Rejection At Its Finest: You’re Still The Ish After Constantly Being Told No
Rejection has a way of making even the most confident person feel inadequate.
From not being selected for the seemingly perfect job you knew you had in the bag, to opening a rejection letter from the school you've dreamed of going to since you were a child, to getting played from the guy you were convinced was "the one." We've all been there.
Still, that doesn't make the sting of rejection hurt any less.
It's totally normal to start second guessing yourself, your skills, your appearance, and even your ability when you're told "no" over and over again. I certainly know what that feels like because it messed with me like no other. Eventually, I jumped off the emotional downward spiral and evaluated the situation, myself, and others around me.
After doing some serious self-evaluations, my bounce back game is stronger than all the L's I've experienced. (*Cues Big Sean's "Bounce Back").
I've learned that when faced with rejection, you can choose to feel one of two ways: like you're less than, or like you're stronger than ever. In cases of the latter, rejection can serve as a reminder that you're still the ish! Here's how.
Ask Yourself, Was It Really A Good Fit For You?
It's crazy how getting rejected can cause us to glorify the very thing that turned us down. We start to think how perfect it would have been for us if it would have worked out. We paint a picture in our imagination of how everything would have fit together seamlessly if we would have moved forward in the direction we hoped. Instead, it was taken out of our control and out of our lives before we even had time to have a say in it.
Still, it's no secret we really don't know what the future holds. There is no telling what that situation would have really been like.
While we're painting a perfect picture in our minds, it's very likely things could have played out completely different in reality.
Not to go churchy on you, but in situations where I've experienced rejection, I had to learn that I never know what God is protecting me from. Yes, in our minds, these situations from a job to a guy would be perfect if we were just given a chance to prove ourselves. But in the end, it's important that we ask, was this really a good fit for me?
Sometimes, we'll never know the answer. But we do know that things do and don't work out for a reason, and it's okay to be content with that.
Let It Upgrade You
You really can't lose after you're rejected if you allow it to make you better. Despite how rejection makes you feel, you didn't miss out on the best thing out there. It might have felt like the best thing for you, and I'm confident that you gave it your ultimate best. But if you were rejected in the situation, in all honesty, no matter how good it looks on paper or social media, it just wasn't the best for you.
Which means, the best is still out there waiting for you to pursue it.
Just because that dream job and dream guy turned you down doesn't mean that you're a loser and you have to settle for anything that you're not really passionate about. If anything, you should know that you're still the ish and it's their loss. Instead of letting rejection bring you down, let it lift you up as you improve yourself and start to prepare for what's really meant for you.
Do Your Own Thing
I'm a sucker for a good turnaround story. You know those stories people tell about losing their jobs, starting a business, and turning into a millionaire? Or the ones about a woman who went through a heart shattering breakup, traveled the world, fell in love with herself, and found a better love she never knew existed? There was a lot of blood, sweat, and tears in between those heartbreaking moments and their love for life, without question.
They are real-life stories that exist after the people that have lived them were able to overcome their rejection and just do their own thing.
If you're not finding the job that works for you, start your own business girl! You were put on Earth to do something no one else can, so don't let rejection stop you from rocking it. If you're having a difficult time after a breakup you never thought would happen, find things that you love to do and fall in love with yourself. After all, you're pretty amazing.
I know it's so much easier said than done, but those moments after a rejection can serve as the moments that inspire you to become the person you never thought you could be. They have the power to push you out of your comfort zone and mature you like no other. Most of the time, we never would have jumped out there to try new things if we weren't rejected.
Dust Yourself Off And Try Again
Don't be afraid to try again. Hearing no constantly is one of the worst discouragers in this thing called life. But don't give it the power to knock you down. If it's a job you know you would dominate, do more research on the company, get new experiences that line up with what they're looking for, and keep going at it. I used to be the queen of having pity parties and sulking when I tried so hard only for something to not work out.
Still, it's the best story to tell when you keep at it, try again, and realize just how much of your hard work pays off.
Keeping that confidence after being rejected to the point where you feel you can't get back up again, is what strengthens us and makes the moments in the journey so worth it.
Featured image by Getty Images
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- Jia Jiang: What I learned from 100 days of rejection | TED Talk ›
- 15 Things You Learn From Rejection ›
Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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What To Know About The Love Compatibility Of A Virgo Woman And A Pisces Man
A Virgo woman and a Pisces man in a relationship is what occurs when opposites attract. It’s often a rarity, but when developed properly, this couple can run off into the sunset together. They both bring a very different energy to the table, but love works in mysterious ways, and this is a connection designed in the stars.
Virgo Woman And Pisces Man Love Compatibility
The Virgo woman lives in reality, and the Pisces man lives in fantasy, but what happens when the Virgo woman wants to indulge in a little romanticism and let her mind take a break for once? She meets a Pisces man.
What attracts a Virgo woman and a Pisces man to each other?
