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How To Release Self-Doubt & Regain Your Personal Power

Here are four tips that will help you recognize how much of a powerhouse you really are.

Inspiration

We all have been heartbroken, disappointed, and downtrodden at one point or another in our lives. It's essential to take time to heal the parts of us that need a little TLC and get over the slump. It's also just as important to know when we are past certain moments and set ourselves up to get back on our feet braver and better than before.

As women, we pour so much into everything and everyone but oftentimes that same energy isn't reciprocated. We can often lose ourselves in the development and success of everyone else, and that self-doubt can dim the light on what we have to offer to the world. Taking a step back to recognize how much of a powerhouse you are can really knock the doubt out of us and bring us back to the reality of who we really are and bring out that goddess essence from within. Keep reading for 4 tangible tips on how to regain your personal power:

1.Reprogram Your Mind

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We are all too familiar with the saying "what you think is what you get"; well, in this case, whatever you believe of yourself is exactly what your current reality will present itself as. Instead of fearing what could happen or why something turned out in an unexpected manner, change your thought pattern to focusing on what can go right for you and what you've learned in the process.

You are both the narrator and the main character in your life story. Change the narrative from thinking things can't or won't get better, to accepting the current circumstances in your life and putting your time and energy into figuring out what's the next move after this moment.

When you reveal the lesson meant to be taught and look forward to the things next to come, you don't have time to focus on the "why" of things, your focus will be consumed with the "what's to come".

2.Engage in Activity

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Keep it pushing, Queen, in the most literal sense. To truly remain the core of who we are, we have to allow ourselves time to do the things that we love. Occupying our time with our favorite things to do like yoga, working out, dancing, catching up on your favorite shows or even doing the dirty deed (sex that is), allows us to not only keep busy but keeps us in the right frame of mind to not lose ourselves in the midst of this thing called life.

By staying active, we hold the power to not let anyone steal those little pieces of joy that keep us feeling alive. It's important to have a moment to ourselves and make room for your "you time".

3.Cleanse Your Circle & Surroundings

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If nothing else matters in our lives, we know that the company we keep speaks volumes about everything we stand for. Birds of a feather flock together and in this case, you don't want to be a part of the Bitter Chicks Club. The people you surround yourself with should be nothing short of supportive, like-minded, positive, and motivating at the very least. During the moments when we are at our lowest, we should have people in our corner that are encouraging and understanding of what we may be going through.

You can't expect to level up if you have a circle full of Negative Nancys filling your mind with things that are irrelevant to getting over the slump. Don't be afraid to get rid of people and things that no longer match the frequency and vibe you're trying to experience. They say "no new friends" but, honestly, some of the old ones may have passed their expiration date along time ago. Out with the old and in with the new. Let things go that no longer suit the women you are trying to become.

4.Stay True to Your Standards

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It doesn't always have to be a losing battle when it comes to having things your way. Most of us are natural nurturers and want to give the world to those that we love. But as amazing as that is, it can often come with a hefty price tag. There's a thin line between compromise and plain ole neglect. When we choose to ignore the things that are true to us just to make people or situations more comfortable, we lose ourselves in the process.

It's easy to become a shell ourselves when we are willing to give our all to others, but its harder to bounce back to who we were once we have lost our sense of self and become consumed with other people's wants, desires, and needs.

In the long run, it'll be more rewarding when you stand your ground and hold true to what makes you, you. Knowing your limitations, triggers, and all-around no-go factors and sticking to them makes room for you to eliminate the people and things who don't deserve to be in your presence.

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I grew up in an explicitly evangelical house and church, where I was taught virginity was the best gift a girl can hold on to until she got married. I fortunately never wore a purity ring or had a ceremony where I promised my father I wouldn’t have pre-marital sex. I certainly never even thought of having my hymen examined and the certificate handed over to my father on my wedding day as “proof” that I kept my promise. But the culture was always present. A few years after that chocolate-flavored indoctrination, I was introduced to the fabled car anecdote. “Boys don’t like girls who have been test-driven,” as it goes.

And I believed it for a long time. That to be loved and to be desired by men, it was only right for me to deny myself my own basic human desires, in the hopes of one day meeting a man that would fill all of my fantasies — romantically and sexually. Even if it meant denying my queerness, or even if it meant ignoring how being the only Black and fat girl in a predominantly white Christian space often had me watch all the white girls have their first boyfriends while I didn’t. Something they don’t tell you about purity culture – and that it took me years to learn and unlearn myself – is that there are bodies that are deemed inherently sinful and vulgar. That purity is about the desire to see girls and women shrink themselves, make themselves meek for men.

Purity culture isn’t unlike rape culture which tells young girls in so many ways that their worth can only be found through their bodies. Whether it be through promiscuity or chastity, young girls are instructed on what to do with their bodies before they’ve had time to figure themselves out, separate from a patriarchal lens. That their needs are secondary to that of the men and boys in their lives.

It took me a while —after leaving the church and unlearning the toxic ideals around purity culture rooted in anti-Blackness, fatphobia, heteropatriarchy, and queerphobia — to embrace my body, my sexuality, and my queerness as something that was not only not sinful or dirty, but actually in line with the vision God has over my life. Our bodies don't stop being our temples depending on who we do or who we don’t let in, and our worth isn’t dependent on the width of our legs at any given point.

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