Rejection At Its Finest: You’re Still The Ish After Constantly Being Told No
Rejection has a way of making even the most confident person feel inadequate.
From not being selected for the seemingly perfect job you knew you had in the bag, to opening a rejection letter from the school you've dreamed of going to since you were a child, to getting played from the guy you were convinced was "the one." We've all been there.
Still, that doesn't make the sting of rejection hurt any less.
It's totally normal to start second guessing yourself, your skills, your appearance, and even your ability when you're told "no" over and over again. I certainly know what that feels like because it messed with me like no other. Eventually, I jumped off the emotional downward spiral and evaluated the situation, myself, and others around me.
After doing some serious self-evaluations, my bounce back game is stronger than all the L's I've experienced. (*Cues Big Sean's "Bounce Back").
I've learned that when faced with rejection, you can choose to feel one of two ways: like you're less than, or like you're stronger than ever. In cases of the latter, rejection can serve as a reminder that you're still the ish! Here's how.
Ask Yourself, Was It Really A Good Fit For You?
It's crazy how getting rejected can cause us to glorify the very thing that turned us down. We start to think how perfect it would have been for us if it would have worked out. We paint a picture in our imagination of how everything would have fit together seamlessly if we would have moved forward in the direction we hoped. Instead, it was taken out of our control and out of our lives before we even had time to have a say in it.
Still, it's no secret we really don't know what the future holds. There is no telling what that situation would have really been like.
While we're painting a perfect picture in our minds, it's very likely things could have played out completely different in reality.
Not to go churchy on you, but in situations where I've experienced rejection, I had to learn that I never know what God is protecting me from. Yes, in our minds, these situations from a job to a guy would be perfect if we were just given a chance to prove ourselves. But in the end, it's important that we ask, was this really a good fit for me?
Sometimes, we'll never know the answer. But we do know that things do and don't work out for a reason, and it's okay to be content with that.
Let It Upgrade You
You really can't lose after you're rejected if you allow it to make you better. Despite how rejection makes you feel, you didn't miss out on the best thing out there. It might have felt like the best thing for you, and I'm confident that you gave it your ultimate best. But if you were rejected in the situation, in all honesty, no matter how good it looks on paper or social media, it just wasn't the best for you.
Which means, the best is still out there waiting for you to pursue it.
Just because that dream job and dream guy turned you down doesn't mean that you're a loser and you have to settle for anything that you're not really passionate about. If anything, you should know that you're still the ish and it's their loss. Instead of letting rejection bring you down, let it lift you up as you improve yourself and start to prepare for what's really meant for you.
Do Your Own Thing
I'm a sucker for a good turnaround story. You know those stories people tell about losing their jobs, starting a business, and turning into a millionaire? Or the ones about a woman who went through a heart shattering breakup, traveled the world, fell in love with herself, and found a better love she never knew existed? There was a lot of blood, sweat, and tears in between those heartbreaking moments and their love for life, without question.
They are real-life stories that exist after the people that have lived them were able to overcome their rejection and just do their own thing.
If you're not finding the job that works for you, start your own business girl! You were put on Earth to do something no one else can, so don't let rejection stop you from rocking it. If you're having a difficult time after a breakup you never thought would happen, find things that you love to do and fall in love with yourself. After all, you're pretty amazing.
I know it's so much easier said than done, but those moments after a rejection can serve as the moments that inspire you to become the person you never thought you could be. They have the power to push you out of your comfort zone and mature you like no other. Most of the time, we never would have jumped out there to try new things if we weren't rejected.
Dust Yourself Off And Try Again
Don't be afraid to try again. Hearing no constantly is one of the worst discouragers in this thing called life. But don't give it the power to knock you down. If it's a job you know you would dominate, do more research on the company, get new experiences that line up with what they're looking for, and keep going at it. I used to be the queen of having pity parties and sulking when I tried so hard only for something to not work out.
Still, it's the best story to tell when you keep at it, try again, and realize just how much of your hard work pays off.
Keeping that confidence after being rejected to the point where you feel you can't get back up again, is what strengthens us and makes the moments in the journey so worth it.
Featured image by Getty Images
- 10 Lessons Learned from 100 Days of Rejection | Sam Thomas ... ›
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- 5 Ways Mentally Strong People Deal With Rejection | Inc.com ›
- Learning from rejections | Science ›
- 5 Lessons Learned from 100 Days of Rejection | Inc.com ›
- 5 Important Lessons to Learn From Rejection ›
- 9 Awesome Things to Learn from Rejection ... Inspiration ›
- Learning with Rejection ›
- Jia Jiang: What I learned from 100 days of rejection | TED Talk ›
- 15 Things You Learn From Rejection ›
Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images