If you find yourself constantly feeling discouraged, unable to commit to your goals or see things through, then you may be self-sabotaging. Sometimes we can get in our own way without even realizing that the root of some of our issues is our mindset. When Girlfriends hit Netflix, one thing I just couldn't get over was the self-sabotaging traits Joan portrayed. I felt that she was more than capable and deserving of having a successful career and marriage. Unfortunately, she got in her own way a lot, and, honestly, a lot of us do the same thing.
I don't want this article to trigger you, instead, let this be a self-reflection because we all have exhibited some self-sabotaging behaviors in our lives. Self-sabotaging can be caused by a number of things like low self-esteem, a desire to gain a sense of control, a result of anxiety, and just not even realizing the things we do and say to ourselves. Recently, I saw a post on Twitter by ThirdEyeLove which laid out traits of a self-sabotager and how she overcame it. Per that thread, here are signs that you are actually self-sabotaging yourself.
Not Asking For Help
GiphyAsking for help is not easy but neither is trying to do everything by yourself. The stress of finishing school, elevating in your career, or starting a business is stressful in itself, so adding all the burden to yourself is a surefire way to feel defeated and discouraged.
Remember asking for help doesn't make you weak, it actually makes you more aware and efficient. You are able to acknowledge what you need and find resources that can help you achieve your goals, in fact, it may also help you build a community. For me, I used to hate asking for help because of how people made me feel about it. But, it's also important to remember it's normal, and if you find someone along the way that isn't willing to help in your time of need, there are so many other people and resources that will.
Rejecting Praise/Not Giving Yourself Praise
GiphyI personally struggle with accepting and giving myself praise. Sometimes I get so in my head about where I want to be that I can't accept people congratulating me or acknowledge it myself. Hella self-sabotaging!
We have to celebrate small wins and allow people to celebrate us too. Don't feel guilty about enjoying the fruits of your labor and don't ignore how far you have come. It becomes harder to keep going if you don't accept the work you've put in or at least allow people to appreciate the things you do and have to offer in the present. The next time someone praises you or your work, accept it and express gratitude because it's hard to see your growth if you keep overlooking it.
Isolating Yourself
GiphyThis is probably one of the most dangerous self-sabotaging traits. When you isolate yourself, you tend to distance yourself from friends and family, not leave the house, become unmotivated, and you're just stuck feeling hopeless. Sometimes that feeling can go on for days, weeks, and even months. You're no longer connected to anything other than those feelings and it can feel like things are getting darker and darker. Don't get me wrong, it's completely fine to take your space, but committing to complete isolation can be mentally, emotionally, and physically damaging.
Saying "Yes" To Everything
GiphySaying "yes" to everything, especially the things you don't want to do can be draining. Most of us want to please people and help the people around us which is amazing, but not if it costs you your sanity and the way you are able to show up for yourself. If you have people in your life who like to take and take and take, then you know what I'm talking about.
Constantly saying "yes" to everything can cause burnout. The energy (or lack thereof) will show up in your day-to-day tasks. I'm not saying to never say "yes", but practice balance. Don't just be a people-pleaser, be a you-pleaser!
Putting Your Needs On Hold
GiphyPutting your own needs on hold is a self-sabotaging behavior that piggybacks off of saying "yes" to everything. You can also be self-sabotaging yourself because you're putting your needs last. Need is defined as a requirement and an obligation. We need water, we need food, we need shelter -- those are the basics to live so we make sure we have those things in place. So why should your needs be treated any differently in any other area of your life?
It's easy for things to fall through the cracks but the longer you put your needs on the back-burner or ignore it, the more unfulfilled, lost, or hopeless you'll feel. The more you neglect your needs, the more this becomes a habit. Don't forget that you are special too!
You deserve the same amount of love, effort, and commitment that you work hard to give other people.
You're Procrastinating
GiphyWe all have been guilty of procrastinating at some point or another. Sometimes I think we procrastinate because we believe we aren't ready, we're fearful, or we have more time than we think. Procrastination, if done too much, can be sabotaging and can destroy long-standing goals, commitments, and dreams.
The more you procrastinate, the more time you waste, and the harder it is to reach your goals. I'm not going to lie and act like procrastination is an easy fix because it's not. In order to kick procrastination, you have to change your mindset, set realistic deadlines that include time for you to recharge, and remember that you are worthy of the things you set out to work for.
Trying To Be Perfect
GiphyPerfectionism is another dream killer. How many times have you waited to do or share something because it wasn't 'perfect'? We put so much pressure on ourselves to have things be the best, but what if we just showed up as ourselves?
We're humans, we make mistakes but we also grow and get better. Embracing the process and who we are is very important when it comes to this form of self-sabotage.
Striving for perfectionism not only causes you to be hard on yourself but it also prevents you from completing tasks or projects, owning your mistakes and flaws, facing your reality, and ultimately results in a lack of fulfillment. What makes this extremely self-sabotaging is that we put these pressures on ourselves despite knowing perfection is unattainable. Ease up and give yourself the grace of being human.
Negative Self-Talk
GiphyNegative self-talk is something we all fall victim to. The quote, "The words you speak become the house you live in" is nothing but facts. What you say becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy so when you think you can't do things or that you aren't good enough, you'll believe it's true. Eventually, you'll start feeling unmotivated, hopeless, and feel like you aren't enough. Imagine waking up every morning and saying you'll never reach your goals.
Positive affirmations are very powerful and key to manifesting the life you hope to lead. Instead of speaking about yourself or your life negatively, talking positively to and about yourself can make a huge difference when it comes to tackling new events/situations, boosting confidence/self-esteem, and being able to face each day.
The first step to starting anything is believing you can.
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