While I don't get to do it, nearly as much as I used to (because when you write for a living, doing what I'm about to share in your leisure time, often feels like, well, work), something that I am trying to make time for (again) is journaling. Even though it's been a hot minute since I've done it on a daily (or even weekly) basis, I recently revisited some of my journal collection—and man. While the act of journaling is proven to de-stress, organize thoughts, set goals and inspire creativity, what I really like about it is journaling is a great way to self-reflect. When you actually make the time to document your own thoughts and feelings, on a consistent basis, and then you reread the things that you said six months, one year or even 10 years ago—it really can blow your mind to do a compare and contrast of where you are now vs. where you used to be as a person. As a bonus, journaling can bring a lot of clarity to your mind and spirit too.
When it comes to types of journaling, believe it or not, there are all kinds that you can do. For instance, off the top of my head, our platform has covered bullet journaling as well as sex journaling. But what I wanna spend some time on today, is why you should absolutely consider a method known as self-love journaling. Whether journaling is a part of your daily routine or it's something that you've never done before, hopefully this article will convince you to, at least give the practice of writing down words with a total self-love focus (ooo, doesn't that sound good?), a shot.
What’s Self-Love Journaling?
Last year, I wrote an article entitled, "Every Woman Should Write A Love Letter To Themselves". If you've yet to check it out (or you'd like the CliffsNotes version as a reminder), it was basically a write-up on why it's important to write a letter, expressing the love that you have for yourself; not just write it but revisit the words from time to time as well. Well, self-love journaling is very similar to this, only with two main differences.
One, if you're someone who struggles with your self-esteem (don't feel bad about that; most of us have at some point or another in our lives), sometimes being told to simply "love yourself" can prove to be so much easier said than done; even when it comes to sitting down and writing words of love, admiration and respect to yourself. Well, self-love journaling can help to inspire and even "prompt" you to come up with ways to see yourself in a positive and self-nurturing light.
Another difference between self-love journaling and simply writing yourself a love letter is it's something that you don't do just once. Some people do it every day. Many people do it as a seasonal project. What I mean by that is, they may implement a 30-day period where they set aside time, either every morning or every night, to write in their journal. Then, after the 30 days are up, they will write a closing paragraph about all of what they self-discovered during that period of time. They might leave the paragraph in their journal or they might print it out, frame it and hang it up as a piece of art in their home. Then, they make a point to do it every winter, spring, summer and fall, in order to keep track of their progress.
Basically, self-love journaling is all about using a journal to cultivate ways to learn more about you, so that you can love yourself better. An added bonus to this is, once you know how to love you, you are better equipped to teach others how to do the same.
Here’s How to Start Doing It
If the more you read about self-love journaling, the more down you are for doing it, how about I share some steps for how to get started.
Start off with a fresh new journal. Make sure it's not some grocery store notebook or even a generic-looking journal that you would find at a local bookstore. Remember, this is all about cultivating self-love, so invest in a journal that represents either how you feel about yourself or how you want to end up feeling about yourself in due time. The fancier and individualized, the better.
Create an atmosphere for journaling. This exercise isn't gonna go as well as it should if you simply decide to plop down on your couch and scribble down a few words while you're watching television. You need to create a haven of peace and tranquility. Hey, no joke. Invest in some scented candles. Put on some music that makes you feel nothing but good. Put your smartphone in another room. Make sure you're wearing something comfy. Consider doing a little meditating first. And then, get to writing. Writing what? This brings us to the next instruction.
Consider incorporating some self-love prompts. If you're like, "I don't know how to start" or "I don't know what to say", I get it; not a problem. Sometimes prompts can inspire your juices to get to flowing. When it comes to self-love journaling, I've got some that might be able to motivate you a bit.
- What is your favorite thing about yourself?
- What are your special gifts and talents?
- In a perfect world, what is your idea of a perfect day?
- When's the last time you pampered yourself? Why did you do those things?
- If you were a flower, what kind would you be and why?
- What does love mean to you? Do you personally reflect that definition?
- When's the last time you've forgiven yourself?
- What do you want to get more out of in life?
- How do you feel God sees you?
- What are the wonderful things that you bring to your relationships?
- Do you believe that you deserve the very best things in life? Why or why not?
- What are five of your favorite personal character traits?
- What do you love about your mind, body and spirit?