The Virgo woman is instantly attracted to the Pisces man’s sweet, attentive, and stylish character. The Pisces man is instantly attracted to the Virgo woman's confidence, kindness, and intuitive energy. These are two people that get along right away and form an immediate bond, or it’s a slow burn that takes time to develop if it does at all.
The Virgo woman is attracted to the person she knows could benefit from her being in their life. She sees the Pisces man as someone who can learn a lot from her and whom she can learn a lot in return.
The Virgo woman is sophisticated, sure of herself, and grounded, and the Pisces man is more emotional and timid than Virgo. However, their complexities complement each other well because they show each other another perspective and way of being that they both often need to see.
What is the relationship like between a Virgo woman and a Pisces man?
The relationship between a Virgo woman and a Pisces man is either harmonious and compatible or disruptive and incompatible. Because these two signs oppose each other, this is a relationship of extremes. It’s either a great and beautiful relationship or a disharmonious and challenging one for individuals. Virgo is the halfway point of the zodiac and Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac, and they both function and need very different things in life.
Virgo wants to plan, and Pisces wants to dream. It can be difficult to even do the everyday mundane things together because they will both want to go about it in very different ways. They almost see the world in two completely different realities.
For the Virgo woman and Pisces man who make this relationship work and don’t experience the discord that some can here, it’s because they have faced their own shadows and reflection in the mirror. The Pisces man will reflect any insecurities the Virgo woman feels within and vice versa.
This is a couple that can trigger each other intentionally and unintentionally, and when this relationship works, it’s because they have both done the work and aren’t projecting onto each other. The compatibility between these two when they are on the same page is similar to best friends and lovers, and they have a fun, loyal, and thoughtful relationship. This is a couple you see spending a lot of time together, laughing, doing creative things, and enjoying their life with one another.
Are a Virgo woman and a Pisces man sexually compatible?
The sexual compatibility between a Virgo woman and a Pisces man is one of the better ones. The miscommunication problems they can have in their relationship don’t necessarily apply to the bedroom, and they understand each other’s language better here. This is also a part of life. Virgo brings out her more fun and wild side, and the Pisces man likes to see the Virgo woman in all her multitudes.
This is an area of life where the Virgo woman doesn’t have to think so much, and the Pisces man appreciates her attentiveness and presence here. The sex between the two is more romantic than anything, and this is a memorable connection for the both of them.
What makes a relationship between a Virgo woman and a Pisces man work?
What makes this relationship work is their respect and love for each other. There is a genuine fondness and admiration that these two have for one another and that connection and respect for each other is often unbreakable. There is a bit of magic that should be noted when these two fall in love. Fairytales can be made based on the Virgo woman and Pisces man love pairing. This is a man who will go out of his way to sweep Virgo off her feet and make her feel special, and she feels seen in this relationship. These two are also both mutable signs, so they can be flexible, communicative, and attentive in the relationship, which will be appreciated.
Another gift for the relationship between a Virgo woman and a Pisces man is that they are both good listeners. They both want to hear what each other has to say, and there is an undeniable compatibility between the two when they get to know each other. They complement each other well and are the type of couple who will always try to uplift and support one another, always. They often put each other, and the relationship on a pedestal and deeply admire the connection they form with one another. They say your opposite sign is your soulmate because this is the sign that resides in your 7th house of love, and this applies to Virgo and Pisces.
What may cause a Virgo woman and a Pisces man to break up?
The Virgo woman and Pisces man pairing can come to a head when they feel like they don’t have anything else to learn or experience together than they already have. A strength in the relationship is that they are both mutable signs, but this can also be their downfall. They both have an energy that fluctuates, and you can never really guess what the other person is going to do, say, or feel next, and that can be disruptive for a relationship in the long term. The Virgo woman will get tired of having to guess where the Pisces man stands, and the Pisces man will get tired of trying to live up to the Virgo woman's expectations.
Challenges also may begin to arise when it comes to daily habits and rituals. The Virgo woman is a doer, and the Pisces is a dreamer. She can become frustrated by the Pisces man's lack of urgency when he needs more time to feel things through and determine his next steps. The Pisces man can also become disheartened with the Virgo woman overanalyzing him when she tries to understand his emotions better and will begin to doubt his own voice or feelings within the relationship.
If they are not hearing each other out and considering each other's perspectives, then this relationship can end as quickly as it began.
Summary: What is a Virgo woman and Pisces man's love compatibility?
This is a relationship of extremes, however, if they can both work on being less critical of one another then this can be a relationship that goes extremely well. They have a lot to learn from each other and this is a more karmic pairing, as they are often destined to meet. The Virgo woman finds a partner in this relationship that she can adore, be inspired by, and build a life with, and the Pisces man finds a partner in this relationship he can appreciate, respect, and enjoy his time with.
Overall, this is a relationship that when it works, it really works, and when it doesn’t, it really doesn't.
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