Are we obsessed with healing?
Is the culture curated around healing perpetrating one's need to "fix" themselves?
Is our need to be constantly "working on ourselves" causing us to find new things to be anxious and depressed about?
What started out as individuals seeking to move beyond traumatic experiences, fears and insecurities has become individuals drowning themselves in healing practices but being stuck in the same cycle.
Once I became aware of my own issues, I couldn't stop finding issues. Every day, a new one would pop up. Initially, I thought this was great. I figured because I was so self-aware, I would be able to fix all of the things I believed I needed to fix about myself. Then, I would finally be happy and free from the chains of past experiences. I was committed to going through the baggage I had accumulated over the years but it started to take over my life. I am actually in the beginning stages of this realization, meaning I am currently in the process of reshaping my relationship with personal development. So, I am not writing this article as an expert. I am writing this article as someone who is currently moving through the experience.
Learning and adjusting as I go.
A lot of things started to come up for me during my journey; most of these things stemmed from childhood. Actually, all of them stemmed from childhood. Healing requires you to go down memory lane and, depending on your experiences, you may or may not spend a lot of time there. While this can be helpful, venturing down memory lane tends to be in direct conflict with the concept of being and staying present. One can easily get stuck in their own memories which can end up triggering mental loops and cause you to put yourself in a destructive emotional cycle.
During my various healing transitions, I found myself having on-again off-again experiences with anxiety and depression. I was beating myself up mentally and emotionally when it came to the changes I knew I needed to make but was finding myself falling short. This was a symptom of me raising my awareness. I became aware of everything. Awareness is a very beautiful and necessary thing but I do think it's important to note that it could end up doing more harm than good if it isn't applied in the most nurturing way.
I was constantly at war with myself. I felt split, like I was two people in one.
One side of me, I will call her the "evolved side", was attuned and aligned, trying to live her best life. While the other side of me, I will call her the "default setting", was clinging to the traumas, fears, insecurities and false narratives. I would go back and forth between these two states but most times, I just found myself feeling depleted. I call this the healing vortex. I'm not sure if you have ever experienced this whirlwind I am describing but it was trapping me in old storylines and causing major stagnancy when it came to moving forward with the new stories and beliefs I had created.
This healing vortex made me feel like I was always taking two steps forward and three steps back. So my obsession with "healing" or relieving myself of this stagnancy resulted in me diving deeper into my addiction with trying to fix myself. Let's examine this frame of thinking for a second. To believe that you need fixing would imply that you think you are broken. This thought automatically starts the healing process off on a negative note.
Dr. Crystal Jones, a friend and spiritual advisor has built her platform around disempowering this broken narrative and leading with the empowered concept of humans being fundamentally perfect, whole and complete. I encourage you to look her up. I love this ideology because I believe it gives us space to focus on self-allowance, rather than thinking we need to dismantle ourselves.
I now believe healing is a perspective shift. I don't believe healing is this life-long experience, at least I don't believe it has to be. It also doesn't have to involve pain and self-torment. The concept of healing seems to have become something we drag out, just like many of us do with traumas. We trade one addiction for another, which can be a common thing for addicts.
I have decided to break up with healing as I move more into evolving.
Healing implies you are recovering from something. Evolving is more so about growing and moving forward. One is rooted in attempting to put oneself back together and the other is rooted in embracing the next phase of who you are, regardless of who you have previously been.
This switch in perspective comes with less stress and strain and more ease and flow. Suffering doesn't have to be a prerequisite for personal growth. Your transformation can be adventurous, wonder-filled and playful. So, I have started to "look at life from a place of play instead of climbing a mountain." (Aijt Nawalkha) Shifting my belief around what it means to change has taken the pressure off of getting that next self-help high. I'm not focused on beating myself up for not being better because better is a choice. You choose to be better, you choose to be okay, you choose to move forward and then you commit to that choice in every moment.
I no longer believe I have to heal my way through life. I choose to playfully and graciously evolve with lots of self-compassion and my sanity still in tact.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
Featured image by Getty Images
Originally published June 30, 2019
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The Libra woman is looking for her equal in love, someone who is willing to put in the same effort she is, and the Aries man sees Libra as someone he is willing to do that with.
