose I am. I have and will continue to do what needs to be done in order to heal and prevent my past from having a hold on me.
"God makes up for the losses and disappointment by providing me with what I need."
When Eric and I started dating, I quickly realized that our family dynamics were almost completely opposite. For example, he was raised in a two-parent home and he knew both sides of his family, whereas I was raised in a single-parent home and never knew my father's side of the family. That's not to say that either situation was worse or better; rather it was just different.
Nevertheless, God made it so that the man I married had a loving father, who eventually became the father-figure I never had. God not only blessed me with what I wanted in a husband, but He also blessed me what I needed as well. Can my Father-in-love (FIL) completely replace my dad? Of course not. However, because of the love that my FIL shows me, I'm able to at least experience a glimpse of what it feels like to have a dependable father. The same is true in other areas outside of marriage: God can make up for your lack of family with a group of friends who end up becoming like family.
"When it’s real love, they will love the real me...all of me."
I can admit that I carried some baggage into the relationship when Eric and I first started dating (as did he because men carry baggage too). Some of the issues, I had pushed down so far within me for so long that I didn't even realize they existed until after I got married. Whether it was because of my childhood experiences or past relationships, there were things I was dealing with emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
It can feel a little intimidating and scary knowing that you're carrying certain burdens, because you don't know how the other person will react. However, I knew that if Eric was going to be my husband, then I had to be completely honest with him. When I was able to finally share certain things with him, my husband didn't judge me for it, and more importantly, he didn't run away simply because of it. Much of what I went through made me the woman I am today, and obviously he was in love with that woman…flaws and all.
What I loved the most was the fact that he was more than willing to help me unpack that baggage and leave it where it belonged…in the past. Consequently, our love journey has helped reveal and heal some of my deepest hurts.
Ultimately, God is the source of our peace, but I like to think that He uses my husband and I as vessels to bring about peace for and through each other. The thing about intimacy is that it takes you to a deeper level beyond just the surface. There is something undeniable and euphoric about being connected to someone in such an intimate way. I am most vulnerable when I'm with my husband. So, on those days when I don't feel like being the "strong, black woman", I don't have to be. I can just be me.
Trust that you, too, can experience intimacy on a deeper level with the person who's meant for you. It's one of the sure signs that you're meant for each other. Like they say, "If you can't be real with the one you love, then who can you be real with?"
"I will not allow my past burdens to keep me from my future blessings."
Many times, we're hesitant about opening up and experiencing new things or new relationships simply out of fear and/or frustration from past relationships and experiences. Because I experienced so much hurt in the past, I wanted to refuse to believe that a guy like Eric could be as genuine, caring, and faithful as he is.
Then, when Eric got married, the topic of starting a family became a frequent source of tension in our home. We would get into heated debates about when we should start proactively trying to conceive. I wanted to wait and I refused to get off birth control, but he was more eager to start the process. It wasn't until later when we realized that the argument was less about having kids and more about our lack of understanding each other.
After further introspection, I eventually realized that not only did I prefer to wait to have children because I wanted us to enjoy being newlyweds (which we definitely do not regret now), but I was also afraid. I was afraid that my husband was going to do to me what my father did to my mother…bail out and leave me to raise our children on my own. Plus, the fact that my father had abandoned me and I knew how hard it was for my mom who raised two children as a single parent, I subconsciously associated having children as being a "burden", whereas my husband saw it as a "blessing". I was allowing my past to dictate my present situation even though it was clear that I was with a man who truly loved me and wanted to have a family with me, and had no plans on leaving me.
Nevertheless, the thought alone overwhelmed me and triggered emotions and reactions that I had to work through. Because of that, it changed everything about our relationship in a positive way, and it yielded a greater and better understanding for both of us.
"Just because I never saw it doesn’t mean I will never experience it."
Growing up, my mom was never married, and a lot of my friends that I grew up with came from single-parent homes. Even in my personal relationships, up until when I met my husband, every guy I dated prior to him had lied, cheated, and/or did something extremely hurtful and devastating.
