The Eclipse Season saga continues into this month along with the Retrograde party. The month ahead continues to find us challenging what we've known as the truth as facades come crumbling down. This is a time in which we're encouraged to tune into our intuition instead of making decisions on what is presented to us. Sometimes the truth is a tough, but necessary, pill to swallow.
As sobering as this month can be, Venus comes through with the love assist to soothe us after experiencing some much-needed reality checks. Remember--we're all going through a lot of changes right now so be kind to yourself and others. Instead of feeding into the divisiveness, lean into our shared humanity.
Check out how your zodiac sign is affected in the month ahead!
Aries
AriesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month has you focused on home and family matters, Aries. However, duty calls as it pertains to your career challenging you to find that much-needed work-life balance. The New Moon Solar Eclipse invites you to assess your inner dialogue and the way you communicate with others. Mental limitations that restrict you from living and expressing your truth are dissolving with this lunation.
When Mars enters Leo, you've got the confidence to not only talk the talk but to walk the walk as well.
On the 14th, the Saturn-Uranus square could bring a reality check regarding your finances and long-term goals. The following week, the Sun enters Cancer, motivating you to do absolutely nothing but stay at home. On the 22nd, Mercury goes direct which helps you move a project into the next phase. The Full Moon on the 24th highlights an achievement of yours. June wraps up on a high note with Venus entering Leo, inspiring you to shine your light!
Taurus
TaurusLaci Jordan for xoNecole
June begins with Venus sweetening up your tongue. As the saying goes, "You'll catch more flies with honey." The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th invites you to dive deeper into your beliefs about your self-worth and finances. Creating wealth for yourself starts from within. On the 11th, Mars enters Leo encouraging you to rule with love, not an iron fist. Be mindful of how much energy you're exerting towards your career goals around the 14th.
Prioritize time to decompress and do something just for you.
When Jupiter Retrograde meets up with the Sun in Cancer on the 20th, spend some time nurturing your dreams. Speak life into your future and surround yourself with supportive friends. On the 22nd, Mercury goes direct which helps you get back on track financially. The Full Moon on the 24th gives you a chance to be recognized for your contributions to your community. During Neptune's six-month Retrograde, you're invited to gain more clarity about the greater impact you want to have on society and how your tribe can help you achieve your mission. When Venus enters Leo on the 27th, indulge your inner child with some much-needed play time.
Gemini
GeminiLaci Jordan for xoNecoleYour values, finances, and material assets could use some TLC when Venus enters Cancer at the top of the month, Gemini. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th brings sweeping changes to at least one area of your life. Life as you know it may be moving in a completely different direction but it's exactly what your soul ordered to experience more growth. When Mars enters Leo on the 11th, your energy is bursting through the seams, making this the perfect time to get any busy work done--especially those tasks you've been putting off. Around the 14th, be mindful of others challenging your spiritual beliefs.
Your path isn't meant to be understood by everyone.
On the 20th, Jupiter goes Retrograde, inviting you to dive deeper into your career preparation. The Sun shifts into Cancer on the same day, encouraging you to nurture your hidden gifts and talents. When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, you're feeling a lot more sociable than you have been this month. The Full Moon on the 24th exposes the truth about someone in a position of power or influence. Throughout Neptune Retrograde, you'll be able to see through illusions a lot more clearly. On the 27th, Venus enters Leo, motivating you to seize new opportunities that require you to be front and center stage.
Cancer
CancerLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with Venus pouring in the blessings once she enters your sign on the 2nd, Cancer. The New Moon Solar Eclipse invites you to shed the final layers of a fear that has held you back from expressing more of your true essence. When Mars enters Leo, you're motivated to get the bag in some ways that align more with your current value, making this a supportive time to renegotiate existing contracts and agreements. Be mindful of clashing egos within your friend group around the 14th.
Challenge yourself to hold space for differing perspectives and experiences to cultivate deeper intimacy within your connections.
