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Meagan Good Didn’t Pray For A Good Husband, She Prayed For Growth

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As a single woman, I have to discern the difference between wanting to be in a relationship versus actually being ready to find and be a worthy partner in a romantic relationship. While when I was younger I may have wanted someone with good d*ck who I could post on my Instagram and go on trips with, now I'm more interested in meeting a compatible teammate.


I need to know that you can not only keep up with, but add to the vision that I have for my life, and unfortunately, that's a lot harder than finding someone to f*ck on the weekends. It takes a mature woman to be more obsessed with her growth than her loneliness, and according to Meagan Good, that's exactly how she stumbled upon the God-fearing man of her dreams.

After enduring an intense breakup, Meagan came to a crossroads in her life and brought her romantic relationships to a full stop. Last month in an interview with Parade, she said:

"I had gotten out of another relationship and started praying about what was next and what I should be doing and I started being celibate and working on myself and healing."

Along with committing to celibacy and upping her meditation game, Meagan used another tool to facilitate her growth: prayer. She told ESSENCE:

"I know my prayer was not for a husband but for help. For help, for growth, to be closer to God, to know what I'm supposed to be doing specifically and in that prayer time, consistent prayer time, is when I found out that I was about to be a wife and that he was my husband before we even came together."

Although Meagan and DeVon initially met during a casual business encounter that was set up by a mutual friend, the two wouldn't go on their first date until nearly six years later, but once they did reconnect, things moved quickly:

"He asked me out for coffee and two weeks later we went out on our first date, it was 10 months later that we were engaged, a few months later we were married, and it will be seven years on June 16."

There is so much power in a prayer with intention. Instead of praying for money, pray for vision and that vision will provide the means; and Meagan Good says that instead of praying for a relationship with a man, she prayed for a relationship with God that would grant her discernment:

"Sometimes, we pray for things that we want but I think that it's really about praying for more of God and the things that we want to come to us, that are meant for us."

The couple recently shared their 7-year anniversary and their newlywed stage is still in full bloom, proving that when you combine patience and prayer, the honeymoon never really has to end.

Featured image by Getty Images

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When I was ten, my Sunday school teacher put on a brief performance in class that included some of the boys standing in front of the classroom while she stood in front of them holding a heart shaped box of chocolate. One by one, she tells each boy to come and bite a piece of candy and then place the remainder back into the box. After the last boy, she gave the box of now mangled chocolate over to the other Sunday school teacher — who happened to be her real husband — who made a comically puzzled face. She told us that the lesson to be gleaned from this was that if you give your heart away to too many people, once you find “the one,” that your heart would be too damaged. The lesson wasn’t explicitly about sex but the implication was clearly present.

That memory came back to me after a flier went viral last week, advertising an abstinence event titled The Close Your Legs Tour with the specific target demo of teen girls came across my Twitter timeline. The event was met with derision online. Writer, artist, and professor Ashon Crawley said: “We have to refuse shame. it is not yours to hold. legs open or not.” Writer and theologian Candice Marie Benbow said on her Twitter: “Any event where 12-17-year-old girls are being told to ‘keep their legs closed’ is a space where purity culture is being reinforced.”

“Purity culture,” as Benbow referenced, is a culture that teaches primarily girls and women that their value is to be found in their ability to stay chaste and “pure”–as in, non-sexual–for both God and their future husbands.

I grew up in an explicitly evangelical house and church, where I was taught virginity was the best gift a girl can hold on to until she got married. I fortunately never wore a purity ring or had a ceremony where I promised my father I wouldn’t have pre-marital sex. I certainly never even thought of having my hymen examined and the certificate handed over to my father on my wedding day as “proof” that I kept my promise. But the culture was always present. A few years after that chocolate-flavored indoctrination, I was introduced to the fabled car anecdote. “Boys don’t like girls who have been test-driven,” as it goes.

And I believed it for a long time. That to be loved and to be desired by men, it was only right for me to deny myself my own basic human desires, in the hopes of one day meeting a man that would fill all of my fantasies — romantically and sexually. Even if it meant denying my queerness, or even if it meant ignoring how being the only Black and fat girl in a predominantly white Christian space often had me watch all the white girls have their first boyfriends while I didn’t. Something they don’t tell you about purity culture – and that it took me years to learn and unlearn myself – is that there are bodies that are deemed inherently sinful and vulgar. That purity is about the desire to see girls and women shrink themselves, make themselves meek for men.

Purity culture isn’t unlike rape culture which tells young girls in so many ways that their worth can only be found through their bodies. Whether it be through promiscuity or chastity, young girls are instructed on what to do with their bodies before they’ve had time to figure themselves out, separate from a patriarchal lens. That their needs are secondary to that of the men and boys in their lives.

It took me a while —after leaving the church and unlearning the toxic ideals around purity culture rooted in anti-Blackness, fatphobia, heteropatriarchy, and queerphobia — to embrace my body, my sexuality, and my queerness as something that was not only not sinful or dirty, but actually in line with the vision God has over my life. Our bodies don't stop being our temples depending on who we do or who we don’t let in, and our worth isn’t dependent on the width of our legs at any given point.

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Featured image by Getty Images

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