3 Surefire Ways To Improve Your Self-Awareness
As amazing as it is to be feeling ourselves (cue Beyonce), it's more beneficial to know ourselves first above anything. When it comes to masking a fake smile and having our "pretty on fleek", we as women have our male counterparts beat when it comes to wearing a disguise.
In order for an individual to master the art of leveling up, they have to fully understand how the decisions we make affect every facet of our lives. That's in body, mind, spirit and them good ol' finances too. The process of introspection can be a pain in the bum, but it's necessary if we want to excel to higher heights.
Your life could either be a vibe or a downright disappointment. That's all based on you and how you choose to live it.
We've all heard the phrase, "what you place your focus on, you magnify" and, as cliché as it may be, it couldn't be truer. Our perspective shapes our reality and being cognizant of our choices, surroundings, situations, and people in our corner can put you on another level of boss babe. It's not always easy to stay focused, but being able to identify the who, what, where, when, and why can help us remain on-track and bossed up like never before. Here are 3 surefire ways to keep your self-awareness in-check.
1.Be Present
Far too many times, we place our focus on the would've, could've, should'ves when we are missing out on the lesson being presented to us right here and right now. To be truly present in the moment, we have to place our attention on what's currently at hand. Take, for instance, if we are always rushing to get up to go to work and are in an even bigger rush to get off work, we miss the opportunity to fully live in what happened during our day.
We're unable to analyze how our day was, how it made us feel, what triggers it may have brought up, and what we could have accomplished or done better. It's all about recognition baby. You have to make a conscious choice to live in the now. When it comes down to being present, we have to allow ourselves literal breathing room so that we can take a step back and assess what's going on in our lives.
2.Embrace Change
Boyz II Men said it best, "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday." But we have to realize the longer we hold on to the past, the longer we stunt our own growth in the areas we wish to prevail in. Every chapter in our life requires a different version of you to show up. You can't expect the 18-year-old version of you to understand the moves that you make now at 30-something. That's simply due to the fact that you've changed and grown due to life experiences. Some for better and some, unfortunately, for worse.
Change is bound to happen and there's nothing we can do to prevent that. But what we can do is assess what changes were made for better or worse and use the process of elimination to decide whether or not those changes you see are the ones you wish to exist.
3.Explore Your Emotions
Life can make you clap your hands, wanna dance, or just outright stomp (Kirk Franklin said that). Our emotional states tell us a lot about what areas need to be tapped into more. Learning through our emotions allows us the opportunity to reflect on what challenges we need to overcome or simply if we are in a good space at the time. You don't have to shout it out to the moon and sky above, but you do need to have a conversation with yourself about what's going on inside of that mind and body of yours.
The more we ignore how we are feeling, the more trapped we become in our own mind. Open communication with self and with others can really help with letting go of our fears and make room for peace within.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Corein Carter is a Los Angeles-based blogger, content creator and podcaster. The New Jersey native has had a love affair with words since she began penning poetry in high school and later went on to study journalism at WSSU. The self-proclaimed "Naturalista" embodies all things spiritual, plant-based, and self-care in both her daily life and through writing. You may recognize Corein's captivating voice and well-rounded perspectives from her fast growing podcast "Play on Words". Follow her journey on Twitter and Instagram @inlivingcolored.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images