On the 20th, Jupiter Retrograde meets up with the Sun in Cancer which is a good time to dive deeper into research, studying, and writing. When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, your intuitive insights become more clear, granting you the confidence you need to move forward in a new direction. The Full Moon on the 24th could have you dissolving a contract or partnership that doesn't align with your long-term goals. During Neptune Retrograde, which kicks off on the 25th, you're invited to restore your connection with your Higher Self. The month ends with Venus entering Leo, making you a magnet for good fortune and expansive opportunities that give you the opportunity to shine!
Leo
LeoLaci Jordan for xoNecole
Take it easy on yourself this month. With Venus entering Cancer, your energy may not be up to par. Get your rest and take lots of cat naps. On the 10th, the New Moon Solar Eclipse reveals how out of alignment some of your friendships are. Avoid getting caught up in gossip and handle this matter with maturity so you don't f*ck up your karma. When Mars enters Leo, you're feeling rejuvenated and ready to take on the world. On the 14th, be mindful of power struggles with an employer or someone in a position of authority.
Choose your battles wisely.
On the 20th, Jupiter begins its retrograde, giving you a chance to dive deeper within yourself for some much-needed soul-searching. On the same day, the Sun enters Cancer, inviting you back into your cozy cocoon to prepare for your birthday season. When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, you're able to clear up confusion and misunderstandings amongst your tribe. The Full Moon in Capricorn reveals a habit of yours that is detrimental to your well-being. Work-life balance is the key to supporting your health. The month ends with Venus entering your sign bringing the birthday blessings in a little early.
Virgo
VirgoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month brings your attention to your friends, social network, and your hopes and dreams, Virgo. On the 10th, the New Moon Solar Eclipse invites you to free yourself from the expectations of others by defining what your truth is separate from those that you've placed on a pedestal. When Mars enters Leo, be mindful of repressed anger bubbling to the surface. You may think you're mad at one thing when in actuality there's something deeper to explore internally. The Saturn-Uranus square on the 14th has you feeling at odds with your responsibilities and your growing desire for freedom.
When Jupiter goes retrograde on the 20th, you're encouraged to get into some self-reflection to gain a better understanding of repetitive, and undesirable, relationship dynamics.
On the same day, the Sun enters Cancer, making this a good time to nurture your connections with like-minded people. Everything starts getting more clear when Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, giving you the momentum you need to move forward with your career goals. The Full Moon on the 24th illuminates the intentions of a casual romantic interest. This is a make it or break it moment to determine whether you should continue to invest your time. During Neptune Retrograde, the rose-colored glasses come off and you're seeing others for who they truly are, not who you want them to be. The month wraps up with Venus teaming up with Mars requiring you to keep your ego in check.
Libra
Libra
Laci Jordan for xoNecole
The pressure is on in matters of career and reputation but if anyone can rise to the occasion it's you, Libra. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th supports you in dissolving thought-patterns that don't support your greatness. Speak life into you and your dreams! On the 11th, Mars enters Leo which could bring out the competitive side amongst you and some friends.
Avoid the drama and channel that motivation towards accomplishing your goals.
A secret about a love interest can be revealed around the 14th which could either strengthen the relationship or end it. Jupiter goes retrograde on the 20th, inviting you to take better care of your physical health which could mean addressing some of your escapist or over-indulgent tendencies. On the same day, the Sun enters Cancer, motivating you to make some boss moves. When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, any delayed travel plans are finally moving forward. The Full Moon on the 24th brings a home or family matter to the head for resolution. June wraps up with Venus entering Leo to soften the intensity and increase the playful energy amongst your tribe.
Scorpio
Scorpio
Laci Jordan for xoNecole
The beginning of the month kicks off with Venus entering Cancer which has you attracting some loyal followers that want to soak up the gems of wisdom you have to share. On the 11th, the New Moon Solar Eclipse invites you to transform your mindset, which ultimately transforms your life. When Mars enters Leo, you're motivated to overcome any challenges standing between you and your career goals. Family and home matters can come to a head around the 14th--possibly leading you to consider a relocation if you're feeling too restricted.
