The start of a new career offers a fresh perspective and new possibilities. Yet, it goes without saying that charting a new path is scary. Terrifying actually. Yes, there will be naysayers, doubters, learning curves, failures, and more but perhaps the most challenging of them all is staying dedicated to your big vision despite it all.
Tameka Foster-Raymond is no stranger to mastering the art of resilience. While she has experienced life's many highs as a celebrity stylist, mother, and entrepreneur - working with high-profile figures in the industry, from legendary soul singers Patti Labelle and Mary J. Blige to hip-hop mogul Jay-Z. She also knows what it takes to persevere despite the unexpected lows – a very public divorce and the tragic death of her late son, Kile Glover, who died in a boating accident in 2012.
Flipping this heartbreaking experience into a mission, Tameka is launching an animated series called, The Odd Life of Kile Lyles. As a dedication to her son who had dreams of becoming an actor, the series is also a movement to create content for our community that matters. Amplifying black voices and showing that positive black families are the norm, the series follows the life of a black kid protagonist who is a superhero.
I chatted with Tameka about why television programs like hers are vital to the representation of the black community, the importance of owning your vision, and why she now believes in the power of raising your hand to ask for help. Check out her advice on how to take a leap of faith while navigating new territories.
Don’t just talk, say something.
Taking a big leap is not easy but having an unwavering faith in your mission makes it palpable to persist. While it would have made sense for Tameka's next business move to be something within the fashion industry, as the mother of young boys, she recognized a gap that she was no longer willing to ignore. She describes, "We don't have enough black programming for kids that shows them in a positive light. For that age group of 7-12 years old." Positive black imagery missing from pop culture for that age group is why she chose to cross lanes and venture into television and animation.
Of all the things to create, Tameka is introducing The Odd Life of Kile Lyles to improve representation. Kile Lyles may be a superhero, but there is nothing about his family unit that is out of the norm. He's a regular black boy, growing up in a nuclear family as a middle child that gets picked on and antagonized by his older and younger siblings. The significance of this series helps dispel the false and overly promoted trope of the broken black family.
Jack Bali
Drive your vision.
Although stepping into the world of animation comes with its difficulties, Tameka is thrilled about the process and encourages other entrepreneurs to break out of their comfort zone as well. "This has been a learning curve for me, but it's been exciting. I love challenges and I've been studying everything I can get my hands on," she reflects. With powerhouse companies such as Disney and Pixar dominating the animation game, it is not a space as well known for black people to be within.
"I'm an Outlier. I'm embarking into a space where no one in my circle or even my previous career knows anything about," she describes.
Not deterred by this reality, she looks to the professionals of this field to help execute her vision. She worked with an illustrator from Atlanta, Andre Harris, who collaborated with her to develop the characters. Selecting everything from the characters' eyebrows to fashionable wardrobe, Tameka ensured that she was very hands-on with the creative process. She also hired an animator from Toronto, Canada who is teaching her about the process of animation.
Be unafraid to ask for help.
Asking for help is a lesson she learned the hard way as she rose through the ranks as a fashion stylist. As she remembers, "In my career in fashion I didn't have a lot of mentors. I had to take a lot of bumps and bruises in learning the whole fashion business." Succumbing too often to the "superwoman syndrome", many women (especially black women) are afraid to raise their hand and ask for the help that they require. Which keeps them from accessing the mentorship and potential opportunities that others are granted who are unafraid to clearly state their requests.
Armed with the wisdom of this early lesson, Tameka has learned to ask for assistance in all aspects of her life. Help for her comes in many forms. One way is appreciating the healthy co-parenting dynamic she has with her ex-husband Usher Raymond so that she can schedule as much as she can for her business ventures while the boys are away with their dad. This equal parenting allows her to practice better time-management and help accelerate her goals. The other way is in leaning on her network to not only spread the word about The Odd Life of Kile Lyles, but in asking her community to help support this positive project that will widen the exposure of positive images for black children. As she declares, "Hitting the like button is helpful, but hitting the donation button is a blessing. Even $5 helps."
Her ask overall is simple – for us to use projects like these to invest back in our communities. To give parents the opportunity to introduce their children to diversity, spark the imagination and possibilities of our youth, while creating a new norm.
To get involved and support Tameka's animated series The Odd Life of Kile Lyles, you can donate to her Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign at www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-odd-life-of-kile-lyles#.
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These days, it's for a completely different purpose, though. Now that I am in the hopefully latter stages of perimenopause (I’m not sure because my mother had a full hysterectomy at 29, her mother died at 53 and I don’t deal with my paternal grandmother because…chile… ) — although I have always had relatively easy cycles and I could definitely set my watch to them, about two years ago, my periods started to show up whenever they felt like it and it was damn near a crime scene once they did.
It was driving me crazy, and so, my nurse practitioner recommended that I take progestin-only pills to shorten, if not completely stop, my cycle: “After a year or so, we can wean off and see if you are entering into menopause on your own.” (Whew, perimenopause, chile.)