The good news, however, is that even though we can't change what happened in the past, we have the power to change how the future looks. Now, my husband and I get to be what I didn't always see…a loving, healthy, and happy marriage. (Note: I didn't say perfect). Just like this quote says, "Marriage is the collision of two histories, but you have to be willing to create your own history." So, that's what we're doing…breaking generational curses and creating our own history.
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Be open to things you've never experienced before and trust that it's possible for you too based on God's will for your life.
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Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
Your May 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Blooming Softly & Trusting Divine Timing
May is about being patient, nurturing your dreams, and creating beauty in your world. This is a more stable and generous month than the chaos that April brought, and we get an opportunity for closure, healing, and rejuvenation this month. We are still amid some important retrograde transits, but these are ones we can navigate better by grounding our energy in the present moment, and not allowing ourselves to stress over the what-ifs.
With the Sun in Taurus for most of the month, May reminds us that there is beauty in finding your peace and not allowing anyone to disrupt that.
Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius from May 4 until October 13, and this will be a time of remembering your power when it comes to your purpose, innovations, and the ability to attract support into your life. Mercury moves into Taurus on May 10, making this a good time for negotiations, creating new plans financially, and sticking to your word on something that holds value to you. The Full Moon of the month occurs in Scorpio on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year, signifying growth and seeing the beauty in your life.
This Full Moon is all about letting go of what doesn’t feel authentic or resonate with you emotionally, and about experiencing more closure and healing within relationship matters.
Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
Mercury enters Gemini on May 25, and Mercury loves being here. Mercury in Gemini is the creative genius, and this is a month of aligning yourself with this energy. On May 26, we have a New Moon in Gemini, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want a communication breakthrough in your life, and what new ideas you want to start planting the seeds for. This is a good New Moon for networking, exchanging ideas, having more fun, and getting inspired.
Article continues after the jump.
May 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
The impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
Taurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
May is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
Cancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
This month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
May is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
This is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
May is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
May is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
May is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
Your guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
Allow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Lizzo Talks Confidence: 'I Love The Person I've Become Through It All & I Think That's The Real Prize'
Lizzo is reflecting on her healing journey while giving the girls advice about confidence. The "Truth Hurts" singer has faced unfair criticism throughout her career for being a plus-size woman who embraces her curves. However, she recently went through a body transformation, which she calls a "weight release," and was criticized yet again.
But through it all, we've seen her hold her head high and continue to collect checks and awards. Lizzo stopped by The Breakfast Club recently and opened up about self-love, confidence, and healing.
When co-host Charlamagne Tha God asked Lizzo the difference between confidence and healing, The "Still Bad" artist replied, "I think people can fake confidence, but you can't fake healing. You can't be fake healed."
Lizzo explained how faking confidence can actually help you in the long run. "There's a lot of people who walk around and they can pretend to be confident and actually, I think that's what confidence's intention is, is to be used a little artificially. The fake it to you make," she said.
"Then, eventually you get there because my confidence, I had to force it. I had to fake it for a long time because I didn't grow up in a world where they were like, 'you're beautiful' and 'your body is beautiful' and 'we like you,' 'we like your personality.' 'Yeah, you watch anime and listen to rock music, we accept you.'
I was very like 'other' and I think I had to be like, 'no, you are good enough,' 'you are worthy of love,' 'your body is beautiful,' even when I didn't believe it. I think that eventually, if you say something enough, it can come true. You can manifest it, you can create your reality and I think I got there by faking it."
When it comes to dealing with negativity, Lizzo is learning to let the not so nice comments roll off her back and give grace. "People are as kind to others as they are to themselves and if somebody is throwing hatred or saying something mean-spirited about somebody, just for the sake of doing it, I can't imagine how you talk to yourself," she said. I can't imagine how you think about yourself and treat yourself when no one's watching and for that, Ive already won."
She added, "I love the person I've become through it all and I think that's the real prize. That's the real reward."
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