I Scream, You Scream: Finding A Voice After Trauma
Can you think of a time when you were scared, hurt, or stopped cold in your tracks? Are you able to recall an event that forever changed your views on a certain person, place, or thing? What about an experience that rocked you to your core? One that you couldn't forget even if you so desperately tried...
The word "trauma" stems from a Greek word that translates, literally, to mean "wound." This is quite befitting, as the physical, emotional, and mental traumas that many of us are forced to face have become wounds that touch the innermost parts of our beings. Trying to pick up the pieces after a traumatic experience can be anxiety-inducing at best and life-altering at its peak. Searching for healing often means traveling right back through the darkness, and the courage that it takes to simply exist as a person that exuberates melanin magic is often a heavy enough burden to bear in its own right. Examining the ways that our pasts, presents, and futures coincide to create our personal trauma stories is no easy feat. However, one key principle is clear and undebatable:
You are worth whatever work it takes to find the courage to speak again.
Whether your personal form of "speaking" means simply telling yourself that it's OK to feel through the pain or encompasses beginning the healing work that many of us so desperately need, it's all worth it. Your voice, your pain, your experiences that continue to create the masterpiece that is wholeheartedly you - it all matters. From childhood woes to adult terrors, each event that any of us deems as traumatic is just as important as the next. There are no competitions in the realm of healing, no "less thans" or "should have beens." We each have a right to grieve, cry, yell, and process our experiences in whichever ways we deem most fit. What can we do, as women of color, to find our voices after trauma?
Here are some ways to allow your inner light to shine as you foster the strength you need to symbolically speak again.
Speak With A Trusted Source
GiphyYou know what happened. You were there, you took every labored breath and lived through every moment, drawn out in time as if forever could be fully felt. But, have you shared it? Have you been able to talk about what happened; have you allowed yourself the privilege of expressing your truths? Speaking with a trusted source - whether a cherished friend, a mental health professional, or a spiritual counselor - can be a crucial step towards healing. Sometimes, just simply speaking it aloud can be the breakthrough we need to realize that our experience was truly, tangibly real.
Recognize Personal Triggers
Even after having been through similar experiences, each person's trauma can manifest in various ways. Know that it's okay to have completely different emotions than another survivor, and find solace in the fact that your journey is totally valid. Our "triggers" can manifest in many forms, from certain people and places to a singular song on a playlist. You may not even realize that a particular circumstance is bound to elicit a reaction until it does just that. Are there any things that you know of, today, that trigger personal negative responses? Recognizing the events that evoke painful feelings is a heavy step, but it can aid you in working towards having control of future reactions.
Find Strength In Community
GiphyOne of the biggest strengths that we have is our innate bond in sisterhood; use your community to aid and uplift you. We, as black and brown women, are innately magical. We have shared experiences, whether big or small, that have the ability to foster a strong sense of external support. How can you help yourself to heal, and in turn become a source of help for others? What about your story is necessary to share so that the next sister can experience some much needed inspiration on her own journey towards truth-telling? Your story is all your own - and I'm willing to bet that it has the power to change the life of another community member.
Most Importantly, Be Honest With Yourself
Before anyone can find support from external sources, talk about their experiences, or acknowledge familiar triggers, they must begin the work within. You cannot start to heal from a source of trauma that you are not ready to recognize and be honest about. This doesn't need to involve another person, or even have to encompass total forgiveness, but it must be authentic. Being unapologetically you, trauma and all, means that you can start to recognize how your experiences have shaped the woman you are and will continue to become.
Your survival and resilience alone is a testament to your inner strength; your self-vulnerability is proof that you are worthy of going through it to subsequently grow through it. Being honest with ourselves is a process. It may not be easy or swift but it is necessary. As we begin to find our voices after a traumatic experience, we may uncover deep-rooted feelings that we weren't previously aware of. We may cry, sing, yell, write, share, or pray, dealing with our aftermaths can show up in a variety of ways.
However and whenever we choose to own our traumas, we are stronger than we know. Our voice will come in its own time, and when it does, it deserves to be heard.
Featured image by Getty Images
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl In Motion: DonYé Taylor Asked Herself This Question When Creating Her Brainchild
"Being an 'ItGirl' is all about being yourself and taking all of the elements that make you who you are and displaying them at your highest capability," creative brainiac DonYé Taylor says in the introduction of the limited video series, "ItGirl In Motion."
In partnership with Hyundai, xoNecole has unveiled the limited series in conjunction with our inaugural ItGirl 100 list. The list boasts 100 Black women who not only innovate and take up space when it comes to putting on for their cities, but also as the driving force behind brands that create impact for the culture. ItGirl DonYé Taylor is one of the 100 featured ladies who put her purpose into action.
ITGIRL IN MOTION with DONYE TAYLORwww.youtube.com
As a marketing consultant, content creator, and CEO, a driving force behind DonYé's ambitions has been to show others how she sees the world by "creating art and doing things that shift perspective." In founding her brainchild, Nüclei, which is coincidentally also home to the ever-so-chic chrome brain piggybank, DonYé briefly touched on the inspiration behind the brand. "I was like, 'What would it look like if I were to be of service to myself?' And that's what made me create Nuclei," she said.
Watch the video above to take a peek into the life of the LA-based ItGirl, the importance of Black women receiving our "flowers" while we're here, and the three things she believes are absolutely essential to any ItGirl.
See our ItGirl 100 list in full here. Click through the gallery below for some BTS moments of DonYé and our partnership with Hyundai.
CREDITS
Director: Mikkoh @mikkoh
Production Company: @30inthemorning
AD/Gimbal Op: @jeffreyrattanong
DP: @jucelandrin_
Editor: @30inthemorning
1st AC: Bonnie Delgado @bonniebellevue
2nd AC: Liz Robles @lizfatimarobles
FPV Drone Op: Kai Kevin Goh @kaivertigoh
Gaffer: Nelson Nguyen @nelson_ftw
Key Grip: Ames Hoang @mangothemaker
SLT: Jamon Tolbert @jamon.tolbert
Sound Mixer: Deyo Forteza @introducingdeyo
PA: Breyona Holt @exquisite_eye
PA: Aminah Muhammad @aminahmuhamm
BTS: Marika Belamarich @marikarosegold
Featured image by Marika Belamarich for xoNecole