Over the weekend, xoNecole teamed up with Toyota USA for our Made For Me: ATL event. The two-day event took place on March 19th and 20th in honor of Women’s History Month. Attendees participated in workshops and wellness experiences that focused on the mind, body, and spirit. Special guests included astrologist Dani Simone, Christian psychologist Dr. Alduan Tartt, financial consultant, and yoga teacher Dr. Nicole Garner Scott, entertainment host Gia Peppers, and Meagan Good, who was the keynote speaker.
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Meagan is a veteran actress who is often admired for her beauty, style, and down-to-earth personality. But what stands out about the Harlem star is her spirituality and her connection with God. The 40-year-old actress took to the stage alongside Gia and opened up to the xoNecole audience exclusively about her faith, how she deals with rejection and how she really feels about the recent social media attention she’s been receiving since announcing her divorce from DeVon Franklin.
Meagan Good On How She Deals with Rejection:
“It was very concise, specifics like, it’s just not you and I had to learn very young that it had nothing to do with me. I had to learn very young that nine times out of ten I’m going to get a no, but that one yes is the one that was divinely meant for me and have peace of mind about that and to learn along the way what I uniquely bring, nobody else brings and what someone else uniquely brings, no one else brings.
"So, having that peace of mind there will be alignment and the right things will come to me at the right season and then celebrating my sisters when things come to them even if it’s something that I wanted. Just celebrating them because it was theirs. It wasn’t mine. And I think rejection is God’s protection. Every time that I didn’t get something that I wanted I got something that was better suited for me. And I ended up in a space where I was like, ‘oh this is why I was meant to be here. Got it.’"
On Rejecting Something That No Longer Serves You:
“That was probably a harder thing for me to learn because I’m so sensitive and I hate to hurt people’s feelings. I hate to disappoint people. I hate to be the one that told them no. I’m like ‘well, what’s going to happen to them?’ And, ‘are they going to be okay?’ A lot of that honestly is like a savior mentality. You don’t realize it because you think you just [have] a good heart but sometimes if you have too much of a bleeding heart, you’re not serving that person. You’re actually hurting that person. You’re not helping that person and you’re always putting yourself out of alignment if that’s not what God called you to do and so I had to learn.”
On How She Finds Comfort In the Discomfort of Rejection:
“You just have to trust God. I think throughout my life and my personal experience being a woman, being a Black woman, being an actress, being in ministry, all of those things I’ve experienced tremendous amounts of rejection. Feeling misunderstood, feeling judged, feeling attacked all those things and the thing that sustained me is just trusting God. Even if someone else doesn't get me or doesn’t love me or doesn’t like me. I know that God gets me. I know that He knows my heart. I know that He knows exactly who I am. I know that He doesn’t reject me and if He doesn't reject me, well then, what are we talking about? What other people have to say, and not to say that those things don’t still hurt your feelings or that you’re not still affected, but you have to have the baseline and the bottom line which is the only person you’re sent here to approve you is God. And if God approves you and He’s for you, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say.”
"You just have to trust God. I think throughout my life and my personal experience being a woman, being a Black woman, being an actress, being in ministry, all of those things I’ve experienced tremendous amounts of rejection. Feeling misunderstood, feeling judged, feeling attacked all those things and the thing that sustained me is just trusting God. Even if someone else doesn't get me or doesn’t love me or doesn’t like me. I know that God gets me."
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Meagan Good On the Social Media Attention She's Received Since Announcing Her Divorce:
“In this particular season, it warms my heart a bit because I try not to look too much to either side because–I forget what the statistic is but you see something negative it affects you twenty times more than something positive. And so, I’m careful to not let the positive or the negative determine anything about how I feel. But I will say that it has been very heartwarming to see so many people rooting for me and wishing the best for me and wanting to see me live my best life and loving on me and pouring into me. That, I appreciate.”
On How She Deals with Public Opinion:
“Well, y'all know I’m 40 so I’m in a different space. I don’t care as much as I used to. I used to care so much and– it’s nice because it’s freeing. I wrote this poem and it’s on my Instagram page and it was just like what I was feeling. But it was like, I, for years, felt like I was at the edge of a cliff, and people were poking and prodding me and all I was trying to do was just not fall. And then one day, I jumped. When I jumped, I started flying. So, I’m in a season now where it’s like, yes, I’m sensitive to certain things, but at the end of the day, at the core of me and anybody who knows anything about me knows no matter what, I’m going to do what I’m going to do. It doesn’t matter if I’m going out to the firing squad or not. I’m always going to be myself and I’m always going to be authentic, but I used to be a lot more sensitive about it and I think now at this junction, especially in this past year, I just don’t care.
“When I create something as a director, as a producer, something that I participate in, I’m hoping that it influences somebody in a positive way. I’m hoping that it inspires somebody. I hope that it says to someone, you are enough as you are and you are beautiful and you are perfectly imperfect and I hope that those messages are coming through especially for something that I’m creating like as a producer, as a director. But there will always be times when people don’t receive it or don’t like it or don’t think it was great or whatever it is and I think everything else along the way has prepared me for those things. Whatever it is, all those things have prepared me for this moment and I’m thankful. I’m thankful to now hit 40 and be like ‘girl you free.’"
On How She Practices Self-Confidence:
“Everybody that is here, there is nobody in the world like you. There’s nobody in the world that is like you and the world needs what you can give that nobody else can give the way that you can give it. And I think stepping into our identity, stepping into our power, choosing our self-love–and I’m not saying it’s always easy. I have days where I feel insecure, feel not good enough, especially in the season where I’m like ‘oh, man I’m struggling.’ But I know how loved I am by God and that’s the base that I build everything on. And that helps me grow to love myself and then I remind myself there is nobody in the world like you. Somebody else might be better, well-spoken than you are, somebody else might be a better actress, more talented or more beautiful or people look up to or whatever it is, but nobody is me and I am enough and I choose to see that about myself.
"I have days where I feel insecure, feel not good enough, especially in the season where I’m like ‘oh, man I’m struggling.’ But I know how loved I am by God and that’s the base that I build everything on. And that helps me grow to love myself and then I remind myself there is nobody in the world like you. Nobody is me and I am enough and I choose to see that about myself."
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“I choose to work towards the reality of that identity that already is every single day and I’m not saying it’s easy but I’m saying the things that for me that I do is [having a] relationship with God, whatever that means for you. Meditation, just getting in tune. I used to hate meditating because I’m like, ‘but I’m about to fall asleep right now,’ but the more that I have [meditated] over the years and just getting in tune--just even waking up and just breathing and meditating to get oxygen to my brain has made a difference in my endorphins and my peace of mind when I start the day. Then for me, [it] is reading my word, reminding myself who God says I am, not who I think I am because I feel unworthy in the moment or because of whatever I may feel whatever is going on in life but who God says I am, period.
“That’s the only thing that matters and then living my day with just loving on myself and choosing myself at times and then choosing others when I feel spirit-led. At the end of the day, we are worthy and we are perfectly imperfect, and we are God’s children, and He did put us here for a specific reason and we have a potential to live up to in this life. We’re not here for a long time, but we’re here for a moment and in that moment, we all have purpose in our lives and we all have a specific reason why God created us and gave us the parents He gave us, grew up in the town that we lived in, had the desires that we have in our heart which I believe are always connected to our purpose.
"We gotta accomplish that in this life and so I let those things be the guiding light and just my center and my core and my base.”
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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