I think it's fair to say 2020 is not what anyone envisioned. This year has been a whirlwind full of COVID-19 cases, protests, millions without employment, an intense election, and much more. 2020 has worn us out, honey! I'm tired. You're tired. We're all tired. But, as we close the chapter of 2020, it's only right we do some reflection. This time of year is perfect for discovering what we need to work on, what lessons we've learned, and how we can do better moving forward.
I love using journaling prompts this time of year for reflection. Through these reflection prompts, I have been able to be grateful for the challenges I have overcome, and look forward to the lessons ahead. If you are in search of a path to move forward in the year ahead but don't know where to begin, here are some key questions to ask yourself before the new year.
What is one thing you could have done, but were too afraid too?
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It's incredible how many people never achieve their dreams because of fear. Some of us are lowkey having anxiety over what people will think or say. Psyching ourselves out because we don't want to be seen doing "too much". We can even be afraid of failing and making a fool of ourselves too. Nothing positive can come from staying in your comfort zone because of fear. The only thing that can manifest from fear is being stuck in a situation you don't want to be in.
I was stuck at a dead-end serving job for years because I was too afraid to quit my job and become a freelancer in digital media. I was so concerned with how people would see me as irresponsible for quitting my job and going for my dream. Eventually, the misery of working at a job I had no passion for took over, so I quit.
Fear is mental more than anything else. Once you get past the mental aspect of fear, there is not much that can stop you. If there is anything you always wanted to do, but didn't out of fear, make it your goal for next year. Achieving the things that scare you the most will give you the confidence to challenge your goals. As cliche as this may sound, you never know what can happen if you don't try. Life is too short to be living in fear.
At what point this year could you have been gentle with yourself?
I am my biggest critic. I believe my critiques of myself comes from being a perfectionist and wanting to be the best at what I do. The negative side to this trait is sometimes I can stress myself out. I have learned through trial and error; that my best is enough and perfection is an illusion.
We need to be better at checking in with ourselves and being mindful of our needs. What's the point of filling our cup if we are the ones also draining it?
Reflect on times you were in a stressful state; how did you talk to yourself? Change up that inner dialogue. Were there times when you overworked yourself? Take more breaks. Did you do anything to celebrate yourself or your wins? Treat yo' self! Being gentle with ourselves is keeping our cup inflow.
What can you thank yourself for this year?
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First off, let's all thank ourselves for making it through 2020. We all deserve a T-shirt that says: "I survived 2020." Seriously though, thanking ourselves may seem like an odd thing to do at first. We are so used to people thanking us or validating us for our efforts, but we can also do this for ourselves. We don't need to wait for anyone to acknowledge our efforts.
I'm a huge fan of thanking myself because they're milestones in my life people don't see. This year, I focused on myself and healing inner child wounds. I invested in therapy, meditation, and journaling. All of these tasks were done privately. For me, this was a huge step towards connecting with my higher self. I worked on my inner child wounds for me, so it's only right that I thank myself. Thanking yourself can feel a bit egotistical at first, but there's science behind the madness. We thank ourselves to recognize the value we've provided for ourselves. By thanking ourselves; we are subconsciously encouraging ourselves to keep going and not relying on anyone for validation.
Who in your life deserves a big thank you?
There were times during this year I didn't think I was going to make it. Times when I thought it was all "too much" for me to keep going. Having a strong circle of friends and family to help me see the light when I couldn't have been a lifesaver.
I truly believe in showing gratitude to those who have been there for you. Letting your loved ones know you recognize their efforts will strengthen your relationships.
People need to feel like they are appreciated. If not, the relationship will eventually start to deteriorate. Let your loved ones know you appreciated them during those times.
What do you want to be a student of in 2021?
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In life, the only way you can continue to grow is if you never stop learning. Being a student of life keeps you fascinated when things aren't going right. Instead of being frustrated when life isn't going according to plan (aka 2020), you can view situations from a productive mindset. Asking yourself questions like, "What can I learn from this situation?" or "How is this making me better?" can be helpful tools when navigating through a difficult season.