On the 20th, Jupiter Retrograde meets up with the Sun in Cancer, making this a good time to dive deeper into your creative process through some extensive research and study.
Remember that practice makes perfect (or at least close enough to it). When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, your vision becomes all the more clear now that you're no longer bogged down by past disappointments and heartaches. The Full Moon in Capricorn on the 24th supports you in resolving any discord with your siblings or other close relations. When Neptune goes Retrograde, be prepared to revisit your childhood and past dating experiences with a more grounded perspective. The month wraps up with Venus entering Leo, making you a magnet for opportunity and recognition.
Sagittarius
Sagittarius
Laci Jordan for xoNecole
June starts off on a quiet note with Venus entering Cancer inviting you to enjoy some privacy with the people you're closest to. In matters of love, things are getting deeper between you and bae. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th supports you in wrapping up a karmic cycle in your relationships. The old way no longer works for you and you're ready to experience the kind of connections you really want. When Mars enters Leo, you're ready to get another stamp in your passport, making this a good time to plan a summer getaway.
You may be feeling at war within yourself around the 14th due to a growing need for more spontaneity and less structure.
On the 20th, Jupiter Retrograde begins encouraging you to connect with the wisdom of your ancestors. On the same day, the Sun enters Cancer, which has you feeling more lowkey than usual. When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, you're more clear about where you stand within some of your most important relationships. Signing new contracts is now supported as well. The Full Moon in Capricorn on the 24th helps you resolve a financial blockage. On the 25th, Neptune goes Retrograde, helping you see through the disillusionment of your family. Some hard truths may have to be accepted during this transit. The month comes to a close with Venus in Leo, elevating your social platform.
Capricorn
Capricorn
Laci Jordan for xoNecole
The month begins with your relationships taking up much of your attention while Venus transits through Cancer. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th empowers you to kick a bad habit. Remember--it's mind over matter. On the 11th, Mars enters Leo, encouraging you to be mindful of your temper. Random outbursts are likely if you're not actively engaging in shadow work. Around the 14th, the Saturn-Uranus square has you feeling torn between indulging in pleasure and pursuing the bag.
On the 20th, Jupiter Retrograde and the Sun in Cancer meet up marking a pivotal time of transforming your relationships by improving your communication skills (which includes being a good listener as well).
On the 22nd, Mercury goes direct which could clear up any confusion and miscommunication regarding your health. This is also a good time to implement your new work strategy and daily routine into effect. The Full Moon on the 24th places the spotlight on you so make the most of the energy. When Neptune goes Retrograde on the 25th, you're getting to the truth within yourself and about the world around you. The month wraps up with Venus entering Leo which could have you attracting some extra support from a financial institution or a benefactor.
Aquarius
Aquarius
Laci Jordan for xoNecole
June kicks off with you nurturing your physical vessel when Venus enters Cancer. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 11th supports you in healing your inner child. When Mars enters Leo, your relationships get most of your energy. Just be mindful of being too bossy with your loved ones. On the 14th, the Saturn-Uranus square brings some family tension to the surface especially if you're feeling restricted in some way. On the 20th, Jupiter goes Retrograde, encouraging you to revisit your budget and spending habits over the past couple of months. The Sun enters Cancer on the same day, motivating you to tend to your physical health.
On the 22nd, Mercury goes direct, helping you get clear about matters of romance. This is also a good time to move forward with pursuing a new hobby or creative project.
The Full Moon on the 24th helps you break the shackles of disempowerment. You are strong, wise, and incredibly capable of accomplishing whatever you put your mind to. When Neptune goes Retrograde on the 25th, it's time to reel in any excessive spending habits. The month comes to a close with Venus in Leo, helping you attract some generous clients, business partners, and opportunities.
