The Conversation You Need To Have With Yourself Before The New Year Begins

What Is My Purpose?

Former UN secretary Kofi Annan once said, “To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go, and why you want to get there.” I really like this quote because it’s a reminder that 1) when it comes to the quality of life that we end up having, most of it has to do with the choices that we make, and 2) you can’t choose as well as you should if you don’t factor your purpose into your decisions.

Y’all, for as long as I have breath in my body, I will declare that NOTHING and NO ONE should cause you to compromise your purpose because, by definition, your purpose is “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” So, before you close this year out, be honest: Do you know what your purpose is? If you don’t, this is the season to be super intentional about figuring it out. For starters, you can do that by asking yourself the following questions:

• What are you passionate about?
• What problems do you want to solve?
• What puts you into a state of bliss?
• What causes you to completely lose track of time?
• What do you do rather easily that is a semi-struggle for others?
• What almost seamlessly incorporates your gifts as well as your talents?
• What brings out the best in your entire being: mind, body, and spirit?
• What do you enjoy that isn’t solely or even mostly motivated by money?
• What feels like it spiritually elevates you and results in you helping others?
• What would cause you to leave behind a legacy that you can be proud of?

So many people are out here in the wrong job, with the wrong person, doing the wrong things with their time and it’s all because they prioritize everything in life BUT their purpose — and that is truly tragic. Again, if you don’t know your purpose, now is the time to figure it out (even if that means getting a life coach for a season). However, if you do, write a mission statement for what you want to do within your purpose this coming year.

Which brings me to the next point.

What Have I Done This Year to Elevate My Purpose?

Another definition of purpose is “an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal” — and indeed, one of my favorite things about living a life in and on purpose is that purpose will never keep you stagnant; it will always motivate and inspire you to come up with new ideas, plans, and missions. And so, as you reflect on the past 12 months, what are (at least) five things that you can say you did to elevate your purpose?

For example, because I am someone who also believes that you should be able to explain/express your purpose in three words or phrases, and since mine are “marriage, sex, and the biblical Sabbath,” the five things that I did to “go to a higher place” (elevate) in those areas is to write another book, get more clients, pick some platforms to support that share a similar agenda, do more podcast interviews (to get the word about my purpose out) and I’m building a site as well.

When you know what your purpose is, you also know that amplifying its voice isn’t about you; it’s about bettering mankind in the way that you were specifically and specially created to do. Jotting down some distinct ways that you took your own purpose to another level will help you acknowledge some areas of growth and provide insight into what you need to do for the next 12-month cycle.

What People, Places, Things and/or Ideas Complement My Purpose?

When it comes to making wise life choices, “complement” truly is one of my all-time favorite words (check out “If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life”). Y’all, it takes a lot of self-awareness, maturity, and even self-surrender to accept the fact that you can love and like a lot of people and things in this life that you really shouldn’t take along in your journey (at least on an intimate level) if they are not going to complement your purpose. When someone or something complements you, by definition, they literally help to complete you.

No, not in the rom-com kind of way. It’s more like they are puzzle pieces that fit well into your overall life picture; they do this by 1) providing encouragement and/or support; 2) being the “work” friends that Aristotle spoke of (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility,’ ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”) and/or; 3) holding you accountable to your purpose-related goals and/or; 4) offering connections and/or resources that will aid in fulfilling your purpose and/or; 5) helping you in ways that keep spiritually grounded and emotionally healthy and/or, 6) fueling you to keep going in your purpose.

I can’t tell you how many couples I have worked with who have struggled, A LOT, and a big part of it is because they chose a partner who they deeply care about yet doesn’t even begin to complement their purpose (shoot, sometimes their partner doesn’t even respect it — SMDH). Please hear me when I say that it is a peak form of spiritual disobedience and personal betrayal to delay purpose-fulfillment for anyone or anything.

That said, the folks who have “held you down” in the purpose arena, the places, things, and ideas that have inspired you — thank the people and revisit some of the motivators. Anyone or thing who helps to keep you focused on your purpose deserves some heartfelt gratitude.

What People, Places, Things and/or Ideas Are Hindering Purpose Manifestation?

Ask anyone who is thriving in their purpose, and they will tell you that it came with quite a bit of sacrifice. Sacrifice is also a word that I like a lot because it literally means to give up something good for something greater — and if you read in between the lines when it comes to that, sometimes you are gonna have to release some people, places, things and/or ideas that might seem good or even feel right because they simply aren’t a good “purpose fit”…whether it’s right now or…ever.

For me, there have been some people in my life who I like a lot; still, I’ve had to shift them out of my space because they want to debate my purpose or have me prove to them what my purpose is. I don’t have time to make you believe that I know what my purpose is; that is a complete and total waste of time. An example of this is a guy friend who I had to let go because he was constantly challenging me on how much I talk about sex due to his own hang-ups on the topic; meanwhile, I’ve got married folks who are consistently telling me that they’ve received great ah-ha moments on intimacy due to my research and writing on the subject matter.

Also, there are some leisure activities that I’ve had to participate in less because they are counterproductive to my purpose. Listen, when you know that your life’s work is to (for instance) help people have a healthy marriage and sex life, you don’t need to be consuming a lot of toxic information or energy — whether it’s on or offline.

So, take a moment to reflect on who and what has been more of a hindrance than some actual help this year as it directly relates to your purpose. Just for the record, to hinder is to obstruct, prevent, burden, delay, interfere, thwart, and even slow down. Oh, and if you are currently dating someone who you know these words apply, please end the relationship. You can’t move forward, in a beneficial way, with someone who is keeping you from fulfilling your purpose instead of empowering you to do so (someone really needed to hear that, too!).

What Are Five Things That I Can Do in the Next Six Months to Benefit/Further My Purpose?

If you’ve never taken a chronotype quiz before (here), make this the day that you do. Long story short, it’s a test that helps you to learn a lot about your sleep patterns as well as the time of day when you are the most productive based on different animals: lions get most done during the morning between 8 a.m.-noon, bears, and dolphins are at their best between 10 a.m.-2 p.m. and wolves shine between noon-9 p.m.

When I discovered that I was a lion, it helped me to accomplish more because, honestly, I tend to be the most productive and focused between like 6 a.m. and 10 a.m., which is probably why I like a quote that I once read so much: “Any man who doesn’t finish half of his day’s duty by 10:00 a.m. has wasted the day.”

It came from an article that said that there are certain things that you can do to get 10 years’ worth of time within 12 months. I agree because once you know what your purpose is, how to refuel and rejuvenate your system by getting the right amount of rest and which time of the day you are most productive — you can do the following things that further your purpose on a whole ‘nother level:

Put together a plan that includes some short and long-term goals for your purpose; create a budget to get those goals accomplished; seek out some resources that will support you in executing your plan; set aside some funds to take a break from all of your “purpose work” (check out “How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'”), and get an accountability partner who can check on you every six months to make sure that all of this has been properly executed.

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A new year is literally a few moments away at this point. In the midst of all of the other plans that you may have, please put your goals for your purpose at the very top of your list.

You will never go wrong with focusing on why you were put on this planet…for such a time as this. I promise you that.

Happy (Almost) New Year, y’all!

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