
Rejection At Its Finest: You’re Still The Ish After Constantly Being Told No

Rejection has a way of making even the most confident person feel inadequate.
From not being selected for the seemingly perfect job you knew you had in the bag, to opening a rejection letter from the school you've dreamed of going to since you were a child, to getting played from the guy you were convinced was "the one." We've all been there.
Still, that doesn't make the sting of rejection hurt any less.
It's totally normal to start second guessing yourself, your skills, your appearance, and even your ability when you're told "no" over and over again. I certainly know what that feels like because it messed with me like no other. Eventually, I jumped off the emotional downward spiral and evaluated the situation, myself, and others around me.
After doing some serious self-evaluations, my bounce back game is stronger than all the L's I've experienced. (*Cues Big Sean's "Bounce Back").
I've learned that when faced with rejection, you can choose to feel one of two ways: like you're less than, or like you're stronger than ever. In cases of the latter, rejection can serve as a reminder that you're still the ish! Here's how.
Ask Yourself, Was It Really A Good Fit For You?
It's crazy how getting rejected can cause us to glorify the very thing that turned us down. We start to think how perfect it would have been for us if it would have worked out. We paint a picture in our imagination of how everything would have fit together seamlessly if we would have moved forward in the direction we hoped. Instead, it was taken out of our control and out of our lives before we even had time to have a say in it.
Still, it's no secret we really don't know what the future holds. There is no telling what that situation would have really been like.
While we're painting a perfect picture in our minds, it's very likely things could have played out completely different in reality.
Not to go churchy on you, but in situations where I've experienced rejection, I had to learn that I never know what God is protecting me from. Yes, in our minds, these situations from a job to a guy would be perfect if we were just given a chance to prove ourselves. But in the end, it's important that we ask, was this really a good fit for me?
Sometimes, we'll never know the answer. But we do know that things do and don't work out for a reason, and it's okay to be content with that.
Let It Upgrade You
You really can't lose after you're rejected if you allow it to make you better. Despite how rejection makes you feel, you didn't miss out on the best thing out there. It might have felt like the best thing for you, and I'm confident that you gave it your ultimate best. But if you were rejected in the situation, in all honesty, no matter how good it looks on paper or social media, it just wasn't the best for you.
Which means, the best is still out there waiting for you to pursue it.
Just because that dream job and dream guy turned you down doesn't mean that you're a loser and you have to settle for anything that you're not really passionate about. If anything, you should know that you're still the ish and it's their loss. Instead of letting rejection bring you down, let it lift you up as you improve yourself and start to prepare for what's really meant for you.
Do Your Own Thing
I'm a sucker for a good turnaround story. You know those stories people tell about losing their jobs, starting a business, and turning into a millionaire? Or the ones about a woman who went through a heart shattering breakup, traveled the world, fell in love with herself, and found a better love she never knew existed? There was a lot of blood, sweat, and tears in between those heartbreaking moments and their love for life, without question.
They are real-life stories that exist after the people that have lived them were able to overcome their rejection and just do their own thing.
If you're not finding the job that works for you, start your own business girl! You were put on Earth to do something no one else can, so don't let rejection stop you from rocking it. If you're having a difficult time after a breakup you never thought would happen, find things that you love to do and fall in love with yourself. After all, you're pretty amazing.
I know it's so much easier said than done, but those moments after a rejection can serve as the moments that inspire you to become the person you never thought you could be. They have the power to push you out of your comfort zone and mature you like no other. Most of the time, we never would have jumped out there to try new things if we weren't rejected.
Dust Yourself Off And Try Again
Don't be afraid to try again. Hearing no constantly is one of the worst discouragers in this thing called life. But don't give it the power to knock you down. If it's a job you know you would dominate, do more research on the company, get new experiences that line up with what they're looking for, and keep going at it. I used to be the queen of having pity parties and sulking when I tried so hard only for something to not work out.
Still, it's the best story to tell when you keep at it, try again, and realize just how much of your hard work pays off.
Keeping that confidence after being rejected to the point where you feel you can't get back up again, is what strengthens us and makes the moments in the journey so worth it.
Featured image by Getty Images
- 10 Lessons Learned from 100 Days of Rejection | Sam Thomas ... ›
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- 5 Ways Mentally Strong People Deal With Rejection | Inc.com ›
- Learning from rejections | Science ›
- 5 Lessons Learned from 100 Days of Rejection | Inc.com ›
- 5 Important Lessons to Learn From Rejection ›
- 9 Awesome Things to Learn from Rejection ... Inspiration ›
- Learning with Rejection ›
- Jia Jiang: What I learned from 100 days of rejection | TED Talk ›
- 15 Things You Learn From Rejection ›
Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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