Pisces
PiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleJune begins with Venus entering Cancer inviting you to indulge in pleasure, creativity, and romance. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th is transforming the limiting beliefs that you inherited from your family which is a vital part of generational and ancestral healing. When Mars enters Leo, you're motivated to get your body into shape. On the 14th, the Saturn-Uranus square has you pulled between wanting some private time and needing to tend to your daily affairs. When Jupiter begins its Retrograde on the 20th you'll have plenty of time to enjoy your solitude and some soul-searching. On the same day, the Sun enters Cancer inviting you to explore a hobby or do something creative.
Self-expression is key throughout this transit.
On the 22nd, Mercury goes direct, making it a good time to move forward with any property investment, relocation or renovation plans. The Full Moon on the 24th has your social media presence poppin', making this a good time to launch that new product, website, etc. During Neptune Retrograde, you'll be getting more clear about yourself and how you may have been slightly disillusioned about something (or someone) in your life. The month wraps up with Venus in Leo, motivating you to streamline your efforts in work.
Featured image by Laci Jordan for xoNecole
- Your June 2021 Monthly Horoscope Is Here | InStyle ›
- Cancer Horoscope June 2021 — Love and Career Predictions | Allure ›
- June 2021 Horoscopes: Life During Mercury Retrograde | StyleCaster ›
- JUNE 2021 ASTROLOGY HOROSCOPE FOR YOUR ZODIAC SIGN ... ›
- June 2021 Horoscopes — Love and Career Predictions | Allure ›
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
Riska/Getty Images
1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
Riska/Getty Images
19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by
Either way, we’re breaking down how to harness the alluring black cat energy to attract and cultivate your purrrfect match, or how to deepen your current relationship.
What is Black Cat Energy?
Black cat energy has made a splash all over TikTok since 2021 where users have popularized “the black cat/golden retriever” theory based on the notorious attributes of felines and pups.
Pet owners and those who have had the pleasure of engaging with furry friends know that cats tend to have personality traits of being more independent, cautious, and unbothered until they develop a relationship with you – then you’ll be graced with their loveable side – whereas dogs, much like golden retrievers, are often overly excited to see you, bursting with happy energy, and seeking your affection, even if they just met you.
Black cats especially possess an elusive, regal, and pompous vibe that makes them irresistible. You can’t simply win these mysterious creatures over with your mere presence. You’ll have to earn their affection.
And if by a stroke of luck, they open up to you, they’ll always keep you wanting more of them. That same je ne sais quoi is what TikTokers are raving about, claiming that if you channel black cat energy into your love life, you’ll summon the person of your dreams and make them fall in love with every part of you.
What’s more, according to The Spruce Pets, single women in Japan who own black cats are believed to attract more suitors. In parts of Great Britain, a black cat is the quintessential wedding gift because they’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride.
Why the Black Cat/Golden Retriever Dynamic Works
ArtMarie/Getty Images
Anyone can be the black cat or the golden retriever in the relationship, but TikTokers and some relationship experts say the best way to ensure long-lasting compatibility is for the woman to be the black cat, while the man exudes golden retriever tendencies.
Dating coach Anwar White solidifies finding the yin to your yang, instructing women to find their complement. “Most people look to date their clone and you’re going to need to date looking for your compliment – that is what is going to bring you the most success.”
In the 14 years he’s been a dating coach, he shared the best complementary personalities that make for a good match. “If you’re a type A, boss babe, you’re going to be looking for the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the guy that wants to get done whatever you want to get done. This is the engineer, the federal employee, or an architect. It’s very much black cat/golden retriever vibes.”
No matter what stage you’re at in your love life, it’s never too late to transition from subservient golden retriever to omnipotent black cat.
TikToker @jaclyn.dasilva explains that she used to be in her golden retriever energy in her marriage – catering to her husband, and what he needed and liked until she learned how to epitomize the black cat energy.
“We have this beautiful energy as women. When we learn to put all that beautiful, nurturing energy into ourselves that is when they want us. That is when they chase us. Now I think about what I want to eat. What do I want to drink? What book do I want to read? And I put my energy into myself.”
She continues, “And now he’s the one chasing me. He’s the one who can’t get enough of me. When we see ourselves as the prize, that is when he sees us as the prize. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Be about you, he’ll be about you.”
