These People & Places Help Me Find Inspiration When I'm Feeling Stuck
"You're incompetent!"
"I NEED THE ROOM NOW!"
Four days out of the week, I was screamed at for not having a patient's room ready. I sat there for two years every evening, including weekends and holidays, being talked to like I was a stupid human being. Stuck in a windowless office in the heart of Washington Heights, I felt tired and uninspired. I wondered during those times if I would ever get to see my Big Apple dreams realized.
You see, I left Howard University with an air of arrogance. I had this bomb resume and a degree from my illustrious alma mater and no one could tell me anything. I felt like Kanye circa the Graduation album. However, three months after my commencement I was hit was a large dose of humility. I was unemployed and later underemployed. I was equipped with a degree that I was proud of, but I was embarrassed because I felt like I wasn't living up to the hype. Everyday was hard as I watched my peers gain promotions and cool job opportunities, while I wallowed through my setback. I wondered how I could get that old thang back – meaning my confidence, faith and motivation.
There was inspiration all around me when I attended Howard. Choosing to attend my alma mater allowed me to be surrounded by individuals who sought to be challenged and pushed to reach their full potential. Before moving to the District, I lived in a place that tore me down more than it uplifted me. I searched high and low for spaces where I could be myself and surround myself with positivity. It seemed as though I was in the same predicament once again and I needed to find a space or a group of people to encourage, inspire and uplift me.
It can be a hard task, but there are ways to find inspiration and support even when you may feel alone or discouraged about your possibilities. Not all of us were lucky to be in a space that promotes a healthy environment to succeed, but it's not too late to find the right group of people to push you toward your potential. Here are some ways to find your place of inspiration.
1. FIND AN ONLINE COMMUNITY
I find inspiration in online communities like Levo. During my post-graduate job search, I connected with Lauren Millan Bias, an entrepreneur that I followed on Twitter. She suggested that I create a profile on Levo. The online media hub started off as a place where Millennials could connect with one another and it granted access to industry power players that signed on as mentors. Since then, Levo has added other offerings like video chats, city networking events, career tips, and inspirational articles. These online media communities are a great place to connect with like-minded people. Since then other lifestyle sites like xoNecole, Her Agenda, In Her Shoes, Brit + Co., and Career Contessa feature great content to help you become your best self. These sites also have an amazing community of followers who you can connect with for support and encouragement. Participate in a Twitter chat, attend the site's events and make use of the various ways to connect.
2. DON'T SHY AWAY FROM ALUMNI OR PEOPLE FROM YOUR HOMETOWN
When I moved to New York, I interned at a mid-size PR firm where I had the chance to work with someone from my hometown. He supervised the social media accounts for Taco Bell and Diageo beverage brands, and now he is a marketing director at Apple Music. Knowing and watching someone who is exceptionally exceeding is cool, but what makes him extraordinary to me is the fact that he comes from the same city as me. Some people are able to make it out of the barrel of crabs, so when someone from your hometown does, it's an incredible thing to witness. Knowing him and having the chance to work with him was amazing because he understood the journey that I was on, which made him a great source for navigating through tough times. Therefore when you find a connection to someone you admire, stop living vicariously through them on Snap Chat and find a way to connect with them. If you see an alumnus from your alma mater making strides in their career, don't be afraid to reach out. A simple, “I see you sis!" can go a long way. They may be able to lead you to the right resources to get you started on your journey.
[Tweet "Don't be afraid to reach out to alumnus from your alma mater making strides in their career."]
3. GET INVOLVED WITH YOUR COMMUNITY
The best way to combat complaining is to do something about it. Invest in your current community to discover and fall in love with it again. I was so impressed when my friend decided to get involved with her city. She is on the board of the local museum, she is a community volunteer for the county, and she oversees the Southeast region of her sorority's alumni chapters. Her involvement allows her to utilize her degree and work in her purpose until she is able to get a full-time job doing what she loves. She is making it work for her and meeting people who support what she is doing. Get active in at your church or community center. Implement projects that will impact your community, but also refuel your sense of purpose.
4. STEP OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone to find the space and people that you want in your life. I was so nervous to leave my parents and all the people that I knew and love, but I had to leave to find the inspiration that I was looking for. Even though my journey had a few roadblocks, I was reminded why I choose this life every time I stepped foot on a rooftop. The 360-degree views of Manhattan proved to me how far I had come and showed me how far I could go. Without risks, there are no rewards. You have to take the fear out of not knowing and start doing things that you've never done before. Join a travel group and explore foreign lands or pack up your bags and move to a new city. You'll begin a journey of self-discovery that may lead you to the space and people you've been waiting for. It's okay to shake up your world.
[Tweet "Have people in your corner who see the greatness in you."]
5. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THE DOERS
Surrounding yourself with a group of people who push you to be your very best and inspire you to want more is an important thing to have. We've been told time and time again to surround ourselves with greatness and to surround ourselves with dreamers and doers. We've also been told to have people in your corner who see greatness in you, and it's so true. My friends were always a great source of positivity and encouragement and together we continue to strive and thrive.
What are some places that you go and people that you connect with to find inspiration?
Brittney Oliver is a marketing communications professional from Greater Nashville. Over the past three years, Brittney has built her platform Lemons 2 Lemonade to help Millennials turn life's obstacles around. Her platform is known for its networking mixers, which has brought over 300 NYC young professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives together to turn life's lemons into lemonade. Brittney is a contributing writer for Fast Company and ESSENCE, among other media outlets.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images