Although the first five months of being on this particular pill made me wonder if it was worth it to take this approach, I actually re-upped for another 12-month cycle because the extra progestin (a synthetic form of progesterone) has benefitted me in other areas as well because I am sleeping more soundly and my weight is more stabilized (by the way, when these things are “off,” they are signs of low progesterone levels). However, I did ask my nurse practitioner if, once I do decide to wean off of the pill, would there be any issues.
Her response is what inspired me to write this article because, until she said “post-birth control syndrome” to me, I had no idea there was such a thing. Anyway, if you give me a sec, I’ll explain to you what it is and why you should care if hormone-related birth control is currently a part of your life.
Yes, Post-Birth Control Syndrome Is a Very Real Thing
GiphyOkay, so it’s important to always remember that the way that birth control works is it “manipulates” your hormones so that you can significantly reduce your chances of conceiving. This means that taking them could result in some side effects including nausea; weight gain; headaches; irregular periods and/or spotting; increased stress; depression; blurry vision; breast tenderness, and/or a lowered libido.
That said, even though birth control pills are basically 99 percent effective (when taken correctly and consistently), if the side effects that you are experiencing are making you close to miserable, you should absolutely share that with your healthcare provider because…what’s the sense in preventing pregnancy when you don’t even feel up to having sex because you don’t feel good or your sex drive is shot? More times than not, your provider can find you another pill brand or option that will help you to feel more like yourself.
With that out of the way, think about it — if going on the pill can produce side effects, why would going off of it…not? And this is where post-birth control syndrome comes in.
For the most part, it’s what can happen to your body once you decide to come off of birth control. Typically, the symptoms will last anywhere between 4-6 months and, although the symptoms seem to present themselves most intensely as it relates to going off of the pill, any hormone-related birth control (like IUDs, injections, patches, the ring or implants) could produce similar outcomes.
Outcomes like what?
- Irregular cycles
- Breakouts
- Excessive gas and/or bloating
- Weight gain
- Anxiety and/or depression
- Fertility issues
- Migraines and/or headaches
- Shifts in your libido
- Sleeplessness/restlessness
- Hair loss
Whoa, right? And if a part of you is wondering, “Okay, if this is indeed the case, why have I not heard of this syndrome before?” It’s because it’s not a term that conventional method uses nearly as much as alternative medicine does. Still, it makes all of the sense in the world that if your body has to adjust to an uptick in hormonal intake, it would also need to adjust to removing those extra doses of hormones from your system as well. COMMON. DAMN. SENSE.
Anyway, if you were thinking about taking a break from birth control and taking all of this in has you feeling a bit…let’s go with the word “trepidatious” about doing so, I totally get it. There are some things that you can do to make experiencing post-birth control syndrome either a non-issue or a far more bearable one, though.
7 Home Remedies That Can Make Coping with Post-Birth Control Syndrome Easier
Giphy1. Take a multivitamin.Something that’s fascinating about what going off of birth control can do is it sometimes has the ability to lower your nutrition levels as it relates to certain vitamins and minerals; this is especially the case when it comes to vitamins B, C, E and minerals like magnesium, selenium and zinc. So, if you don’t currently take a multivitamin, now would be the time to start (along with consuming foods that are particularly high in those nutrients as well).
2. Up your vitamin D intake. Speaking of nutrient levels, a vitamin level that commonly drops after going off of birth control isvitamin D. This is hella critical to keep in mind as a Black woman since many of us tend to be naturally deficient in the vitamin as-is and vitamin D is important when it comes to fighting off diseases, regulating weight and keeping your moods stabilized (for starters). So, make sure that your multivitamin has vitamin D in it. Also make sure to consume vitamin D-enriched foods like fatty fish, eggs, mushrooms, yogurt and fortified orange juice.
3. Drink herbal teas. Since going off of birth control will cause your hormones to be all over the place for a season, consider drinking some herbal teas that will help to stabilize them. Black cohosh contains phytoestrogen properties, Chasteberry can help to level out your prolactin levels and green tea can help your hormones out by helping to balance out your insulin (which can sometimes directly affect them).
4. Keep some ibuprofen nearby. The headaches and migraines? Until those subside, you and ibuprofen are probably going to become really good friends; although I will add that ginger tea and inhaling essential oils like chamomile and lavender can help to ease migraine-related symptoms too.
5. Do some meditating. Waiting for your hormones to get back on track can be stressful as all get out. That said, something that can get your cortisol (stress hormone) levels to chill out is to meditate. If meditation is new for you, check out “7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It).”
6. Get massages. As if you needed an excuse to get a massage, right (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? However, there is some evidence to back the fact that regular massages (somewhere around once a month) can help to lower your stress, boost your dopamine, increase blood flow and drain your lymphatic system so that you will have more energy.
7. Sleep/rest more. There is plenty of scientific research out here which says that sleep deprivation can throw your hormones out of whack — and since your hormones are already trying to stabilize themselves, you definitely need to get 6-8 hours of sleep and not feel the least bit guilty about taking naps sometimes too.
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Post-birth control syndrome may not be the most pleasant thing about getting off of birth control yet it is manageable. So, now that you know all about it, you can feel more confident about taking a birth control break (or getting off altogether) — without the surprises that can come with doing it. Give thanks.
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