How To Embody The Black Cat Principles In Your Dating Life
Dating and maintaining a flourishing relationship in today’s technology-driven world is no easy feat. We have abundantly more access to swipe right or left on apps, or serendipitously meet a great catch in person than our parents and grandparent’s generations.
And yet, with all the potential options, somehow it seems more difficult to stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right or to maintain a long-term symbiotic relationship. Fortunately navigating dating and relationships becomes easier when you know exactly who you are–your different quirks, flaws, and assets–and when you keenly understand the little things that titillate your world and accept the nuances and icks of a person that you know are not aligned with you.
A woman relishing in her black cat energy and femininity knows exactly what she wants and needs and doesn’t detour from who she is for anyone. These are the qualities of black cat women:
High Standards
Nothing says you’re the main character or HBIC like flaunting high standards and sticking to them.
TikToker Anna Kristina, the self-proclaimed creator of the "black cat theory" shared how to become the ultimate black cat and have men eating from the palm of your hand. “You have to be inconvenient. You have to be bitchy. You have to have standards and certain expectations. The higher the expectations, and the more unrealistic, the better.”
Elusiveness
Relationship TikToker Tomisin Atobatele offers women insights into the essence of being elusive. "I want you to stop being eager to tell men everything you’re thinking and feeling, and especially tell men exactly what you desire. If a guy asks you what you want out of a guy, or what you’re looking for, I want you to be vague…When you’re vague, and someone’s interested in you, it forces them to do work in order to get those answers.”
"And just that fast, you’ve created a scenario where he’s thinking about you," he added. "He’s thinking about your needs. He’s thinking about your wants and desires. And in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires, his focus is on you.”
Firm Boundary Setter
Self-preservation, respect, and overall happiness stem from healthy boundaries. A woman basking in black cat energy knows exactly when and how to implement boundaries. Black cats have boundaries. They will let you know when they are done getting petted," said TikToker Marian Bacol.
“They will let you know when they want to give you attention. They will stare you down if they are done with you. They are clear on their boundaries and they’re not afraid to enforce it. They don’t give love and affection to anyone and everyone the way that dogs do. Cats are more selective and that’s how you have to be with your energy.”
Unapologetically Authentic
A sure way to have a man perpetually falling for you is to be authentically you without changing who you are, solely for him.
“If you want him to chase you as opposed to you chasing him, you need to remember this one thing…whatever attributes you have: your style, your hair color, your whatever you’ve got going on – you don’t change for him," said life coach Margarita Nazarenko. "The black cat would never change for a man and that’s what’s going to make him chase you.”
She cements the rule with an analogy: “The rule is: if you make the best chocolate cake and he likes apple pie, make him the best chocolate cake, not a sub apple pie.”
Famous Couples That Successfully Personify Black Cat/Golden Retriever Energy
Rich Fury/Getty Images for Fenty Beauty & Fenty Skin
These power couples prove why women who helm their black cat energy make their men swoon:
Rihanna & ASAP Rocky
"[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that," A$AP Rocky told Billboard about his relationship with Rihanna. "And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.
Ashanti & Nelly
Lauren Speed Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton
Lauren Speed Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton are proof positive of the Love Is Blind concept. More recently, the married couple got real on their podcast about the struggles of expanding their family through fertility treatments. "When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," Cameron shared in episode 2 of The Love Seat podcast with Lauren, his voice beginning to crack.
"You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Kristy Scott & Desmond Scott
Zendaya & Tom Holland
"You can’t really find anything against Zendaya, she’s kind of like the perfect person," Tom Holland shared about girlfriend Zendaya in a 2021 interview with Backstage. "It was so wonderful to have someone like her in my corner, to help me grow through that process … Having her as a friend has been so valuable to the success and happiness of my career and life."
Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade
Ciara & Russell Wilson
"For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me," Russell Wilson told Access Hollywood about wife Ciara.
Serena Williams & Alexis Ohanian
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by vitapics/Getty Images