Before the pandemic, I was a DJ. Live events and large crowds are the heart of the industry, two things COVID-19 rightfully banned. I was no longer able to do my job, so it was back to the drawing board. Instead of dwelling on being unemployed, I decided to stay curious and see where life was taking me. Now here I am with the best writing job ever, working from my living room, and helping you glow up.
Being a student of life is the best gift you can give to yourself. Flowing with life's obstacles can lead you to some of life's greatest treasures. Observe, remain curious, and stay hungry for more. In the words of Forrest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you're going to get."
I hope you all have a new year full of blessings, happiness, and growth.
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Camesha created the organization after her struggles with mental health and the lack of community she experienced. The Chicago native explains how she created Sista Afya to be rooted in “culturally grounded care.”
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“So at my organization, Sista Afya Community Care, we focus on providing mental health care through a cultural and gender lens,” she tells xoNecole. “So when we think about the term intersectionality, coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, we think about the multiple identities that lead to certain experiences and outcomes as it relates to Black women.
“So in the context of culturally grounded care, being aware of the cultural history, the cultural values, and then also the current issues that impact mental health outcomes.”
Words like “strong” and “independent” have long been associated with Black women for some time and many of us have begun to embrace the soft life and are using rest as a form of resistance. However, some of us still struggle with putting ourselves first and overall shedding the tainted image of the “strong, Black woman” that had been forced on us.
Camesha shares that while there’s more and more communities being created around empowerment and shared interests like running, she still questions, “are Black women really comfortable with being vulnerable about sharing their experiences?”
Being vulnerable with ourselves and others play an important role in healing the instinctive nature of always being “on” for everyone. “I'm currently facilitating a group on high functioning depression, and yesterday, we talked about how when Black women may be struggling or have shared their concerns with other people. They may be minimized, or they're told to just be strong, or it's not so bad, or I went through something worse back in Jim Crow era, so you should be thankful,” she explains.
“So I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people. So that is probably a very common theme. I think we've made a lot of progress when we talk about the superwoman syndrome, the mammy stereotype, the working hard stereotype, the nurturing stereotype. I think we're beginning to unpack those things, but I still see that we have definitely a long way to go in that area.”
I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people.
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While we’re unpacking those things, we know that we’re still women at the end of the day. So as we continue to serve in various roles like mothers, daughters, sisters, and caretakers, we have to make caring for ourselves a priority. Camesha reveals four ways we can still care for others without abandoning ourselves.
Trust
First things first, trust. Camesha explains, “Some of the burdens that Black women have can be linked to not feeling like you can trust people to carry the load with you.
“It's hard because people experience trauma or being let down or different experiences, but one of the things that I found personally is the more that I'm able to practice trust, the more I'm able to get my needs met. Then, to also show up as my best to care for other Black women.”
Know Your Limitations
Another thing Camesha highlighted is Black women knowing their limitations. “The other thing that I would like to bring up in terms of a way to care for yourself is to really know your limitations, or know how much you can give and what you need to receive,” she says.
“So often, what I see with Black women is giving, giving, giving, giving, giving to the point that you're not feeling well, and then not receiving what you need in return to be able to feel well and whole individually. So I really think it's important to know your limitations and know your capacity and to identify what it is that you need to be well.”
Don’t Take On A Lot Of Responsibilities
Next on the list is not taking on so many responsibilities, sharing herself as an example. “The other thing is taking on too much responsibility, especially in a time of vulnerability.
“One thing that I personally struggled with was being so passionate about community mental health for Black women, and saying yes to everything and taking on so much responsibility,” she reveals. “That affected me to do well in serving Black women and then also impacting my own well being.”
Practice Self-Care
Lastly, she notes the importance of practicing self-care. “The last thing is really practicing regular self care, regular community care, so that it's embedded into your daily life. So for me, having prepared meals, going to the gym, getting eight hours of sleep, spending time with friends and family, all of those things are part of my self care that keep me at my best,” she explains.
“Then community care, leaning into social networks or social groups, or spending time with other interests or hobbies. That's a part of my community care that keeps me going, so that I can take care of my needs, but also to be able to show up best in care for others.”
Find out more about Camesha and Sista Afya Community Care at communitycare.sistaafya.com.
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