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I Stopped Texting My Husband For A Week And Here’s What Happened
"The only time I actually talk to you is in person," is what I told my husband a few weeks ago when I called to vent about another day of being frustrated at work. His hands were tied up at a job of his own so he tried to rush me off the phone as politely as usual, but I knew he secretly wanted to be like, “Ask yourself this question before calling me: Is this textable?"
Let's be honest, the "phone conversation" is quickly becoming a lost art thanks to the magic of emojis. But is that such a big deal? When I first met my husband I remember staying up until 2 am talking to him about everything from Tyler Perry to fish tacos. Now we exchange "Hmm's" and side-eye emoji's on a daily basis. We both work full-time jobs in addition to a few part-time hustles we both keep on the side in regular rotation. In between working and getting through our first year or of parenthood, I noticed our communication was falling into a pattern of “Did you make it to your work alive?" texts and touching base for the few hours of the day we actually saw each other only to complain about work.
Maybe I am overreacting, but ever since we got married last September I've been fighting any symptom of becoming “that" couple. You know, that stereotypical couple that looks like they have it together but secretly spend every waking moment fantasizing about running away to a tropical island to escape their whiny kids and their borderline, psychotic bosses. I refuse to have our lives be passing moments of bliss filtered from a life of always having to be somewhere or do something and not really living. I figured one of the ways to prevent that from happening is to keep the communication flowing and have actual conversations to check each other's sanity that aren't about work, kids or other adult responsibilities.
In an effort to see how much better (or worse) we communicate when we miss each other with the SMS, I decided to try a little experiment. Starting a little over a week ago, we decided that our communication solely had to occur through talking and no texting for a week. Even if I was just letting my husband know I made it to work, I had to call him. I wanted to see if actually hearing each other's voices improved our communication, or at the very least made us stop and take those few minutes we had to stop what we were doing to really tune into each other and listen.
Usually my husband just rolls his eyes when I tell him we have to alter our lives in some way for one of my writing assignments, so I was surprised when on day one he made a sincere effort when answering the phone and asking, “I almost texted you a picture of the baby. Do pics count? I don't want to mess you up." But after day one ended, I knew not being able to text probably wasn't going to be the big deal I thought it might be.
First let's talk the advantages of texting. We all know it saves on time. Even if it was only a few seconds, the time I spent excusing myself from an office of nosy co-workers to call and let hubby know I made it safely to my destination could have been spared with a five second text. I didn't feel anymore connected hearing his actual voice say, “Have a good day," over a “have a good day" text followed by a smiley face and sunshine emoji. Text-messaging also makes multi-tasking that much easier. It's not like I'm some undergrad strolling the college quad thinking of ways to save the world in between Art History and Business Law. If I'm teaching a class of high school students about HPV or my contractor husband is carrying a water heater up a flight of steps, the last thing we have time for is to answer a call about that crazy co-worker I just caught in another lie.
Texting can be a great bulletin board for conversations you want to have, but may not immediately have time for. Which brings me to my last point: not being able to text made me realize how many conversations I could go without having, not just with my husband but with a lot of people. Not every conversation we engage in has to be some profound discussion on the prevalence of the human spirit, but it made me realize how much time we spend wasting sharing Kermit memes and other social media shenanigans. Don't get wrong, I'm already laughing over what that little African boy will tell that concerned white woman next in a meme, but some of us could probably build a Fortune 500 company in the time we spend sharing, reposting and inviting friends to play Farmville.
So what are some couples missing by only talking through text? One thing I quickly realized is how much talking forces you to listen. We all have that friend who may not text us back until hours later, after we've completely moved on to the next random thought. But remembering what topic you thought was so amazing a few hours ago, requires simply just scrolling down. As my husband and I made a habit of having actual conversations, I realized how constantly being “connected" had screwed up my attention span, and it took much more of an effort to listen to him and follow what he was saying. There were plenty of times when I'd tune in in just enough time to hear, “So what do you think?" and find myself scrambling for an answer that made sense because I was too busy checking the “likes" on my latest Facebook status instead of listening.
The most important thing I learned is that my husband and I didn't have the communication problems I thought we did. The thing is, texting can really be a great alternative to talking, but only when you're with someone you have mastered communicating with in person. My husband isn't a big texter anyway nor is he heavily into social media. It's something I believe has saved us a lot of the drama and negativity that can come with today's digital dating. Because of this I've gotten to know him on level that didn't involve stalking a Facebook profile or harvesting through Instagram history. I know that his common “hmm" responses aren't code for him thinking something I wrote was weird or a complete waste of his time; he just doesn't know what to say. Having built a strong connection based on getting to know each other without the static of Facebook comments or me having overthink the real meaning behind his one word responses has led to a relationship where I'm not constantly over-analyzing everything he does (or doesn't say) and questioning the whole relationship just because he doesn't respond to me after ten minutes.
DM's, instant messages and emojis should never be a substitute for getting to know someone or reconnecting with someone you care about. There are some things that can only be clearly communicated through good old-fashioned conversation complete with revealing body language and awkward moments of silence.