The Love Compatibility Of A Libra Woman And An Aries Man
What attracts a Libra woman and an Aries man to each other?
There is a magnet of attraction pulling these two together, and things tend to move pretty fast in this relationship. The Libra woman is always open to love and her charming nature rarely has any challenges here. The Aries man fights for his independence and doesn’t sacrifice that unless he is completely enamored with someone.
Once the Aries man catches the eye of the Libra woman, he is typically the one to make the first move and this instantly wins the approval of Libra.
These two feel like they have known each other forever when they meet, and this spark between them doesn’t die down easily.
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What is the relationship like between a Libra woman and an Aries man?
The relationship between the Libra woman and the Aries man is one of balance and excitement. The Aries man tends to take on the more dominant role in this relationship and the Libra woman tends to be the more receptive one. Aries is ruled by masculine Mars, and Libra is ruled by feminine Venus. They understand they are coming from two completely different worlds, yet they also instinctively feel this underlying connection to each other and like they could be something each other needs in their lives.
The Libra woman can rely on the Aries man, and the Aries man never has to ask for the love that Libra already knows he needs.
This is a couple that is often reading each other’s minds and wanting to do a lot of the same things. However, not everything is rainbow in this relationship as well, and there are some major differences they have to overcome to make things work. One argument can lead to an explosion between these two, and addressing things when they come up rather than sweeping them under the rug, will be needed to make this relationship long-term.
What is the sex like between a Libra woman and an Aries man?
The sex between a Libra woman and an Aries man is adventurous. These are two cardinal signs with plenty of energy and stamina to keep things exciting in the bedroom. There tends to be a good give and take in this relationship, and their yin and yang energy benefits them when it comes to their sex life.
There is electricity felt between the two of them in this area of their life, and their power of attraction to each other is strong. These are two people who will want to do a lot of things together, including exploring sexually together.
The Aries man will have to be careful with being overly aggressive, however, as the soft Libra woman may not like this energy- it will completely depend on the two individuals at hand. The Libra woman wants to ease into things, the Aries man wants to get going right away. Learning about each other's bodies, and energy, and reading each other’s cues will help with this.
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What makes a relationship between a Libra woman and an Aries man work?
These two genuinely like each other, and that basis is a key factor for success in any relationship. The Aries man is straight to the point, direct, and inspired. The Libra woman admires these characteristics in others, as she is often herself finding her balance in this type of energy as well. Neither sign is overly emotional in a way that turns them off, and they both require a lot of the same things in a committed relationship. They want honesty, fun, good communication, passion, and to be moving towards a common goal together.
The Libra woman and Aries man don’t have a problem being real with each other and this is something they really value within the relationship. They are both very charming, and there is plenty of flirtation and attraction to keep this relationship going. Aries being the protector they are, Libra finds a sense of safety and ease in this energy, and like they have found their match. Overall, this is a well-balanced relationship and one where they don’t have a problem when it comes to compatibility or chemistry in the relationship.
What may cause a Libra woman and an Aries man to break up?
Libra is the lover, Aries is the fighter, and this energy may be tiring for the both of them after time. The Libra woman can be passive to a fault, and the Aries man who is not evolved, may take advantage of that. She will need to be careful with putting Aries’ needs above her own, creating resentment later down the road. The Aries man loves a challenge, and the Libra woman would be up for that game for a little bit, but if she is not being met in the middle, she will begin to look for other places. These two can have a difficult time keeping the peace in the relationship, and there could be a lot of arguments and disagreements here if they both aren’t willing to put their egos or self-pleasing attitudes to the side.
The Libra woman and Aries man are both more sensitive than they appear or come off as. They are also not necessarily the type to dive deep into their emotions and express them to others, even in their relationships. However, this energy can keep the relationship to a surface level than what is needed to progress and grow the relationship, and a sense of openness is required for this couple to work. Libra needs romance, she wants to be wowed. Aries needs to remember this and to always consider her love language.
Summary
Overall, this is a successful pairing. They will have their fair share of challenges in the relationship, but nothing they can’t overcome if they are willing to. The trouble will come in when it comes to the longevity of the relationship, keeping Aries excited and Libra in love. However, all in all, there is more power, attraction, and love to keep this relationship together rather than apart. No relationship is perfect, but this one is a little more blessed than most.
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