- How can you love yourself better?
- What's holding yourself back from loving yourself more?
Set aside (at least) 15-30 minutes to respond to one of those prompts. I only shared 15 prompts that came to mind. However, if you go to your favorite search engine and you put "self-love prompts" in the search field, there are many others that you can choose from. Anyway, pick a question each day, then set aside some time to answer it. Some days, the answer might be a sentence long while, on others, it might be 2-3 pages. Don't worry about that. Just share what comes to your mind and stop when you start to feel overwhelmed or like you are forcing the process. On some days, you will have an "answer" that feels pretty close to being complete while, on others, you might not get much out. Remember, you can always revisit the prompt. Just make sure that you log in the date and time, every time you write something down for each prompt, so that you can track your insights and, eventually, your progress.
Try and initially make a self-love journaling commitment. What I mean by this is, once you start self-love journaling, you might want to do it all of the time. But for starters, commit to seven, 10 or 30 days. No matter what else is happening in your world, stick with it doing it every single day of your designated time. Sometimes it will be a great stress release. Some days, you will find yourself excited to write an entry. Other days, you might prefer to go to the dentist for a root canal if writing about yourself if super challenging. Yet trust me—the more you get used to loving on yourself in this fashion, the more self-love journaling will become about as natural as bathing or breathing even.
Why Self-Journaling Is the Ultimate Emotional Self-Care Exercise
Belgian fashion designer Diane Von Furstenberg (who just happens to be credited for the wrap dress), once said something that I really like and can personally vouch for—"When a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier." Lord, y'all, mere words cannot even begin to express, how much unnecessary-ness we could avoid if we simply loved ourselves more and better. By making the time to self-love journal, you'll be amazed by all of the things that you'll learn, relearn and also release in the process.
Back when I was prayer journaling (something we'll have to tackle at another time), the more spiritual revelation that I received, the stronger in my purpose I became. And the times when I've self-love journaled, it has actually helped me to get clarity on a relationship, create boundaries with certain people in my life, set aside money to pamper myself, actually implement self-celebration rituals (oh, I'm good for toasting myself!) and, not just set standards but raise them, both personally as well as professionally.
That's why I say that self-love journaling is the ultimate emotional self-care exercise, and yes, Ms. Von Furstenberg is spot-on. The more you love you, the more you end up liking yourself. And the more you like yourself, the more you only want to be around those who feel the same way about you as you do.
I really could go on and on about self-love journaling because that's just how dope it is. For now, I hope I've provided you with, at least enough reason, to purchase a journal and give it a shot. After all, how can you lose when you're actively doing something that helps you to love yourself more? My thoughts exactly.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Serena Williams Hits Back At Skin-Bleaching Accusations: 'I’m A Dark, Black Woman, And I Love Who I Am'
Serena Williams is clapping back at skin-bleaching accusations. During a makeup tutorial for her beauty brand, Wyn Beauty, the tennis legend took the opportunity to address the "haters."
“And then I put just that neutral color, that is actually my skin color, and no, for you haters out there, I do not bleach my skin,” she said. “There is a thing called sunlight, and in that sunlight, you get different colors.”
The rumors started after the mom of two posted a video of herself and her husband, Alexis Ohanian, at their daughter's school play. In the video, she appeared to look a few shades lighter. During her response, she revealed that she was volunteering at the play and wore stage makeup.
“Yes, I’m calling you out on this because it is ridiculous that everyone’s like, ‘Oh, she bleached her skin,’" she said. "I’m a dark, Black woman, and I love who I am, and I love how I look and that's just not my thing.”
The 23-time Grand Slam champion also said that she doesn't judge anyone who bleaches their skin as she "stays in my lane."
Serena has always had style on and off the court, and even collaborated with Nike with her own collection Serena Williams Design Crew. However, the tennis champ has now pivoted into beauty.
Wyn Beauty was launched in April 2024 with at 10-piece collection of lip, eye, and complexion products. The brand was inspired by Serena's time on the court and the packaging is reminiscent of a tennis ball due to its chartreuse color.
“Throughout my career, I was always searching for makeup that looked good after hours on the court, mixing products myself and creating my own formulas while traveling the world,” she said in a statement. As she continues to make a name for herself in the beauty industry, I'm sure we will see a lot more looks from the tennis star.
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