Emojis can only say so much. Whether it's your lips or your fingertips that are doing the talking, the important thing is that you are communicating and doing so clearly, which can only happen when you take the time to get to know someone both on and off-line.
Do you think you can make it through a week of no texting?
Featured image by Shutterstock
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Is it just me, or do our bodies have an “If it’s not one thing, it’s another” vibe as we get older? And lately, new or recurring skin conditions have been yet another thing to add to the growing list of “WTF is this, am I dying?” When it comes to seborrheic dermatitis, it’s one of the most common skin issues, impacting 3 to 10 out of 100 people, per the National Institute of Health. You may have heard of it, been diagnosed with it, or will relate to this article and finally feel seen and relieved that there’s a name for what you’ve been going through.
We’re breaking down everything you need to know about seborrheic dermatitis, from what it is and its symptoms to shutting down a few common myths, and of course, how to know if you actually have it. Let’s get into it.
What Are The Signs?
You may be experiencing seborrheic dermatitis if your skin, eyebrows, scalp, or facial hair has dandruff, irritable skin patches, or flakes, according to the Mayo Clinic. More specifically, and on the verge of TMI, oily skin with flat white or yellow scales may also be a sign.
When it comes to rashes, it’s likely they’ll show up in a ring-like form (which is called petaloid seborrheic dermatitis). For the melanated folks, rashes may appear darker or lighter (per the National Eczema Association, people of color may get a more intense flare-up with lesions on the hairline and discoloration), while those with fair skin may experience red rash areas.
Where Is It?
While seborrheic dermatitis can occur on various body parts, it’s frequently seen on the scalp, according to the NEA. The Mayo Clinic notes that the condition also pops up on oily facial and body areas like the edges of one’s nose, eyelids, and eyebrows, as well as the chest and ears. Skin can appear inflamed with rashes and patches, and the scalp will typically battle with relentless dandruff.
Seborrheic dermatitis can be super irritating and frustrating, but fortunately, if you’ve been diagnosed, it doesn’t lead to permanent hair loss, and it isn’t contagious, The Mayo Clinic states. In fact, with doctor-prescribed treatment or products like special shampoo, it could disappear or at least reduce flare-ups.
What Triggers It?
It’s difficult to pinpoint what specifically causes the condition. The Mayo Clinic points out that it could arise thanks to too much oil in the skin or the presence of Malassezia, a type of fungi. Commonly, things like fatigue, weather changes, and stress also play a role. More serious conditions that can trigger it range from Parkinson’s and depression to HIV, as well as the aftermath of life-altering events like a heart attack.
Bronchitis, strep throat, the flu, tonsillitis, and ear and respiratory infections are also known to cause flare-ups, along with skin issues like bruises, sunburns, scratches, and bites, per the Cleveland Clinic.
Interestingly enough, the NIH notes that seasons changing has a role too. Seborrheic dermatitis can disappear in the summer months, and then make a comeback like it never left in the winter.
Who Does It Affect?
Unlike many other things we go through as women, seborrheic dermatitis is actually more common for men, according to the NIH. It often appears for the first time in the young adult years or for those who are older than 50.
What About Psoriasis Though?
Seborrheic dermatitis is often compared to psoriasis, and for good reason. They both impact the skin, especially the scalp area. They can both also leave scaly patches on the skin, flakes on your hair, and cause itching. However, they’re not identical. Healthline notes that areas of seborrheic dermatitis flareups are typically easier to remove compared to psoriasis. Psoriasis also tends to be sorer and more tender, while seborrheic dermatitis can itch or create a burning sensation.
Let’s Clear The Air
There are a few rumors about the power of seborrheic dermatitis and what it can cause. So let’s break down the truth for a second. According to the NEA, this condition is not cancerous, nor does it indicate or increase a higher risk for cancer in the future.
Just a reminder, it doesn’t cause hair loss, nor is hair loss a symptom. If you are experiencing concerning hair loss, it is likely a sign of something else.
How Can You Treat It?
Seborrheic dermatitis can be treated pretty easily (praises be). Certain medicines like shampoos with tar, anti-inflammatory creams that include steroids, creams and shampoos with antifungal agents, or creams that feature salicylic acid, can be applied to the inflamed area to help resolve the problematic area, according to the NIH.
Just a note though: As tempting as it is to cover up scaly patches with heavy foundation or concealer, experts with the NIH actually advise against it as it can clog your pores. However, a light foundation can be used occasionally, along with skin care products that aren’t too oily to help temporarily conceal it.
A unique type of sunscreen also isn’t needed. You can use what you typically would before stepping out into the sun. And your skin soaking in a few extra rays could actually help your skin.
Should You Self-Diagnose?
As tempting as it is to make an appointment with Dr. Google, The Mayo Clinic advises you to call your actual physician if the condition interrupts your sleep, makes you lose focus throughout the day, contributes to anxiety, or simply doesn’t go away with at-home remedies. Simply put, it’s always best to check with your doctor to ensure you’re actually experiencing seborrheic dermatitis and get the treatment you need to help monitor or prevent it.
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